24. Alessia
Chapter twenty-four
Alessia
G emma has finally exhausted herself with tears hours after getting home from the hospital.
After our brothers passed her around, she fell into my arms and hadn’t left since. We were finally able to see Mamma after what felt like forever waiting. We all filed into the room, filling it with our presence, and sat with her for hours, praying.
I’m still stuck in some kind of numb state where the tears won’t come as I tuck Gemma into her bed. As I head downstairs to talk to my brothers, my stomach rolls, knowing what I will be walking into. Something I have put half of my energy into ignoring.
They’re all stuffed inside Father’s office, and my eyes immediately go to the loveseat in there. Memories try to flog my brain, but I shove them back.
They all stop talking when my presence is known. All looking at me with caution. For fear of me finally breaking down or my reaction to whatever they’ve been withholding from me.
“So, tell me,” I say when no one speaks.
“We have one of the butchers in custody,” Tullio states.
“Then why the hell are we here?” My vitriolic tone doesn’t faze them.
“We’re here because this is where we all need to be right now.” He uses a stern voice with me as his nostrils flare.
“So, no one’s even questioned him yet?”
“Not yet, but we don’t need to, to know he’s one of De Luca’s guys,” Paolo sneers.
“How do you know that?”
“One of our guys recognized him,” Armando says as he sniffles.
“And that’s what we’re basing this off of?”
Tullio slams his fist down on the desk. “Yes. For now, we are. Until I go and question him myself.”
“Massimo says it wasn’t him.” I cross my arms.
“It was the De Luca’s,” Tullio says as a matter-of-fact.
“Massimo wouldn’t lie to me.”
Tullio chuckles and shakes his head. “You don’t even know him, Alessia. Smarten up. He’s Massimo De Luca. He’s capable of anything.”
I hate the way he’s talking about Massimo. He might have a lot of blood on his hands and capable of a lot of things, but not lying. He didn’t lie to me, and he wouldn’t be involved in the murder of my parents. He wouldn’t do that to me. I know it.
“You’re wrong, Tullio. I’ll admit, Angelo may have been involved. I won’t deny you that since he has never been shy about his hatred towards our family, but not Massimo. He wouldn’t do this. I’m telling you.”
He couldn’t .
“Just stop it, Alessia,” Tullio hisses, looking like he might combust at any given moment. “The De Lucas have been our enemy for decades, and we should never have tried to ally with them. The marriage is off, and you are to never speak to Massimo again!” His voice bellows out at the end, feeling like he just slapped me.
My temper sizzles just under the surface, but there’s no speaking to him when he’s restive like this. Usually, I would lock horns with him and push back, ready to refute, but it wouldn’t help my cause to fight him now. It’ll only anger him more and also myself. “You’re upset, I get it. We all are. I think what we need is a strong drink and a good night’s rest. We can pick up this conversation in the morning.” I turn on my heels and ignore my brothers, who obviously don’t have my back since they haven’t said a word in my defense.
“Do not leave the estate unless I give you permission,” Tullio calls out, and I stop in my tracks. My fists shake at my sides as I refrain from retaliation. I cannot lose my temper on my brother right now.
Swallowing my pride, I continue making my exit and flee to my room. I’m jittery and anxious and so fucking high-strung by the time I lock myself inside. I’m pacing the room like a caged tiger, ready to rip apart anyone who dares enter it. Tullio may be the man of the house now, but he will not speak to me like a child and think he can ground me like one.
I stomp over to the mini bar and pour myself something substantial. The only thing to help allay the grief and rage trying to rip me in half. I keep going to my phone, anxious to call Massimo, but I have a feeling it might only make matters worse at this moment.
The vulnerability I’m currently plagued with will have me believing only what I want to. I need to speak to Massimo with a less grief-stricken state of mind.
After three glasses of whiskey, I’m finally able to put myself to bed and pass out next to Gemma.
One fire at a time .
The house is dead quiet when I get up and head into the kitchen to make everyone breakfast. Mamma would be the one to do that, but she’s not here right now. Gemma and I are the women of this house until she returns home.
I have breakfast already cooking when Gemma comes down and joins me. Preserving a stoic silence, she jumps right in, and we work side by side. Her eyes are pink and puffy, and she looks drained. I wish I knew what to say or do to help her through this. Help ease some of the pain for her. She’s too fragile for any of this.
“Hey, have you seen my phone?” I ask her after a while.
“No, sorry,” she mutters.
“Huh.” I could have sworn I put it on charge on the nightstand before falling asleep, but it wasn’t there when I woke up. I had told Massimo I would call him in the morning. I guess I’ll look for it after breakfast.
One by one, our brothers begin trickling in. Salvatore comes and hugs me around my hips with his little arms. “I’m sorry about Nonno and Nonna ,” Grandfather and Grandmother , he sniffles.
I smile down at him and ruffle his hair like I always do. “Thanks, Sal.”
“I’m going to miss Nonno so much.” He sniffles more, trying to hide his tears.
Crouching down, I cup his sweet face in my hands. “Me too, tough guy. But we’ll never forget him.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I won’t let us.”
Everyone sits down at the table, and the energy is lifeless and somnolent as we pass around the plates of food. The guys all dig in as I pick at my food with Alba in my lap. I bury my face into her soft curls and inhale. Her scent is soothing, and I feel at peace for just a moment, feeding off her innocence and oblivion.
I’m still sitting there with my food hardly touched as everyone around me finishes up and they’re clearing the table. Time vanished imperceptibly as if I were at a standstill. That’s the thing about loss. The ceaseless motion of the earth continues, indifferent to your paralysis. Life goes on with or without you.
People out there are happy, living without a care in the world when a huge part of me just died. Not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, where my heart will ever be whole again. I envy them, those who have yet to feel the great pain of such tragedy. To be spared the abrupt departure of someone so vital to your existence. To be denied the solace of a goodbye.
I’ll never get one more hug. One more smile. One more chance to tell him how much I love him…
“I need to speak to you in Babbo’s office,” Tullio says in a low voice, breaking my trance, and walks away before I can respond.
Sighing, I hand Alba to Gemma and head to the office. It’s just him in there waiting for me, so I close the door to give us privacy. There are dark circles under his eyes, and he hasn’t shaved yet, and I’m pretty sure he’s still in the same clothes as yesterday.
“You didn’t get any sleep,” I comment.
“Sit down, Alessia.” He motions to one of the chairs in front of the desk. Trying to make this as civil as possible, I sit without a fuss. “The guy is one of De Luca’s crew. Questioned him myself last night.”
My stomach turns. “And what did he say? He said they ordered the hit?”
“Yes.”
“But who? Did he say it was Angelo or the De Luca’s?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes, it matters,” I growl. “It could have been just Angelo, and Massimo was out of the loop. You don’t even know what their work dynamic is like. They hardly word together! He knew Massimo wouldn’t go along with it.”
“You don’t know that!”
“Yes, I do! Massimo cares about me! He wouldn’t do that! And why would he? Why would any of them? Why would Angelo want us to marry if he just wanted to take us out?”
“It wasn’t Angelo’s idea! It was Massimo’s!”
“What?” I rear back.
“Massimo came up with the arrangement, not Angelo. In fact, Angelo was against it and wasn’t exactly secretive about it either.”
Okay, I can process all that later. One fire at a time . “Okay, but why would Massimo agree to the marriage if they were just going to kill Babbo ?”
“To sweeten the deal.”
“To sweeten the deal,” I parrot back dryly. “No. I don’t buy it. I’ll call him right now and find out.” I get up and go to leave. The sooner I talk to him, the sooner we can get this straightened out. We should all be focused on mourning the death of our father and praying for Mamma. Not pointing fingers and fighting.
“Good luck. It’ll be hard to call him without a phone.”
I come to a halt and then slowly turn around. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re without a phone and confined to the estate grounds until further notice.”
He is really testing my forbearance here. “You’re grounding me? Cazzata , Tullio. Give me my fucking phone back,” I demand.
“Not happening.”
“What the fuck, Tullio?!” I yell.
“I have a lot of shit to deal with right now. I’m not dealing with your tantrum. You can go.”
“This is insane! You can’t do this!”
“I can, and I just did.”
Staring at my brother as if he’s a stranger to me, I realize I can’t win this one. Not this time. “I’ll just use Gemma’s phone then.” I turn to leave again.
“Took hers away too.” I stop. “Don’t make me lock you in your room.”
I spin around now, fuming . All restraint flying out the window. “You wouldn’t dare,” I caustically hiss.
“If I have to, I will.”
“Santino wouldn’t let you do that,” I try using as a lame attempt.
“He’ll do whatever I ask of him. Especially if it has to do with your safety.”
“How is taking away my phone and locking me up keeping me safe?” He doesn’t answer. “Tell me!”
“You’ll just call Massimo and let him manipulate you.”
“So, now I’m some na?ve neophyte that lacks intelligence and a mind of my own?”
“Didn’t say that, Alessia.”
“You pretty much implied it! You think I would be easy to manipulate! Same fucking thing!”
“Look, I know you care about Massimo. Possibly even love him.” I scoff and cross my arms. “So, whatever lies he tells you, you’re most likely to believe them.”
“He isn’t a liar, Tullio.”
“This is exactly what I’m talking about.”
“You don’t know him! I’ve been living with him for the past few months! He isn’t a liar!”
“In time, the truth will reveal itself.”
“You can’t keep me here like this, Tullio. I want my phone back.”
“No.”
“I cannot believe you right now. I am not the enemy here, and you’re treating me like one.” He’s silent as I stand there, combusting with rage. The backs of my eyes sting, and I swallow around the achy lump in my throat. No, they’ll be tears of sadness, not anger when I finally break down and cry. “I won’t forgive you for this.” Giving my brother one last hard look, I leave.
A maelstrom of every volatile emotion churning within.