Chapter 5 Victoria Blanca #2
For a second, I let myself think about what would have happened if Carmen had died or if that baby had died.
If Dom had lost them both in front of cameras and strangers and the whole city.
I already knew the answer, Miami would have bled for it.
I looked down into my wine glass and shook my head once.
“Poor girl,” I whispered although I wasn’t even sure if I meant Carmen or myself.
I stayed out on that balcony longer than I meant to, so long the wine in my glass was now warm and flat, but I kept holding it anyway.
Inside, I could still hear people moving around the estate with the doors opening and closing, glasses clinking and men talking low because life continued whether I wanted it to or not.
The news kept playing in the background too.
I could still hear the reporter’s voice carrying through the sitting room while clips of Dom and Carmen flashed across the screen over and over again with her looking pale and tired, but still somehow beautiful even with the reporters’ screaming questions and the lights flashing.
It irritated me how good they looked together and not because I hated Carmen because I didn’t, I just hated what they had…
. that kind of love and that kind of certainty.
Even through a television screen, you could tell she was his whole world.
You could see it in the way he looked at her, the way his hand stayed on her, the way his body always shifted toward her without him even realizing it.
Dom was intense, but with Carmen it was different because he was softer with her.
A man with nothing to lose is scary, but a man with everything to lose?
That was something else entirely and I may never experience that kind of love from a man.
I looked down at the ring on my finger and turned it slowly which was probably going to be a new habit.
My uncle’s ring looked too big on my finger, but I liked the weight of it.
It reminded me that I wasn’t just floating anymore.
I had something now which was power even if I didn’t handle it how they wanted me to.
The balcony doors slid open behind me, and I didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.
I could tell by the sound of the heels first that it was Luciana.
She had been with my uncle forever as an assistant and maybe even a lover.
She was older than me by maybe fifteen years, but very sharp.
She too was beautiful in that intimidating way older women get when they’ve spent their whole lives around dangerous men.
She carried herself like she knew things other people didn’t.
“You disappeared,” she said, coming to stand beside me.
“I needed air.” I admitted. I could smell her strong perfume before she even got to me.
She looked at me how a mother would look at her daughter with her deep chestnut-colored eyes and long, thick brown hair. “No mamacita, you needed silence.”
“That too.”
She looked at me for a second, then out across the property. “You handled yourself well in there.”
I laughed. “You sound surprised Chica?”
“I’m not surprised mamacita,” she said. “I’m relieved.”
That made me look at her. She didn’t look away and she didn’t look away. “You have to understand something,” she continued. “Men like that only respect two things. Fear and certainty. If you look uncertain, they’ll mistake it for weakness.”
“I know.” I sighed. “I have eyes, I can see.” I retorted wishing there was a breeze out here with the view but instead, it was humid and I was beginning to feel sticky. I missed my condo back in Miami and wished I could’ve had the strength to stay there.
“Do you?” She challenged me.
I sighed and leaned back against the railing. “Luciana, I’ve had people underestimating me my whole life, even my uncle. I know how to make people regret it if I wanted. I wasn’t just some spoiled princess; I learned how to shoot before I could tie my own shoes.”
That made her smile a little. “I know you do,” she said. “But this is different now. They’re not just looking at you to see if you’re strong enough. They’re looking at you to decide if they want to stay loyal.”
I knew that already too and that was the ugly part.
Loyalty wasn’t forever in this world it often shifted and changed and followed whoever looked the strongest in the moment.
Some of those men in there would die for me if I gave them a reason.
Others would smile in my face while quietly waiting for me to fail.
“Let them watch,” I said quietly.
Luciana looked at me for another second before speaking again. “And the Miami King?”
I looked down into my glass. “What about him?”
She dropped her eyes into tiny slits but not in a threatening way, more in a knowing way. “You still care. Lo amas.”
I let out a soft laugh that had no humor in it at all. “That’s unfortunate.”
“You watched that television like you forgot everybody else in the room existed.”
“I was looking at the news.”
“No,” she said. “You were looking at him.”
That made me get quiet again because she was right. I hated when people were right about me. I looked back toward the television through the open doors and so did Luciana.
“She’s beautiful,” Luciana said after a minute.
I looked at her. “She is,” I agreed.
She continued. “I can see why he loves her.”
Carmen had that kind of beauty that made people trust her without meaning to although she was lethal behind that soft face, pretty smile, and smart mouth. She looked like the kind of woman people underestimated until she opened her mouth and destroyed them and they realized it was too late.
“She almost died,” I repeated what the news said.
Luciana nodded her head. “Yes and if she did, then Miami would be on fire, but that is not our problem or our fight mami.”
“You know he didn’t do it,” I said after a minute.
Luciana looked at me. “Do what?”
“Kill my uncle.” I lied.
She was quiet and I looked down into my glass again because I already knew how crazy it sounded to still defend him after everything, but I couldn’t help it. “He didn’t do it; we have no proof.”
Luciana rested her elbows against the railing. “You still defend him.”
“No,” I said quickly. “I just know that.”
“That’s worse.”
I looked away because I didn’t feel like having that conversation. She let the silence linger for a minute before speaking again. “The men inside want blood.”
“I know this Luciana.” I grilled her.
“They want you to retaliate.”
“I know that as well. You don’t have to keep reminding me of that.”
“And are you going to?” She quizzed with her eyebrow slightly raised.
That question had been hanging over my head since the funeral. Was I going to retaliate? Was I going to give everybody what they wanted? The bodies, the blood, the violence. Or simply having to show proof that I was not weak. I thought about it for a second before answering.
“No.” I allowed my mouth to respond before my mind even processed it. I wasn’t sure at all. Luciana looked at me like I was crazy. I continued, “Not right now,” I added. “I’m not making decisions from grief. That’s how people end up dead for no reason.”
“And if they mistake your patience for weakness?”
I shrugged lightly. “Then they’ll learn.”
Because I wasn’t weak, I had a heart and I was grieving and there was a difference. I finished the last of the wine in my glass and looked back out over the property. The sun had dropped even lower now, making everything look softer than it really was and calmer.
“I’m tired,” I said finally.
Luciana nodded. “Then sleep La Reina, because you’re going to need it.”
“I can’t.”
“You will eventually.”
I looked down at the ring on my finger again and at the chain around my neck. Literally looked around at everything around me that El Blanca left me. “I don’t think people understand what it feels like,” I said quietly. “To lose somebody and inherit all their enemies at the same time.”
Luciana’s expression softened up a little bit. “No,” she responded. “Most people will never understand that.”
That was the loneliest part of all because everybody around me kept calling me strong, but none of them understood what strength actually cost. I stood out there for another few minutes before turning back toward the house.
Towards the life that belonged to me now whether I wanted it or not and somewhere in the back of my mind, under all the grief and responsibility and anger, Dom still existed there too.
Like he always did because he’s the only one that gave me a chance when I could’ve easily been killed.