Chapter 8 Dominique ‘Dique’ Royal
DOMINIQUE ‘DIQUE’ ROYAL
After everything that had happened the last few days, from Carmen almost getting hit to the hospital to all the shit after that, I really thought my nerves was gone be too much for me to sit still any muhfuckin’ where, but there I was in the middle of a whole little family day I ain’t even mean to have, standing under the South Florida sun with Amour on my shoulders and Keondra walking beside me with that look on her face like she was trying her best not to argue for at least five straight minutes.
We were at the park first kids was all over the place, and somebody auntie had a Bluetooth speaker playing old R&B from one of the picnic tables.
Amour had on a little matching pink set with her hair done in two puffs and bows, and she was having the time of her life.
Every five minutes she wanted something new whether a swing, a slide, a juice, some damn chips, her doll, or my phone.
She wanted to be back on the slide or for me to pick her up, put her down…
. hell, every five minutes it was something and she had me moving more than I planned to, but I didn’t mind it.
That little girl could ask me for the moon, and I’d probably look up trying to figure out how to get it.
Keondra was dressed regular too and didn’t have on none of them loud colors and nothing over the top.
She just wore some fitted shorts, a little tank top, and some nice Tory Burch slides, and she had her hair pulled back in a curly ponytail.
She still looked good as hell though. That was one thing about her.
Even when she wasn’t trying, she still had something on her.
She’d catch niggas looking everywhere we went, and I’d catch it too, even when I acted like I didn’t.
Amour was on the swing laughing so hard she had hiccups, and I was standing there pushing her while Keondra sat on a bench nearby watching us.
Every now and then she smiled without realizing it, and every time she did, it made her look younger and softer.
I was watching her come into her maturity day by day leaving that ghetto shit behind, although it was still in her but that’s what built her just like it built us.
It was all about knowing the time and the place.
She was less like the same woman who used to cuss me out on sight and more like the one I kept catching little pieces of lately as the mother of my child.
“You pushing her too high,” she said after a while of watching
Amour squealed, “Higher, Daddy!”
I looked at Keondra. “See? She said higher.”
Keondra rolled her eyes. “If she fly out that damn swing, I’m blaming you.”
“She not gon’ fly out. I got her.”
“You say that like accidents don’t happen Dique.”
I gave the swing one more good push and watched Amour kick her little legs out in front of her. “You worry too damn much.”
Keondra looked at me hard for a second like she wanted to snap. “Somebody has to.”
That made me feel a way because it was some truth in it. Keondra worried because life had made her that way. You don’t raise a toddler by yourself in the middle of hood shit without becoming the type of female who sees the worst-case scenario in everything but that wasn’t her life no more.
I stopped the swing after a few minutes and picked Amour up, tossing her onto my shoulder while she laughed and grabbed at my chain. “Aight, that’s enough. You got me out here sweating and shit baby girl.”
“I wanna go get a popsicle,” she cooed.
“You always wanna get something.”
She grinned at me. “Cause I’m just a baby.”
I laughed and looked over at Keondra. “See how she got excuses for everything already? Yeah, she yours.”
“No, she definitely yours,” Keondra replied, standing up and grabbing the little bag she brought. “Stubborn and spoiled.”
We ended up walking down the little path by the lake after that.
Amour wanted to see the ducks, which really meant she wanted to scream at them and run too close to the water while both of us told her to back up every two seconds.
It was one of them strange little moments where everything looked real normal from the outside.
Just a man, a woman, and their child at the park.
Like we had always been that, but we wasn’t.
That thought hit me unexpectedly. I looked over at Keondra while she fussed at Amour for trying to throw all her chips at in the water.
“Do one at a time,” Keondra said. “Not the whole bag, girl. Damn.”
Amour looked up at me. “Mommy mean.”
I snorted. “Yo’ mama ain’t mean baby. She just… loud as hell.”
Keondra shot me a look. “I know you not talking.”
“I’m not loud,” I said.
She actually laughed. “Dique… please.”
It felt good hearing that laugh though. We left the park after that and drove over to this little food spot near the water because Amour said she was hungry again, which was no surprise because she stayed hungry.
The place had outside seating, old fans hanging from the patio ceiling, and on the menu it really wasn’t shit but a lot of fried food.
Amour sat between us in the booth coloring on the kid’s menu while Keondra looked over the food list like she was studying for an exam. I already knew what I wanted though. “You always order before you even get here,” she said, looking at me over the menu.
“Because I know what I like.”
“You don’t ever wanna try nothing new?”
I shrugged. “Do I look like I’m in the mood to experiment with fish tacos?”
That made Amour laugh even though she had no idea what we were talking about.
The waitress came over and I ordered for me and Amour because my baby would eat chicken strips until she was forty if we let her.
Keondra ended up getting the shrimp basket after changing her mind three times.
I sat there watching Amour dip fries in ketchup like she was doing serious business, and every now and then I’d look up and catch Keondra watching me with that unreadable look she got when she was thinking too much.
“What?” I finally asked.
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
I cocked my head to the side and ate a fry. “That’s a lie Ke… what up?”
She took a sip of her lemonade and looked off toward the water. “I just be wondering about stuff.”
“What stuff?” I questioned.
She hesitated before answering, which told me it was something she actually cared about and not just regular attitude she was about to catch. “Us.”
I leaned back in the booth and studied her face. The breeze was moving her ponytail just a little bit and the glow from the sun was beaming on one side of her face causing her to glow. She looked good enough to distract a nigga from his own thoughts, but I stayed where I was.
“What about us?” I asked.
She looked down at Amour first, then back up at me. “I don’t know what we doing.”
That wasn’t a question, it was more like a statement and because I knew better than to bullshit when she sounded like that, I didn’t joke right away. “We taking care of our daughter,” I said. “That’s what we doing.”
She nodded. “I know that, but I mean us.”
Yep, and there it was. I picked up my drink and took a sip, buying myself a second because I already knew this conversation had been coming. I just ain’t think it was gone catch me over fish and fries on a random afternoon.
Keondra set her fork down. “I’m tired, Dique.”
I frowned. “Of what?”
“Of this halfway shit,” she said. “Of not knowing…. of you being here one day, gone the next or feeling like we just playing house whenever it’s convenient and then going right back to confusion.”
I looked at her for a second but didn’t say nothing because I wanted her to keep going and she did.
“I know we ain’t together,” she said. “You made that clear enough but then you be acting like we are sometimes. You here with Amour, you fixing stuff, you pulling up, you checking on us, paying all the bills and got us put up and then other times it’s like I’m just the mother of your child and that’s it.
” She looked down at the table. “And I’m not saying you owe me nothing.
I’m really not. I just… I don’t know. I want more than this. ”
My chest got tight as fuck all of a sudden like this girl was about to give me a heart attack bringing this shit up cause was she talking about commitment? Amour was still coloring, humming to herself like the world around her didn’t exist at all. “What you want then?” I asked.
Keondra looked right at me this time and spoke with no attitude and no sarcasm. “A real family.”
That right there hit me harder than anything she could’ve yelled because she didn’t say money. She didn’t say rings or gifts or no Instagram-perfect bullshit, she said a family. The exact kind of thing a man can’t hide from because either he wants it or he don’t.
I leaned back in the booth and looked out toward the water for a second because suddenly everything felt too fucking real for me.
Music was still playing from the speakers and a boat cut across the water in the distance.
The regular world kept moving while my mind got stuck on those three words. A real family.