Chapter Sixty-One Grant
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
Grant
RAE’S CABIN IS A replica of mine. Small, with lots and lots of plaid.
Suddenly awkward in a way I haven’t been since I was a kid, I put the blankets and bottle on the desk and take a stroll around the room, adding a log to the woodstove.
It’s rustic. Antlers on one wall. A patchwork quilt on the bed. “They’ve sure got the country cabin thing down, haven’t they?”
Rae’s mm-hm is muffled. When I turn to see why, she is halfway out of her T-shirt.
I can’t help but laugh. I love this. The big blast of want and excitement and live-out-loudness that is Rae Jensen.
“What? What is it?”
I help her out of the shirt, put my arms around her, and pull her in tight. I’m hugging her. That’s all this is. Two bodies pressed tight. Even after what she said, it shouldn’t feel like so much more. Fuck, am I scared? Is that what this is?
“Why’d you laugh?”
“Because you’re so delightful, throwing off your clothes like that.”
“Don’t embarrass me.”
“No, no, no, Rae. Don’t be embarrassed. Please. God, you are so…”
“I’m a lot. I know.”
“No!” I’m dead serious when I pull away and stare. “You are just the right amount. Of… everything.”
“You think?”
“I mean it. You’re lovely. You’re kind. You’re… maybe a little too helpful, we’ve established.” I bend and press a kiss to her collarbone, her bra strap, her shoulder. “And you are perfect.”
“I have to be helpful.”
“Why?” I let my nose wander down to the valley between her breasts. Kiss her there.
“I’m not…”
I pause in my descent. “Not what?”
“Never mind. Keep doing that.”
“I’ll keep going if you keep talking.”
“Oh, come on,” she groans. “Are you serious?”
I breathe against the side of one breast. “Yep.” Nudge my nose into her throat and then stroke my cheek against her arm. “Talk. Or no more of this.”
With an annoyed huff, Rae goes on. “Fine. So. My point is that I’m not anything special.
And… before you rush to contradict me. This isn’t bad.
We can’t all be wildly exciting people. My family, I mean…
My mom was a star, you know? She sang and danced and charmed the hell out of everyone.
And Dad, he’s like that too. Sort of the softer version. Hannah’s just a powerhouse. I wish…”
As I bend and kiss her soft belly, her voice fades away. “Go on,” I say against the skin there.
“Otty is incredibly talented. She’ll be the next Taylor Swift. If she ever gets her act together. And she will. I’ll make sure of it.”
I smile against her warm, fragrant waist, flush with affection for this woman. “You, however, are nothing special.”
“Right. And, honestly, I’ve gotten where I am because… I give people what they need. And if they… Oh, oh, that’s nice.”
The woman enjoys a tongue in her belly button. Good to know. “Keep talking.”
Another irritated sound, and she’s off, sounding almost unaware of what’s coming out of her mouth while I taste, lick, and bite every part of her I can. “Listen, just, here’s the thing. If I don’t help and do extra and give people what they need, then who am I?”
“You’re Rae. Rae Jensen. You are a star.” When she snorts this time, I stand and look down at her. “What?”
“Look, I know I’m not particularly, I don’t know, notable. But that’s the point, right? You’ve got the stars of the show, like my mom and dad and my sisters. And you’ve got the folks backstage. I’m a stage manager. That’s my strength. My worth is in what I can do. Supporting others.”
“Bullshit.” I pick her up and chuck her onto the bed.
“Hey! Don’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m heavy.”
“You’re just right.”
She apparently sees the truth of this and stops talking.
“Take it all off,” I order while I do the same with my clothes.
“And listen. I’ve got something to say. You are more than what you can give.
So much more that I can’t believe you think that.
” I pull at my sleeve, and a button goes flying.
I move on to the other. “Don’t you see how much you bring to every room you enter?
” I work at my pants and watch, anger warring with fascination, as she struggles out of her jeans and leans forward to work at her bra.
“Stop choosing other people, Rae. Choose yourself, for once. You are pure delight. You’re not just some person who makes the best cookies in the world or helps people.
” I rip off my jeans, toe off my socks, and stare down at her, in all her glory.
“You know what I see when I look at you?”
Her skin’s creased from the bra and jeans, and the freckles I knew I’d find everywhere are scattered as randomly as the stars we stared at a few minutes ago.
Only I didn’t pay nearly as much attention to that sky as I’m paying now to her body. Her face. Her beautiful, beautiful being.
Slowly, full of that good pain I described, I crawl onto the bed and over her. “Rae,” I grunt, because her skin under mine isn’t just soft; it’s exquisite. I want to rub myself. To sink in. I want to share all of it, all of her, all of myself. I’ve never once felt this open to someone else.
I stiffen my arms and look down at her, doing my best to ignore the snug perfection of my erection against her belly, the deep pleasure of just the points of her breasts against my chest. The sheer joy of so much skin pressed flush to mine.
“I see…” I swallow, staring down at eyes that have lost all but a thin circle of blue.
“A woman whose love of life, whose enjoyment of the little things, lights up the world around her.” I can’t bring myself to carry on, to tell her that she is pure, sweet, hedonistic pleasure.
That I’ve never felt so alive as I do while taking care of her.
I bend my head and kiss her. There’s too much sensation to take my time. I could do it out in the cold, on the water, but here, with all this heat and touch and solid, undeniable connection, I am lost to her. To this. To us.
The way our mouths work together in harmony is such a turn-on, I get lost in the deep, aching kisses.
I don’t know how long we kiss and writhe together. At some point, her legs go wide, and my hips settle, and I push back up, staring at her.
She reaches for me, lines us up, and I’m pressing in. Slow, taking my time because this thing has an end date, and there’s this feeling—this absolute certainty—that this is it. The last time this will happen. The one time like this. I don’t even know what this is.
Her. Me. Us.
I’m gasping, pressing into her, taking every thrust she gives me back. Staring into those endless wells of… what? What is that emotion in her eyes?
I… I can’t…
Oh, wow. This isn’t… I don’t…
She tightens around me, and I press deep, arms around her, and I’m coming. I’m coming so hard.
And it hurts. In my chest, my throat.
It is the best fucking pain.