Chapter 7 Two Lines
TWO LINES
ENYA
It’s been a month since Nick disappeared from my life.
Thirty days of silence. Seven-hundred-and-twenty hours of replaying every memory and wondering which parts were genuine and which were his mission.
And now, fourteen days of knowing something is off…with me. I don’t want to admit it, not even to myself, but my body is whispering a truth I’m almost afraid to hear.
I’m late.
I’m never late.
My breasts ache.
I’m exhausted, no matter how much I sleep.
Smells hit me wrong.
Yesterday, I nearly gagged while arranging lilies. Lilies? My favorite flowers.
My heart knows before my mind lets it surface.
“Okay,” I whisper to myself as I lock up the shop and head upstairs. “Okay, we’re not panicking. We’re just…going to…pretend everything is fine. Yep. That’s what we’re going to do.”
Cass is waiting in my apartment, sprawled on my couch with a sketchbook in her lap and a half-finished portrait of a cat wearing sunglasses.
“You look weird,” she announces.
“I do not.”
She sits up instantly. “Do I need to beat someone up? I’ve been practicing punches in my mirror.”
I groan. “No.”
She gives me a measured look. “It could be one of two things. Mercury in retrograde or…” she lets out a dramatic pause, “…you’re knocked up.”
I sigh, rolling my eyes. “Cut it out.”
“Knocked up, then?”
“Cass,” I protest.
“Take the five fucking pregnancy tests we bought at CVS last night and figure it out, bitch.”
She insisted on buying all the brands available because she apparently believes in scientific redundancy.
“Go.” She pushes me into Grandma Lucille’s powder room, it’s just a half bath, with the fucking pregnancy tests.
I look at them in the plastic bag, and feel a little sick.
“Do you want me in there?” she calls.
Sheesh! “No.”
“Do you want me halfway in there?”
“No.”
“Okay, I’ll stand outside and radiate moral support.”
“I can pee without moral support,” I snap.
“Well, I’m here to cheer you on, just in case,” she replies cheerfully.
“Cass, I love you, but you need to shut up.”
“Fine! I’ll sit here quietly and listen to you pee on a stick.”
“I need a new friend,” I mutter under my breath.
I take the tests from the bag—hands shaking—and set them on the counter next to the sink.
I open all of them. And then, yeah, I pee on each one of them because I’ve been holding it for a while, just for this purpose. They say you should do it first thing in the morning, but I’m doing it after I close the shop, so my hCG is going to be diluted with coffee.
OMG! Coffee?
I have to stop drinking that if I’m having a baby. Nick’s baby. And Nick’s not even the father’s name.
I’m so screwed.
“Are you done yet?” Cass demands.
“For the love of God, Cass. It takes two minutes.”
She opens the bathroom door and peeks in. “Is that an assembly line?”
“Get out!” I yell.
She gets out.
The timer on my phone counts down.
120 seconds.
119 seconds.
110 seconds.
I can honestly say that these are the longest two minutes of my life.
Cass hums a terribly off-key version of Here Comes the Sun.
The radiator clanks.
I breathe in and out, and stare at my pale reflection in the mirror.
Delicate features. Wide brown eyes. Soft skin. Grandma always said I looked like a porcelain doll.
Right now, you look like a porcelain doll in shock…about to crack as it hits the marble floor.
The timer on my phone buzzes.
0 seconds.
I exhale and check.
Two lines.
On all the tests in the…uh…assembly line.
My knees nearly give out. I grab the counter. “God!” I gasp.
Cass bursts in. “What? Are we buying baby socks or wine?”
I hold up a test.
“I’m pregnant.” Saying it makes it real. “I’m…I’m actually pregnant.”
Cass’s mouth forms a perfect O. “Holy fucking cosmic plot twist.”
I start laughing—and crying—because my life is a complete and utter mess.
Cass wraps me in a fierce hug. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s gonna be okay. I mean, with an aunt like me, it’s gonna be great.”
Right!
“You’re gonna be a disastrous aunt,” I all but wail.
“I’ll teach your kid to roll a joint,” she says eagerly.
I stare at her for a long moment and then burst into fresh tears.
I’m going to have a baby. Freaking hell!
I’ve always wanted one—a little person to love with all the softness I wasn’t allowed to show growing up.
I sniffle, drawing away from Cass.
My hand drifts to my belly.
“Hi,” I whisper to the tiny life I can’t feel yet. “I’m going to take care of you. I promise.”
“Don’t forget the crazy aunt,” Cass says indulgently, smiling broadly.
I chuckle. “Crazy and kind.”
Cass searches my eyes. “Are you going to tell him?”
A lump forms in my throat. Tell him? How?
“Do you want to tell him?” she presses.
“No.” Big fat lie. I want to tell him, but I can’t. I don’t even know how to get in touch with him. It hurts to admit that.
He’s gone, Enya, and like hell are you chasing someone who used you.
I’m not going to humiliate myself any further. Before, I did it without knowing; now it would mean walking straight into the wreck with my eyes wide open.
Cass hugs me again. “Got it. You and this baby—you’re going to be the best team.”
A tear slips down my cheek, but it’s not sadness. Not exactly.
“Along with the crazy aunt?”
“You better believe it.”
I’m going to give you the best life, baby. With so much love, you’ll never doubt it. Not for a second.
I don’t know what the future looks like, but the hope of something new and beautiful blooms in the space Nick left behind.