Chapter 45
We traveled higher and higher on the lotus toward the Starborn Peak, which Ire bragged was on his clan’s land. Being back in the Silver Tyger Dominion felt ominous.
The Red Phoenix firens looked distraught and tired, worried about their dominion.
Everything about this journey felt grim, in stark contrast to the wonder of our first ride to the Haven of the Gods. Now we could be traveling to our deaths.
Once we were dropped at the base of Starborn Peak, the lotus spiraled back into the ground and disappeared.
Immediately each dominion began setting up tents.
I worked with Jace to block off an area for the tygers to roam and sleep for the night close to each of their Bonded’s tents—which would make them more docile and less likely to start a fight.
The Red Phoenix fire sirens huddled close to their blazing hearth, which they kept burning high, wrapped in layers and muttering about the chill. The Azures, by contrast, seemed to thrive, the fresh air and proximity to the wood revitalizing them.
I finished the enclosure closest to Ire’s tent. “Careful, Azure.” He smirked, stepping close and eyeing me in a way that made Flame growl. “You’re in Frostbane territory now, and I don’t appreciate yins who think themselves powerful in my lands.”
I rolled my eyes but stepped away.
The Onyx warriors kept to the shadows, speaking low as they watched everyone, their camp quiet and cold as a grave. Preparations to repair the first Anchor continued, but the weight of what lay ahead had started to settle into the bones of the group like the last of the winter frost.
I trained with the others, packed rations, and checked Flame’s gear, but the heavy mix of anxiety and anticipation never left me.
Tomorrow we would begin our journey up the mountain, and I didn’t know what we would face.
I didn’t know how we would fix the Anchor.
Citizens of the Red Phoenix Dominion were dying, and we needed to complete this first repair as quickly as possible.
I said a quick prayer to Kuan Yin, goddess of compassion, for the people of the Red Dominion, and for the firens.
The snow had mostly melted. Water dripped from the branches, pooling in the mossy ground, and tiny blossoms—pale pink and white—had begun to open.
Calla dropped beside me in a loose sprawl. Her green tunic clung to her lean frame, layered over snug sleeves, and her leather leggings were streaked with pine needles. Her war hammer rested on one shoulder.
She nudged me with her knee. “So. How’s Mr. I’m So Gorgeous but Might Kill You?” She smirked. “He looks at you like he’s about to eat you alive. Bears are more polite after hibernation.”
“Stop.”
“Never. It’s all I have for fun. And honestly, I’d kill for that kind of heat. You could bottle that tension between you and set a city on fire. You know who else can’t stop staring?”
I rolled my eyes. “Ire. That man really needs to get laid.”
“No. His Fiery Hotness.”
“Auron?” I blinked. “I thought he might be a good match for you.”
She laughed. “Please. I asked him if he were a color, which one he’d be. He said”—she imitated Auron’s precise voice—“ ‘But I am not a color. I am a fire siren.’ ”
We both collapsed in peals of laughter.
Calla stretched out beside me with a sigh, then peeked at me sideways. “But really, if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”
I didn’t see Blake after our dinner meal, and it worried me. We’d barely had time to speak, and it wasn’t that anything felt strained. But there was a sense of loss, that something was missing.
I laid out my bedroll in my tent, still feeling overheated with anxiety or something else entirely—I wasn’t sure.
Perhaps it was just the way Ire had been looming over me today; the ill effect of being on his land was stronger than I would have thought.
My body felt hot even to my own touch, so I dressed in something light and airy for sleep.
—
A shadow slid across the flap of my tent, cutting through the faint firelight. Every muscle in my body went still.
The fabric slipped back and a cloaked male figure appeared.
I moved without thinking, driven by fear and instinct. I lunged forward, pushing him away from my tent, grabbing the edge of his cloak and yanking hard. I drove my knee toward the intruder’s side, caught only fabric, then twisted and struck again.
He grunted, dodging, but I followed, swinging for his head.
We crashed, my back slamming into the ground as we tumbled, all tangled limbs.
I clawed for control, but he was already on top of me, pinning me down, his body pressing into mine in a way that sent the wrong kind of heat curling through my stomach.
The hood slipped back, revealing a mane of bronze hair and those bright blue eyes.
Blake.
“By the gods,” he growled, his voice rough and low as he pinned my body to the cold ground. “When are you going to get some appropriate sleepwear?”
“You’re here.” I sounded breathless, my blade still arched against his throat.
“Easy, songbird.” He smirked, eyes glinting from the distant firelight. His gaze took in the weapon in my hand, and his smile expanded. “Always sleep in a handkerchief with a blade in your hand?”
“I’m never unarmed,” I said, the corners of my mouth twitching.
That devastating dimple in his cheek appeared as he gently took my hand in his and lowered the weapon. “Let’s get inside.”
Putting the blade away, I stepped back into my tent and opened the flap for Blake to follow.
The space was small, but enough for us to sit comfortably on my bedroll.
In the quiet dark of the tent, my anxiety for what lay ahead returned.
I wanted to hold tomorrow at bay just a little longer.
It seemed Blake felt the same because he curled a hand around my hips and pushed me back against the cushion.
We grappled with one another. We both needed to channel our pent-up energy.
That energy crackled in the space between us. He looked almost feral.
“Need you,” he rumbled, breathing the words into my neck.
It was fast then. He took me with speed, only stopping in the middle to flip me on my stomach and take me from behind, one hand in my hair and the other over my mouth because I could not stay even slightly quiet.
He made me come twice, my body pliant and open for his use, before he came hard, his chest sticking to mine with sweat and the heat pouring off my skin.
Then he bit playfully at my shoulder, making me squeal before he turned me in his arms, caring for me slowly and gently, wiping my skin with his shirt when he realized we had no towel. Every movement was gentle and reverent, like I was something precious.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed. “I couldn’t stand being away from you that long.”
“You weren’t.” I laughed, pressing a hand to the center of my naked chest. “I could feel you, here.”
His brow furrowed then. “I wish you took up every corner of my mind and body so I could feel you constantly.”
That made me pause. My hand stayed against my heart.
I watched him, the way the lines of worry stayed carved into his face even when he was holding me like this.
Even when I was warm in his arms. He felt like…
something I’d been missing. Not just passion, not just heat—but safety.
Steadiness. Like my home with Edith, but stronger. Mine.
I didn’t know where I came from. Not really. I didn’t know who I had been, or what the Annihilation had taken from me. But in this moment, none of that felt as heavy. I wasn’t lost. I was here. With him. And maybe I didn’t remember everything, but I could make new memories. I already was.
I leaned into him, humming under my breath with a soft smile. “I love you.”
He pulled back, his eyes searching mine, stunned. “What did you say?”
The words had slipped out, almost unbidden, but they were true.
“I love you, Blake.”
Blake shook his head. Disbelief was written across his face. I considered for a moment what this might mean to him.
Edith and I said I love you all the time, even if I was just stepping outside of the hut for a moment. We touched and hugged and comforted one another.
Besides Yvonne and Poppy, had I ever seen anyone be affectionate to Blake Axefire?
I imagined his parents, members of the rigid Octagon, were staunchly against such displays of emotion and vulnerability.
And even with his sister and niece, how often could he manage to see them and bask in the warmth of their affection?
I sat up higher on his chest, grasping his jaw with my hands and pressing my forehead to his.
“I love you, Blake,” I said again. “Your gentleness. Your strength. I love you as the duty-bound Ambush Master and the ruthless Twin Blade just as much as I love you as the grieving brother, the messy soldier, the stripped-down warrior. I love you as my friend, above all else. My heart.”
“Rubi,” he said, his voice thick. “I…Gods, you were made for me.”
He laughed, boyish and smiling, his eyes roaming over me again as if he couldn’t believe I was here, in his arms. “Rubi, I love the way you are selfless and brave. I love your kindness. I love your laugh. I love you, too.”
I felt lighter, too, carefree and young. For a moment, it wasn’t about demons or saving the world. It was only him and me, in love.
“You have made me a better man, and I am forever grateful for it. I don’t know if I—” He cut himself off and shook his head, ducking his chin.
I took it in my grip and pulled his eyes back to meet mine. “What?”
“Being the Ravager, organizing the Ironstorm and betraying the crown.” He swallowed. “I’d made peace with my death, what would inevitably come for me. But now—now, for the first time in a long time, I want to live. Desperately, with you by my side.”
My eyes filled then, overcome with relief that my love was returned, but with fear too, knowing the dangers and demons still ahead. I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my forehead against his. We were here now. We were alive now.
He gripped me just as tightly, arms around my waist, pulling me to straddle him.
“We should Soul Pair,” I said, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “I want to be tied to you, permanently.”
“Rubi—you…you don’t mean that.”
“I do,” I said, pressing my hands to his bare chest. “I’ve never…I’ve never felt like I belonged. I was always out of step. My memories gone. Rejected by Silvers, and by so many Azures, too. It wasn’t until Flame chose me that I found my place. It wasn’t until…”
My chin dipped down, the vulnerability of this moment pulling my throat tight so it was hard to speak. I looked directly at him. “Until you.”
I took a deep breath, then pressed my forehead to his again, closing my eyes. “So, yes. I want to Soul Pair with you. I want to be at your side. As your tygress queen’s Bonded rider. As your lover. As your Pair. As your mate.”
A breath huffed out of him like he’d taken a punch to the gut.
I pulled back, and there was a moment I could see him considering it. Then his jaw clenched and he drew me even closer, though our bodies were already completely entwined.
“No—Rubi,” he breathed. “I can’t tell you how much I want this. But if something were to happen to me—as the Ravager? I’d be a wanted man. Once we Soul Pair, if I die, you do too I can’t…I won’t risk it. I won’t risk you.”
Disappointment unfurled in my gut, but I nodded with a forced smile.
He cradled my face with his big hands. “Trust me. I want to. I will. Just let me make it safe for you.”
“How?”
He gave me a tender kiss. “Maybe we can go somewhere else, when all this is over. You and me, Yvonne, Poppy and Edith? Start somewhere else. With our family.”
Our family.
I nodded brightly, a tear escaping that he wiped away.
“Yes,” I breathed. “Please.”
He nodded with a grin and kissed me again, pulling at my bottom lip with his teeth. My body heated, but he lay back and settled me against his chest.
I slept for a while, maybe an hour or two, before I woke again slowly. All was dark now, every fire burned out. Blake was still awake, his fingers tracing gentle patterns along my back.
“You should be sleeping,” he said, realizing I was awake.
“So should you,” I muttered, eyes blinking. He huffed a laugh, the breath fluttering my hair as he pressed a kiss to my forehead, then down to my lips as we slowly, sleepily pressed against one another.
He took me then—or I took him, pushing his body into the mattress to ride him slow and steady, rocking myself over him until we both shattered together, his wrists in my grip.
“Will that put you to sleep now, Ambush Master?”
He smirked against me, nose rubbing at my skin. “I’m worn out, songbird.”
Blake tucked me closer, his skin damp with sweat, his expression vulnerable in the pale moonlight. He tipped my face up to kiss my lips once more.
“We should sleep. It’s going to be a difficult few days.”
“I’m not worried,” I breathed, settling into his arms and closing my eyes. “I have a big strong Twin Blade to watch over me. What could possibly happen?”