Don't Call Me Daddy: A Small Town, Billionaire, Age Gap Romantic Comedy (Ashford Falls Series Book

Prologue

“Ahem. Are you ready?” My twin sister clears her throat and stands up on her bed, waiting for my full attention. She’s only two minutes older than me, but she takes her big-sister role very seriously, especially when it comes to planning things.

One thing about Fern is, the girl loves a list more than anyone I’ve ever known. We look identical, apart from our eyes. Fern’s are a cloudy gray while mine are a warm amber. It’s like our souls chose the most distinguishing feature possible to express our differing personalities.

She’s meticulously organized, focused, determined, and she has a plan for everything while I’m more of a … free-spirited, go-with-the-flow kind of person.

Honestly, she’s probably the only reason I’m passing any of my classes since I’ve always had a tendency to daydream. I don’t know what I’d do without her bossing me around, telling me what to do next. Probably fail out of school and need to get myself a sugar daddy or something.

“Hello? Earth to Ivy?” She waves a hand to get my attention. “Jeez, sis, am I that boring?”

I blow my fallen bangs out of my face. “I told you, I’m listening. Just because I’m not making direct eye contact doesn’t mean I can’t hear you.” I lean back on my arms and cross my outstretched feet in front of me. “What’s so important about this list anyway?”

“It’s not just a list, Ivy. It’s a road map of how I’m going to live the most incredible life possible.” She rolls her eyes and holds up the list as she begins to read. “Visit the home of the Ashford Falls Phantom …”

“Not this again.” I laugh. “Why are you so obsessed with this one? Is it the daddy issues? Because I think maybe you just need a real-life boyfriend to help you get over this monster obsession.”

She bounces on her knees on the edge of the bed. “This is my list we’re talking about, so don’t start shaming me just because you don’t understand him.”

“He’s a cryptid, no different from Bigfoot or the Lochness Monster. He’s not real.” I grab a book from the pile of monster romance novels from her side table and wave it in front of her. “None of them are, and even if they were, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be able to fuck them.”

“You wouldn’t know real if it walked in this room, Miss Head in the Clouds.” She snatches the book away and clenches it to her chest.

Ever since she stumbled upon the monster romance section in our public library two summers ago, my sister has been obsessed, and it looks like the Ashford Falls Phantom is her latest monster du jour.

“Okay, so you want to visit Ashford Falls, West Virginia,” I say to appease her. “What else?”

She narrows her eyes. “Are you actually going to let me finish or just tell me how stupid you think it is?”

I hold out my pinkie, and she loops her thin finger in mine. “I promise I won’t interrupt you again.”

She smooths her hand over the notebook. “First, I’ll take a cross-country road trip. I’ll visit ghost towns, go on cemetery tours, stop at every interesting attraction that catches my eye along the way?—”

“Like those weird monster festivals people are obsessed with,” I add.

She rolls her eyes. “Obviously. Now, do you want to hear the rest of the list or not?”

I hold my hands up apologetically. “Sorry. Please continue.”

“Then, I’ll do all the adventurous stuff we never got to do growing up because Dad was too busy chasing women half his age and Mom was too depressed to even notice.”

“Such as?” I ask, trying to bring the conversation in a more productive direction. The last thing we need is to deep-dive into our fucked-up family life right now. I’d rather think about the things that are actually in our control.

She shrugs. “I could go camping in the Appalachian Mountains. Learn how to fish. Jump off a waterfall?—”

“Jeez, Fern, are you trying to live a full life or a short one?”

She drops the list just enough to glare at me. “It’s about experiencing everything life has to offer, dear sister. And doing things that scare me pushes me out of my comfort zone, thus making me better as a result.”

“If you say so.” I laugh.

“I do say so. Now, stop interrupting.” She clears her throat again, then reads, “Enter a wet T-shirt contest. Party in Vegas for my twenty-first birthday. Make out with someone rich and famous. Kiss in the rain. Talk to strangers—as long as they’re not creepy. Make mistakes and learn from them. Say yes when adventure calls. Have a fling with a boss.”

“Fern!”

“Shush, I’m not done.” She holds her finger over her mouth. “Trust the universe and take chances. Make friends everywhere I go. Do something that terrifies me. Make something better than it was before.”

“Those seem reasonable?—”

“Visit Dracula’s Castlein Transylvania …”

“And we’re back to the monster obsession,” I say with a laugh. “Honestly, sis, where do you come up with this stuff?”

She taps her lip like she’s thinking. “I don’t know. I guess if I had to pinpoint it back to a specific event, I’d have to say when I was three and watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time and the utter disappointment I felt as soon as the Beast transformed into a human … but I can’t be sure.”

I twist my lips and nod my head, considering … because she’s got me there. I sure as hell didn’t expect her to actually have a good reason, but alas, Fern never ceases to amaze me with her ability to sell even the most absurd of ideas with confidence.

“And how exactly do you plan on doing these things?”

“I have no idea, but I trust the universe to make a way for me. I want it; therefore, it wants me too.”

“I don’t know what that means, but you know what? Somehow, I believe you anyway.” I shake my head and laugh. “Anything else?”

She wipes a hand over the paper, as if smoothing out the wrinkles, and starts reading, “Change someone’s life … for the better. And last but not least, fall in love—not the kind of love that Mom and Dad had, but the real kind?—”

“Like in your romance novels?” I tease.

Her grin widens. “Exactly. The real kind. But not right away. I want to be sure of it, and I can only do that if I’ve lived a full enough life—so I know what to compare it to. Which is why I need to do all these things—so I’ll be ready.”

I nod in agreement because if she’s going to be delusional, at least she’s being as logical as possible.

“Your imagination is somewhat concerning—you know that?” I throw a pillow at her, and she ducks out of the way, then curtsies before jumping down to lie on the floor beside me.

With our heads resting on our open palms, we stare up at the glow-in-the-dark stars that she made me help her stick on when we were ten. It almost feels like we’re camping with only the dim glow of the sunset filtering in through her large bay window.

“When do you think you’re going to have time to do all that stuff?” I turn on my side to face her, propping my head on my hand. “And sleeping with your boss … that’s one way of getting fired.”

She waves my question away like it’s no big deal. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll take a year off before I go to college and knock out most of it. That’s what they do in Europe, isn’t it? I’m not worried about the timeline. I’ll have my whole life to work on it.”

“And then what? What happens when you finish the list? Are you just done, or do you get some kind of prize or?—”

“The adventure is the list, Ivy.” She turns to face me now, like what she’s about to say is something profound. “Finishing the list will just mean that I did all the things I’d always wanted to do. That I tried a lot of new things. Failed a lot. And hopefully learned a ton along the way.” She sucks in a breath and smiles. “Finishing the list is just the beginning. I hope to have ten more lists created by the time it’s all said and done. I never want to be complacent, you know? I always want to have an experience to look forward to. That’s what makes life so fun.”

In other words, she doesn’t want to be complacent like Mom. That makes two of us. If I’ve learned anything from my parents’ rocky marriage, it’s that it’s easy to lose yourself when you’re with the wrong person. We’ve watched our mother slowly lose herself over the last few years, eventually receiving disability benefits for her crippling depression. It finally got so bad that Dad left, which makes things a little easier now that we don’t have to pretend he’s not running around on her.

Lucky for me, Fern’s always been the one to keep the household running and take care of things. I can’t help but dream of the day where we only have to worry about ourselves … but then I feel guilty.

I know Fern does, too, but she’s stronger than me. She doesn’t let it get to her as much … or she doesn’t show it anyway.

“Why are you so weird?” I ruffle her long hair, and she moves to tickle me as we both launch into a fit of giggles.

With a sigh, we fall back on our backs in the same position we started in.

“You know what would be, like, the funnest thing ever?” Her voice comes out in an excited squeak … and I already think I know where this is going.

“What would be the funnest thing ever?” I humor her.

“What if we did it together?” She flips on her stomach and kicks her feet behind her. “It can be our sister trip after we graduate. We can take off a year before college and check as many things off as we can. And we can document the whole thing and write a book about our adventures. Then, when we’re old and we can’t remember anything, we can read it and experience it all over again!” She squeals the last part out, her voice trailing higher and higher, like hearing her idea out loud was just as much of a surprise to her as it was to me.

I can’t help but laugh and agree because no one can tell my sister no when she’s excited about something. “Fine, Ferny, I’ll do it. But only if you promise you’ll hold my hand for all the crazy stuff.”

She grabs my hand and interlocks our fingers. “Don’t worry, Ivy. I’ve got you. I promise I won’t let go until you tell me to.”

She kisses our clasped hands, and then we lie back down, staring at the plastic stars in silence until we both fall asleep. And just like she promised, she doesn’t let go of my hand all night.