Chapter 27
“That about does it on my end. We’ll be all ready to set up next Friday. Can’t wait to see what’s in store this year. It sounds like you two have really gone all out.”
I shake Richard’s hand before marking the dunking booth off my massive checklist.
Leo comes from around the corner, towel-drying his damp hair, in a fresh set of dry clothes—someone had to be the test dummy to make sure the dunking booth worked smoothly, and honestly, how was I supposed to resist?
I flash him a smile and wave with my fingers.
“You know, I never thought I’d see the day the reclusive Leo Kingsley willingly sat inside a dunking booth to make sure it worked.” Richard shakes his head and laughs as he claps Leo on the shoulder. “You, my friend, are what they call whipped.” He winks and gestures toward me. “Not that I blame you in the slightest. If I had a pretty lady like Ivy on my arm, I reckon I’d do just about anything she asked me to as well.”
“Thanks for taking the time to meet with us, Richard. I know we sprang this on you on short notice, but I think these dunking booths will be the perfect addition to the festival. And thanks for the clothes.” He laughs, gesturing to his bright purple Fighting Phantoms T-shirt and matching sweatpants from the local high school.
This carefree—and dare I say—happy man is almost unrecognizable. Peace looks good on him.
Me, on the other hand? I’m a frazzled ball of nerves, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I’m having the best sex of my life—life-altering sex that has me feeling like I’ve grown fairy wings, gliding weightlessly through the world around me. I see colors brighter, food tastes better than it ever has, I’m moved to tears anytime I listen to music. It’s like I’ve transcended dimensions and I’m living in an enhanced version of reality.
And honestly … it’s pissing me off.
Don’t get me wrong; I love to have fun. I love to enjoy myself. I live for experiencing joy and pleasure—hell, I center my whole life around finding it—but this … this is suspiciously perfect. Leo is being suspiciously delightful—too perfect—and it’s going to be that much harder when it’s time for me to leave.
My stomach twists in knots when I think about it, which makes me feel guilty, like I’m somehow cheating on my sister’s dying last wishes. I’ve never felt so mixed up and confused about what to do in all my life. Before a few weeks ago, I didn’t even question that moving across the country to work in Dracula’s Castle would be something I’d be struggling with … which can only mean one thing. I’ve lost sight of reality, and I need to take back the reins before I let this delusion of happily ever after wash me away.
I’ve never let myself get this stressed, and it’s really messing with my head.
So, I decided to take out some of my pent-up frustration on Leo. I came up with a whole list of obnoxious errands for us to do today, but so far, he’s just happily obliged, never once complaining, no matter how ridiculous. I expected him to buck back, to fight me on it, to distract me with a little back-and-forth verbal sparring before he’d finally put me in my place and fuck my attitude away … but that’s not what’s happening at all.
I thought asking him to take the day to run errands rather than go into the office would be enough to get a reaction, but no. In fact, he seemed excited to skip work today, even insisted on taking me to breakfast.
Then, when I told him I needed him to model the full-face paint for the Phantom design and make sure the paint didn’t irritate his skin, he just agreed! He’s been walking around with his face covered in black and purple face paint all morning.
He didn’t complain when I told him I needed pictures in various spots around town because I wanted to see what it would feel like on the day of the festival to make sure the vibes were right.
We’ve been walking around all morning, testing photo ops, eating, picking out craft supplies for the children’s craft area, where I pretended I couldn’t decide between dark purple or medium purple thread for the friendship bracelets. I thought for sure he’d tell me it didn’t matter, but, no, he pulled out his phone and made a list of pros and cons for each color in his Notes app until we ultimately decided to get both!
And I just knew the dunking booth would be the last straw, and he’d finally show signs of irritation … but instead, he agreed—because it would be quite the letdown if the booth was faulty. He even bought Fighting Phantom merch to wear after since his clothes were wet.
“So, what’s next on your checklist? Do we have time to grab some lunch?”
He wraps an arm around me as we saunter out of the store and onto the downtown cobblestone street. There’s a cool nip in the air, and the sun shines bright in a nearly cloudless sky. It’s the perfect day with the perfect weather and the perfect man …
“I’m not really hungry,” I say just as my stomach grumbles, contradicting me.
Leo quirks a brow. “You might not think you’re hungry, but your grumpiness is telling me something else. Come on. Let’s grab a bite to eat, and then we can get back to checking off your to-do list.” He takes my hand and leads me across the street, careful to check both ways.
His mention of my to-do list has the warning bells blaring in my head … and my heart—a visceral indication that I’m in way over my head here and I don’t know how I’m going to dig myself out of this mess.
He opens the door to Restaurant and ushers me inside to a booth tucked in the back. My mouth waters as soon as the delicious aroma of food hits me, and suddenly, I’m grateful for his persistence. I didn’t realize how hungry I was. I guess all that walking worked up an appetite.
For a moment, my nerves calm down, and when the server brings out our drinks and an appetizer of fried pickles—which I swore I didn’t want, but Leo insisted we get because he wanted them—I feel much better.
“So, tell me, what’s left on the list?” he says, popping a pickle slice into his mouth.
The man never used to eat fried food when I met him, and now, he’s drinking a beer in the middle of the day, eating fried pickles, and even added bacon to his cheeseburger. And the crazy thing about it is, he seems so much healthier now, despite indulging in normal people food from time to time. He’s got this healthy glow about him, and he hasn’t needed his antacids in weeks. He doesn’t fight me in the morning about drinking water and eating before he has his coffee … and he’s smiling at me.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was abducted when I wasn’t looking and replaced with an alien look-alike, but seeing him in his sex room is all the proof that I need. He is, in fact, my same Leo … only lighter.
He’s so happy, and the thought of leaving him after all this is over, of him losing this side of himself and getting his family’s hopes up … that’s the part that really kills me.
I thought I was helping him, but I’m afraid that when it’s all said and done, he’ll be worse than I found him, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to live with that.
I shiver and fold my napkin in my lap to cover my bare thighs.
“Are you cold?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer, just moves to my side of the booth and wraps an arm around me, tucking me into his warmth.
“Better?”
I nod. “Thanks. You didn’t have to do that. I always get cold after I eat.”
He slides a palm over my thigh and squeezes. “I’ll take any excuse I can get to touch you.”
I smile, but it falls flat.
“What’s wrong? You’ve been acting off all morning. Are you worried about the festival? Because I think you’ve thought of everything. I was going to tell you this later, but I really think you should lean into this kind of stuff—planning parties, events, festivals. I think you’ve got a knack for creating a bigger vision than most people can see, and you’re executing it incredibly. Seriously, I’m rarely surprised by people, but you’ve surprised the fuck out of me. In a good way.”
“Thank you.”
His compliment piles on an extra layer of guilt, and my lip begins to quiver as I try to hold it all in.
He tilts my chin up, examining my face. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to upset you. I know you’ve worked really hard on this. I was just trying to tell you how impressed I am. I guess surprised wasn’t the best word choice. Of course, I knew you were capable of doing this—you’re so smart and hardworking …” I look away as his voice trails off.
“It’s not that. I just …” A traitorous tear falls from my eye, and I try to wipe it away before he sees.
“Hey, what’s going on? What’s got you so worried, baby girl?”
His words are like a punch to the gut, reminding me of how badly he’s going to be hurting after I leave, how we both are.
I shake my head. “It’s nothing. I’m just stressed, I guess.”
“It’s not nothing. You’re upset. You’re never upset. Tell me so I can make it better.” He stares at me with those forest eyes that swallow me up, so open and vulnerable, so trusting …
“I … I just don’t want you to hate me … when this is all over.” I wipe my eyes with the scratchy, unabsorbent napkin, probably making my face redder than it was before.
He cranes his neck, searching for my eyes. “Where is this coming from? I could never hate you. How could you even think that?”
“Not right now.” I suck in a sob and wipe my eyes. “But you will—after this is over and I leave.”
He grows quiet, and when I look back at him, he’s wearing a pained expression, his eyebrows fallen and his mouth pressed into a tight line.
“Ivy, baby, look at me.” His voice is commanding, and I look up at him automatically.
He traces a thumb over my lips and wipes a tear from my cheek. “I’m not going to pretend for one minute that it won’t hurt to tell you goodbye. Jesus, I’m already prepared to have my heart knocked right out of my chest … but, baby girl, you aren’t responsible for anyone’s happiness—not even mine—so please stop carrying that burden on your shoulders. I’m a grown man. I knew what I was getting myself into, and I made a choice.
“Just because it’s going to hurt doesn’t mean you need to feel guilty for putting your life first.”
He tugs at the end of my braid, making me smile. “You are so young; you have your whole life ahead of you.” He taps the pocket of my overalls, knowing exactly what’s underneath. What I always keep tucked away right beside my heart. “You’ve got big plans to move to Romania, you’ve got your sister’s list to guide you, and you have your whole life to figure out what you want to do next. If you think I could ever live with myself for preventing you from doing any of that, then that’s where you’re wrong.”
I suck in another sob, my eyes blurry with tears, and now, I’m crying for a whole new reason. Why did I have to meet my perfect person at the worst possible time? It’s a cruel joke, and it makes me wonder what I did so bad to deserve it. Losing my sister and the love of my life in the same lifetime feels brutally unfair, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to get back in the ring after this.
“I might be a cruel bastard, but I’d go to the ends of the earth, crawl through hot coals and shards of glass, just to make you smile. You’ve lost so much in life already, baby girl. There’s no fucking way I could live with myself if I took your future from you too.”
He slides my soda toward me and holds out my straw for me to take a sip.
“Now, let’s enjoy the rest of our lunch. We can worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes, but right now, you’re still mine, and I’d like to hold on to that feeling for as long as I can. Okay?”
“Okay.” I nod, feeling slightly better.
I can’t explain it, but I’ve never had anyone tell me that their feelings weren’t my responsibility. I’ve always been the one to clean up everyone’s emotional mess, to carry the burden of cheering them up when they were down, to keep the peace between my parents. Ever since I was a little girl, I felt this weight to make sure everyone was happy around me. I was the one responsible for cheering our mom up, so she could take care of us and go to work after our dad left. I carried the burden of giving Fern something to hope for, to keep her going during her chemo treatments.
I’ve been the emotional birthday clown to everyone my entire life, carrying the burdens of everyone’s happiness on my shoulders, but I’ve never had anyone tell me they didn’t need me to do it.
Not once has anyone given me permission to only worry about myself the way Leo just did, taking responsibility for his own emotional wellbeing. I feel like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders as I take in a deep, cleansing breath and wonder if this is how it’s supposed to be.
What would my life look like right now if I hadn’t tried to solve everyone’s problems, throwing myself on the ground so they didn’t have to walk through their own sadness? Would I still be in school? Would I be following my sister’s checklist like a map, letting it guide my every move? Or would I have dreams of my own instead?
“Where are we?”
“Just hold on. Watch your step. We’re almost there.” Leo’s hands cover my eyes as he leads me to my surprise.
We spent the rest of the day doing real errands—meeting with Miss Lucy to pick out cookie designs, paying the deposit for the carnival rides, and stopping by the rental place to order enough tables and chairs for the eating spaces and concert area.
Leo was a great sport about it, never complaining. I even saw him decline a last-minute meeting request. Of course, I didn’t call attention to it, but it gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest. I can’t believe how far he’s come, but at the same time, I feel like I’m finally seeing the real Leo, the man he’s been too afraid to show the world.
“Here we are,” he says as he removes his hands.
We’re standing in front of a massive chain-link fence somewhere in the middle of Phantom’s Reach. Behind the fence, I can see what looks like an old mine with a dilapidated building beside it, and there’s a small railroad-looking track that spans from inside the cave to the back of the building.
My eyes take in the No Trespassing sign that Leo’s standing beside, and I narrow my eyes in confusion.
“Do we have an appointment to be murdered I don’t know about?”
He laughs and rubs my tense shoulders, and I close my eyes, relaxing into his touch.
God, I didn’t realize how tense I had been, trying to plan everything for this festival. I started out doing this for Fern, but after getting my hands dirty and seeing my vision come together, I want to do it for me too. All of a sudden, I find myself feeling motivated to finish something—to know that I’m capable of following through with a commitment even if it’s just a festival. It’s one small thing I can move to my own nonexistent list of accomplishments, one thing I can do for me.
“This is the largest mine in Ashford Falls. It’s the place where the Phantom was first sighted. I thought you’d want to see it—you know, for your sister’s list,” he says with a shrug, then holds out his hand to me.
A knot forms in my throat, and I try to swallow it down, but it’s lodged in there, like I just took a pill without anything to drink.
I blink several times, glancing from the clear signage that states it’s illegal to enter and back to Leo.
“Don’t tell me you’re afraid because I’ve been hyping myself up for this all day.”
I shake my head. “Why? I don’t get it. I thought you were afraid of the dark or something, and you were so freaked out when your brother was telling the Phantom story. Isn’t that what your brothers were teasing you about?”
He shrugs, trying his best to look unbothered. “I’d say I’m more claustrophobic than afraid of the dark.” He walks toward me and takes my hand. “Look, I know this was on your list, and I want to help you check off as much as you can before you leave …” He scratches the back of his neck, looking down. “And I can’t imagine how hard this is for you or how much pressure you’re probably feeling about finding the perfect spot for your sister’s ashes … so I figured I’d try to help.” He looks up to meet my eyes. “I put your sister’s ashes in the car this morning, and I thought maybe this would be a good place—no pressure or anything. I just don’t want you to feel rushed … since we only have a few days left.”
I push my hand through my hair as I begin to pace back and forth. Overwhelmed by so many emotions all at once. “Leo, that’s …” My voice trails off as I try to figure out what to say.
“Please don’t feel like I’m pressuring you. I’m only trying to help, offering you whatever support I can. We don’t have to go in. I just knew it was on the list and?—”
My feet come to a stop, and I spin to face him. “Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me. Fern would love this so much …”
He shoves his hands in the pockets of his purple sweatpants and nudges his head toward the car. “Good. I’ll just go grab your sister then. Be right back.”
When he jogs away, I can’t help but crack a smile at the absurdity of it all. Never in a million years could I have expected to end up here, but I guess Ferny’s been working her magic this whole time.
My amusement is quickly replaced with dread when he reappears in front of me with my sister’s urn tucked beneath his arm.
“You ready?” he asks, passing me the urn as a wave of nausea rips through me.
I swallow a gulp, trying to ignore the ball of pain that twists in my stomach at the thought of saying goodbye, not only to my sister, but to Leo too.
“I think so …”