Chapter 35
No. No. No.
I force myself back up the tight space, climbing the metal rungs of the ladder two by two despite the growing tightness in my chest and the increasing struggle to breathe.
When I finally reach the top, I pound as hard as I can, fist crashing into the metal that sends a reverberating vibration in my bones.
Maybe it’s just stuck?
I pound my fist against the heavy metal door again and again as I try to keep my balance on the flimsy ladder, but it’s no use; the door is rusted shut. It’ll take someone prying it from the outside to get this thing open.
My vision begins to blur as a fresh wave of panic sets in, and it takes all my concentration to climb back down the ladder. At least if I’m on the ground, I know I’ll be safe.
The thought of how long I’ll have to wait down here before they figure out I’m gone, before Ivy realizes where I’ve gone, has my stomach in knots.
What if I ruined the festival for her?
What if they don’t find me in time for me to tell her goodbye?
Would she still leave? Do I want her to? Of course, I don’t want her to leave, but I also don’t want to be the reason she doesn’t fulfill her sister’s list. It might seem silly, but she’s come alive from following the things on that list, and who am I to tell her to stop now?
The thought of causing her any more stress than she’s already dealing with is like a knife in a wound.
I shake the thought away. I can’t let myself go there. I can’t start spiraling because it will only make my anxiety worse, and I already have enough triggers to deal with right now. I take a slow inhale in my nose for seven seconds, hold it for seven more, breathe out for seven seconds, and repeat. I just focus on my breathing and nothing else, trying to ignore the rancid smell.
When I finally feel like I’m halfway calm, I pull out my phone one more time, desperately hoping that I’ll have reception.
No service available.
Shit, what am I going to do? What can I do?
A flashback of me lying here with a bone sticking out of my thigh, screaming in agony and completely alone in the darkness, rips through me. I catch myself on the smooth, rock wall to keep from falling over as a sense of dizziness nearly knocks me over.
You’re going to be fine, Leo. You just need to find somewhere to sit down and wait this out. They will come for you.
I nod my head as if agreeing with someone other than myself. I begin to weave through the narrow pathway, trying not to panic when the space becomes so tight that I can hardly shuffle my feet. Jesus, were people that much smaller one hundred years ago?
After what feels like an eternity, I finally make it into the larger space of the bunker. I let out a heavy sigh and fall to my knees, savoring the small improvement. At least I don’t have memories of lying in here with my bone sticking out of my leg.
There was that creepy draft and the smell though …
The smell was the naturally occurring scent of sulfur, and the draft came from the wind somewhere inside the cave, I remind myself.
I was a scared kid back then, and the idea of something supernatural taunting me seemed just as likely as any other explanation. But over time, I was able to convince myself there was a reasonable explanation for everything I couldn’t explain at the time.
I wipe the sweat from my brow with a trembling hand as I hang my head, feeling so many emotions all at once. I take in the small room, where cots and broken metal bunk beds sit in rows. It’s like I’m seeing it again for the first time after all those years of nightmares.
There’s the cot I was sleeping on that night, and Jett slept on the opposite end. We were both terrified but trying to pretend like we weren’t, especially me. I always thought I needed to be the bravest because I was the oldest.
I acted like I was so annoyed that Jett had forced me to let him tag along, but really, I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to be alone.
Who would’ve thought I’d end up trapped down here, back where all my worst nightmares were born? And willingly. Well, not the trapped part anyway—that was just my terrible luck.
I think of Ivy’s smiling face, the golden freckles that stretch across her nose and the way her honey eyes sparkle with mischief. Fuck, she’s so pretty, it hurts, and I don’t think I’ve ever met someone with such a massive, welcoming presence. She sucks you in, like a tornado of giggles and deep conversation. She’s so damn funny and quick-witted. She keeps me on my toes and pushes me in ways no one else ever has.
I feel the fear start to dissipate, so I let my mind drift further, remembering all the moments we shared, the way I felt when I first laid eyes on her, and how she propped those white Converse sneakers up on my dash like she’d been riding shotgun with me for years. I don’t think a single day’s gone by that I don’t play that conversation back in my head.
God, she infuriated me that night … and just about every day since.
But that’s what I love about her. She knows how to get under my skin. She knows how to get through to me in a way no one else has. She’s the first person who’s ever looked at me and really seen the man I kept hidden beneath, the real me I was too scared to show the world.
Suddenly, I realize that this place isn’t half as terrifying as the thought of losing her.
Maybe that makes me selfish, but how the fuck am I supposed to let her go? I don’t know what the answer is, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit here, rotting in this hole, now that I know what I’m missing.
I swipe my phone open again, trying for the millionth time to see if I have service, but this time, the glow of my screen illuminates something small and white.
And there, tucked beneath one of the old, mangled cots, is the very thing I came down here to find. I pick it up, taking in the bubble letters of Ivy’s name written on the side in glittery blue ink and hold the list to my heart.
I don’t know how long it’ll take before someone finds me, but at least I know one thing: my efforts were not in vain. I might have ruined everything she’d planned today and caused a whole lot of panic for my family, but at least I was able to keep my promise. At least I’ll be able to return her most prized possession.
I carefully unfold the paper like it’s a precious antique, ancient and fragile, and I take in the words that have guided Ivy’s every decision for the last five years. I read the list as I remember everything I did to help her and some things I didn’t realize were even on there.
My eyes catch on the words Make something better than it was before, where she checked the box with an arrow pointing to The Phantom Festival.
I smile when I think back to the wet T-shirt contest she accidentally started at a work trivia night and the way she checked off that she partied in Vegas for her twenty-first birthday, Bart’s Party scribbled to the side. I had no idea some of these things were on here, and I laugh, thinking of how they came up with some of this stuff.
Learn to fish. Check.
Jump off a waterfall. Check.
Make out with someone rich and famous. Check.
That one really makes me laugh. Honestly, I don’t think I could’ve written a more accurate list of things we did together. It almost feels like the list was created in reverse.
I scan my eyes down further, pausing when I see Change someone’s life .. for the better. My name’s there, too, circled and underlined three times with a giant check mark right beside it.
Holy shit, this girl is full of surprises, isn’t she?
But when I see the last one, I find my eyes welling with tears, and all my worries fly right out the window.
Fall in love, the kind you read about in romance novels. Check.
And there’s my name again, written in big, bold letters. She even drew a heart in place of the O in my name.
Now, I know that no matter the circumstances, she feels the same way… everything else is just semantics.