Chapter 39
“Good morning. I’ve got your coffee here, just the way you like it,” Leo says as he places my favorite coffee mug on the side table before ruffling my hair.
A small smile pulls at my lips because I love how gentle he is with me in the mornings, how he’s so nurturing with the way he wakes me up.
He walks to the windows, drawing the curtains open. Warm rays of sunshine streak through the room, and the sun peeks between the mountains in the distance. It’s a view that should be on a postcard, and I feel so lucky to be one of the few people who can say they’ve seen it in person. Leo disappears into the bathroom, and I hear the faucet turn on as he brushes his teeth and shaves.
I reach my arms over my head and stretch my aching muscles, feeling lighter than I have in weeks despite the unease that’s still coiling in my stomach over what to do. Usually, I’m not one to stress because I know things have a way of working out, but this feels different somehow, like the stakes are so much higher and I don’t want to make the wrong choice.
My mind was racing nonstop last night, and I knew there’d be no way I could fall asleep, but then Leo found a way to take my mind off it. It’s like he knows the inner workings of my mind better than I do, and he gave me the best distraction anyone could ask for. By the time he was through with me, I was so sated, so exhausted, that the only thing I could do was sleep. It was exactly what I needed and everything I’m going to miss.
Last night, I let my heavy eyelids drift closed, and the next thing I knew, I was sixteen years old, sitting with my sister in my childhood bedroom.
I touch my cheek, remembering the dream. It was so realistic. She was sitting across from me, holding my hands, and I could feel her calm, reassuring presence. She looked exactly the way I remember… before she got sick. I told her all about my adventures in Ashford Falls, how I managed to check nearly everything off her list. I told her about Leo and how strong my feelings for him had grown. We laughed as she teased me, prying for all the details, and I told her everything. I held nothing back as her eyes widened and her cheeks burned in embarrassment. This was how I’d always imagined it would be between us. We’d grow older, and we’d share our lives—the good, the bad, and everything in between. We’d keep no secrets because we always knew when the other was lying anyway.
And when I was finished, she smiled at me and told me how proud she was to see me living my life and that I deserved to be happy. She said that she’d always be there, watching over my life like it was her favorite soap opera, and to make sure I didn’t let it get too boring, or she’d be forced to cause chaos for her own entertainment. It’s exactly something she’d say, and for some reason, I believe it.
I replay the last words she spoke to me as I was hugging her goodbye. “I have to go now, Ivy, but I want you to know that I’m ready, and I think you finally are too.”
Then, she just disappeared, and I woke up.
Leaning against the headboard, I let out a sigh and slurp my hot coffee that’s perfectly sweetened, just as Leo walks in from the bathroom, freshly shaven. He’s dressed in a black T-shirt that hugs his chest and khaki shorts that show off his incredible thighs, and the sight of him has my mouth watering.
I catch a whiff of his aftershave as he approaches, his lips twitching to hold back a smile. I haven’t seen myself, but I’d be willing to bet I’ve got some wicked bedhead going on after how hard I slept last night.
“I’m going to finish up a few things in my office. I went ahead and laid out some comfy clothes for you, and I’ve already got your bags packed and loaded in the trunk of my car.” He bends down to kiss the top of my head, his hand cradling the back of my neck as he says, “I had to pull a few strings, but I was able to get you on the next flight out to Romania. We’ll need to leave no later than noon to get through security on time.”
My heart starts to race as a fresh wave of anxiety rips through me. I glance at the clock and let out a sigh of relief, realizing we still have time. “Do you think we could leave in about an hour? There’s something I need to do before I go.”
He nods, pursing his lips. “Just say the word.”
I sink back down in the bed as I watch him disappear through the doorway, holding on to my sister’s message like a lifeline.
What if I’m making the wrong choice?
Ferny, please tell me what I should do.
“Are you sure about this?” Leo’s green eyes stare back at me, filled with worry and concern as he passes me the urn.
We’re standing in front of the biggest of the seven waterfalls as the sound of crashing water fills the otherwise silent space between us. There’s no heaviness this time, and I feel a sense of calm and safety that I know is from Leo.
I give him a silent nod as a sense of peace washes over me, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what she would’ve wanted because she told me last night. It was so real, and there isn’t a cell in my body that doesn’t believe it was really her, that someway, somehow, she managed to visit me. My sister defied space and time just to reassure me that we were both finally ready … and now that I know she’s capable of that, she’d better know I expect her to do it again.
I hold the small urn against my chest, the one I’ve carried around with me everywhere I’ve moved for the last five years, pressing it firmly against my heart with only the denim of my overalls and my sister’s list between.
I think back to the little girl I talked to the morning of the festival, remembering what she told me and how I could still talk to my sister.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds as I cross my fingers over my heart. I think of my sister’s smiling face, her gray eyes, and her dark humor as I tell her how much I love her, and in that moment, it feels like she’s right next to me.
I finally let myself exhale, feeling my shoulders sag in relief, and when I open my eyes, all the pain dulls. It’s still there—I don’t think it’s possible for it ever not to be—but rather than emptiness, I feel more nostalgic. It’s like I’m remembering the best of times with fondness, of someone who’s lived a full life and doesn’t have a single regret.
It feels like peace.
“I love you, Ferny, and I’m so grateful for this wild list you dreamed up that’s led me to all these incredible adventures. I get it now, why you made the list and why you insisted I complete it without you. You wanted to push me out of my comfort zone, and you knew I needed something to help me process my grief. You didn’t want me to fall complacent and settle like our parents, and you didn’t want me to stop living my life just because I didn’t have you by my side, calling the shots.”
I laugh and wipe a tear from my eye as Leo stands beside me, my strong, dependable rock.
“I miss you so damn much. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you, and I used to think that meant I was doing it wrong, that I was grieving wrong. I ran from the pain of missing you and filled my life with distraction after distraction just to keep some of the grief at bay.
“But now, I realize, grief isn’t something you can run from … it always catches you eventually. I thought I could ignore the pain, and it’d fade like an old scar over time, but the more I tried, the more painful it was to remember you. Then, I dived headfirst into your list and thought that was the way to the other side of my grief.
“I thought if I could just do all the things you wanted to do, then maybe I’d keep your memory alive and feel closer to you at the same time. And I did for a while. I tried things I never would’ve done on my own, traveled places I wouldn’t have known to look for, and met some pretty amazing people along the way.”
I look at Leo, who looks at me with an intensity that borders obsessive, and my heart does a little somersault in my chest because I feel the same way about him. It feels like a dream come true, a dream I never even knew I had.
“Thank you for pushing me out of my comfort zone, Ferny. Thank you for giving me a road map to get started. Thank you for always taking care of me and looking out for me—and I know you still do because you led me here.”
I open the urn and hold it out over the water. “Goodbye, twin sister. I love you so much, and I promise to always live a life that makes you proud.”
As I pour the ashes into the water, I expect the familiar ache of sadness to knock me off my feet, but instead I’m filled with a relief I’ve never known. Warmth spreads through me like a balm on a wound, soothing the cracks and holes in my broken heart.
Leo squeezes my shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Ivy, and I know Fern is too. I hope you’re proud of yourself for how far you’ve come.”
Wiping the fresh tears from my cheeks that I didn’t even realize had fallen, I nod. “I really am.”
I pull the list from the pocket of my overalls and unfold it, staring down at the final box left unchecked.
Visit Dracula’s Castle in Transylvania.
I’ve already gotten my first assignment as a groundskeeping assistant, which is probably a nice way of saying I’ll be taking out the garbage and picking up dog turds. I signed a contract … and I’m not sure how I’d go about getting out of it.
I bite my lip, but before I can say anything, Leo wraps an arm around me, pulling me into a hug. He kisses my forehead as he strokes his hand down my back.
“Come on. We’ve got an hour-long drive to the airport, and I don’t want to get stuck in traffic.”
“Yeah … okay.” I nod as I take his hand and let him lead me through the forest and back to the car.
I’m silent the whole way as I gnaw on my cheek, second-guessing everything I thought I’d decided this morning. When I glance at Leo, I see him tapping his fingers to the beat of the music on the steering wheel, looking as carefree as I’ve ever seen him.
Is he not sad about me leaving? Did I misread him last night? Will he even miss me at all, or does he know he’ll be too busy in his new CEO role?
The questions weigh heavy on my tongue, but the more I watch him sing along to Taylor Swift’s “Out of the Woods”—from the playlist I made him—the more I realize that maybe all this time, I was falling in love all on my own.
I think of my sister and the list that weighs heavy in my pocket. This was always the plan, right? Who was I to think I could veer off course?
Tears burn behind my eyes as the realization finally sinks in, and a lump tightens in my throat, making it hard to breathe. Leo pulls into the airport parking lot rather than going through the drop-off line.
“You don’t have to stay. I’m more than capable of checking myself in,” I say, pulling the latch of the door handle the very moment he puts the car in park.
“Ivy, what are you—” Leo’s words are interrupted as I jump out of the car, rushing to the trunk to grab my things.
Maybe he isn’t upset about saying goodbye, but I don’t think I can look him in the eyes right now without crying, and the last thing I want is for him to take pity on the twenty-two-year-old who caught feelings when he’d made it abundantly clear what his motives were.
I feel like such an idiot. Of course he’d follow the plan without question. It’s the only reason either of us was helping each other, and it’s not like I ever told him I had second thoughts.
I tap my foot as I impatiently wait for him to pop the trunk, holding back the stinging tears.
He walks to stand beside me, placing a palm over mine for just a moment before I snatch my hand away.
“Leo, don’t. Just … just open the trunk and let me get my stuff. Let’s not drag this out any longer than we need to …”
I can feel his gaze on me as he stands there, probably trying to decipher my closed-off body language and feeling confused because this is what I’ve been talking about ever since we met.
“Ivy … I want you to know?—”
“Just open the trunk, Leo,” I bite out, my tear-filled eyes looking up to meet his, where he gives me a look of utter confusion.
He reaches for me, but I take a step back, shaking my head, feeling so stupid and heartbroken with only myself to blame.
His lips roll together, and if I didn’t know better, I swear I’d think he was trying to hold back a smile.
Great, so he agrees that I am being ridiculous. Fantastic. I suppose it helps to know this was one-sided, that I’ve been misreading his signals for weeks. At least by tonight, I’ll be on the other side of the world, and I can pretend this never happened. Hell, maybe I’ll move there permanently, and then I’ll never have to worry about seeing him ever again or hearing his name or anything that reminds me of Ashford Falls.
He clicks a button, and the trunk pops open, revealing not just one, but two large suitcases. I look at him in confusion as the tiniest spark of hope flutters in my chest.
This time, his lips pull into a full-on grin, and his eyes crinkle at the corners. He takes a step, closing the distance between us, and he tilts my chin and brushes my hair from my face. “If you thought for one second that I’d let you move halfway across the world without me, then you’re even crazier than I thought, baby girl.”
I shake my head. “What? No. Leo, what are you saying? You can’t come with me. You’re the CEO now. I can’t let you give that up for me. It’s everything you’ve always wanted …”
He runs his thumb over my trembling lip as he stares down at me. “You, Ivy Lane, are everything I’ve ever wanted. I just didn’t know it until I found you wandering around in those woods.”
“You can’t. I can’t let you give this up for me?—”
“Ivy, baby, I’m not giving anything up. I don’t have to.”
My brows furrow. “I don’t understand.”
“Someone once told me that things aren’t always black and white; sometimes, the solution is in the in-between. So, last night, after you fell asleep, I called my brother and offered him a new job. Roman agreed to oversee the US production while I focus on growing our international presence … starting in Romania.” He touches his finger to the tip of my nose, wiping a tear away.
I shake my head. “What? How? Are you serious right now? But I thought you’d want to be involved in everything … to make sure things are done to your standard …”
He shrugs. “That was the old me. The new Leo realizes that systems work more efficiently when there’s a diverse group sharing the responsibility, and we’ve built a team of dependable people. I can’t do it all on my own, and I don’t want to.”
“Oh my God, so this is real? This is really happening?”
He pulls out his phone to show me the boarding passes—two one-way first-class tickets to Romania. “I’m coming with you, and I’ll fly back and forth when I need to, but there’s nothing that could keep me away, and I couldn’t dream of asking you to give up this adventure for me.
“I love you, Ivy, and I’m in this. You lead the way, and I will move mountains to make sure I’m standing right beside you—that is, as long as you want me there …”
I don’t wait for him to finish before I’m jumping in his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. “Thank God, because I love you too. I was so afraid it was just me.”
I kiss him so deeply that everything around us falls away, and it’s just the two of us. He grips my ass, tightening his hold on me, and I can feel his enthusiasm growing more and more intense. I’m seconds away from climbing back into that car and letting him give me a proper apology for scaring me like that, but then he pulls away, breaking our kiss.
“It wasn’t just you. I’ve been in love with you ever since that night you had that asthma attack and you told me about your sister’s list. I was so scared, and I knew right then and there that I’d stop at nothing to help you check every single box. I was a goner long before I let myself admit it, but I didn’t want to impact your decision to leave. I didn’t want you to give this up for me. I only wish I’d thought of this plan earlier, so I didn’t have to suffer as the days ticked by way too damn fast.”
I press my forehead to his, finally feeling the knot in my stomach disappear as the formerly sunny sky grows darker and rain clouds fill the sky around us.
Leo carefully sets me down, grabbing both suitcases from his trunk. He nods his head toward the terminal. “Come on, baby girl. Let’s go check off that last box.”
He doesn’t have to tell me twice as I skip a step to keep up with his quick pace, not even trying to take my bag because I know he won’t let me carry it anyway.
“And then what will I do after I finish the list? How am I supposed to know what happens next?”
He pauses his steps and turns to look at me. “Then, we’ll make a new one, filled with all the things we want to do together. We’ll write our own dreams, and I will follow you to the ends of the earth to make sure you get to experience every single one.” He quirks a brow. “How does that sound?”
“Perfect.”