Chapter Nine
Rowan
I wake with a big yawn, my jaw cracking softly at the stretch. I lift one hand to rub the sleep from my eyes, and when I lower it again, I realize these are not my sheets. The fabric feels different beneath my fingers… smoother, cooler. My heart rate kicks up immediately as I open my eyes slowly.
Memories from last night flood in all at once, sharp and humiliating. Fuck. It would have been easier if I’d blacked out half of them.
I swallow hard, eyes wide, and find myself staring at Cade’s sleeping face only inches away.
His dark lashes rest against his cheeks, fluttering slightly.
His breathing is slow and steady. One of his arms is tucked under my head like he was cradling it, and when one of his legs twitches, I suddenly become aware that our legs are tangled together beneath the covers.
Carefully, I untangle my legs from his and sit up, slipping from his arm. I hold my breath the entire time, terrified of waking him. A quick glance down confirms I’m still wearing my boxers; a small, shaky sigh of relief escapes me… at least there’s that small mercy.
I climb out of bed as quietly as possible, surprisingly not as hungover as I expected. Whatever greasy food Cade brought home last night must have done wonders. I have a vague memory of enjoying something salty and comforting, though the details are fuzzy.
I tiptoe toward the bedroom door, glancing back one last time.
Cade is still sleeping peacefully, looking stupidly and annoyingly gorgeous with his messy dark hair and relaxed features.
I roll my eyes at myself and slip into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind me with a soft click.
I head straight for the kitchen area, desperate for painkillers and a glass of cold water.
My eyes land on the small paper bag sitting on the counter, the one I brought home with me yesterday.
I had sat here for hours until three in the afternoon, staring out at the city skyline while shame consumed me. The memory of letting Cade suck me had swallowed everything else. Strangely, it had even helped me accept the bigger truth: I’m gay.
What I’m really struggling with now is the realization that I apparently have a deep, undeniable bond with Cade… and I have no idea how to move forward from that, or how to even begin a conversation about it.
Like an idiot, I’d gone out and bought two bottles of the bourbon whiskey I like.
I never drink like that on a work night, maybe a glass or two with food at most. Once I got home and opened the first bottle, I ended up on my laptop researching how to handle being gay: how to date, and how to navigate these new feelings.
One Reddit thread suggested exploring with toys, and someone had linked “good beginner options” along with an article on how to use them safely.
Somehow, I’d ended up ordering a dildo with same-day delivery.
I’d been too embarrassed to use my real name or apartment number, just instructing them to leave it at the building.
When the discreet cardboard box arrived, I’d retrieved it quietly, brought it upstairs, and opened it.
I don’t even remember what it looks like now…
only that I’d blushed so hard I immediately shoved it into this bag and tried to forget about it.
Curiosity and nerves pull me toward the bag.
I reach inside until my fingers wrap around the smooth silicone.
I pull it out slowly… it’s purple, and big, really big.
I hold it in both hands, frowning as I turn it over.
How on earth is something this size supposed to fit inside anyone?
There’s a suction cup on the base, one of the Reddit suggestions had been to use it in the shower.
The idea is suddenly very tempting. I need a shower anyway, and a dark, curious part of me wonders if this might actually help.
Maybe I don’t need a relationship at all.
Maybe I can just stay in the closet and figure this out on my own.
I walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I wish it had a lock now, but I’ve never needed one before. Still, it’s early, and Cade’s fast asleep.
I turn the shower on hot, letting the steam gradually fill the room while my nerves spike ridiculously high at what I’m about to try.
I open the cabinet and grab a bottle of lube, I have plenty of it, thanks to years of needing it just to finish on my own, even when it takes twenty frustrating minutes.
I kick off my boxers, step under the scalding spray, and let the hot water cascade over my shoulders. It feels good, grounding.
I look down at the purple dildo in my hand, heart hammering. I wonder if this is really going to work. Taking a deep breath, I press the suction cup firmly against the tiled wall. When I tug on it to test, it holds perfectly. Okay… here we go, Rowan. You can do this.
My hands are shaking as I squeeze a generous amount of lube onto my fingers.
The clear gel is cool against my skin, and I have to take a slow, steadying breath before I reach behind myself.
With my eyes closed, I begin rubbing the slick pads of my fingers over my hole in slow, careful circles, trying to coax my body into relaxing.
My other hand wraps around the thick purple dildo, feeling its weight, the raised ridges along its length, the intimidating girth.
It’s bigger than I remembered. As I touch it, my mind betrays me…
a flash of Cade’s face, his dark eyes looking up at me from between my legs yesterday, the heat of his mouth.
I whimper softly. The image should horrify me, but instead it sends a rush of heat straight to my cock, making me harden faster than I ever do on my own. I can’t push the thought away.
Emboldened by the growing pleasure coiling low in my belly, I press one slick finger inside.
The stretch is unfamiliar and burns at first, but I keep going, breathing through it.
After a few careful minutes of slow, gentle thrusting, and adding a second finger when my body starts to open…
the discomfort begins to fade, replaced by a deep, unfamiliar fullness that makes my cock twitch.
Five minutes pass like that, my fingers working patiently until the burn has mostly eased and my body feels more welcoming. I’m achingly hard now, desperation building.
I pull my fingers out, turn around, and brace one palm flat against the wet tile wall. With my other hand, I reach back, gripping the base of the dildo to hold it steady against the suction cup. I line it up and slowly push myself backward.
The stretch is intense. My muscles instinctively clench and resist, a sharp burn blooming where the thick head presses inside.
I pause, breathing raggedly, forcing myself to relax.
My free hand drops to stroke my cock, slow and firm, and the pleasure surges forward, stronger than anything I’ve felt alone before.
Encouraged, I ease back further, taking more of the toy.
Suddenly it brushes against something inside me that makes my knees buckle.
A soft, involuntary moan slips from my lips.
I pull forward slightly, then push back again, testing.
It hits that same spot and another moan escapes, louder this time.
I freeze, slapping my hand over my mouth, breathing hard through my nose; that was too loud.
A sudden, forbidden thrill rushes through me at the thought that Cade might hear. If he does… maybe, he’ll tell me to shut up. Or maybe… he’ll come in.
The idea sends another hot pulse through me.
I bite my lip, rest my forehead against my forearm on the wall, and push back harder, letting the moans come louder this time.
I stroke myself in time with the slow rocks of my hips, chasing the building pleasure.
The edge is approaching much faster than usual, my body trembling with it.
“Fuck…” The word comes out in a breathless pant.
The bathroom door suddenly slams open.
“Don’t you fucking dare come on that,” Cade’s deep voice demands, sharp and commanding.
I freeze instantly, every muscle locking up.
A tiny, nervous grin twitches at the corner of my lips even as embarrassment and shame flood through me.
I can’t bring myself to turn around and face him.
Instead, I let the edge fade, releasing my cock and standing here trembling under the hot spray, heart hammering, waiting to see what he’ll do next.
I hear the bathroom door click shut and for one terrifying heartbeat I wonder if Cade actually left. Then comes the sound of bare feet on wet tile, slow and deliberate. My teeth sink into my lower lip as anticipation coils tight in my stomach.
Cade steps into the shower behind me, completely naked. From the corner of my eye, I catch the broad lines of his chest, the sharp cut of his hips, the heavy weight of his cock already half-hard. Holy fuck. Okay, Rowan… breathe.
He growls, low and displeased. “What the fuck are you doing?”
The rough timbre of his voice pulls a pathetic whimper from my throat. Unable to help myself, I cheekily push back against the toy, letting the thick head drag over that sensitive spot again. A loud, broken moan spills out of me.
Cade’s hand shoots out and fists tightly in my wet curls, yanking my head back so I’m forced to look at him. His eyes are blown almost black, jaw clenched tight with barely restrained hunger.
“I dare you to do that again,” he says, voice dangerously soft.
I bite my lip, hold his gaze, and deliberately push back onto the dildo once more, letting the moan tear free while my face twists with pleasure. I watch his dark eyes flick over every twitch of my expression, drinking me in.
In the next instant he shoves me forward against the tile, pulling me off the toy in one rough motion.
A loud smack echoes through the shower as his palm cracks hard across my ass.
The sting is sharp and unfamiliar, blooming hot across my skin, but the fact that it’s Cade’s hand makes me groan again, cock twitching.
I hear the wet pop of the suction cup releasing, followed by Cade’s curt, “That can fuck off.”
The dildo clatters loudly onto the shower floor.
Then he’s right behind me, large hands stroking slowly up and down my sides, almost reverent, like he’s admiring every inch of me. His mouth finds my earlobe, teeth grazing it before he licks a hot stripe along the shell.
“What… you didn’t wanna get freaky with your stepbrother?” he whispers, voice dripping with dark amusement.
I nod weakly because, right now, that’s exactly what I want.
Cade laughs, deep and low. “Oh, you do, huh?”
His hand cracks across my other cheek in a sharp slap. Before I can recover, he reaches around and wraps his fingers firmly around my throat, pulling my head back against his shoulder. Hot water continues to rain down over both of us.
“This is your punishment,” he growls against my ear, “for not waking me up. For using a pathetic toy instead of coming to me. I’m gonna give it to you nasty, and you’re gonna shut up and let me fuck you like you’re weak.”
A needy whine escapes me and I nod frantically.
For some reason I love the way he’s talking to me.
I’ve always had to be the one in control with women, always the one directing everything.
Maybe this… someone else taking complete control…
is exactly what I’ve needed, so I don’t have the chance to overthink.
Cade lines himself up, the thick head of his cock pressing against my entrance. He groans at the feeling, knowing I’m still loose and wet from the toy. I let out a high, broken moan as he starts to push in. He’s bigger than the dildo, the burn returns, sharper this time, stretching me wide.
Then Cade grins, something dark and satisfied flashing across his face. He pushes my head firmly against the tile, holding me in place, and slams the rest of the way in with one brutal thrust. I choke on a scream, vision whiting out for a second as pleasure and pain explode through me.
Cade doesn’t give me any time to adjust. He moans loud and starts pounding into me hard and fast, exactly like he promised… nasty, relentless, and unforgiving. Every thrust rocks my whole body forward against the wet wall.
“Oh… fuck… Cade!” I cry out.
“That’s right,” he growls, hips snapping forward. “You know whose cock is buried in your ass.” He grunts with every powerful thrust. “Take it, Ro.”
I’m moaning relentlessly now, the sounds spilling out of me without filter. I try to move, to push back, but Cade has me completely pinned, one hand on my hip, the other still pinning my head.
“Please, Cade… Cade, oh my god!”
He hums through his heavy panting. “You like that?”
I nod frantically. “I’m gonna…”
My gut coils tight, pleasure winding higher and higher, right on the edge.
Cade leans in, nips sharply at the side of my neck, and rasps, “Squirt your beautiful art all over these tiles.”
The orgasm crashes through me harder than yesterday, more intense than anything I’ve ever felt. I scream, “Fuck! Cade! Oh god… fuck… yes, yes… nngghhh fuuuccckkkk…” as I come hard, painting the shower wall in thick, pulsing stripes.
Cade lets out a low, fond laugh at the wrecked noises I’m making.
Then he lifts one of my legs, opening me up even more, and drives in deeper.
Ten more brutal thrusts later he pins me completely against the tile, burying himself to the hilt with a devastating groan right against my ear as he comes deep inside me.
I shiver at the sound, something warm and bright lighting up in my chest.
Cade catches his breath for a moment, then starts to laugh softly.
I swallow hard and whisper bravely, “Don’t leave yet.”
He presses a surprisingly gentle kiss to my cheek. “I’ve got a call to make.”
I frown. “Right now?”
Cade strokes a slow, soothing hand down my waist as he carefully pulls out. “It’s important.”
I sigh, a little disappointed, but nod. I stay leaning against the tile as he steps out of the shower, waiting until I hear the bathroom door close before I finally start washing myself properly.