Chapter 30
BURTON
Physical therapy is the worst. It makes me do things I don’t want to do, but I’m also grumpy because of the injury.
And it gives me way too much time to think about all the things I’ve tried to keep pushed down or out of my mind.
Like how I should’ve texted Laney last night and didn’t.
How I shouldn’t even be leading her on about us.
And I just now remembered her saying she’d go on a walk with me this morning. Things were moving along at a nice pace, and I felt like I was juggling everything well. Now I’m dropping everything good in my life.
Laney deserves someone who can take care of her, who has the stability to keep things going. Not some guy who’s struggling to balance his sport and paying the bills.
I almost welcome the pain when the trainer helps me stretch, because then I can focus on that instead of all my shortcomings.
My phone pings with a text, and I open it up to see it’s a voice message from Laney. I click on the button to see the transcript because I don’t think I can hear her voice right now without breaking down.
Once I’m done reading, I close my eyes, focusing on my breathing now that my lower half is submerged in a cold pool. I’m a jerk, and I need to tell her that.
At least she didn’t get up early.
The hardest part is that she’s been calling me Court, which is as close as I’ve gotten to anyone in years. How do I distance myself away from everything that is Laney? She’s like a magnet, and I can’t resist.
But will hanging out with me only pull her down?
Billy’s words echo in my brain repeatedly, and I shake my head, trying to focus on anything else. I click on my social media and scroll a minute, hoping my mind goes numb from doomscrolling.
Another text comes through, but this one is from Connie.
We’ve got our tickets to come see you in two weeks. We just ordered the new Lancers gear too. See you soon, Court!
I breathe out. Will I be at full-strength by the time they come out?
So many questions I wish I had answers for.
That’s a problem for fourteen days from now. I just need to get through the little that I’m doing and go day-by-day. I also need to talk to Laney about everything that’s going on. But how do I make it seem less like a “poor me” and more like she deserves someone who’s better?
I’ve got plenty of thinking time during therapy. Maybe I’ll be inspired by the end.
Now that I know what life is like with Laney in it, I can’t imagine being without her.