Chapter 33
LANEY
The game went into extra innings, so it was late by the time I pulled up to my grandparents’ home. I texted Grammie earlier so it wouldn’t be a scary surprise that I was trying to get in. Not that they would hear me, because they take out their hearing aids at night.
After a blissful eight hours of sleep in my childhood bed, I change clothes and wander downstairs. Both grandparents aren’t sitting at the table for breakfast, but then again, they eat closer to seven in the morning, and it’s after eight.
I walk out to the backyard, looking for Pearl. She bleats loudly when she sees me and comes bounding over to the fence. I go inside it and sit down on the ground, pulling Pearl into my arms.
“How are you, girl? I haven’t seen you in what feels like forever. Are you keeping the rest of the group in line?”
She bleats again in response.
I rub behind her ears and watch the other goats move around the large pen.
“There you are,” Grammie says after coming around the side of the house. “I should’ve figured you’d be out here with Pearl.”
“I had to check on her,” I say with a laugh.
Grammie walks over to the Adirondack chair next to the back porch and sits down. “What brings you out here on a weekday, Laney?”
She raises her eyebrows, and I know she’s going to keep asking me until I give her something.
“The hockey season ended, and I’m working with the baseball team now. It’s a lot, and I figured I’d come out and visit you on my day off. I can’t get enough Pearl snuggles either.”
“Are you sure there isn’t something more that’s making you feel this way?”
I don’t want to tell her everything, because I still don’t know how I feel.
“What happened to that guy we took to dinner?” she asks with a mischievous glint in her eye.
I blow out a breath. Leave it to Grammie to get right to the heart of things.
“He’s busy with lacrosse and work. To be honest, I don’t know what happened.”
“What do you mean?”
I shake my head. “We had this really great weekend. We kissed under the fireworks. I went to his games and loved learning about lacrosse. There’s so much that goes into it besides just throwing the ball into the net.
Anyway, game three he gets hurt. I wait for him to come out of the locker rooms after, and things are normal. But I haven’t heard from him since.”
“So nothing happened in between there?”
“Not on my end. I texted him on Monday morning because I woke up late and didn’t make it to our walking session. Then he sent me some lame text message about being busy with therapy. That’s not like him. To be honest, this is fizzling faster than what happened between me and Tim.”
Grammie leans forward, looking curious. “You never told me what happened with him.”
Pearl jumps out of my arms and bounds over to headbutt one of the other goats twice her size. I shake my head and stand up, brushing off my behind before walking out of the gate. Taking a seat on the chair next to Grandma, I stare out at the landscape.
“Tim said he was going to move out to Seattle after I got the job there. I’d ask him repeatedly when he was planning to come out and what I could do to help him find an apartment or something.
And then he stopped talking to me, a lot like this situation.
” Yes, Burton finally messaged me back, but it was a vague and overly-polite message.
Very different in the tone he usually has when texting me.
“Did you find out what happened?”
I nod. “Yeah, he was engaged to some other woman and talking to several others.”
Grammie gasps. “How did you find that out?”
“I got a message from the fiancée’s friend sharing all the details with me. They call it a ‘Hey, Girl’ text.”
She reaches over and wraps an arm around my shoulder awkwardly. She’s never been the super lovey-dovey type, so this is a big step for her.
“I’m so sorry, Laney dear.”
Emotion wells in my throat, and I don’t say anything for a few moments, trying to process life.
“Am I destined to be the one picked for the fun and for my flexibility, but never chosen as the main option?”
Grammie chuckles. “You make it sound like you’re an entrée at a restaurant.”
We both laugh for a moment, and tears escape and run down my cheeks.
“I don’t get it. Things were going well and then nothing. Am I doing something to turn people off?”
She uses her thumb to lift my chin so I’m looking into her eyes. “You are amazing, Laney. If things were great and then he stopped talking to you, that’s on him, not you.”
I nod. “I shouldn’t have to beg people to be in my life.” The words strike a chord in me and I say them again, only slower. “I shouldn’t have to beg people to be in my life.”
“That’s right, Laney. When it’s time, you’ll find someone who doesn’t run from you. And you should never shrink yourself to fit into the box people think you should fit. You’re vibrant and fun, and my greatest blessing.”
I let her hold me for a few more minutes and then remember it. Lifting my head, I say, “I mentioned something about you and Grandpa going to FanFest. And then I said that you do a great job of supporting. All those long hours at my races and track meets—I can’t thank you enough for showing up.”
“Of course. That’s what we do for people we love, Laney Bug.”
For people we love. I let that roll around in my brain for a few moments. “You only met Burton the one time, though. Why did you decide to go to FanFest?”
She lets out a soft laugh. “Oh, Laney. You knew your grandfather wouldn’t let it alone once he heard about grown men beating each other with sticks.
I figured it would be a good opportunity to see you at work, to support you in something we don’t usually see, and give him that opportunity.
Burton didn’t set off any warning bells when we met him, and I actually kind of like the guy.
I should say ‘liked’ since he’s being funny with you right now. ”
“I want to be you when I grow up, Grammie.”
She lets out a deeper laugh this time. “You want to be a cranky old bat?”
I shake my head. “That’s not how I see you.”
She pauses a beat before she says, “Sometimes how we look at ourselves impacts the way we think others look at us. Keep shining that light of yours, girl, and good things will happen.”
It sounds like a sweet anecdote, but I’m not sure it really applies to my situation. I just wish I knew what was wrong with Burton and what had made him change.
“I should probably get going. I’ve got to pack for a ten-day road trip.”
“Oh, that sounds like an adventure. Where does this one take you?”
“We’re in the Midwest and then finish up in the Northeast. We leave on Friday, but I’ve got to be ready to cover a game tomorrow before we head out.”
She pats my hand. “Remember that we’re always here for you, dear. Even if you need to call or come over, do it.”
My throat tightens with emotion, and I nod. “Thank you, Grammie.”
This. I want to be able to do this for someone. To comfort them and show up as much as possible.
I just have to keep the hope that someday it will happen.