Chapter 37
BURTON
Flying on a plane isn’t any better than a bus, especially with how nervous I am as we get closer.
From all the information Jessa snuck me, the team gets in today in the early afternoon and then they head out to the field for their game.
We’ve never had a ten-day straight stretch of games, but that sounds like a lot of stress all around.
Then again, most of them probably don’t have to supplement their income by serving at a restaurant.
I found someone to take my shift at Vincenzo’s for the next two days. Mondays are usually our off days for lacrosse, so as long as I’m on a flight back by that night, I should be okay.
The part I’m dreading the most is showing up to my parents’ home. The last-minute flight cost more than I’d budgeted for miscellaneous expenses this month, so getting a hotel room for two nights in the capital city would be stretching it. I thought about sending a text but wasn’t sure what to say.
At least I can get to their home through public transportation and ask in person.
I used to ride these train lines all the time with my friends, and it makes me think of Laney before I fixed her car.
Salt Lake isn’t as easy to get around as the Washington D.C.
area. The woman has some serious grit to her.
While it’s the typical day for people to sleep in, there are plenty who’re up and about, making the train more crowded than I expected.
I make it to my childhood home by eight in the morning, and I look up at the house, so many memories flooding my brain. Some are good and others I’d love to never think about again.
Letting out a slow breath, I knock, wanting this step to not be a bump in the process.
There’s no answer for several seconds, so I knock again. The door finally opens and it’s my father, dressed in his robe, his hair mussed.
“Courtney. What are you doing here?”
I try to swallow the disappointment that he’s not ecstatic to see me.
“I’m here for two days. I thought I’d stop by and say hello.” This feels a lot more like I’m a salesman than this man’s son.
“Come in.” My dad opens the door wider and waves me in.
The house feels different since I haven’t been here in at least six years, and yet some things feel the same.
“What brings you here? Lacrosse?” he asks as he walks into the kitchen.
“No, I’m waiting for someone to get here.”
My dad turns to me and raises an eyebrow. “You’ll meet someone here, but this is the first time you come to visit your parents?”
Of course, here comes the guilt trip.
“Maybe this was a bad idea,” I say, turning toward the door.
“Hold on a minute,” he says. “Your mom will want to see you before you go.”
I grit my teeth, trying to calm my nervous system.
“Do you want a coffee?” he asks, pouring himself a cup.
“Why can’t you support me, Dad?” I ask, staring at him.
He frowns, the deep lines in his forehead so familiar from memories of years past.
“We do support you. We have for years.”
Shaking my head, I say, “You haven’t come to a game in years. I play lacrosse, train for it, and serve at a restaurant to make things work. So don’t tell me you’re still supporting me.”
“Don’t talk to me like that, son. I’m still your father.”
Nodding, I say, “I get that. But just because I moved out doesn’t mean I don’t still need people in my corner.”
He shrugs. “How else are we supposed to get you to come to your senses? Lacrosse was something that helped you get out energy as a kid. But you’re almost thirty, Courtney. You’ve got to move on with life. Find someone to settle down with and get a real job.”
His words cut through me like a knife.
“Courtney,” my mom says from behind me. “This is a surprise.”
I control my breathing before I turn around. My whole body is practically vibrating with anger.
“Hey, Mom,” I say.
“What brings you here?”
“Just meeting up with someone. I thought about asking to stay the night, but I think it’s best if I go.”
She frowns. “So soon? Does Ceci know you’re here?”
I shake my head. “This was a quick trip. I only planned it last night.”
“Well, you should drop in and see her and the kids. We’re thinking of taking a trip in July with the family. Do you have time off?”
July is one of the busiest months of the lacrosse season.
“I don’t think I can, Mom.”
“You need a job that’ll pay you to go on vacation,” she says, her tone sharper than before.
Nodding, I say, “As chaotic as my life is, I love it. There’s always a challenge and a way to get better. I’m constantly meeting people and am so grateful for all the friends it’s brought into my life.”
“You can make friends in other ways, Courtney,” my father says. He’s got his arms folded over his chest. My mom is next to the tissue box and reaches for one, getting ready for the on-demand tears.
“I won’t be able to play this sport for many more years, but I’ll give it all I’ve got until then.”
My father shakes his head. “It’s okay to quit, son. To move on with your life. Do something that gives you stability.”
“I can’t sit in a chair for hours a day.
I’m twenty-eight years old, and what I need from you, what I’ve needed for a long time, is for you to be happy for me.
To show up every once in a while and cheer me on.
” I pause and study their faces. There’s no recognition that what I said is going to help them change.
“I’m going to head out now. I’ll see you… whenever.”
I take my duffel bag and walk out the door, feeling more than relief as I leave the house. Never have I felt more like a stranger than I do right now.
They don’t chase me with tears or pleas. They let me walk out the door without another word.
My life comes into sharp focus. I’ve been chasing the support of people who withhold it while pushing away the people who give it freely.
If only I had a magic potion that could turn back time, I’d be able to stop all this before I was an idiot.
Now, more than ever, I’m grateful for the people who’ve become my family, who’ve taken me in and cared about me even though I’m not blood.
Clark, Finny, Stack, and Jackson.
Grandpa George and Grandma Marianne, who came to FanFest and one of my games after I’d only met them once.
And of course, Laney.
My life might not be ideal for a relationship, but if she’ll forgive me, I’ll do everything I can to make it work.
Because the people who believe in me shouldn’t be the ones I push away.