CHAPTER 40 MILI
I wake up with the sheets tucked carefully around me, the only hint that Max was really here with me. I almost wish he’d spent the night in here –he’s never been so ... soft. At least not in front of me. I wonder if he’s starting to really warm up to me, if he’ll accept me as someone who truly cares for him. The thought makes me giggle to myself.
Then I remember Aurora, and my smile falls. Godsdamnit .
Although part of me is excited to see her again, I know we’re not reuniting on the same terms we left off on. I care for Aurora, she’s been one of my closest companions, but I don’t love her. I don’t feel the same about her as before, and (although it pains me to admit it) I don’t think I ever cared for her the way she did for me.
Aurora was a devoted lover, and I appreciate the times we had together. If I were being honest with myself, though, I’d have to admit that I’d felt something missing for a long time.
We only saw each other in those brief moments between morning and night, usually having some rushed physical encounter. I’d be trying to sleep in, and she’d beg me to wake up for her, only to fall asleep as soon as I arose.
How often did we fight? Not as much as we should have, I’m sure. I would get irritable, and she’d cry, her tears vanishing once she got what she wanted from me. Apologies, striving answers, dull sex, compliments – that’s all I could ever give her. I know it never would have been enough –the trouble is that I’m not sure she’ll understand.
It’s bittersweet, and the memories leave my mouth dry from nerves and somber nostalgia. I sigh and push myself to a sitting position, stretching my arms lazily before I stand.
I need to bathe, I realize. I could ask Chrysthinia to use their chamber, but it’s not likely I’d fit in their bathing-tub. Besides, I’ve been stalling long enough. It’s time to go home.
–––
“I’ll be fine here–we have a lot in common, as it turns out.” Max, for unknown reasons, is insisting on staying behind with Chrysthinia while Cory, Port, and I go to my cottage.
I search his face for any hint of his thoughts about last evening: does he regret it, or blame himself? Is he angry with me, or bored of me? His expression gives nothing away, which drives me insane.
I throw my hands up, exasperated, and spit out, “Gods, Max, you’re insufferable when you’re trying to be sneaky. Be honest, did you freak yourself out last night or something?”
His eyes go wide. “What? No, I – “
“–Don’t lie to me!” I interrupt. He arches an eyebrow at my outburst, clearly unamused, and I make a pitiful effort to compose myself. “I’m sorry, I just –I can’t read your mind. Are you upset with me?”
“Mili, of course not,” he sighs. “I can’t talk about this now, okay? I have a lot on my mind, and I have to talk about it with Chrysthinia.”
At that, a blaze of rage lights up inside me. I growl at him and stalk off, without a word, towards Cory and Port who are watching us from a safe distance. Cory stares at Max, a small frown furrowing his brows, but Port’s eyes are on me.
“Are you okay?” he asks softly.
I exhale sharply through my nose, forcing myself to keep my head held high, and nod. Port shrugs and walks after me as I continue onto the trail. Cory shakes his head while he thinks I can’t see him, since he’s in my periphery, and I whirl around to face him.
“Don’t be cross with me!” I shout. “Max is the one being ridiculous!”
Cory rolls his eyes, then, but I see his expression darken with genuine annoyance. I’m starting to learn he really does not like being tested, and I steel myself in anticipation of whatever he’s going to yell back at me.
Instead, he grabs me and throws me over his shoulder. I gasp and cry out in shock, but Cory starts off down the path without any hesitation whatsoever.
“Cory, not again, put me down,” I growl.
He laughs bitterly, grabbing my legs tighter as I try to wriggle out of his grip. “Nope. Next time you’ll think before snapping at me for no reason, hm?”
I growl again and wriggle around in a futile attempt to get down. I briefly consider trying to fly off to escape, but with the vice grip Cory has on my thighs, I think it would be pointless. My mind centers on the feeling of his thick arm around my legs, and I briefly flush with heat before I remind myself how irritated I am.
As we near the town courtyard, I tap Cory’s back, begging him to put me down before the neighbors see me. I don’t think it would be great for morale (or the shifters’ reputation) for Cory to be seen carrying me around despite my protests.
“Cory, come on! Please put me down,” I whine.
“Don’t think so,” is all he replies.
Port walks beside Cory, so I can’t see him, but I swear I hear him laughing. I’d like to make some snippy comment about it, but I figure that would make my predicament worse. Instead, I just sit as Cory walks me all the way across the town courtyard. We pass Halenius and his mother, Helennia, and I smile apologetically at them as they stare, bewildered.
Finally, long after I’ve suffered enough humiliation, we arrive at my cottage. It’s early morning, so I anticipate that Aurora will just be going to sleep. I say a silent prayer that she’s inside the cottage and doesn’t see Cory carrying me around town.
Cory arrives at the front gate and I wait for him to let me down, but first he says, “Are you going to be nice, now?”
“Oh, don’t lecture me,” I groan.
“Fine, then. We’ll just wait out here all day. Do you mind, Port?” he asks. I can hear his grin in his voice, and it charms me as much as it irks me.
Port shakes his head and replies, “I’m not in any rush.”
“Don’t encourage him!” I gasp, shocked at his indifference to my plight.
Then Port walks around and kneels on the ground below me so we’re eye level. He smiles up at me, and I roll my eyes, a smile blooming on my face despite my efforts to stay annoyed.
“What, Port?” I grumble through my grin.
“Don’t you want to see your friend, Aurora? I don’t think Cory’s going to let you down until you promise him to behave,” he whispers, faux-conspiratorial.
I scoff. “I will if he will.”
Port shrugs, beaming. “That sounds like a decent compromise. Cory?”
“I don’t take orders from faeries,” he growls.
I roll my eyes and Port bites back a laugh, but he stands and claps a hand on Cory’s shoulder amiably. “I think it’s a polite request, my friend. What do you say?”
Cory sighs loudly, but sets me down. I dust myself off dramatically, making sure he sees me quietly rolling my eyes. He smirks at me, though, and I know he’s had as much fun teasing me as I expected. I bite my lip as I gaze up at him, helplessly enjoying the sight of his effortlessly confident smile and his hair shining in the rising Sun.
“I quite liked the view on that walk.” Port comes over to whisper in my ear.
I gasp and spin to face him, flushing immediately at his suggestiveness. He shrugs, smiling warmly, and I step close to him in hopes of getting him hot and bothered, too.
Then a door creaks faintly and a voice rings out, “Mili?”
I whirl around to face the front door, where Aurora is standing with an unreadable expression on her face. She has one hand on the doorknob, and her knuckles look white from strain.
“Oh, Realm’s Mother,” I breathe out. “Aurora.”
Despite all my reservations to see her, I realize I had hoped we’d have some sort of warm reunion. I didn’t want romance, or anything, but it would have been nice if she seemed at least a little happy to see me. Relieved, at least –I vanished without a trace for weeks, didn’t I?
Instead, Aurora simply sighs heavily and walks back into the cottage, letting the door hang open behind her. Apparently, that’s all the invitation I’m going to get.
I turn to Port, who’s wincing empathetically. “Should we wait out here for you?” he asks.
“I guess that might be best,” I murmur. I turn to Cory, then, and he brushes a hand over my furrowed brows to smooth them out. I sigh and force myself to relax with his touch, which seems to bring him some relief. “We’ll wait right outside the door.”
“You can go back to town, if you want?” I reply, confused at his seriousness.
He shakes his head. “I’d rather stay. I’m not sure about her.”
My eyes widen in genuine surprise. Aurora is a lot of things, but she wouldn’t harm anyone –least of all me. I grab his elbow gently and say, “You don’t have to worry about Aurora, Cory. She’s harmless.”
In response, he just shrugs. Whatever his reservations with Aurora are, he doesn’t seem willing to talk about it. As such, I give Cory and Port each a squeeze on the arm and head up to the cottage.
Once I’m inside, I see Aurora is sitting on the loveseat where we were last intimate. I grimace subconsciously, and she scowls at me.
“What, bad memories?” she mumbles. “You bedded Kar here last. I wondered for weeks if you left because of it –because of me. How selfish of me, isn’t it? You left for Ethelinda, or so the story goes, and I was worried about our ‘relationship.’”
“Aurora, it’s nothing to do with you,” I interject, quickly losing myself to my anxiety and the guilt of my past.
She barks out a harsh laugh and points at me. “Then the most precious faery in all of Ethelinda returns with three harlots on her hip! So, I have to wonder, how wrong could I really have been? Did you really leave for Ethelinda, or for them?”
The silence that follows her words threatens to swallow me whole. I open and close my mouth twice, begging myself to say something, anything , but no words come. I stand there until she walks over to me, and I pull back, suddenly struck with a real terror.
I’ve never been afraid of Aurora before, but something has changed. The realization that this Aurora is not the girl I left behind shocks me back to the present, and I steel myself.
“You may not speak about them that way. They’re my friends, my heroes. I care about them. Can’t you understand? We weren’t happy, Aurora. Not for a long time.” The words sting leaving my lips, as I’d pulled a dagger up through myself to free them.
Aurora bites back, “What about me? What if I was happy?”
“You weren’t,” I sigh, exasperated and growing exhausted. Aurora always brings out that in me, I realize –desperate tiredness.
“Well, we’re cursed then, aren’t we?” I try to respond, but she continues, “I’ve never been good enough for you. At least that hasn’t changed.”
“It’s not that, Aurora.”
She just scoffs in response, then walks to the bathroom to grab a small satchel. She slings it over her shoulder and walks past me to the door.
“I’ve found somewhere else to stay,” she growls. “You won’t have to know me anymore.”
“Aurora, it doesn’t have to be this way,” I exclaim as she walks out the door.
She walks off without looking back, and the Sun glints off her hair, turning it bright white. At the sight, a shiver runs down my spine, and Cory and Port quickly run to hold me. I let them envelop me in their arms and try to breathe through the fear, the sadness, and ... the relief.