Chapter 26
I am officially freaking out. I almost had sex with étienne. I would have had sex with étienne if either of us had had protection. It took a monumental effort to stop short, but somehow we’ve managed to cool things down.
We’re getting ready to sleep. Sleep! As if I can sleep when there are wild boars and scorpions around, and that’s not even taking into account a certain Frenchman.
He passes me my hoodie and leggings from the barrel, along with mosquito repellent. I don’t meet his eyes as I spritz myself down and slip on warm clothes, but I’m glad that he put his mouth on me before I applied insect poison to my skin. I’m burning up at the memory.
Seemingly unfazed himself, he lies down and lifts our doubled-up beach-towel blanket, opening his arm to me.
I tentatively slide into the space and he brings the towels down, tucking the edges around my body.
A second ago I was racked with tension, but now I feel myself softening against the firm warmth of his skin.
I wasn’t expecting this. I know we’ve just been intimate with each other, but this is another level.
My head is nestled into the crook of his strong arm, my cheek resting on his chest. I tilt my hips and slide my leg over his to try to get more comfortable and his other hand comes down to wrap around my thigh, holding me in place.
His fingers are rough and I can hear his heart beating.
I feel a surge of something inside my chest, and then jitters ramp up again and I go back to feeling edgy.
A splash in the water has me stiffening.
“What’s that?” I whisper with alarm. “Was that a fish?” It sounded too big to be a fish.
“Might have been a beaver. Or an otter.”
“Where?” I sit up, searching for sleek black bodies.
A rustle sounds out from behind and I whip my head around.
“It’s okay,” étienne whispers as an owl hoots from some distance away.
The forest is noisy.
I nervously settle back down beside him.
A crackle in the woods. I lift my head to peer into the darkness and almost lose my shit when I see a boar-shaped body in the undergrowth.
“It’s a boar!” I screech-whisper.
“Just ignore it,” étienne soothes. “It won’t bother us if we don’t bother it.”
If he’s trying to calm me with his hand pressed to my heart, it does not work.
More rustling. I jerk. And then I see three tiny boar-shaped bodies trotting after their mother and my fear transforms into wonder.
“She has babies!” I squeak. I can see their stripy backs under the moonlight.
“Even more of a reason to stay quiet,” he replies with a soft laugh.
Good point.
I watch until the mother and her piglets are out of sight and the noises die down, and then I return to my former position with my cheek resting on his chest.
The reality of the situation hits me again and I have another mini panic attack.
étienne and I…did…things…together.
Lise’s words come back to haunt me. He deserves more than to be used as a pawn.
What would she say if she knew?
But I have no intention of telling Jackson what just happened, so how is that using étienne as a pawn?
It was just using him, I realize.
But he was using me too, I rationalize.
“I can hear your thoughts from here,” étienne mumbles. “Sleep, Grace.”
I don’t.
“It was just a kiss.”
I snap my eyes to étienne’s. It was not just a kiss.
He gazes back at me from the driver’s seat, all cool, calm, and collected. He does look tired though, so I dread to think what state I’m in. I know for a fact that he got more sleep than I did.
“If you don’t want to do it again, we won’t,” he says casually, as though it would be the easiest thing in the world for him to keep his lips off my skin.
He’s got day-old stubble and his hair is a little wild. His eyes aren’t as bright as usual—as I say, he looks tired—but he’s still unnervingly attractive.
I don’t like what’s coming out of his mouth though.
I unclick my seat belt and get out of the car. He meets me around the back, where he retrieves my bag from the boot.
“Thanks for coming,” he says as he hands it over.
My insides clench at the look in his eyes. “Thank you for taking me,” I reply, choosing to pretend that wasn’t a double entendre.
It has been the strangest morning. It was business as usual from the moment we woke up, getting the kayak and all our things packed away, and then we were off downriver to the meeting point étienne had agreed upon with Raphael.
He sat up at the front of the bus on the way back to Vallon Pont d’Arc, chatting with his friend in French, while I pretended to doze, and then we barely said a word the whole drive home.
I’ve been going spare, wondering how the hell it happened. This was supposed to be a flirtation to make Jackson look at me differently, but I’ve barely given him a second thought since I got in this car yesterday.
“I really do need to come by and grab the contract at some point,” I force myself to say. “Jackson is going to ask for it as soon as I get into work.”
“Just text me beforehand,” he replies coolly as he gets back into his car.
It’s the last thing he says before he takes off.
“What time do you call this?” Jackson asks with a grin as I walk into the office.
He looks weird. Everything looks weird today.
“I’m only fifteen minutes late.”
“Late night? You look shattered.”
“Thanks.” I sound sarcastic. “I did have a late night and I am shattered.” I get out my laptop and turn to face the desk, opening it up.
“Did you have fun though?”
“Yeah. Lots of fun,” I reply evenly.
“Did you get the contract back from him?” he asks over my shoulder.
“No. I’ll need to go by and pick it up.”
“We really need to make sure that’s watertight,” he says with concern. “With the way we’re pressing ahead—”
“I know, I know.” I cut him off impatiently.
He takes the hint and lets me get on.
We present everything to Sandrine and Albert that afternoon. Albert is already up to speed, but I’m glad when he decides to sit in, hoping that his enthusiasm will rub off on his daughter.
“I like it,” she says with a nod when we’ve finished talking her through our plans.
She hasn’t said much, so I’m relieved to hear her say this, although I’m bracing for a potential but.
It doesn’t come. As I say, everything is weird today.
“Are you all right?” Jackson asks as we’re winding down for the weekend. “You’ve been a little jumpy.”
“I was just nervous about showing your mum our plans.”
“She loves them though.”
“Likes.”
“Loves,” he corrects me. “It’s all good. You want a drink or something?”
“I could do with some more water. I didn’t have enough yesterday.”
He passes me a plastic bottle of Eau de Sainte églantine from the small fridge beside his desk. I can’t wait to see the glass bottles when they come in—we’re expecting samples next week.
“Thanks,” I reply gratefully, pouring some into a glass.
“You look like you caught the sun.”
I glance at him. He’s staring at my arms, but his eyes skim up to my face.
“We were outside all day.” I pull the top of my T-shirt down and check where the line of my bikini was yesterday. He’s right: there’s a white strip of skin there.
“Being in France for the summer suits you,” he says with a smile.
I mirror him, my tension easing. He’s been making an effort to chat with me all day.
You want him, étienne said to me at the bar. You always have.
Do I still?
I really need to work out where my priorities lie, but I’m finding it harder than ever to think straight.