Chapter 13 #3
He huffs and looks away. “I never really got the chance to go through the make-out phase of being a teenager. Life was…complicated back then.”
My stomach twists with sympathy. He must have missed out on so much. “I’m sorry.”
He huffs and shakes his head again. “It is what it is. And if you regret what we did—”
“No!” Abandoning all pretense, I put my hands on his ribs and hold him tightly. His body jumps under me, but he doesn’t pull back. “No regrets. Just…intimacy is complicated for me. It has been for a while.”
“Because of your husband?”
“And a thousand other reasons,” I admit. I don’t want to get into it right now. I can’t.
North breathes in deeply, then knocks his forehead against mine. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
I kind of want to cry because how can this man know me so well? It’s like he can read every dark, unspoken thought in my head.
His hand lifts, fingers skating along my jaw, and then he cups my cheek. “Leo, can I—”
“Yes.”
“You don’t know what I was going to ask,” he says with a small laugh.
“I don’t care. Whatever you want, the answer is yes.” I’m surprised at how much I mean that. It’s dangerous, maybe, but I don’t care. I want to give him anything.
Everything.
All of me.
Before I can say anything else, North’s hips thrust forward, and his mouth crashes down against mine. He tastes just as good as before, kisses just as desperate.
And now that I know he’s inexperienced, I can tell. It’s in each hesitation, each movement where he’s clearly following my lead. His personality is so domineering. I can feel it in him—he wants to take control. He wants to command me.
But he’s unsure his instincts are right.
“North,” I groan as I grip him tightly. “North, please, I—”
I don’t get a chance to finish my sentence. His phone starts ringing a sort of high-pitched, almost alarm sound. He wrenches back, the look on his face devastated as one hand leaves my body, searching through his pocket.
“I’m sorry.” The sound of that ring is hideous. “I’m so fucking sorry. I have to take this.”
It has to be his work. There are probably a dozen emergencies right now from this storm.
And then he says, “Hi, Mom.”
My heart stutters in my chest as I watch his face move through a myriad of emotions I can’t read. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he listens to his mom for a long moment.
“No, I…yeah. Yes. Okay. I have to work, and right now, I’m—no. God, Mom, please stop it. Just because I have stuff going on doesn’t mean I’m trying to neglect you. It’s not…” He stops and squeezes his eyes shut. “Okay. Yeah, I can do that. See you in a bit.”
His hand falls to his side, phone dangling loosely from his fingers. I can feel his anxiety as it trembles through his body.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers again.
Shaking my head, I reach up, feeling braver than I have in a long time, and touch his chin. “Don’t apologize.”
His eyes meet mine. “I don’t want to stop, but my mom, ah—it’s…”
“Complicated?”
He bursts into laughter, but it sounds raw and too close to a sob. “Yeah. I need to run by her place, and then I have to go to the station. Bailey caught something, so they need me to fill in for her.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “I can wait.”
“Yeah?” He sounds so needy.
“Yes.”
He dips his head lower, smudging a kiss over my jaw. “I want to pick this up later. I know we have a lot to talk about, but I don’t want to have to pretend this didn’t happen.”
“I don’t either.” I wait for him to look up, and then I surge in and kiss him hard, demanding and possessive. He groans into it, his tongue messy and unpracticed, and yeah, it needs work, but I do not care.
Not when he makes me feel like this.
He rips himself back and slaps a hand over his face. “Okay. I have to go before I decide to quit my job, abandon my family, and move into the space under your bed like some kind of boogeyman.”
I laugh softly and don’t stop him as he peels himself back and puts distance between us. I hate it. I hate the space between us, but when I look at him, I know it’s not over.
“I’ll be here when you’re done,” I remind him as we make our way back to the foyer.
“Put the food in the freezer. Your power shouldn’t be out all night,” North murmurs.
I eye the bags he dropped. “Yeah. I will.”
“And be safe. Watch those candles.” He points to the table.
“I will,” I repeat.
He groans, then spins and grabs me, hustling me against the wall with a hard slam he protects me from with a hand between my head and the drywall.
Our eyes lock, and then he kisses me one last time. “See you soon,” he whispers roughly against my mouth.
He’s out the door and in his car before I can register what the fuck just happened. I blink, and the room begins to spin, and then I notice the flashing in my periphery.
This is no time for a seizure, and I try to make a mental note to call my doctor about my medication as I make my way to the couch. Dropping to the cushions, I lie sideways, watching the candles flicker.
I’ll be fine. I have my phone, and I’ve dealt with this enough times that I know what to do.
It’s going to be alright.