Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Why was it so hard to leave him?
Last night should have meant nothing.
Especially since all the other nights we had been together had meant zilch to him. I wasn’t one of those clingy girls who get their world rocked and became obsessed over a couple of orgasms. Everyone knew one of those girls who saved themselves and then gave it up to the first guy in college and suddenly thought they were in love. I never wanted to be that person, and for the last two and a half years, I had gotten by just fine.
For the last several months, I still hadn’t been able to get it through my thick skull.
Axel, or rather Braxton, was a cop.
No matter how many times I repeated it aloud, it still knocked me off my axis. After knowing him as Axel for so many years, I couldn’t see him as Braxton. More than anything, it shocked the hell out of me to see him in uniform.
Talk about a blindside.
It was like I was playing survivor and my name came up to get voted off the island while all of my newfound friends laughed in my face. I could hear them all now. How na?ve could she have been to be duped by him? It would be the one and only time I didn’t have Liam run a background check on a friend with benefits situation.
There had been nothing more between us, other than sex. Even if he had been my first ever, I was aware of the sitch.
Still, I was woman enough to admit it bothered me to be discarded.
For the last year, I had actually thought he could be dead. There was no other explanation for the way he dropped off the face of the earth. Liam and I never spoke of it, but I was pretty sure he tried to search for him for me. Never once did I suspect the reason might be that he was undercover. He was so good at pretending to be bad; I wondered if any of his fake persona was real.
Wonder what he would say if I called him Axel?
Would he answer or ignore it?
Better yet, I briefly wondered what he would he think if he knew he popped the cherry of a barely seventeen-year-old girl. If I were a real bitch, I could make things seriously difficult for him. It wasn’t like I expected more out of our tryst, even if it carried on for a couple of years. It would go nowhere with us. Especially while we were living in two separate cities and being members of different clubs.
Looking back, it might have been too quick of a decision, but the things I had dealt with made me operate on a different level than others my age. Since the time I turned fourteen, I had fake ID so I could go into places and not have to worry about drawing undue attention to our allies. Erik would kill the guy if he knew how old I was at the time. Looking back, with no regrets, I still thought I was too young to experience that side of our life.
Axel took me in the bathroom at a roadhouse the Reapers frequented on our runs. It was quick and dirty, just like ripping off a band aid, only a lot hotter. I used to listen to the girls at the clubhouse sometimes and every once in a while, I would even ask them a question. The first thing they warned me was I shouldn’t worry if I didn’t have an orgasm the first time, cause most girls didn’t. Obviously, the men they were with had no idea what they were doing. The next thing they said was to be prepared for pain, cause it hurt each of them.
Before I even knew what was happening, he had pushed my skirt up over my hips, panties pulled to the side, and he was inside me. I came twice in a matter of five minutes. That was how skilled he was. Then every time after that, when I was near there for longer than a night, he helped scratch that itch again.
Now it seemed like he might have been outplayed.
It was harder to find someone back home. They feared losing their dick to the wrath of my overprotective brothers, or they treated me like a whore and turned me off. Then there was the in between who thought I was too delicate and had to be wooed. The ones who wanted to save me from my life, have vanilla sex and make an honest woman out of me. After that, there wasn't much to choose from.
So, I did the only sensible thing.
I window shopped without taking anything home.
Then on nights I didn’t want to deal with the chase, I had my trusty vibrator. BOB would never let me down and he never complained if I had to leave town for a couple of nights.
Until this moment, the only man I had ever wanted wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole attached to a crane fifty feet in the air.
Except for the kiss.
The one I couldn’t get off my mind, no matter how many other guys I kissed. Then this asshole had to make me feel things in places I had never felt before.
Why couldn’t he have just been one of many?
Now it was even worse because he was actually a cop. What was I supposed to do with that?
If I were going to do anything.
We could have had so much fun. Sadly, there was no future for us. Maybe that was why it was so hot.
It was forbidden.