Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ASH
A t the ball field, I’m glad we have a crowd, because it lets me flirt shamelessly with Rusty and watch him duck his head. I love how he ducks his head.
I also love how he believes in me. I’m still glowing from his confidence that I’d figure out the right strategy back in the conference room. It was hot.
“Looking good, Hotcakes,” I call through the chain link fence between the stands and the dugout. “I like a man in uniform."
Rusty chuckles, holding his clipboard. "Ava S, Noah, Lorilla, you're on deck," he says to the four- and five-year-olds frantically bouncing around him. The little girls all blush at Rusty. Duke may be the famous one, but the girls on the Carolina Coral Snakes are all Team Rusty.
Is it weird that I like that?
So weird.
"Lottie," I say, and my friend's daughter comes over to the fence. But she's eyeing me like I murdered the Paw Patrol in front of her face. Kids usually love me. Lottie usually loves me! "Why are you mean-mugging me, cutie?"
"Ava D's mom told Ava S’s mom that you're Rusty's girlfriend, but I love Rusty."
I catch Rusty's eye, and he winces. Then he gestures to the other kids, as if to say "sorry, coaching responsibilities."
Mmm hmm.
"Would that be so bad if I were Rusty's girlfriend?" I ask her. I'm not lying by asking a question, so my conscience is mostly fine.
Fine adjacent.
"Yes! Because you have another boyfriend, and Noah's mom said he came to Sugar Maple to win you back. You can't have two boyfriends!"
"I have two boyfriends," Ava D says, putting her hand on her hip. "Liam and Josiah."
"Josiah said he only wants to marry me but he has to pretend to like you cuz you pull his hair at church if he doesn't," Lottie says.
"Fine, then I'll have to marry Liam."
"Yuck!" a little boy I can only assume is Liam says. "I never want to get married. Girls are gross."
"Put a cork in it, Liam," Ava D says. "We're gettin’ married."
"Lottie," Rusty interrupts, "you're on deck." Rusty hands her a helmet, and she gives him a big hug.
"It's not fair, Uncle Rusty. Why do you have to love her ?"
Rusty kneels down and puts the helmet carefully on Lottie's head. "For one thing, grown ups have to love other grown ups." Lottie's lips turn downward in a deep frown. "But also, you can't choose who you fall in love with."
"But why do you love her?"
My breath grows shallow and quiet, like I don't want to miss a syllable. But that's crazy, because this is a charade. It doesn't matter if? —
Shut up, brain!He's talking!
"I love her because she's smart and creative and views the world in a way that makes me view it differently. She's hilarious and keeps me on my toes. She always sees the best in other people, and she makes me want to be a better m? — "
"That's boring," Ava D interrupts, and I have never wanted to shut a little kid up more. "I like Liam because he's cute."
Liam pulls his shirt over his face. "I don't want to marry you!"
"I think Ash is the most beautiful woman in the world," Rusty says to Ava. "Sometimes, I lose my words when she comes into a room, because there's no space left in my head for anything except thoughts of her." His eyes meet mine for only an instant, and I burst into flames.
ACTUAL FLAMES.
"Is that better, Ava?" Rusty says.
Ava D nods.
Lottie is pouting, but it's her turn on deck, so Rusty escorts her out. "Lottie, the boy who marries you one day will be the luckiest boy in the world," Rusty says as they walk. I don't hear the rest of what he tells her, but I watch their every step with a pang in my heart.
Rusty said you can't choose who you fall in love with.
I would do anything to change that. Rusty has game I didn't know existed, but instead of making me wish he was this guy all of the time, I can't stop wondering which version is the real Rusty. And why does it bother me to have to give up either when this is all over?
When Lottie steps up to the tee, she misses on the first swing, the force of her bat causing her to make a full spin in the dirt. Duke stands next to his daughter giving her gentle guidance, and Millie and all our friends cheer in the stands .
On her next swing, she hits a grounder that rolls all the way to the outfield. Every single kid on the opposing team chases after the ball, with kids falling all over each other to try to get it. When one kid emerges with the ball, another kid on his team rips it from his hands before a third child tries to grab it. The coaches run out to try to break up the melee while Lottie runs the bases and scores a homerun.
In the end, she's forced to go back to first — this league really doesn't let them crush the competition — but when she comes back to the dugout and Josiah tells her it was a good hit, she smiles at me.
I think Lottie and I will be okay.
In the stands, the moms flock around me.
"Are you and Rusty actually dating?" Ava D's mom asks.
"I've been trying to get that man to notice me since my divorce," Noah's mom says. "How did you do it?"
"And is your ex really here to get you back?" Ava D's mom asks.
Is it getting hotter out? The sun really needs to set already.
"Hey, did y'all hear that Jake Rodgers asked Lucy Jane out on her socials?" Millie says. Jake Rodgers is one of the best baseball players in the country. Millie’s talking to our friends, but Ava D and Noah's moms both turn to look at her.
Lou's eyes tighten just shy of a glare.
"Yes!" I say, biting back a smile. "But did you see that Connor Nash then commented on Cam's post and said he was throwing his name in the ring and asked her out, too?"
"I would kill to get tickets to their concert," Noah's mom says. Lucy Jane's "Southern States" tour starts at the end of summer and will go for months, ending in a concert with Connor Nash at Memphis’ famous Hot Strings Hall .
"Can you imagine what Lucy Jane's life must be like?" I say in a dreamy way, resting my head on Lou's shoulder.
"I'm not even sure she's a real person," Lou says, and I choke on a laugh.
"Of course she's a real person," Ava D's mom says, like she thinks Lou is taking crazy pills. "You know, my cousin says she went to college with her."
We each still. "Really?" I ask. "Where did your cousin go to school?"
"NC State."
We breathe a collective sigh of relief, because Lou attended the University of Chicago. It's where we all met.
I'm not sure why Lou insists on keeping up the disguise, given that she'll be outing herself when her tour finally starts. She kept her face off the cover of her album, so each single she releases keeps fueling the fire of speculation. She's only ever shown her profile on her YouTube channel, and she strategically lets her long blonde hair obscure her face. You never get more than a glimpse of her nose in her videos. She uses lighting to make her pale blonde hair seem like it's a different shade than it really is, too.
It's clever, but I wonder how she's going to handle it when the cloak and dagger finally comes to an end.
"I love her new song," Noah's mom says. "It's so angsty."
"The title is lame," Jane says from the other side of Millie.
"The title is awesome ," Lou says.
"' Strawberry Fields for Never ?'" Jane asks, her eyes twinkling. "Really?"
Lou is in full legal mode now. "Yes, really. It's a fabulous title. It immediately evokes the enemies to lovers vibe of the song."
"Lucy Jane is a tortured poet," Jane says.
"You're just jealous," Lou says.
"Jealous of what?"
"That she's a natural blonde. "
Jane gasps and grabs her own naturally blonde hair … hair that gets a bit mousey in the winter and is no stranger to Sun-In. "How dare you?"
Millie, Parker, and I are laughing too hard for any of this to make sense to anyone outside of us.
But the good news is that Noah and Ava D's moms have turned away and are caught up in their own conversation. Probably about how bizarre we are.
The T-ball game continues in all its delightfully unathletic glory. Lottie is the only kid on the field who seems to take it seriously, much to her own dismay. She keeps trying to steal bases, which isn't allowed, and it hurts her feelings when the adults in the stands laugh at the kid shenanigans, like when her teammate is chasing a butterfly instead of the ball or when another teammate has a dirt fight with the first baseman when he should be running to second.
Our dugout is on the third base side of the field, but at some point over the last few minutes, someone on the first base side has started laughing at the kids a little too loudly. It's not the sweet kind of laughter from the other parents, either. It doesn't sound like this guy is laughing because the kids are cute. It sounds like he's laughing at them.
Millie looks like she wants to tear the guy apart, but she and Duke can't risk getting upset at a "Little League Dad" — the media devours any story about them being protective and twists it into them being unhinged, like they do with anyone. Duke pulls Lottie aside when she gets upset. The other kids don't notice, whereas a handful of the parentsare getting annoyed.
So is Rusty.
The set of his jaw tells me how frustrated he is, but it's the flexing of his hand that's new to me.
I debate going to tell the guy off — his laugh is so grating and obnoxious — but Rusty's hand flex distracts me. If Pride and Prejudice has taught me anything, it's the significance of a hand flex .
A couple of parents are in the dugout and helping on the field, so I don't feel bad sneaking into the dugout to check on Rusty.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Of course," he says. "Why wouldn't I be?"
All around us, little kids are taking drinks from their water bottles and grabbing their gloves to head out to the field.
He holds his clipboard against his side as he directs the kids to their positions. When they're on the field, he keeps his gaze on the kids. The parent volunteers head out to the field, too, leaving the two of us alone in the dugout.
"You seem upset at that hyena of a dad on the other team," I say. "Are you sure you’re okay?"
Rusty’s nostrils flare. "I don't like bullies." This feels like a confession, not a statement of fact. I wait, letting the silence stretch. "Arlo was a bully."
Emotion lodges in my throat. Rusty doesn't talk about his parents a lot. I’m sickened that I had no idea.
I haven't mentioned my bio dad to Rusty, but that's because he's a Facebook "friend" and nothing more. Rusty's dad lives in Sugar Maple. His parents work at Tripp's farm doing the fruit stands, like Rusty. Arlo is a permanent fixture in Rusty’s life. And he’s a bully ?
I’m almost berserk with anger. Flames must be coming out of my ears, because Rusty glances at me and his face softens.
"Hey, it's not a big deal,” he says, stroking my cheek with his thumb.
"It's a huge deal, Rusty. I'm sorry."
"Thanks."
I slip beneath the arm holding his clipboard and wrap my arms around his waist. The jerky dad on the other team starts laughing again when our players fall all over themselves to get the ball. "Can I go beat that guy up?"
"No, I got this. "
He kisses my temple before letting go of me and striding out of the dugout and around the back of the bleachers.
I rush out to follow Rusty, and I catch up with him right when he rounds the bleachers to find the Little League Dad.
Except, it's not a dad at all.
It's Philip.