Chapter Seven Ryan
Chapter Seven
Ryan
I stare after Artemis as she and Jenna leave to the bathroom. Jason stands beside me, pouring himself a cup of punch and swallowing it down.
He tosses the cup in the garbage before facing me. “Thanks for giving my sister an amazing night.”
I wouldn’t exactly call it that, but I’m trying my best, even if it might not seem like it.
I saw how disappointed she was when I walked away from our dance.
“Artemis is nice and fun. I don’t know why no one asked her.
” I think back to how she danced, having a good time and not caring what anyone thought of her.
It’s been a month since I had fun. I miss it like crazy, but I don’t think it’s right for me to be happy when I just lost my parents.
Heck, I don’t know I ever can be happy again.
“Yeah, she’s the family goofball,” Jason says with a laugh. “And we love her.”
I reach into my pocket, then remember I left it at home. “I’m going to return the money to you,” I tell him. “Your sister’s a great person and I don’t feel right getting paid to take her to the dance.” And if I want to be honest with myself, I kind of don’t regret coming here.
He nods. “Okay. I feel bad for paying you, too. But she really wanted to go to the dance with you.”
I still don’t know why, but I’m not going to ask.
We stand in silence, me watching the dancing kids and Jason searching for his girlfriend and sister. I wonder if Artemis is talking to her best friend about me.
No, why should I care? We’re together because of this dance. We can’t go further than that. I can’t go further than that.
“You’re a good person,” he says after a few minutes. “I wasn’t sure at first, honestly. But I’m glad Art went to the dance with you and not some other guy.” He smiles again.
I’m not a good person. If I were, my parents would be alive right now.
“Jason!” Jenna squeals, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his cheek. “I’m back. Let’s dance.” He lets her yank him to the dancing crowd.
Artemis gives me a small, shy smile. “I hope my brother didn’t tell you embarrassing stories about me when we were little. He gets a kick out of it.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s like a family joke, picking on the youngest.”
“No, no embarrassing stories.”
“Okay. Phew.”
She tucks some loose strands of hair behind her ear, but they pop right back out. I have this weird urge to twirl the strands around my finger, to feel just how soft her hair is. But I ball my hand into a fist.
“Want to dance?” She bites her lip. “Oh, right. You don’t like dancing.” She gazes at the other kids with longing and a bit of jealousy.
I step forward. “Sure, let’s dance.”
She slips her hand into mine as we make our way to the center of the gym. A spark shoots from my hand, zapping each and every part of me. I freeze for a second before shaking that off and leading Artemis to the dance floor.
A fast tempo song is on and the area is packed with kids shaking their bodies to the beat of the music.
Artemis and I face each other. She starts swaying her body around and I find myself slowly copying her. I probably look stupid, but right here and now, I don’t really care.
The next few songs are fast-paced and my partner and I are killing it.
Well, at least she is. I still feel as stiff as a board, but I hope she knows I’m having fun with her.
As much fun as someone like me can have, anyway.
The light she had in her eyes when we first got here disappeared, but it’s back now.
I’m glad I asked her here.
The music changes to a slow song and our bodies are once again practically fused together. She stares into my eyes and I stare into hers. They’re very beautiful. Green, like the color of fresh grass.
It’s not long before she lowers her head on my chest, her hair brushing against my nose. Her chest rises softly as she makes herself comfortable on me.
“This is perfect,” she says, so low I’m not sure she meant for me to hear it.
I shut my eyes as I rest my head on hers. On any other day, I might have let myself enjoy this. Heck, maybe I’d want to see where things could go between us. But I can’t. Just can’t.
She lifts her head, her eyes nearly piercing mine. “Ryan? Do you want to go to the festival with me tomorrow and Sunday?”
My arms drop from around her. This is what I was afraid of. Why I kept my distance. We can’t…I can’t…
Her eyes lower to my arms and confusion and a bit of pain fill her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I’m giving her the wrong message here. Slow dancing with her? Making her feel like something is happening between us? I shouldn’t. I can’t let it.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a second before building up the courage to face her. I slowly open them. “I…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
She steps away from me as if I’ve caught a contagious disease.
“Oh, okay.” She crosses her arms over her chest like she suddenly got cold.
“I get it.” From the look on her face, I know she definitely doesn’t get it.
And I don’t plan on explaining it. It’s just too hard.
I don’t want to delve into my feelings, or make sense of them.
It’s easier to just close myself off. It won’t hurt so much.
“Sorry,” I say, wishing I could erase that pained looked from her face. But I need to keep my distance. It’ll be better for both of us. “I think I’m going to head home. I’m really sorry, Artemis.”
I can feel her staring after me as I reach the doors and slip out. It’s kind of a long walk home, but I need time to clear my head, to convince myself I’m doing the right thing.
Artemis is a good person and deserves someone who will treat her right. Not a messed up guy like me.
I force my thoughts away from her as I make the journey to Grandma’s house. My thoughts shift to last month and my body fills with the terrible memories.
I drop down on a step of some random house and bury my face in my hands. All I see before me are the giant flames ravaging through our house, my parents yelling for help.
I tear my hands in my hair, holding back from growling as I force myself to rid the memories. Counting to ten seems like the only thing that works before I completely lose it.
When I’ve calmed down a little, I stand and continue the trek home.
Grandma’s sitting in the living room, watching one of those game shows.
She mutes the TV when I enter and motions for me to sit down beside her.
I really want to be left alone, but I already hurt one person today and don’t want to hurt another.
Especially because she’s trying so hard to build a relationship with me.
I drop down, staring at the gray carpet. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have agreed to take Artemis to the dance. I never wanted to hurt her.
Grandma gives me an encouraging smile. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes, though. I don’t think either of us are in the mood to really smile. Maybe that would change one day.
“Did you have a good time?” she asks.
I nod, blocking the fun memories from my mind. The more I think about it, the more I’d allow myself to feel things I shouldn’t. Artemis will see I’m not the right guy for her and will move on. And I’ll be alone, where I want to be.
“That’s good,” Grandma says. “You’re probably tired. Maybe you should turn in early.”
She doesn’t know I hardly sleep. I nod toward the TV screen. “That looks old.”
She laughs. “A game show from the seventies.” She unmutes the TV and we watch for a little bit, not saying much to one another.
My grandmother is really into this. It sucks that we don’t know each other, but a part of me is happy we’re strangers.
Like I keep telling myself, I’m happiest when I’m alone.
But at the same time, my grandma is the only family I have left. The only connection to my dad.
I don’t know how much time passes before my grandmother says good night and leaves to her room. I’m left with the TV on and a contestant jumping up and down because she won five thousand bucks.
I shut it and drag myself to my room. Grandma lives in a small house, with one floor, one bathroom, two bedrooms and a living/dining room. I’m used to it. Mom, Dad, and I never lived in luxury anyway. But that house was my home. Now it’s gone along with them.
I squeeze my fingers into fists as I grab my pajamas and head to the bathroom to shower. Then I’m lying on my bed, hands underneath my head as I stare at the wall.
Everything that happened this past month hits me at once, starting with the fire and ending with the dance.
I don’t let myself wander to the former.
It’ll just break me even more. So I think about Artemis and what it felt like to hold her in my arms. She was so soft and warm.
When we slow danced that first time, I forgot for a second who I was and what I’ve been through.
Then when that guy banged into us, it all came crashing down on me. It’s why I pulled away from her.
Same way I pulled away when she asked me go to the festival with her tomorrow. I should have never started with the whole dance thing. Now all I think about is how good it felt to hold her, be close to her. It’d be nice for me to…
I shove those thoughts away. No. I need to keep my distance. Need to forget about her.
***
I’m usually up all night because of the accident, but now I’m awake for another reason. And that’s all because of a girl with shiny brown hair and beautiful green eyes.
I don’t know why I can’t get her out of my head.
The hours pass and sunlight shines into my room. Time to get my butt out of bed and forget…whatever this weird feeling means.
It’s Saturday, an excuse to sleep in, but that’s the last thing I want to do. Grabbing my art stuff, I start on a new painting.
“Ryan? Do you want to go to the festival with me tomorrow and Sunday?” Artemis’s words ring in my head.