Chapter 16 Locke
sixteen
Locke
Iwas inexplicably nervous getting out of my car at the shelter.
The quiet road was blocked off, and there were nets at either end of the barricade.
People, most of whom were kids, milled about outside behind roadworks barriers.
Everyone was gathered at the far end, so I couldn’t quite see what was going on, but I was sure I’d soon find out.
As I approached the opening, the security guard blocked the entrance. I fished out the lanyard and volunteer pass that Kam had sent me and looped it around my neck. The guard smiled and moved aside.
“Hey, mate. Do you know where I can find Chris or Kam Minns?”
He gestured over his shoulder with his thumb. “Chris is in the midst of the kids, and Kam was inside, but I haven’t seen her recently.”
“Thanks. Appreciate it.”
I headed over to Chris and called out to him. He popped his head up and grinned. “Locke, you made it!” he said as he walked over to me, his smile still firmly in place. When the group let out a disappointed sigh, he said over his shoulder, “Give me a sec to say hello to my friend, kids.”
He stepped closer and gave me a backslapping hug, and I held him tight for a moment. Before it could get weird, I said, “I’ve been looking forward to this since you invited me.”
He looked good. Happy and full of smiles. The black jeans and sneakers he wore were casual, and his number seventeen jersey looked just as sexy on him without padding as with.
The crowd of younger kids were ignoring us, the excitement back in their tones as they talked animatedly about the game they were set to play. But a hush had fallen over the group of teenaged girls sitting off to the side. Then one squealed, and I winced, my ears ringing with the sound.
Chris closed his eyes and rubbed his ears. “Ouch. That happen often?”
“Sometimes.” I slid my hands into my pockets and shrugged, a little embarrassed that I’d caused a scene.
The excited rabble of girls descended like seagulls on an unattended serving of hot chips on the beach and spoke over one another, saying “Mr. Ledger,” “Locke,” and “Vigilante,” over and over, progressively louder.
A whistle from the sidelines had all of us looking up, and I couldn’t help my grin when I saw who it was.
There at the top of the stairs leading into the building was Kam, her hair pulled back in a bun and a hairnet covering her head.
She looked gorgeous wearing light blue jeans, ankle boots, and an apron over a bottle-green knitted jumper with the sleeves pushed up her arms. She lowered her hand from her mouth when everyone was silent and said, “Ladies, give Mr. Ledger some space, please.”
She trotted down the stairs with a grin on her face, and I read her apron. There were five stars on it with a quote that read, “Chef was cute would eat here again.” I chuckled and she hugged me tight. “Thanks for coming, Locke.”
“Thanks for the invitation. I just said to Chris that I’ve been looking forward to it.”
“We’re very glad to have you.” She patted my chest, turned to her husband, and said, “Lunch is about an hour away, so you’ve got plenty of time to run some games for the little kids.”
“Okay, baby.” He kissed her, and she grinned, then sashayed up the stairs again.
Chris went back to his gear bag, pulled out a whistle, and tossed it to me.
He held his arms out in front of him. “Two lines, kids.” Then he said to me, “We’ll organize them according to height.
We’ll do a couple of games for the little ones, then anyone who misses out can play in the afternoon.
I’ve got stickers and jerseys for all the kids too. ”
“I’ll hand out the jerseys if you like, then give the stickers out during lunch.”
He agreed, and I got to it, hunting through the bag he directed me to. It was filled to the brim with kids-sized jerseys from the littlest to the largest. I handed them to the kids that filed past me, took a photo of each one of them with Chris, and then he handed them a stick.
The next hour was chaos. There were excited kids running around, wielding their hockey sticks as weapons, and tennis balls flying everywhere.
I couldn’t believe someone hadn’t been smacked in the head yet, but it was early days.
Instead, there were smiles all around. Every single one of the little rug rats was grinning ear to ear in their too-big Seals’ jerseys.
They high-fived one another when they got a goal past Chris.
Even though we’d divided the teams equally, it soon turned into all of them against Chris, firing balls at him while he guarded the net.
We’d long given up trying to play an actual game and the score was an exaggerated bajillion to nil, but it didn't matter. The kids were having a blast.
I was almost disappointed when the announcement was made that lunch was being served. I helped Chris pack up the hockey sticks and tennis balls littered all over the bitumen, and we each grabbed a bag of stickers to pass out to the kids.
There were long tables with bench seats lined up on either side, and families gathered around them with delicious-smelling food piled on their plates.
I made my way along the rows, greeting everyone, taking selfies with them, and signing whatever they wanted.
It was good to be able to give back to the community, even with something as small as my time, but seeing all these women and children in the shelter was heartbreaking.
There was something wrong with society when people were forced for their own safety to flee partners who were supposed to love them.
“Locke, when you're done, Kam needs some help out the back.”
I moved over to him as he was hefting a tray of vegetables into place for the next serving. He placed it down, leaned in close, and whispered, “It doesn't seem like a lot, but you're doing good here.”
“It doesn't feel like enough. I'm looking around this room, trying to figure out where society went so wrong. These women and kids have fled dangerous situations that none of them deserved to be in.” I sighed, and Chris pressed his shoulder to mine as we walked back out of the way.
“That's why we help. We each do our bit to make the lives of the people around us better. We use our privilege and our voice to raise awareness and funds. Trust me, you've made a difference today.”
“You're good at this. Inspiring people, I mean.”
Chris smiled and gestured with a tilt of his head toward Kam, who was elbow deep in a bowl of mashed potato. “I had a good teacher.”
I got stuck into clearing plates and washing them.
But the moment there were enough kids finished their lunch, we were called back out.
The older ones were even more rambunctious than the littlies.
Proudly wearing their jerseys, they had no hesitation in crash-tackling Chris and me, trying to bring both of us down.
Chris handled it like a pro, setting up competitions between the kids, while I floundered.
Hours passed, and my cheeks were hurting from laughing so much, my feet were killing me, and I was a sweaty mess, but I'd had the best time. I collapsed, exhausted, onto the stairs, and Chris eased himself down next to me.
“I'm wrecked,” I admitted with a laugh.
“You're good with them,” Chris said.
I laughed and shook my head. “Nah, I was overwhelmed and completely unprepared. You were good with them.”
“Kids are easier than adults most of the time. There's no judgement, no criticism. They just want to have fun and be cared for,” Chris murmured.
I knocked my shoulder into Chris’s and gave him a small, sympathetic smile. “People can definitely suck.”
I watched as Chris nibbled on his lip and tapped his fingers on his knee. “You want to talk about it?” I asked.
“Huh?” He glanced at me, and I repeated the question.
His shoulders sagged as he exhaled, and he nodded. “What was it like for you coming out? How did you handle it? Was it hard?”
“Coming out to my family and friends was easier than I expected. My friends were all beach bums and skaters. The only thing they worried about was whether the waves were good or if they could skate. I was fourteen when the new kid started and, apparently, I had no chill hiding my attraction to him. He was keen to experiment, and whenever we got together, we were making out. More than one of our friends busted us. Then my mum did. She sat me down and told me that there were three rules I had to abide by when having sex, no matter who my partner was—always get consent, respect them and yourself, and always be safe. It didn’t matter who my partner was as long as I did those things.
” I smiled, remembering Jono’s horror at my mother having that conversation with me while he was lying shirtless on my bed.
“When I came to Hollywood, I didn’t tell anyone except my agent that I was bi.
He suggested not hiding but also not advertising it.
In other words, take women out on public dates, and—” I looked around, noticing all the young ears “—entertain men in private.
That got old very quickly, so I came out and prayed it didn't destroy my career.
I was lucky that I'd just landed my first big role and my coming out resonated with the audience for the movie.”
“Cool.” He nodded slowly, mulling over what I’d said.
“It's okay not to come out if you’re not ready—”
“Oh, no, I’m not gay,” he rushed to assure me. He held his hands up in a stopping motion and pressed on, saying, “I was just asking. You know, out of curiosity. I know a guy—one of my teammates came out recently—”
“I remember. Hux, right?”
“Yeah. It was better than he expected. There wasn’t as much bad press as he thought there would be. The fans still say shit every now and then, and there’s always a homophobe online saying we lost a game because Hux is queer—that sort of bullshit.”
He shrugged, but I saw straight through his facade. I’d seen him vulnerable and self-conscious before. But I couldn’t say a word, and it sucked. Big time.
“I was curious what your experience was.”
I nodded and plastered on a fake-arse smile while my heart cracked. “Yeah. Overall, it was okay.” I picked at an imaginary thread on my jeans and added, “It’s better that I’m out now, although I don’t get to go out in public with dates often. You know how it is—TMZ has a field day with that stuff.”
“You guys ready to head off?” Kam asked from behind us.
I pushed up off the stairs and wiped my hands on my jeans as I gave her a genuine smile. “I think so.”
“What are you up to for the evening, Locke?” Kam asked.
“I’ve got an early flight to New York tomorrow, so I need to head home and pack.” I shook Chris’s hand and kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks again for today. I had fun.”
“Thanks for being here. Have a safe flight,” Kam said with a smile.
They were parked in the opposite direction, so we said our goodbyes, and I trudged to my car.
The miles melted away under my tires as I made the drive north along the I-5, and the disappointment hit me like a sledgehammer.
I hadn’t wanted to leave, but my conversation with Chris had gutted me.
I hated leaving them like that. I wanted more.
I wanted to be with them, but tonight more than ever had made me realize it could never happen.
I just needed to hear their voices again to ease the ache.
I selected my private line and dialed their number. Kamirah picked up on the second ring. There was noise in the background, laughing and glasses clinking together. They’d obviously gone out after finishing up at the shelter.
“Hi, sweet thing,” I murmured.
“Hey, you. How are you? Happy Thanksgiving.” The background noise died down.
“You too. So, ah…”
“V?”
“Yeah,” I answered, my voice getting caught in my throat.
“Wish you were with us today. We spent the day with a friend at a shelter—”
“Are they okay?” I asked, hating the lie I was perpetuating.
“We were volunteering there. I was watching Chris and our friend play with the kids, and I wanted you to be there with us too.”
“I would have loved that,” I croaked. An invisible band tightened around my chest, and I desperately wanted to confess everything to them, right here and now.
“What are you doing now? Are you alone?” Chris asked before I could open my mouth and say something stupid.
“I am, but I’m heading home. I was out all day too.”
“We should head back inside,” Kam said gently.
“That’s okay,” I said, forcing as much perkiness into my voice as I could. “I was just calling to say Happy Thanksgiving. Let my pretty prey know I was thinking of you.”
“We were thinking of you too,” Chris admitted. “Night, V.”
“Good night, boy, sweet thing. Have fun.”
I hung up and exhaled slowly, banging my head back against the headrest. I groaned. I needed to walk away from them. But it was impossible.
I was going to do something stupid; I just knew it.