Chapter 6
Chapter Six
L ila
My heart is racing as I take the elevator down to the lobby. Had Max Spector really just stuck his thumb in my mouth and then sucked it? It was the most sensual non-explicit interaction I’ve ever had in my life and I cannot wait to tell someone. I also can't believe I lied and told him I have a boyfriend. I’m not sure if it was to protect myself from him or to stop myself from dropping to my knees and telling him I wanted to see if he was as big as his attitude said he should be.
I wait until I leave the building before I pull my phone out and call Zara. She answers on the second ring. Thank God for good friends.
"How did it go?" Her voice is soft, and for a couple of seconds I wonder if she knows what's just happened between my new boss and me. Does she have ESP? Am I so horny that I’m sending out signals to the city at large that I just had a made-for-TV X-rated moment? Okay, so maybe not X-rated, but at least PG-13. Parents would not want their kids witnessing what just occurred between Max and I.
My face burns like I’m standing next to a fire. Way too close to the flames. Maybe I should see it as a warning that I’m out of my comfort zone, but I’ve never been one to stay in my lane. A part of the reason why I love acting is that I love the drama of it all; now that it’s a part of my real life, I’m not sure how to feel.
Actually, that’s a bit of a lie. I feel exhilarated.
I am finally living a life that is worthy of a daytime soap opera.
“How did you...” My voice trails off as it suddenly strikes me that she's talking about the audition and not my walk on the wild side.
"Oh, not well," I say quickly. For some reason, I feel embarrassed to tell Zara that I didn’t go to the audition. I don’t want her to know that I let my nerves and fear get the better of me. I really wanted to pursue my dream of acting full-time, but my low bank account balance means that I can't just give myself entirely to that endeavor.
I suppose that's a sign that I'm a real adult now. It's a cold slap in the face as I realize that my livelihood is completely on me now. I have no backup plan. I need to make money. And it's not like I'm the only person in the world with a boss that I'm unsure about.
"I'm so sorry, Lila. I'm sure you'll get the next one."
"Oh, I didn't even audition," I say quickly, not wanting to be duplicitous. She is my best friend, after all. "The line was tremendously long, like, over 100 girls, all of whom really seemed to know the part well and... "
"You didn't audition?" Zara is silent for a couple of seconds. "But you really wanted that role. You were so excited. What happened, Lila?"
"I just didn't think I was going to get it. And there was the job fair I wanted to go to and... " I pause. "I just figured it was smarter for me to try and get a job before trying to audition for a role I didn't think I was going to get."
"If this is about money, Lila, I told you I will?—"
"No, Zara. No." I am emphatic. "I know you want to help me. I know that you want to be able to tell me that I can just focus on my acting. And as much as I would love that, a part of me would hate myself for it because I would feel like I didn't get there on my own. I would feel like I didn't?—"
"But you were there for me," she says softly. "When I needed you, you were there."
"And you've paid me back tenfold," I say. "I'm in my own little apartment now." I pause. "And it's really great."
"Lila, I know you like I know the back of my hand," Zara says. "Do you want to come and live with me and?—"
"No." I cut her off before she can finish. I know exactly what she's going to say, and while my life would be a lot easier, I know it isn't the path I want to take. Plus, I know Zara needs alone time with Jackson. They need to grow together without me all up in the business 24/7. No matter how much I miss her. "Yes, I'm lonely. I mean, I lived with you and Elise and the kids for ages, but I needed to take this step. I needed to be out in the real world by myself. I live in New York City and I've never really experienced everything there is to experience. I mean, we've had amazing times, but it was different, you know?"
"I know," she says softly, and I can hear slight disappointment in her tone. I know she misses me as much as I miss her. We were practically like twins for the last five years. It feels weird not waking up and chatting with her about life and goals and men. "I just worry about you."
"You don't need to worry about me. Trust me. If shit hits the fan and I can't pay my rent and I have nowhere to go, I will for sure be showing up on your doorstep."
"Okay," she says. "I love you."
"I love you too." I feel a bit emotional now. It's weird how much you can love a friend. And how much you can miss them when they no longer have a big role in your life. It's not like she's gone from my life, but now that she's engaged, she's moving forward. I'm no longer the first person she will come to about life events. It strikes me then that I feel a little bit heartbroken. I've never felt a bitter-sweet pain like this before. She's still in my life, but our relationship has shifted. "Guess what?" I lower my voice slightly because I don't want to be overheard by the other people walking down the street, just in case they know Max.
"What?" she asks excitedly, and I wonder if I'd been a bit too dramatic with my delivery.
"You are never going to believe this, but I am into something way over my head." I realize that my word choice is not optimal. I sound like a character in a movie that has just robbed a bank by mistake; if one can rob a bank by mistake, that is.
"What are you talking about?" She sounds confused.
"I got a job." My voice is still low.
"That's amazing! Congratulations, Lila. Wow. That was fast." She sounds more shocked than I feel. "Doing what, exactly?" she asks nervously, and I'm sure she's wondering if I'm somehow a paid escort or something and didn't realize it.
"It's at a law firm, but I kind of fucked up already."
"What do you mean you kind of fucked up? How can you fuck up in a couple of hours?" She pauses. "And what do you mean at a law firm? What are you doing at a law firm?"
"I'm an assistant to one of the partners." I say quickly. "But that's not how I fucked up."
"How did you fuck up, Lila?"
"I kind of asked my boss if he wanted to get into a dominant-submissive relationship with me.” I know I’m being overdramatic. The conversation hadn’t exactly gone that way, but in my brain it had been that bad.
"You did not." She screeches. "Oh my gosh, no way."
"I totally did. Well, I didn’t say those words exactly, but I may or may not have made the point to ensure he knew I wasn't that kind of woman, I said that I wasn't interested in taking any offers for one night." I groan as the memories hit me. I can still picture the smug look on Max's handsome face as we’d spoken.
"Lila, what is going on? Did he offer you something to sleep with him for one night? Is that why he gave you the job?"
"He didn't offer me anything." I say quickly, "I just...he gets me so flustered.” The fact of the matter is that the conversation hadn’t been as bad as I was remembering, but…
"What do you mean he gets you flustered?" Zara sounds bemused. "Is this someone we know? Oh my gosh. You're not working for Hank, are you?" She says his name distastefully and I can't help but giggle. Hank is a guy I kind of went on a couple of dates with and made out with a couple of times. He's an actor that I met when we starred in a play together. He was extremely condescending to me and Zara had hated him. I hadn't really liked him that much either, but I thought if the play took off, well, it would be kind of cool if we were together. I had been wrong on all accounts. Being with him hadn't been cool and the play had been a dud. In fact, it had been canceled within a week.
"Lila." Zara sounds worried. "Please tell me you haven't let that weasel, Hank, worm his way back into your life."
"It's not Hank. His name is Max. Max Spector."
"Max?" she says slowly. "So you're working for an attorney named Max?" She pauses. "He's got you flustered and may or may not have offered you money to be his sub?"
"He didn't offer me anything." I groan. "Let's just say, I got caught up in a comment he made and maybe I overreacted and had verbal diarrhea, but trust me when I say, he's not into me like that. To be quite honest, I'm not even sure why he hired me."
"You're his assistant right? You didn't get hired as an attorney or anything."
"No! Of course not." I giggle. "Though, could you imagine how much money I'd be making? I'd be a baller, shot caller."
"Thank God for that. I didn't want to have to bail you out of jail for fraud. I know how you like to act sometimes, and I wasn't sure if you pretended you were an attorney to get a job. I could just picture you on the news and me standing by your side and?—"
"My gosh, you have an overactive imagination, Zara," I say, though her concern isn't far from the truth. Max had heard me going on about being the best paralegal in The City. Though, he knew those had been only words from a script. "But no, I'm just his personal assistant. I'm not even his legal secretary or paralegal because I told him I don't really have experience and my number one concern in life is to be an actress."
There's silence on the other side of the phone. "And he hired you after hearing all that?"
"I know," I say. "I'm kind of in disbelief as well. That's why I said I'm not interested in being his submissive or signing any nondisclosure agreement for any sort of kinky goings-on. I don't really know why he hired me."
"You sure he's not trying to get into your pants?"
"No, but I doubt he'd need to hire me to try and get some. He's really good looking. Like, super tall, big blue amazing eyes that you could just take a deep dive and drown in. He has this dark blond silky hair that only models have. And he's tan and he's fit and...oh my gosh, I should quit, shouldn't I?" My stomach churns as I realize that I'm extremely attracted to Max Spector. He's an arrogant asshole, but there's also a spark to him that intrigues me.
"Well, you literally just got the job," she says. "So I don't even know if you have to quit. You can just not go back if you think there is more than a job offer going on here."
My heart thuds at the thought of never seeing Max again. "But I want to go back. I even met a really cool girl and she's most probably going to be working there as well."
"How did you meet a cool girl already?"
"Skye is her name and she was going to the audition, but she decided she didn't want to audition either because she also needed money. So she came with me to the law firm and she's also got me a weekend job so I don't even have to work at the law firm that long, even though I'll be dancing and popping out of cakes maybe, but—" I take a deep breath as the words tumble out of my mouth incoherently.
"Slow down, Lila. I have no idea what you're talking about. You're going to be popping out of cakes? For the law firm? Are you sure this is a real firm?"
"No," I say slowly. "My new friend Skye told me about another job she can help me to get. She works bachelor parties on the weekends and?—"
"What? No way! You're not going to be a stripper. Lila, I'm not going to let you be a stripper. I will make you take money from me and Jackson."
"No, she doesn’t strip. We’d just dance around. It's nothing sordid, I promise." I cross my fingers behind my back because in all actuality I have no idea exactly what will occur, but I'm willing to try it at least once.
"How do you know it's not sordid? You've never even done it." Zara is too smart for her own good.
"Because I trust Skye and she said it's not dirty like that and you trust me and my intuition, right?"
"Yeah. What's trust got to do with anything though?"
"If I get to one of the parties and they're expecting me to give a naked lap dance, I will leave."
"But why do you even need to do this other job if you're working at a law firm now? I'm so confused."
"I'm working at the law firm because I need money and it pays well, but I don't really think I'm going to like the job because Max, my new boss, is really annoying. Even though he's good looking, he's really condescending and he already drives me up the wall."
"But you just met him."
"I know, but again, I don't know why he hired me. I think he thinks I'm crazy. But I really don't think he wants me for sex because I don't think he needs any woman for sex because he can get any woman wants."
"He’s that good looking, huh?"
"He's gorgeous," I say, sighing. "Even better looking than Jackson or Ethan."
"Really?" She shakes her head in disbelief. "You think he's better looking than my very-good-looking fiancé?” She leans forward and raises her eyebrows while studying my face. I can tell that she’s trying to figure out if I’m joking or not.
"I mean, yes, but that's why he's your fiancé and not mine."
"Touché," she says. "So you have no idea why he hired you?"
"I don't know why. Maybe he felt sorry for me, or maybe he's attracted to me a little, or maybe he really does want a dominant-submissive relationship with me and he's just not admitting it."
"Girl, you need to stop reading those romance books." Zara bursts out laughing. "Your mind is in the gutter."
"It's not my fault! It's TikTok. At least I'm not obsessing over a stalker or a serial killer that wants to make me his next victim/lover."
"Girl, I never understood why people would actually want a stalker. Like, what about this is romantic? Oh, is that you hiding behind my house and sneaking into my bathroom to watch me shower and killing every delivery man that comes to bring me food? No, I don't think that's weird. Thank you for loving me so much."
"Zara," I giggle. "You're awful."
"I just think standards for men have really gone downhill if that's what women want."
"It's not that we want that, we just don't want these fuckboys that seem to be occupying the dating pool these days."
"Not every sane man is a fuckboy, Lila."
"You're only saying that because you have the world's best boyfriend. Single women like me, we want an adventure. We want a fantasy. We want someone to grab us and pull us to the side of the room and run their fingers down our bodies and kiss our necks, and—" I pause as I realize that there's an old man walking next to me who is obviously listening to my conversation.
He winks and flicks something off of his top lip before saying, "I'll kiss you all over, Kiki."
I blush and shake my head before quickening my step. "Anyway, maybe I shouldn't be having this conversation as I'm walking down the street."
"Why are you walking down the street if you just got a new job?" Zara's back to sounding confused.
"Because my boss wants me to get him a bagel and a coffee."
"What?"
"He says it's part of the job." I wrinkle my nose. "He was kinda rude, if I'm honest, but then again I was going on a bit about my audition and then accusing him of wanting me to sign an NDA and have his wicked way with me." I pause. "I'm kind of a hot mess, right now, Zara. What am I doing with my life?" I wail. All of a sudden I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. "What am I doing? Is this all a big mistake?" I bite down on my lip and stop next to a light pole and lean against it. My breath is coming quickly and I realize that I'm having a mini anxiety attack. Everything in my life has been changing so quickly and I feel like I'm completely in over my head. I'm not used to so much change so quickly.
"I feel lost, Zara." My voice cracks. "What am I doing?"
"Where are you? Do you want me to come and get you?" She sounds concerned. "Lila, you are not alone. Please, let me be here for you."
"I'm okay." I take a couple of deep breaths and blink away the tears threatening to form. "I am overwhelmed, but also a little excited. I have no idea what I have to be excited about, but I am. Why am I such a hot mess?"
"What would life be like if we weren't hot messes?" she asks softly, and I can tell she's still worried. "So you think this Max guy is cute, huh? Because I have to believe that's the main reason you've decided to take this job."
I want to deny it, but I can't.
"He's really cute. But it would be totally unprofessional of me to date him, or even sleep with him."
"So you're already thinking of doing the dirty with him?"
"I mean I would be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind that he would be amazing in bed." I lick my lips as I whisper. "But he's my boss and he's totally inappropriate. And?—"
"Girl, he may be your boss, but you don't think you're going to be working there for long, why not have some fun?"
"I totally cannot come on to this man. It would be so wrong."
"See if he comes on to you."
"I mean, he was looking at my legs a lot and I noticed him checking out my chest."
"Well, who wouldn't? You're gorgeous, Lila."
"Do you think it would be absolutely crazy of me to seduce him?"
"Um no. It would be crazy of you to seduce him if you actually wanted to keep this job forever. But you don't. Why not have some fun with it?" She pauses. "As long as you know what you're getting yourself into."
"What do you mean?"
"Only do this if you're just looking for a good time."
"You know I'm not the sort of girl that just looks for a good time, Zara." I sigh. "Though, I don't think Max looks for anything other than a good time."
"I think you just need to get out there and have some fun."
"So you're saying I should seduce my new boss?" I grin into the phone. The possibility sounds fun. I've never actually set out to seduce anyone, but then again, I've never had the instant attraction that I do with Max. I'm just not sure that I would be successful at it.
"I'm saying if the opportunity presents itself for you to have fun and make a little money, then you should do it."
"Even if he annoys the shit out of me?"
"If you want to get him to shut up, sleeping with him is certainly one way to make it happen," she says, laughing.
"I think he wants to get me to shut up. He will not know what's coming. I might be way too much for him. You should have seen the way he looked at me when I was like, 'I'm not going to sign the NDA to sleep with you.' He thinks I'm crazy."
"But he hired you. Maybe he wants a little bit of crazy in his life."
"Maybe," I say and think back to the events of the morning. "There's obviously something about me that he finds intriguing, right?"
"Girl, there has to be. Maybe he's looking for you to rock his world. I think every man needs his world rocked every now and again. You just have to make sure to protect your heart. You have to know exactly what it is you're looking for from him. Because you know how men can be."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, he might want some sex, but it doesn't mean it's going to lead to a relationship."
"Oh, I don't want a relationship with him. He would get on every one of my last nerves. He seems like he's so serious and full of himself. And you know, as an actress, I need to be with a creative man that stimulates me, not some boring attorney."
"Hmm, but you want to sleep with a boring attorney and have boring vanilla sex?"
"He's hot and his eyes are smoldering. Maybe Mr. Vanilla can still rock my world. I mean, if I decide to go for it. I'll see how I feel after a few days of working for him."
"So is that his nickname then?" Zara asks. "Mr. Vanilla?"
"Why not?" I ask, thinking of Max's muscular body. It's a better nickname than "Sex On Legs," and one that won't make me want to picture him without clothes on half of the time. "Anyway, I better go. I'm sure he's waiting on his coffee and bagel and I don't need to get fired on my first day. Talk to you later, Zara."