Chapter 48
I was going to sell the house and move with Holly to Hull, or Brighton, or maybe even back to London and be close to Jen.
But then we realised that now Max isn’t here, we actually love Brookford. Scarlett and Holly have become true best friends. Scarlett spends more time at our house than she does at her own, and her parents don’t seem to notice. But for Holly, it’s almost like having a sister.
Diana and I have had a coffee after all, and in fact we’re becoming good friends too.
It turned out that all the pressure Diana was putting on me about Gregory actually came from her husband.
They’re divorcing. Thank God, because he was physically violent towards her.
He had delusions of grandeur when it came to Gregory.
And Diana was just trying to keep him happy.
And when she couldn’t, he beat her up. I understand her desperation to push Gregory so much better now.
So I asked for my job back, and Mike said yes.
We did sell the house, and we bought another smaller one with a large garden. Everything is new. The furniture, the paintings, the photographs, even the plates. It was my idea. I wanted a clean slate.
Teri is in prison, the same one I was at, awaiting trial. The police are keeping us up to date, and they are confident she will be found guilty of murder. The evidence against her is, we’re told, overwhelming.
I am unpacking boxes when that song comes on: ‘Summer After You’.
I look at Holly. She doesn’t react. But this was the song that was playing the day she killed her father. The song which triggered this chain of events and almost destroyed us. But it’s so strange. That day, she had such a strong reaction to it. Now, she seems completely oblivious.
‘Are you all right, Holly?’
She looks up. ‘Yeah, why?’
‘No reason.’
…That was ‘Summer After You’ by The Daylights – feels like yesterday, but it was actually one of the biggest tracks of 2016. Ten years ago this summer…
I don’t feel well suddenly. I repeat the words in my head. One of the biggest tracks of 2016…
‘Holly?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Did you hear that?’
She looks at me. ‘What?’
‘That song.’
‘What about it, Kate? You’re being weird.’
‘Holly, that’s the song that was playing when your father drove the car into a tree.’
She stops. ‘Oh, yeah. That’s right.’
‘But it wasn’t out then.’
She stares at me, then turns a little pale. ‘Yes it was. I remember it. I heard it.’
‘You couldn’t have. The accident was in 2015, but the song came out in 2016. He just said so.’
She presses her lips together. Her mouth trembles.
‘What the hell, Holly?’
‘I couldn’t handle it anymore.’
‘What?’
‘I couldn’t do it anymore. I hated him so much.
I’d been thinking about killing him for a whole year – about how I’d do it.
And I thought I would do it like that. In front of you.
With a knife. I looked it up, anonymously.
I knew exactly where to stab him. I planned how I would do it.
I would bring up my mother, the accident, and he would lose it. And he did. Like I knew he would.’
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. And yet I remember thinking that day, that’s funny. Holly is cutting an apple for herself. She never normally eats fruit unless I force it on her.
She’s waiting for me to say something, her bottom lip wobbling, but my thoughts are jumbled.
‘Are you saying that you thought this through?’ I say finally. ‘That you killed him on purpose. That you set me up?’
‘No! It wasn’t like that!’
‘But you made sure to kill him in front of me.’
‘Because I had no choice, Kate. I needed someone to help me get rid of him after I killed him! I knew I couldn’t just kill him and expect to get away with it. But I thought, if you were there when it happened, you’d help me.’
‘Oh my God! Holly! You can’t be serious!’
She bites her bottom lip. ‘I’m sorry.’
I put a hand on my chest. I’m finding it hard to breathe.
All this time, I thought it was some kind of impulse.
She couldn’t help it. She felt so threatened that she lost control.
And now she’s telling me that she planned this.
And it happened exactly the way she wanted.
She provoked him so she could kill him and make it look like it was almost accidental, because she knew I would help her get rid of the body.
‘Did your parents really have an argument in the car?’
She shakes her head. Her mouth turns down.
‘So, it was true? You really did reach for a drink?’
She nods. Her bottom lip trembles.
‘And Saskia was asleep? Without her seatbelt?’
‘I think so. That’s what I was told.’ Then in a whisper, she adds, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You’re sorry? You set me up! I went to jail for you. I was almost tried for murder!’
She brushes a tear away. ‘I wouldn’t have let that happen.’
‘Oh, wouldn’t you? You sure about that? Because you let everything else happen.’
‘I wouldn’t have – I swear to God.’
‘I don’t even know what to believe, Holly.’
‘I’m really sorry.’ She stares at me, her eyes full of tears. ‘What are you going to do?’ She looks terrified.
I think about this for a moment. ‘Nothing,’ I say finally, tearing off strips of packing tape from a cardboard box. ‘I’m not going to do anything. But I never want to hear another word about it, do you hear me? This conversation never happened. Are we clear?’
She nods.
‘Not a single word, Holly.’
She walks up to me and puts her arms around me, her head on my shoulder. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘I hope so.’
‘Do you want to go and get pizza?’
‘Maybe later.’
She nods. ‘I promise you, Kate,’ she whispers. ‘I’ll never, ever say a word about this to anyone. Ever.’
I stop what I’m doing and press my fingers against my eyelids. I think of Lily, how she used to put her head on my shoulder just like Holly is doing now. I think of how much I miss her. I think of what I would give to have her back.
But I can’t have her back. She’s gone. I take a breath. I may have lost Lily, but I didn’t lose Holly. And if I look deep into my heart… I’m glad that Max is dead.
I push the box away. ‘Come on. Let’s go and get pizza.’