Chapter Fourteen If Not For You #2
For all the years he’d spent trying to be unknowable, unreadable, Kenny never stopped looking.
Never stopped knowing. And now he was doing it to himself.
Turning the mirror inward. Naming the things Aaron had only ever guessed at in moments when Kenny’s hand would tighten on his wrist, or his voice would drop and Aaron would go soft without meaning to.
And it didn’t feel clinical. Or rehearsed. It felt real
“I’ve had partners who wanted that control and dominance from me.
Asked for it, needed it. Others didn’t. Some found it too much.
Too intense. And I understood that. But with you…
it’s different. You don’t need me because you’re fragile.
You’re not. You’re the strongest person I know.
But you’ve spent your whole life in survival mode.
Always scanning for threats. Always armoured up.
Always dragging the broken bits left behind by other people’s damage. ”
Kenny pulled him in tighter, warm breath filtering over Aaron’s ear.
“And I see you. The fire, the claws, the way you bare your teeth when the world leans in too close. That’s what kept you alive. It’s what made you fierce. But it also means you’ve never had a place to rest. Not in a way that felt safe.”
Aaron bit his lip, understanding more than he expected to. Almost believing.
“To feel safe,” Kenny said, “you have to let go of something. Not because you’re giving up.
Or because you’re weak. But because real surrender is trust. And when you hand that part of yourself to me, when you choose to, what you’re really saying is, ‘I trust you not to break me.’ And I don’t take that lightly. Not for a second.”
He stroked his fingers down Aaron’s arms.
“And I know this scares you. The meaning. What it might say about you if someone else knew. But no one else gets to know. You can still be fierce and impossible and ‘touch me and die’ out there in the world. That’s yours. It always will be. And I love that part, too.”
He then dropped his voice to a whisper.
“But in here? With me? You don’t have to fight. You don’t have to brace. You can lay it down. For a little while. And I’ll carry it. Because I want to. Because I can. Because I love you.”
Something inside Aaron cracked.
Quietly. Finally.
He trembled with the echo of release, nerves shot to hell, muscles throbbing with overuse, but his chest ached for more.
More of Kenny. This impossibly perfect man holding him together from the inside out.
So he turned in Kenny’s arms and kissed him.
Messy. Desperate. Not because he had anything left to give, but because Kenny had become the only place in the world where he could fall apart and not be ruined by it.
His mouth moved without thought, clinging with lips and teeth and breath, clawing weakly at Kenny’s chest as if they could hold him there, tether him in place.
I’ll never walk away. Promise me you won’t either.
Maybe it was unhealthy.
Co-dependent.
Self-sabotage in a neat little package.
Aaron couldn’t have given less of a fuck.
He’d been trained to want this. To need someone to control him and adore him.
And Kenny did. He felt it in the way he kissed him back, as if Aaron hadn’t come four times already just by the use of his hand and mouth and sultry voice, as if every kiss was first and only and absolute.
Aaron climbed into Kenny’s lap on instinct. His limbs barely obeyed him, but his body knew where to go. Where it was safe. His thighs bracketed Kenny’s, weight slumping down as he folded into him. Loose-limbed. Raw.
“Fuck me.” He nibbled on Kenny’s earlobe. “Or make love. Whatever. Take me. Own my body the way you own my mind. Please.”
Kenny smiled, that soft ache in his eyes. “Think you’re ready?”
“You tell me.” Aaron didn’t know. He only knew he didn’t want this to end. Not yet.
Kenny kissed him. Then, “Turn around.”
Aaron did, breath sharp in his throat, still thrumming with aftershocks.
He moved on instinct. Straddling Kenny, then crawling forward on all fours over him, spine dipped, arse high facing Kenny, thighs trembling against him.
He didn’t care how submissive he looked.
He wanted to be used. Needed it. Especially when he glanced down between Kenny’s legs, and there was Kenny’s cock, thick and flushed, resting against his thigh like a threat and a promise.
Too big. Not hard enough. And still somehow more than Aaron could want.
From behind, Kenny spread him with calm authority, parting his arse cheeks wide with his thumbs, and when his tongue dragged over his hole, wet, warm, filthy, Aaron fucking sobbed.
But Kenny didn’t let it run away. He pulled him back when he closed his hand around that thick cock Aaron gazed at, gave it a few firm tugs until it swelled and grew another inch of menace, stroking it into the full, greedy hardness Aaron ached for.
And with the head glistening, Kenny eased it into Aaron’s mouth.
He took him in one slow glide, lips stretching wide, throat flexing to accommodate.
Saliva dripped as he gagged once, then found the rhythm, choking on Kenny’s cock while Kenny tongued him from behind.
Slick circles, then sharp, focused thrusts pushing inside him.
Aaron groaned around the length in his mouth, the vibration making Kenny hiss above him.
And fuck, he loved this. Being opened from both ends.
Filled with the taste of him, the heat of him, every inch of himself given over to Kenny’s hands. Kenny’s mouth. Kenny’s control.
Then came his fingers.
Kenny slid the first one in without resistance. Aaron was too busy deepthroating to process the stretch, too far gone to do anything but moan around the cock in his mouth and pushed back into him. He needed to be opened. Used. Wrecked. Nothing else made sense anymore.
The second finger followed. A curl. A press. A purposeful stretch that had his hips jerking and cock leaking onto Kenny’s belly below.
“There you go.” Kenny’s voice behind him was like velvet over granite. “Fuck, look at you…So good, baby. So fucking good.”
Aaron whined around him, drool spilling from the corners of his mouth. He was gone. Fully. Helplessly. Beautifully gone.
And Kenny hadn’t even fucked him yet.
When Aaron pushed back, Kenny steadied him with a firm grip on his hip.
“Easy.” Kenny pulled his fingers free, and with his other hand, slipped his cock from Aaron’s mouth. The wet pop that followed was obscene. Filthy and perfect. Kenny tapped his thigh. “Off. Come here.”
Aaron obeyed, dazed and breathless, crawling over Kenny’s legs, onto his knees beside him. Kenny caught his face, swiping his thumb through the slick mess on his chin, wiping it away with a tenderness making Aaron’s stomach twist tighter.
“Lie down.”
Aaron did.
Collapsed into the sheets, arms open, body loose and waiting.
Kenny rose to his knees, took hold of Aaron’s ankles, and dragged him down the bed in one smooth pull, until his arse was flush to Kenny’s thighs. Then he hooked Aaron’s legs up over them, opened him wide, and reached for the lube. Slicking his cock, his eyes never left Aaron’s.
Then he shifted forward, lining himself up, the swollen head of his cock pressing hot and heavy to Aaron’s entrance. “You ready for me, baby?”
Aaron nodded, a tiny jerk of his head. “Need you in me, lover. Lemme feel you.”
“Tell me if anything’s too much.”
“Just… give it to me.”
So Kenny did. Slowly. Carefully. Every inch a claim. Every stretch a reminder of what Aaron had offered and what Kenny would never take for granted.
The first push made Aaron gasp. His body wanted it even as it fought to adjust. It hurt, a little, but it told him he was alive.
Said this is real. Kenny’s hand never left him.
His touch grounded, circling Aaron’s thigh, his stomach, his ribs.
And inch by inch, Kenny sank into him. Until he was full.
Split open and anchored and whole. Aaron clung to him, nails digging into his shoulders, breath coming in broken gasps as he whispered Kenny’s name.
“That’s it,” Kenny breathed, voice cracking with restraint. “God, you take me so fucking good.”
They held there. Joined. Still.
Aaron didn’t want to move. He wanted to feel. The pressure. The heat. The stretch. The way Kenny’s body filled every part of him. It wasn’t just sex. It never had been. Not between them. It was… completion.
Then Kenny rocked. Gentle. Measured. Pulling halfway out, then easing back in.
Aaron met his rhythm with shallow gasps and slack thighs, melting beneath every thrust. And as Kenny dipped down to him, Aaron kissed him.
Wet. Uncoordinated. Desperate. And Kenny kissed him back as if they had all the time in the world.
Then Kenny lifted him. One fluid motion.
Arms around Aaron’s waist, Aaron wrapping his legs instinctively around Kenny’s hips, flinging his arms around his neck as he was pulled upright and held there, straddling him, joined so deep it felt impossible to know where one of them ended.
And in that closeness, they found their rhythm again.
Chest to chest. Heart to heart. Breath to breath.
Tears spilled before Aaron knew they were coming.
Hot. Silent. Not from pain or fear, but from the unbearable tenderness of it all.
He moved because he had to. Because Kenny was there and he needed him, needed this.
He used Kenny’s shoulders for leverage and rolled his hips down with shuddering purpose.
“That’s it, baby,” Kenny moaned. “Take what you need from me.”
And Aaron did.
Even when it was almost too much. Even when every brush of skin made him tremble. Every inch felt stripped bare and overstimulated and open.
He didn’t want to stop.
Didn’t want to be anywhere else.
Wanted Kenny inside him. Around him. With him. For as long as his body could take it.
“Fuck, you’re amazing.” Kenny adjusted their position, easing them both back down onto the bed without separating. “So fucking perfect for me.”
“I can feel you everywhere.” Aaron bit Kenny’s shoulder. God, he was wrecked. Trembling. “Fuck…” Aaron tipped his head back, exposing his throat. “I feel full of you.”
“You are.” Kenny kissed Aaron’s throat, nuzzling into him. “I’m staying there. Not going anywhere. It’s too good. So fucking good for me.”
Aaron curled his fingers at the base of Kenny’s neck, babbled, “You feel so fucking deep…”
“I can stop.” Kenny kissed along Aaron’s jaw. “Go slower?”
Aaron tightened his arms around his neck, holding him close. “No,” he breathed. “Don’t stop. I want you. So fucking badly. I want you to come.”
Kenny groaned. Then he sped up. Fucking Aaron.
Thrusts smooth and fluid, gentle but landing.
Enough to drag that edge back, and he splayed his hands over the back of Aaron’s thighs, spreading him wide and watching himself disappear and reappear from Aaron’s body.
His release built low and hot, winding tighter with every shallow thrust and Aaron shivered knowing it was coming.
Even after four orgasms, he was close again.
Sensitive. Needy. And Kenny eased up on his knees, taking Aaron’s cock and working him in synch with his thrusts.
“Come for me again. One more. Five, baby. Want to feel you come around me. You can do it. I know you can. For me.”
Aaron whined and it only took a few strokes, the barest friction over slick, swollen skin, for him to snap.
“Fuck.” He gasped, arching from the bed, a guttural cry ripping from him as he came, pulsing over his own fist, muscles clenching around Kenny’s cock with every wave.
“Good boy.” Then Kenny grabbed Aaron’s hips, slammed himself into him and came, orgasm spilling inside Aaron as he collapsed onto his chest
Aaron gripped his hair, yanking his head back. “Kiss me.”
Kenny did.
And it wasn’t about hunger anymore.
Nor sex.
It was everything else.