Chapter 17
LANEY
" C hrist!" I throw my hand over my heart and stop dead in my tracks on the side of the road.
Bending down, I grab my knees to recenter myself after being spooked half to death by the deer that just darted out in front of me on my morning jog.
I'm not a runner; the most athletic I'd been growing up was dancing on the drill team, and I only did that to be with Sydney.
I've never been drawn to working out. However, something about the open countryside and the crunch of loose gravel under my feet has my thoughts untangling.
The weight of my problems feels manageable, and the rhythmic, steady beat of my heart almost sounds like natural meditation.
Right now, I need to quiet the noise more than ever.
I have so many things to sift through, and I don't know where to begin.
I knew there was a possibility I'd run into London when I agreed to work with Madison's horse, and when I left Fairfield, I was prepared for that possibility.
I had even run through possible scenarios of how to bring up the past and what had brought him here, and while I know even the best laid plans can turn to shit, I studied.
I thought I knew what cards he would pull, and I was ready to hit back and demand answers.
What I didn't see coming was the part where he acted like he still cared or, even worse, was hurt.
At that moment, I was taken aback, and then I was mad, and because of that, I threw up my walls.
I tossed and turned all night, thinking about how all of this could simply be one big devastating miscommunication.
I understand why London needed to disappear, to hide—but severing connections with those who matter most to live a life in exile? That's the part I cannot reconcile.
He made his choices believing they served everyone's best interests, but the flip side of those decisions is trusting your friends and having faith that the people you care about will understand. He could have confided in me, in Fisher, in Sydney… We all would have stood by him unwaveringly.
I've also considered that miscommunication might be the least of my worries.
Misunderstandings can be rectified, but regret is a different matter.
It lingers, remaining constant, until the person holding onto it decides to let it go.
It's the regret I believe he harbors for me that eats me alive.
I'm the reason he had to leave to begin with, but how dare he make me the villain.
It may have been his knife that made the fatal blow, but I'm the one who wielded it.
He stole my crime, pushed me away, and now blames me for the life he chose. I never would have asked him for this.
"Damn it." I kick a rock and put both my hands atop my head.
The distinct sound of a horse snorting has me whipping around. "It's kismet that we keep running into each other this way," Trigg says, slowly riding his horse out of the grove along the road.
"I'm not sure that's the word I would use for trespassing," I say, dropping my hands to my hips. "You must be the reason I almost got trampled by a deer."
"So, that's the reason for your delightful greeting," he mocks. "Well, I'm very sorry for spooking a deer. I assure you I did not instruct him to mow you down."
I roll my eyes. "Whatever." I came out here to clear my head, not clutter it by giving more time to another Hale.
"Just stay on your own property, and you won't be liable for any collateral damage due to your trespassing.
" I know I ran farther than last time, but there's at least a mile or two between where I stand and the Hale property.
He chuckles as I pull my foot to my rear and stretch out my thigh muscles before preparing to take off. "Technically, this is my property."
I drop my foot and squint as I look at the land.
I work with the horses on the back half of the property, away from the stables where the racehorses and breeding mares are kept.
On the second day of working with Pria, I took her for a ride along the perimeter to explore and determine her temperament. I know he's lying.
"I'm not in the mood for head games today, Trigg. I need to get back to Fairfield and get ready for my shift."
"Hey, I'm sorry about the other day. I wasn't trying to blow you off, but I had to take that call," he tries to explain, and I start jogging.
I'm not mad at Trigg, though I didn't love riding back to Fairfield with my ex-boyfriend's new girl.
It didn't matter that I was the only one in the car aware of the relationship; it was still uncomfortable.
The entire way back, I analyzed her every move, her scent, her laugh and compared myself to everything she is and all I will never be.
And then, when I came home, it was more of the same.
Girl talk used to be a safe space, but right now, it's just another space to be reminded of all I've worked so hard to let go of.
I just need a minute to myself to hear my own thoughts.
"You're upset. Let me make it up to you," he says, riding alongside me, his horse walking as I run at a slow and steady pace.
I ignore him in hopes that he'll give up, and I can return to the peace I had found prior to him spooking that damn deer, but then he says, "Unless you'd rather go dress shopping and watch your best friend marry my brother.
" His words make my heart stumble in sync with my feet, and I lose my balance, tumbling into the grass.
"Whoa." He dismounts the horse. "Are you okay? "
"What does it look like to you?" I say as I huff a strand of hair out of my face. "What makes you think I care?" I say irritably.
"You mean besides the fact that you fell over when I mentioned Dallas marrying someone else?" I scowl, hating how my body once again betrays me. "I know he means something to you."
"Yeah?" I say, brushing my palms together to rid them of the dirt. "And how would you know that?"
He extends his hand toward me. "Let me give you a ride, and I'll tell you."
We never did circle back to the talk he promised we'd have, and the fact that London told me his uncle Baylor is the only one who knows who I am and what happened all those years ago tells me I need to get on that horse.
From the few interactions I've had with Trigg, he seems nice enough, and London didn't give me any reason to believe he's an enemy.
But if he's digging into our past, I want to know why.
London saved me last time. Maybe this is how I save him.
"Fine," I concede, taking his hand.
He helps me up, and I wince when I put weight on my right ankle. "What hurts?" he asks quickly, shouldering my weight.
"My ankle. I may have twisted it. I just need some ice, and I'll be fine."
"Then we'd better get you home," he says before helping me onto his horse. "This is Knickers, by the way."
He stabilizes me as I awkwardly try to put my foot in the stirrup while not putting too much weight on my rolled ankle.
We're a mess of limbs for all five seconds, but it doesn't go unnoticed that he was careful about where he placed his hands, never touching me inappropriately, even though it would have made my ascent easier.
Once I'm up, I scoot back, giving him enough space to hop on.
With both of us on, Knickers shifts beneath us as Trigg carefully guides her forward, his hands steady on the reins before turning us around.
"What are you doing? Fairfield is the other direction. "
"I know, but we're closer to the ranch, and you're injured. While I'm not particularly fond of my brother at the moment, I don't care to hear about this later."
Wait. My stomach drops. So, Londondoestalk about me with his brother, despite looking me straight in the eye yesterday and insisting otherwise.
Not only do I come up in their conversations, but apparently, I "get under his skin" enough for Trigg to notice and comment on it.
I file this revelation away. There's something both validating and terrifying about knowing I still affect him, that I'm not as erased from his world as he pretended.
But I can't process that right now, not when I'm already struggling to breathe normally just knowing he's living three miles down the same winding road.
I force myself to push the thought down, to focus on this moment, this conversation, because whatever complicated mess of feelings is churning inside me about London, about us, about the lies and half-truths, I’m no closer to unraveling them now than I was yesterday, and I’m not ready to face him again.
"Take me to Fairfield, and he'll never know," I anxiously rush out.
"I don't want to go to the ranch… I can't. I need to go to work.
I'm not a trust-fund baby like all of you.
I don't have an inheritance waiting for me that allows me to come and go as I please.
I have to work to pay my bills, which means you need to turn this damn horse around. "
"I'm not sure what you heard or what you think you know about me, but I'm not a trust-fund baby either. I work for a living."
I adjust my hold on his waist as Knickers walks in the wrong direction. "Last time I checked, your last name is Hale. You mean to tell me your father isn't leaving you any part of the business or the property? And was it not you who proclaimed moments ago that this was your land?"
"Yes and no. I suppose this spot is as good as any to start story time. I wasn't lying when I told you this property is mine. I have the documentation to prove it. The back sixty acres of the one hundred acres Fairfield sits on is leased to them by us. "
"I was under the impression they were your competition, and there was bad blood between the two families," I say as I recall my conversations with Asha. "Why would you lease land to your rival?"