15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Jax
It’s only been three days now since I last saw Allie, and I don’t understand why I feel so… empty .
It’s wild how much I already want to be around her. We hardly know each other, but somehow it feels like I already k now her. Like I have for my entire life.
Is that even normal? I’ve never really had a crush, so I wouldn’t really know anything about that. I’ve only ever really been with Emelia, and no one else since our divorce last year. Not a date. No friendly hangouts. Nothing.
I scroll mindlessly through my phone while drinking disgusting hotel tea at the breakfast bar. Notifications keep popping up, emails from the studio, a rise in our socials, the usual crap. But it’s Allie’s name that catches my eye before anything else.
I’ve wanted to check on her for days now. Three days to be exact. But every time that urge creeps in, I’ve just ignored it. Shoved it down with everything else I want to do because I just know it’s a bad idea. She has enough going on in her life.
“Hey, man. You ready to go?” James asks, clapping me hard on the back.
It startles me, spilling droplets of tea all over the white worktop.
“Jesus, man. You need a bloody bell with how you sneak up on people,” I say with a chuckle, wiping the spill frantically. “What time did the girls say?”
“Ana just texted. They’re already on their way,” he says.
I nod, staring back into my mug.
Ana texted him. She texted him because they’re friends now.
How the hell do these guys make it look so easy? Like they just show up and fit right in.
For me, it’s always the fear of rejection that holds me back from forming any sort of relationship. Platonic or not. I mean, it doesn’t help when your dad spends your entire childhood telling you you’re not worth anyone’s time. After a while, you just start to believe it.
Thankfully, the older I got, the more he just wasn’t around to continue drilling it into my head. Mum finally had enough of his verbal abuse and started locking him out, hoping he’d sober up one day. But that was always met with broken promises… or broken door handles.
James sits beside me, folding his hands on the counter. “You okay? You’ve been… quiet lately. More so than usual.”
My eyebrows pinch together, hoping to look confused. Although, I’m honestly not.
“Yeah, just tired is all.”
“Okay, bud”—he pats my shoulder again—“when you’re not busy being the king of denial, come find me.”
My eyes widen as I snap my head in his direction, watching that smug smile grow on his face. He shakes his head before rising from the stool and walks away with his shoulders shaking from laughing.
Okay, maybe I’m being a little too obvious. But what can I really do about it?
Absolutely nothing.
When we arrive at the aquarium, it’s a lot busier than I expected.
We knew Boston was a busy city, but we figured with it being a Friday in July, people would prefer to be outside in the sun. Not cooped up in a small area to gawk at fish for a few hours.
Well, we were wrong.
After we get our entry wristbands, we walk inside, and the place instantly blows me away. We have an aquarium in Cardiff, but it’s nothing like this.
There’s an open tank in the center of the room filled with penguins relaxing on rock sculptures, and a spiral staircase leading up to the higher levels.
“Holy shit, this place has penguins!” James practically yells, pointing to the exhibit.
A mother with three small kids shoots us a disapproving look.
“Real nice,” she mutters before ushering her children away.
Gareth chuckles under his breath, then leans over the railing to get a better look at everything. “This place is incredible,” he says.
I step closer to the displayed map to get a sense of what we’ll see and instantly feel dizzy. Touch tanks, penguin and seal shows, even a bloody scavenger hunt. Yeah, they really went all out.
“Do we want to just wait for them in the room with the touch tanks?” Gareth asks.
We all nod and follow Gareth through the double doors into a smaller, well-lit room. It’s lined with rows of shallow tanks where stingrays glide by, close enough to the edges that you can reach in and feed them.
When we move deeper into the room, I notice how much quieter it is compared to the main entrance. Everyone was ranting and raving about the penguins and the turtles, but this is the part that excited me. Being able to touch something you probably wouldn’t dare to in the wild? Count me in.
I carefully lower my hand into the warm water, letting a stingray glide under the tip of my finger as it swims by. The smooth, velvet feel surprises me. I was sure they’d feel slimy, but that’s why you never judge a book by its cover.
“Hey, little guy,” I murmur when another stingray glides by.
I turn my head to find where the guys have wandered off to and spot James and Gareth trying to convince Casey to stick his hand in. His face is turning beet red as Gareth steps closer to him.
I quietly walk over and slip behind Casey, grabbing his arm while the guys grab his shoulders.
“Jax, what the hell! No! No, no, no—” Casey shouts as we pull him closer to the tank.
“Oh, come on, man. It’s really not so bad,” I say, releasing his arm and sticking mine into the water again to show him. “Just try it.”
Casey’s face twists like he’s about to hurl just from watching. I can’t imagine what he’d do if he actually stuck his hand in.
I chuckle and give the guys a nod to let him go. He’s missing out, but forcing him won’t be nearly as satisfying.
This is probably why he never comes with us anywhere.
We huddle together at the edge of the room, checking out the scheduled showtimes posted on the bulletin board.
“Are you kidding me?” James groans. “They don’t have any shows planned today.”
I lean in for a closer look, but the second I do, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My hand instinctively goes to scratch at it, but the feeling doesn’t let up.
“Hey, Jax?” Gareth asks from beside me.
“What’s up?” I respond, not taking my eyes off the board.
“Your lady just walked in,” he says quietly.
My eyes dart toward the doors, and in walks Nora, Ana, and then Allie.
They all have smiles spread across their faces, but Allie…
she just looks beautiful . Her loose auburn curls fall to her hips, perfectly framing her face.
A yellow, floral sundress hugs her chest and flares out just above her knee, making mine feel like jelly.
“What are you waiting for?” James teases. “Go say hi.”
I shoot him a glare, my eyebrows furrowing. “No,” I scoff, already feeling my face heat up. “She’ll be over here in a second.”
“Hey, Allie!” Gareth calls loudly from behind me.
I turn around to see him grinning like an idiot, waving frantically.
I don’t get why these guys live to torment me. Which makes me wonder if they’re doing it on purpose, like they somehow know I can’t stop thinking about her, or they just think it’s funny.
I’m hoping it’s the second option.
When her eyes meet mine, I notice a blush rising on her cheeks, maybe even a little deeper than mine. A smile pulls at the corners of my lips, watching her walk toward us. Her smile grows wider with every step, but she looks a little… confused. Or maybe shocked.
Did she not know I’d be here?
“Hey,” I greet with a little more enthusiasm than normal.
She laughs lightly. “Hi! Funny seeing you here,” she says, gesturing toward me.
I’ll take that as a no; she in fact, didn’t know I’d be here.
“Hi, Jax!” Ana says as she walks toward me, throwing her arm around my shoulder while looking between Allie and me. “Well, isn’t this a coincidence?”
James furrows his brow, tilting his head. “Not really. You—”
“Oh! I know, it’s so weird. But hey, the more the merrier!” Ana interrupts.
“So, you guys are joining us?” Nora asks from beside Allie, her eyes locked on Gareth.
My eyes meet Allie’s again, and I give her a small, hopeful smile. “Only if you’re okay with it.”
She looks at me, her eyes searching mine as if weighing the pros and cons. Then she takes her bottom lip between her teeth, fighting back a smile before she finally nods. “Yeah, that sounds fun.”
My grin stretches from ear to ear, but I try to hide it as best I can with a fake cough. “Perfect, lead the way.”
By the time we make it back to the main area, Nora is already bouncing on her heels. She has about as much energy as James, and I can’t help but steal glances at Allie while we watch her skip around like we’re proud parents.
If you didn’t know Allie from a bar of soap, you’d still be able to tell how much she truly cares for everyone around her.
I can only imagine how she must be when having to stick up for her friends.
I picture her wedging herself between whatever or whoever tries to mess with them, chest puffed out, putting them in their place.
“So,” I say, clearing my throat. “How have you been since we last saw each other?”
She turns to look at me and slips a strand of hair behind her ear. “Good! We’ve just been taking as much time as we can to relax.”
The lights might be practically off in the aquarium, but the blue glow from the tanks shines along her face, making her eyes look even more blue. This poor woman must think I’m crazy for staring at her so much, but I can’t help it, and I just hope she takes it as a compliment.
“What about you guys?” she asks, her eyes returning to the tanks as an angelfish swims by.
I shove my hands into my pockets and shrug. “Pretty much the same. We sort of just showed up here and are holed up in the hotel until we start recording, so all we really do is relax.”
She stops walking and tilts her head at me. “Wait, you guys came to Boston, can’t record for a few more weeks, and are just… sitting in your hotel until then?”
Heat prickles my neck while her eyes search mine. She almost looks… sorry for us?
I shrug again. “It’s not as bad as it sounds.” I chuckle. “It’s a pretty big hotel. We’ve got a bar and a restaurant in the lobby. Oh, and apparently an entire store.”
“Yeah, but still,” she says, continuing to walk at a slower pace. “That just sounds… boring.” She wrinkles her nose.
“What can I say? We’re easy to please.”
She lifts a paper from her hand, looking between that and the tanks when it dawns on me.
The damn scavenger hunt.
I’d been walking beside her, watching her face light up with every new fish we passed. When she saw a seahorse and started giggling, the scavenger hunt just slipped from my mind. All I wanted to do was keep finding things so she made that sound again.
She looks back down, reading it before looking up. “We need to find a clownfish.”
“So, Nemo?” I chuckle, scanning the tank in front of us.
She groans. “My girls have rewatched that so many times I’ve lost count, but yes.”
The second she mentions her girls, the memory of the last time we saw each other flashes in my mind. The heartbreaking cries on the floor of her room, her fingers digging into my forearms—all because she was worried about being a good mum.
You won’t know more if you don’t ask.
“Tell me about them.” It doesn’t come out like a question, but more of a request.
She looks at me over her shoulder, flashing a wide smile, then turns back to the tank.
“Well, Charlotte’s my fiery five-year-old who acts like she’s about to turn thirteen.” She rolls her eyes dramatically. “But she’s very helpful. She asked me for her own cleaning set for Christmas this year.” She laughs.
“A five-year-old who enjoys cleaning?” I chuckle. “That’s unheard of.”
“Tell me about it!” She beams with a grin. “Then there’s Lydia,” she starts, and I can see a storm suddenly form behind her eyes. Tears start to build, but she takes a deep breath and holds them back. “She’s, uh, three.” She nods slowly, pausing to collect herself.
I stop walking and lightly touch her elbow, urging her aside to take a break. She gives me a tight-lipped smile before continuing in a shaky voice. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I reassure her. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
She swipes her thumb under her eye. “Having to leave Charlotte was hard enough, but she’s used to having Trevor around since she’s the oldest. Trevor and I didn’t start having issues until after we had Lydia. So she’s just always been… my baby. Does that make me sound horrible?”
I shake my head. “Not at all. I get it. You’re just worried that Lydia will have a harder time transitioning than Charlotte.”
A rush of footsteps sounds behind me, and instinctively, I grab Allie’s elbow, pulling her closer to the tank. But when I turn around, it’s just James. He’s standing there with his hands on his knees, breathing hard before he straightens up.
“Ana and I won,” he says, winded. “We got it all.”
Allie hands him our folded list, giving him a tight-lipped smile. When he looks at her, his brow furrows. Then his eyes flick to me.
“What happened?” he asks, his voice sharp. Clearly, he sees Allie’s eyes, puffy and red from holding back tears, but how do I explain something that’s not mine to share?
“Everything is fine, James. Thank you,” she says, gently squeezing his forearm.
She walks ahead, quickly catching up with Ana and Nora before the three of them link arms together.
Then she looks over her shoulder, mouthing the words, “Thank you.”
I bow my head slightly at her, hoping she knows it’s really not a problem. I’d listen to her worries any time she needed if it meant helping her feel even a fraction better.
For a moment, I just stand there, watching her walk away. Something stirs in the pit of my stomach. Something I can’t quite put a name on, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s more than just concern for a friend.
And suddenly I realize…
I am so fucked.