Sixteen
SIXTEEN
NO LOVE NO JOY
I wake up with a gnawing growl in my stomach and a missed call from my mother. She calls whenever she remembers she has two daughters instead of one, which means she calls about every other month. I still haven’t told her about the tour and am hoping she hasn’t learned about it on her own. Her often repeated speech about how I’ll only make it in music with her as my manager is tiring. And I’d like to delay the shit storm that will spin my way when she discovers I’m out with Sparrow. With all the press releases Emily sends out, I’m shocked the shit storm hasn’t already arrived.
Stepping into the front lounge, I smell the bagel tray before I see it. I devour half of an everything bagel with veggie cream cheese by the time I hop down the tall bus steps, my overnight bag slung over my shoulder.
Sleeping in the bottom bunk was a disaster. There was a stretch from three am to four am when I thought my teeth would vibrate right out of my head. And then there was the pothole that sent me flying and I bonked my head on the bunk above me. No idea how I’m supposed to become a duo in the next few hours as I’m currently running on no sleep, nervous to listen to my mother’s voicemail, curious about Kick’s mystery phone call, and stressed about coming up with a twenty-minute set from scratch. I head in search of the dressing rooms, desperate to brush my teeth, and hit play on my mother’s voicemail.
“Penny, it’s your mother. So sorry to have missed you! Hopefully I’m not calling too early. I have no idea what time it is in Nashville. Polly and I are in Dubai playing a private birthday party for, well, let’s just say the birthday boy is very royal if you know what I mean. You wouldn’t believe the decadence! I thought being invited on the yacht with John and Chrissy was amazing but being here…wow. You know, if you played your cards right, you could be here with us enjoying all the extravagant benefits of hard work. Let me know when you’re ready to take the plunge!”
Typical voicemail from my mother, selling me on her lifestyle like it’s a timeshare and she needs me to invest. I hit delete and am about to text Kick for a time to meet when I get two texts in a row.
Do Not Kiss: Went for a run. Let’s meet on the bus in an hour to work out our set.
Jasmine: Could you come to the Production Office ASAP please?
We’re in Indianapolis playing an outdoor amphitheater. The backstage area is a series of small concrete buildings around a giant white tent that serves as catering. There are bright arrows made out of neon colored tape on the pavement pointing to where we need to be: backstage, dressing rooms, catering, production office. I follow the production office arrow and find Jasmine in a small, windowless room with a couple desks and chairs. She’s busy on her laptop when I walk in.
“Oh, hey,” she says, waving me in. “Thanks for coming over so quickly. I just had a question about your paperwork. You didn’t list a social or any banking information. We need both to get you paid.”
I knew this would come up eventually and hoped, probably stupidly, that I could find a way around it. I flop down into a metal folding chair in front of the desk.
“Could I just get a paper check?”
Jasmine smiles like I’ve made a joke. “I didn’t think people your age even knew what paper checks were.” She swings her laptop around to face me. “Just fill in the missing info and we’ll be all set.”
It’s day one of the tour. I haven’t even performed one show. I was hoping to make it a little further before having to fess up.
I stand up and close the door.
“Before I do that, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about something.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
I sit back down on the edge of the folding chair and roll my hands into the bottom of my hoodie.
“Strange question but, do you happen to know Candice Moskowitz? Used to be Candice Lovejoy?”
Jasmine’s face zips through a gamut of emotions including a tiny hint of fear. “Sure, I know Candy. Not many people in the industry don’t know Candy.” She laughs at that, like knowing my mother is an inevitability. “I haven’t seen her in a long time. Her first husband, John Lovejoy, he was in the band with Deacon and Don back in the day. He played guitar and was quite an incredible songwriter.”
She stops, waiting to hear my question, but I wish she’d keep going, wish she’d spill long-held secrets without my even asking.
“Yeah, I…I need to tell you about Candy. And I’d like to ask you to keep it between us.”
Jasmine sits back in her chair and clasps her hands under her heavy breasts. “Are you in some kind of trouble with her?”
If she only knew.
“Candy…she’s…” This is more difficult than I thought it would be. The truth is sticking in my throat like a dry sandwich. “She’s my mother. ”
Jasmine’s eyebrows draw together in question.
“I’m Penny Lovejoy. Candy and John Lovejoy are my parents.”
She blows out a long breath and purses her lips. She opens her mouth to speak but closes it, lifts her hand to her temple, shakes her head. I figured she’d be shocked but she’s having a full-on moment. I don’t add any more details, waiting to see what she’ll say.
“I’m guessing you don’t want anyone to know that.”
“You guess correctly.”
“So you came on this tour to…?”
“When Don told me about the contest, he didn’t know who I was. He doesn’t know. And the whole thing felt like a great opportunity to get on a tour because of me, because of my talent, not because I’m a Lovejoy. It was important to me that I got here without using my family connection.”
Her expression tells me she’s listening, but she’s also working something out inside her mind, her focus obviously split between what I’m saying and whatever her response is going to be. If she knows what went down between my father and the Sparrow brothers, she’s not going to offer it easily.
“Does Candy know you’re here?”
“No. I know she’ll probably find out, but I’d like to keep her in the dark as long as I can. If she finds out, when she finds out,” I decide to leave the family history lesson out of it in hopes I can get Jasmine to tell me herself, “she’ll insist on acting as my manager even though I’ve repeatedly told her that’s not what I want. I’m sure you know she manages my sister, Polly.”
“Yes, she’s made quite a name for herself. And Polly. I’m guessing Candy wants you to follow in your sister’s footsteps.”
“It’s all very…complicated.”
Jasmine barks out a laugh and claps her hands. “Ain’t that the half of it.” She studies me while I squirm in my seat. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you. ”
“Helps I don’t look like Polly or my mother. Probably the only reason I was able to pull this off.”
“But you got the family talent, didn’t you?”
A blush creeps up my neck. “I hope so. And look, I’ll put my real info on the paperwork, but can you make sure no one else knows? I’d really love to get through as much of this tour as I can without anyone finding out I’m a Lovejoy.”
“And when people do find out?”
I shrug. “I’ll cross that bridge when I have to.”
Jasmine leans forward and rests her elbows on the desk. Her chair creaks at her shifting weight. “So, when Candy calls me about this mess, because you and I both know she will, what exactly would you like for me to tell her?”
An impossible question, but if I’m going to put my cards on the table, I might as well play the whole deck.
“I know something went down between my father and the Sparrow brothers before I was born. My mother’s never told me any details, but growing up I was always taught that Sparrow was the enemy.” Jasmine laughs at that. “It’s another one of the reasons I didn’t use my real name for the tour. I don’t want my mother to cause any trouble but, you know how she is.”
She nods like, yeah, of course. “Candy never was one to mince words.”
I stand up to pace, unable to sit still any longer. “I guess what I’m asking is, if she calls, when she calls, if you’d just tell her everything’s going great. I’m great. I don’t need her to do anything, don’t need her as my manager, that I’ve worked everything out on my own and you have everything you need. We’re good.”
Jasmine waits a long time before she says, “I’ll see what I can do.”
I sit back down, my eyes on the floor.
“Something else on your mind?” she asks.
“I don’t, uhh, I don’t guess you’d tell me, would you? What happened between my father and the Sparrow brothers? ”
Jasmine laughs so loud and so hard I now know she’s had a cavity filled in her back right molar.
“Listen, honey, that is not my story to tell.” She shakes her finger in the air. “No ma’am it is not.”
“But you do know?”
She’s still laughing when she says, “Knowing and knowing are two different things.”
Message received. I stand up to leave but turn back around at the door. “Thanks for the help with Candy. And if you ever decide you want to spill your secrets, you know where to find me.”
I’m half-way out the door when she calls out to me.
“Mari?” I look back, my hand on the doorknob. “As long as it isn’t hurting anybody, your secret’s safe with me.