Thirty-Four
THIRTY-FOUR
ALCOVE, BUNK, WHATEVER IT TAKES
I can’t sleep. It’s been hours and my skin’s still warm, my heart still thumping against my rib cage like morse code—you want him…you want him…you want him.
I hid in my bunk as soon as the bus rolled out. I knew if I hung out with everyone in the front lounge, my feelings would be painted across my face like a neon sign. Not that they don’t already know. Not that we aren’t practically shouting our feelings at each other every night on stage.
But that’s all for the act, right? For the fans.
That’s what I keep repeating to myself over and over, because the thought of letting this go any further terrifies me. When I was with Brad the Bass Player, I thought things were perfect. He was charming and attentive, said all the right things. I trusted him. Then as soon as he learned the truth about me, everything changed.
But Kick isn’t someone who’d step over me to get to someone else, not even someone like Polly. I don’t know everything, but I do know that. I believe in my heart I can trust him. I just have to take the leap.
I’m torturing myself, replaying every moment we’ve had together, trying to convince myself it’s okay to let go, to let him in, when my phone buzzes with a text.
Do Not Kiss: knock knock
Even seeing his text on my screen makes my thighs clench.
Me: Sleep texting again?
Do Not Kiss: Check your curtain, Goldie. You’ve got a visitor.
I pull my curtain back a fraction of an inch and see a sliver of his soft brown waves before shutting it back tight.
Me: We’re closed for the evening.
Do Not Kiss: You’d really leave me out here laying on the gross bus floor all by myself?
I reach my hand underneath the curtain and grab his arm, pulling him to me. He rolls inside my bunk with a loud huff. There’s barely enough room in here for one person, definitely not for two, especially when one has legs like a giraffe. He’s nose-to-nose with me, sparkle eyes on full display, the air around our faces tinged with the smell of minty toothpaste.
My heart jerks in my chest, like Kick’s found our shared tether and given it a hard yank.
“Is it always so loud and rumbly in the bottom bunks? How do you even sleep down here?”
“Infrequently.”
I can see over his shoulder that my bunk curtain is curved out in the middle, his ass hanging out into the aisle.
“If someone walks by, you’re going to get your ass kicked with it hanging out like that.”
“Are you inviting me to come closer?” he says, moving his hips against mine to try and fit more of his long legs into my space.
“What are you doing in here, Kick?”
I try to keep my voice flat, despite the heat churning in my belly.
His teasing smile fades, his pupils blown wide. “We didn’t finish our conversation. ”
“Oh? Was there something else you wanted to say to me?”
We’re both lying on our sides and Kick’s hand goes to my waist. His touch is soft, hesitant, but it might as well be a blowtorch. I swallow so he won’t hear my breath pick up.
“Just one thing.” His hand moves around to my lower back, his fingers looping in a lazy pattern. He snakes a leg around me, tangling us together. “Something I’ve been trying to say for a while now.” His fingers trace up from my lower back to cup my neck under my hair. “I think maybe you’ve been thinking about it too.”
His eyes, full of want, swim over me. But he’s waiting, giving me space to move things forward or stop them.
“I’ve been thinking about it too,” I say. “I’ve been thinking about it since that night. In the alcove.”
Look at me, hurtling past the edge of my self-imposed edge of reason. I told myself Kick was off-limits, but here I am, hitching a leg over the barbed wire fence and lunging straight for him.
“You were wearing those tiny little shorts and a Spice Girls t-shirt, grumbling about ice for some reason.”
“You remember what I was wearing?”
He rubs his nose against mine. “It’s imprinted on my brain. You kept telling me how you weren’t interested in me even though you so obviously were.”
We’re giggling now, remembering that night.
“I couldn’t figure you out, which is what I liked about you. It’s still what I like about you.”
He presses us closer, our hips aligned, evidence of how much he wants me hard against my thigh. “Don’t you know what I want?”
“I’m getting an idea.”
“Do you remember what you said to me that night?” Kick says, his lips brushing my eyebrow, the edge of my eye.
“I said a lot of things that night.”
“You said I couldn’t kiss you unless it was my birthday. ”
I lift my chin, our lips so close. “I was dying to kiss you.”
“Mari,” he whispers.
I pull him to me and press my lips against his. It’s better than the alcove, better than the tease. We take our time, learning each other again. There’s a sweet tenderness in his touch, his mouth claiming mine over and over.
My hand slips under his shirt and I scratch across his back as he kisses my neck, my jaw, whispers in my ear, “I’ve wanted you for so long.”
I open my lips willingly as his tongue slips inside, every part of my body responding with a resounding and enthusiastic Yes. I push away every thought but Kick’s lips, Kick’s heavy sighs, Kick’s fingertips beneath my hoodie, on my ribs, higher.
I’m craving more, need him closer, but there’s no room in here, our range of movement limited to small, intentional touches.
Kick moves his hand lower, teasing the band of my sleep shorts.
“I want to touch you,” he says. “Can I touch you?”
“Kick,” I breathe out, pulling at his shirt.
We both jump as my curtain is yanked back and a water bottle smacks Kick in the head. Mateo’s hand reaches down from the bunk above mine, his middle finger pointed down but sending a clear message.
“Can you two stop moaning like cats in heat? Some of us are trying to sleep.”
“Thank you,” an irritated voice pings from across the aisle.
I stifle an embarrassed laugh in the crook of Kick’s neck, which quickly turns into kissing his neck.
“I guess I should go back to my bunk,” he whispers, “before we wake up the whole bus.”
I trace his lips with my fingers, trace his jaw, his ear. His lips find mine again and I sigh into him, believing, even if it’s just for now, that I’ve finally found someone who sees me for me. And wants to stay .
“Raincheck.?” He kisses my chin.
I kiss his mouth. Again. One more time. “Raincheck.”
He kisses me again, deep and long, his big hands sinking into my hair. We’re both breathless when he pulls away.
“Goodnight, Goldie.”
“Goodnight, Willard.”
He smacks my butt and rolls out of my bunk.
Me: Kick just left my bunk.
Cass: It is almost 4am.
Me: You answered!
Cass: It’s Pavlovian.
Cass: Wait, did you say in your BUNK? Like, horizontal? You did horizontal things?
Me: It was…………
Cass: Please finish that sentence.
Me: More tomorrow. Good night.
Cass: You wake me from my precious slumber, get me all riled up and now you’re going to sleep?????????????
Cass: Wake up right now. I need details.
Cass: MARI LORRAINE GOLD PENNY LOVEJOY YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW
Cass: You suck.
Cass: I’m happy for you.
Cass: Really, really happy for you
Cass: But you suck