Chapter 15
VIVIENNE
A wide smile spreads on my face as I walk around the classroom, observing the state of pure concentration these kids have taken on.
Some hold their breath as they dip their string designs into the borax solution; others squint into their beakers, wondering how these crystals are made.
It’s a simple science activity rooted in how temperature differences influence solubility. And while these children may not know that, watching them—sort of—do chemistry is widely entertaining.
It’s the only reason I kept coming back to volunteer with Tiny Thinkers Science—a non-profit organization dedicated to introducing children to the world of STEM.
A vibration sets off in my pocket, and I don’t have to check my phone to know who it is.
Nate and I have been texting almost every day for the past week. And while I still tease him with my reluctant front, I’ll admit, I’ve started looking forward to the next crazy thing he’ll say.
Nate: Thinking of you, part two.
I swipe my thumb over the invisible image he sent to reveal a selfie of him holding a stuffed animal. But it isn’t your ordinary bear or cute penguin—it’s a life-sized goose.
Nate: I’ll drop it off at your place so you can cuddle with it when I’m not there.
I bite down my smile as I craft my response.
Vivienne: I’d rather cuddle with a cactus than with something that reminds me of you.
Nate: Bullshit.
Vivienne: That isn’t the worst option either.
Nate: Why won’t you stop denying your feelings and admit we’re a good match?
I’m seconds away from typing back when two little feet pop in my periphery.
“What do you think of this, Ms. Vivienne?” Alex, who’s undoubtedly the cutest kid in this group, asks as he holds up his crystal creation. “It’s a star!”
I crouch down to his eye level with a smile. “That looks amazing!” I lay on the enthusiasm even though, to me, it looks more like a deformed Shrek than anything. “You did such a great job! Where are you planning on hanging it up?”
His lips purse as he focuses on his design, an index finger tapping against his cheek. “I’m going to put it on the Christmas tree!” Alex jumps in excitement, his light-up sneakers casting a display of red, blue, and green on the ground below.
He must have just taken his string out of the borax solution, as a bit of it flies out and lands on the tip of his nose.
I reach to wipe it, only for tiny fingers to grab my wrist. Alex drags my left hand closer to his face, twisting it as he eyes it suspiciously.
“What is that?” He nods to the diamond.
“That’s an engagement ring,” I say.
“What’s an engagement ring?” He tilts his head to the side, wide eyes awaiting an answer.
I mentally facepalm.
Of course, a five-year-old wouldn’t know the significance of an engagement ring. The thing is, I’m not sure I can explain it myself when I’ve avoided dating for so long.
“It’s a promise ring,” I settle on. “You give it to someone when you love them so much you plan to spend the rest of your life with them.”
Alex frowns, his head dipping low as his mood shifts to something sadder. “Do you think I would have gotten an engagement ring if my mom and dad were still alive?”
My heart skips a beat, and I turn my face to hide the tears welling in my eyes.
Unlike the other kids in the room with two sets of parents, Alex is an orphan who lost both his parents in a car crash less than a year ago.
Although he’s being cared for by his aunt, who loves him deeply, I know more than anyone how the longing for what could have been, and the reality of what was, lingers. No matter how much time passes or how hard you try to move on.
I turn back to him with a sad smile, tilting his chin upward so he can hear my next words clearly. Words I think I need to hear, as well.
“You don’t need an engagement ring when you already have one.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, looking down at his empty hand.
“It’s invisible. Your parents may not physically be with you, but they’ll always be in your heart. You don’t need a real ring when it’s all in here.” I tap over the left side of his chest.
Alex launches himself into my arms before I can finish retracting my hand. I fall into his embrace, cherishing the comfort I need as well, before he pulls back.
He’s beaming even as he wipes my tears with his grimy little borax hands. “Don’t cry, Ms. Vivienne. I’m okay.”
I smile through watery eyes. “I know you are.”
“And so are you!” he adds, before spinning on his feet and skipping away to rejoin his friends.
Oh, how I wish that were true.
A loud ringing fills the classroom, and I take it as my sign to collect myself.
“Time’s up, you guys! Let’s see how fast we can clean up,” Evelyn announces when she’s captured all their attention.
I wipe away the last tear from my cheek and pull out my phone while the kids gather their materials. I can think of one thing that might make me feel marginally better.
“Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” Evelyn bumps her shoulder into mine, stealing my attention before I could think of some witty response for Nate.
Amusement flickers behind her eyes, and since I know where she’s going with this before she even opens her mouth, I make a beeline to the opposite end of the room. She and Sutton have been relentless—and I’m tired of hearing about it.
“Don’t you dare run away from me!” Evelyn rushes after me as I speed walk to the sink. Her hands clamp onto my hips in an attempt to hold me back, but I manage to shimmy away. “This topic of conversation is unavoidable!”
I slip off my engagement ring and tuck it into the back pocket of my jeans before turning on the faucet.
The sink is already full of dirty beakers that need cleaning. And while I don’t know what the price of this ring is, it looks way too expensive to subject it to the mild base that is borax.
Her hip nudges mine, making just enough space to join in on the cleaning.
“You never used to do that,” she says, blond waves falling over her face as she attacks the beakers with the scrub brush.
“Do what?” I ask with exaggerated innocence.
“Smile at your phone.” Evelyn aims a wet finger at me, then flicks it. Tiny droplets splatter onto my face. “Smile at my goldfish.”
“Henry and I have always been besties. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I pull back in faux shock.
Evelyn raises her brows in disbelief. “You hated Henry.”
Very true. Goldfish are useless.
“And you didn’t know his name until a few days ago.”
Also true. I didn’t care to know until Nate asked me if we had any pets.
I let out a reluctant groan, divulging the information she’s fishing for. “We’ve become somewhat friends, is all.”
“Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that.” Evelyn shuts off the water once we’ve cleared the sink. “I’m just saying, friends don’t kiss like that.”
My drawn-out sigh is so loud that some nearby kids ask me if I’m okay. And while I answer with, "Yes," I know that’s a lie.
From Sutton to Margaret and now Evelyn—I’ve heard that same sentence nonstop. And the more they say it, the more I start thinking there might be some truth to it. I wouldn’t say we’re more than friends, but the attraction is there, which is exactly why I’m choosing to ignore it.
“How do you feel about this month’s family dinner?” I ask Evelyn, switching the topic to something that doesn’t revolve around me.
Her lips press into a thin line, and the light in her eyes vanishes. “You know how it goes. Same old, same old.”
A dull ache settles in my chest at the way she says it.
Evelyn might have a family, but from the way she describes them, I wouldn’t consider them such.
Cold. Uncaring. Belittling. Her father’s side comes from a long line of world-renowned cardiovascular surgeons, and despite her accomplishments, it seems no matter what she does, it’s never good enough for him.
“And your plans after volunteering?” She flips back our conversation to something safer.
“Lab. Same old, same old.” I purposely leave out the part where Nate is picking me up.
“Do you think you’ll run into that hot, fake fiancé of yours again?” Her face lights up with a mischievous smile.
I point at the door, earning me a pinch to the arm before she walks out with that shit-eating grin. “See you later, Vivienne.” She waves, leaving me alone in the empty classroom now that the kids are all picked up.
A notification tugs my focus, and while I expect it to be the man of the hour, it’s a number I don’t recognize.
Do you have time to talk this evening?
The cryptic message puts me on high alert, but the pit in my stomach vanishes at Nate’s “coming soon” text.
———
T-minus five minutes.
I’m ashamed to admit I’ve been counting down the time until Nate arrives. And while I’m trying to convince myself that I’m looking forward to the ride back to the lab, I know that’s a lie.
“Vivienne!”
My head snaps up at the sound of my name. It takes me a few seconds to spot a man in the distance, waving as he approaches.
Trench coat. Boots. Some sort of detective hat.
Whoever this is looks like a less attractive version of Sherlock Holmes. But bad fashion aside, it’s that familiar face that makes my mouth drop in shock.
Cassandro Tullio.
My brows furrow at the sight of the man I never thought I’d see again. He moved to California for law school right after we graduated from university, while I came here for my PhD.
“Vivienne! Hey!” He smiles like we’re old pals—as though our four-year relationship ended on perfectly good terms.
I take a look behind me, wondering if there’s another Vivienne around, but all I find is the deserted community center that hosted our thirty or so kids.
No one is ever going to love you with the baggage you carry.
The words hurt then, and they still sting now.
There’s a reason I didn’t open up easily anymore, and he’s at the root of it. Everything I confessed to him at the height of my sadness felt like a nuisance to him. Since then, I’ve only shared minimal details with others—most, nothing at all.