Chapter 26
VIVIENNE
I close the door to our hotel room, my back still facing Nate as I gather my bearings.
I’m scared to turn around—scared to find out what lies in his eyes.
I’m the one who instigated all of this—who asked him to kiss me the night before, who got down on my knees in the elevator. But now that I’m no longer riding the high of the moment, I can’t help but think this is a horrible idea.
Our situation is complicated as it is. Getting involved with each other will only make it worse when this ends. So why do I want this so badly? Why do I want someone with a temporary place in my life?
I push the thoughts down, turning around to face the man who may have already changed his mind about me. My eyes don’t get the chance to meet his when his lips crash onto mine, his large hands cupping my face like he knows I need the reassurance.
Warmth blooms in my chest, and a swarm of butterflies erupts from deep within my stomach. He made the first move. He chose this. There’s no more denying that he wants this just as much as I do.
I gasp when he grinds his hips into mine, the hardness of his cock creating a friction so tantalizing it drives me to the edge of insanity. He’s large—larger than I’ve ever had in the past—but that doesn’t matter when all I want is him.
On my lips.
On my body.
On my mind.
To hell with the rules I made to keep myself safe from his charm.
It was all a strategy to stop myself from getting attached to someone who would leave as quickly as they came, but I don’t care anymore.
I’ve lived far too long stressing out about the future.
For once, I’d like to live in the present.
Lips lift from mine to look me in the eyes, and I can’t help but think about the contrast in color between the two of us.
Brown and green. Soil and trees. It’s undeniable that Nate has helped me grow more in the past couple of months than I have in years.
“Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you,” he whispers.
My eyes flutter closed at the admission, and I squeeze my legs from the building heat. This is a recipe for disaster. A reaction waiting to be set on fire. Yet I want it all, without a care in the world for the impending consequences.
“I want you.” The words find their way out.
Nate’s eyes darken with desire and lust. But still, something is holding him back.
“If we do this, I won’t be able to go back.”
Go back to what? I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but I don’t entertain the idea. I know what he’s insinuating, but I don’t want to think. I just want to do. And when I nod in confirmation, that’s all it takes for his resolve to break.
My back is slammed against the door of our hotel room, and his lips are back on mine as I grab his large biceps.
I trail my hands over his broad shoulders before fiddling with the buttons of the dress shirt covering his iron-clad chest. It’s only when I nudge him back that he gives me the space to slide it off.
My breathing grows heavy.
I’ve seen his chest the three times I’ve accidentally caught him after his shower, but something about this was different. I could now shamelessly admire the work he’d put into achieving his physique. And more importantly, I no longer had to avert my gaze nor deny my attraction to him.
This was it.
I let my eyes wander down from his pecs to his navel, where a sharp V tapers toward his hips. Broad shoulders. Strong arms. Heated green eyes.
My palm lands on his chest, the rapid beat of his heart pulsing against my skin. I look up to him in bewilderment. It feels like his precious organ is about to burst out, but that’s what made this moment all the more real. He was here. Right now. With me.
“What’s on your mind?” Nate asks ever so softly.
I shake my head at the question, not wanting to know the answer myself. But deep down inside, I know what it is—how does one tell their fake fiancé that they’re beautiful? Inside and out, with a heart so pure they’d give a saint a run for their money.
News flash—you don’t. Especially when said fake fiancé will no longer hold that title in four short months.
So I push it all to the side, my lips latching onto his neck and letting them wander up his jaw, paying extra attention to where he’d cut himself. I then move down, peppering kisses along his abdomen before falling to my knees.
My gaze meets his, and when I see no resistance, I finish what I started in the elevator. Nate’s cock springs free, and he lets out a low rumble when I wipe away the bead of precum leaking from his tip and suck my thumb clean.
His eyes close in bliss, and I smile. This was about to go down, and he wasn’t going to stop me this time.
My tongue twirls around the tip of his cock before slowly running up the shaft. His fingers tangle themselves in my hair, harsh at first before he loosens his grip. I tilt my head up to see the inner turmoil in his eyes. Restraint. Craving. Scared to cave in to his desires.
I shake my head in silent confirmation for him to let go. To give it all to me. I don’t want the version of Nate that everyone else gets to see—the happy-go-lucky, flirty, nice guy. Another part of him lies beneath the surface, and that’s what I want. This piece of him that no one else gets to see.
“Don’t hold back,” I tell him.
“Vivienne.” Hesitation laces his voice.
“I can take it. I’ll tell you if it’s too much for me.”
He turns his head to the side, contemplation riddling his features. He’s too nice. Too respectful, but that’s exactly why I feel so comfortable doing this with him.
“Nate, please.”
The name does it for him. His eyes close before he turns back to me with a feral look—his once emerald-green eyes now dark as he grips the base of his cock, painting my lips with the leaking bead of cum.
“You want my cock that badly, Viv?” Nate taunts.
I nod eagerly, loving the sound of his nickname for me.
“What would you do for it?” he asks.
“Anything.”
“Anything?” he repeats the word, kneeling to grip my chin between his forefingers.
My lids flutter closed with desire, mouth parting in anticipation as he nudges his nose with mine. I’m waiting to feel the softness of his lips, but before I know it, he’s up again, thrusting himself into my mouth.
I gasp at the intrusion, eyes wide with shock as he hits the back of my throat. And while I haven’t done this in a long while, the look of lust painted on Nate’s face makes me want to be good. I’ll take it all and more—for him.
“You’re taking me so well, baby.” Nate tightens his grip on my hair.
His thrusts start slow, but not long after, he picks up his pace, the gag reflex kicks in, and tears well along the rim of my lashes. My hands grip his thighs, holding on as hard as I can to steady myself.
“You know what I like so much about you?” Nate asks, looking down at me with this newfound softness despite the intensity of the moment.
He slows down to give me just enough room to shake my head from side to side. The torturous strokes of this slower pace are enough to send me into an out-of-body experience.
“I like how you’ve always got something witty to say, how your words always meet me at the same level. But I also can’t deny that I’m enjoying shutting you up with a mouth full of cock.”
The head of his length probes the back of my throat, rhythmically, and the tears finally make their way down, mingling with the saliva at the corners of my mouth.
“Make yourself come, Vivienne.”
It’s a command—one that he says with so much authority it’s hard not to obey. I could explode from the pleasure he’s putting me through, but I weasel my hand down my pants, nonetheless, moaning when my clit finally gets some friction.
“I’m coming, Viv.”
I nod eagerly, not caring about the way I must look right now. Hair tousled. Mascara smudged. Panties soaking wet. The pressure builds between my legs until I can’t take it anymore, and my eyes roll back in bliss when my release comes. Nate quickly follows, throwing his head back in a moan.
I take everything he has to give me, and before I know it, I’m placed on the bed with such tenderness and care.
His knee hits the mattress, and with absolutely no rush in the world, he takes his time unbuttoning my vest. He tosses it aside, and the rest of my clothes follow, landing in a pile on the floor.
I’m bare to him like he is to me, and for some reason, I feel like it carries a double meaning.
“Have I ever told you that you’re beautiful?” he asks, eyes boring into mine.
The moment feels too heated to make a joke about post-nut clarity, but it’s his next words that melt me into a puddle.
“Inside and out. All of you, Vivienne. And I thought the same even at the height of your hatred for me.”
Bare. Uncovered. Exposed. The words carry both a physical and emotional weight, and they all come together under one word: vulnerability.
To be vulnerable is to be exposed to the possibility of being attacked, hurt, or harmed either physically or emotionally. It’s this delicate balance between being broken and walking away unscathed.
I’ve been vulnerable with Nate before—I’ve opened up to him about my past, I’ve told him things I’ve never told anyone, but this feels different. This has the potential to hurt me more than I ever imagined.
“I need you, Nate.” I wrap my arms around his neck to pull him down.
“You’ve already got me.”
He places a soft kiss on my forehead, trailing all the way down the side of my face, my neck, and to the valley of my breast before suckling on a nipple.
I arch my back in pleasure, genuinely asking myself how I’ve gone so long without physical intimacy. How I’ve missed out on this since the start of my PhD, but I know it wouldn’t have felt this way had it been anyone else.
“I need you in me,” I clarify when his fixation on my breasts goes on for too long.
“Beg.”
My gaze snaps up to Nate’s at the word. There’s a smirk along his lips and a deviousness to his eyes. Am I even capable of begging?
I grasp onto his length, tugging him forward until the tip is at my entrance. He’s right there. So close to being where I need him to be, but he pulls back with a shake of his head, a smile playing on his lips, and clear intentions.
“Use your words, baby.”
“Please.”
“You can do better than that.”
“Please just give it to me, Nate.”
“Tell me what you want.”
“Fuck, Nate,” I yell out. “I need you to fuck me until I can’t think of anything else but you.”
The man shrugs a shoulder, acting a little too nonchalant for the things I’ve confessed. I let out a breath of exasperation, but it’s when I least expect it that I’m filled to the brim.
Gasping in shock, my back arches as I reel from the intensity while he groans sharply.
He’s giving it to me just how I asked for it. Fast and hard—it feels feral. As if all the pent-up frustration and desire pour out at once.
Skin-on-skin slaps echo through the room, the poor hotel bed frame banging against the wall until Nate wedges a pillow in between.
It’s a sensory overload, one that’s too much to bear, but it fades into nothingness when I lock eyes with him.
So kind. So tender. It’s only then that his pace slows, our moans mingling in a symphony only we could create.
“I feel bad for anyone hearing this,” Nate admits. “But a part of me secretly likes it.”
My brows furrow in confusion, but it doesn’t last long when his pace picks up again, and the feeling is fucked right out of me.
“Why?” I somehow croak out.
“Because they’ll know you’re mine.”
Fireworks go off at the word, and I come at that instant.
Mine.
Nate quickly joins in after with a loud grunt, shattering on top of me before nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck.
We stay like that for however long, chests meeting as we pant heavily. When he kisses my lips so sweetly, it boggles my mind that it’s the same man who took control of my body.
A cool breeze hits my skin when Nate finally lifts himself off me, rolling off the condom I didn’t notice he put on.
When I blink, he’s back with a warm towel, delicately swiping away the mess between my legs before tucking me beneath the sheets. He’s beside me moments later, bringing his body close to mine so we’re wrapped in each other’s warmth.
Our legs are all tangled up in each other as he runs his fingers through my hair. There might be a silence between us, but it doesn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable—it’s peaceful, like we’re exactly where we’re meant to be.
“Where do we go from here?” Nate asks gently.
The question knocks the air out of my lungs.
As much as I’d like to say it’s unexpected or uncalled for, I know it isn’t. Nate is a good guy with a good heart, and it’s obvious that the connection between us is more than physical.
But I’m afraid that’s the problem.
“We weren’t supposed to fall into this together,” I voice my worries.
The hand running through my hair stills. Though my back is pressed against his chest, the space between us seems to grow large, loaded with refrained thoughts and uncertainty.
“I know,” Nate agrees on a sigh.
I nibble my bottom lip, liking the soothing effect of the slight pain.
How does one go from hating a person to wanting to be stuck to them in a couple of short months? September to the end of October—that’s all it took to shift us from one mess into another.
Ignorance is bliss, they say…and right now, I wish someone could inject me with a load of it.
While trying my hardest to concoct a response that could leave things between us open-ended and give this conversation the closure it needs, Nate shatters my train of thought.
“Go with the flow?” he proposes.
I nod in agreement, glancing over my shoulder to find him staring at the ceiling.
I can’t tell what’s going through his mind, but I do know that out of everyone in my life, Nate now holds the power to hurt me the most.