Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
BAD AUGUST
IN AND OUT OF LOVE
It’s only a twenty-minute drive to Imperial College at this time of night, so the rundown on the situation that August forces me to give everyone is brief and candy-coloured.
I don’t tell any of them their world’s about to end, or even give them the now glib seeming too-much-coffee explanation I gave August.
I want them gone, the lot of them, and I don’t want them hanging around asking questions.
Unfortunately, I also need to get rid of August. I need him safely away where he’s not going to get himself killed by hanging out with me. Because that gunman… It’s not the first time this has happened.
It’s been a while, a few worlds since, but now that he’s found me, he’s not going to stop.
Equally, if maybe not as compellingly, I’d really like it if it weren’t Jon taking August home.
His whole demeanour’s changed since August dropped the truth bomb, and I drastically preferred it when he thought we were related and he was being a mega prick.
I think some part of me was hoping it would actually turn him off August, to imagine we’re kissing cousins, but I’m beginning to see there isn’t much in the world that could do that.
The more August pulls away, the stronger Jon clings to him.
That’s narcissists for you, I suppose. It’s both fascinating and galling to watch in real time.
Anger, accusations, begging, guilt… But now that he knows we’re the same person, and I’m not just some random interloper, he’s staying very quiet, like he doesn’t want to piss me off either.
Or like I might catch a misstep and psychically communicate my displeasure to August.
Also, it’s pretty clear he’s freaked out. His concert freezing, getting shot at, losing his ex to me… It’s a lot for a Bon Jovi cover artist to take in for one evening.
“So, that’s what I’m helping August with,” August announces proudly.
And I feel proud seeing him claim this as his own.
“There’s something we’re missing in the calculations, and if we can just figure it out, we can…
” He can’t say get me back to my own world.
It’s gone. But he finds a way to put a nice shine on it.
“We can get August where he needs to go.”
“And where’s that?” Shashi asks.
For the fiftieth time tonight, I’m on my guard around her. She’s too bright, and she constantly seems a step ahead of me. I have no idea how—she can’t possibly know a thing about any of this.
Thankfully, Jon’s own brain is processing only what directly affects him. “Wait, so you’re leaving?” A big grin takes up half his stupid face.
As it’s the easier of the two problems to address, I say, “Not necessarily.”
His left eye twitches, which is deeply satisfying, but the sensation is short-lived when I catch the hopeful look on August’s face.
Why did I kiss him?
I know exactly why.
Ninety-nine percent of why is that he’s irresistible, and the touch of his thigh against mine every time we go around a corner is making me want to do it again, right here, right now, most especially in front of Jon.
That other one percent, I take full responsibility for. That’s my fault. I was careless, reckless, it was dangerous, but how was I supposed to stop myself? Watching that fucker wield a power ballad against him like that. Stupid hair with his stupid guitar.
When we pull into the car park at the college, I breathe out a sharp sigh of relief.
Finally, I can escape this hot and crowded van, all these men stinking of sweat and body odour and booze.
Richie rips the door open, and I can’t tumble out fast enough.
In fact, I lead the way, hoping to keep August’s goodbyes short so I can then shove him in a taxi and know he’s safe at home again.
But Richie jumps out.
Is he stretching his legs?
Then, a second later, Jon, stepping between me and August, like he’s a friend of ours.
Even Tico and Dave are climbing out, and I’d really like them all to kindly fuck off just about now.
“I could really use a drink,” Amber exhales, stretching out her back.
“There aren’t any bars open around here this time of night,” I hasten to inform her. “Maybe back in Camden—”
“We can’t go back there!” And fair, but they can’t stay here—
“Plenty in the van,” Richie suggests.
“Didn’t you say you have some calculations to look at?” Shashi asks me.
Finally, someone gets it. “We do, actuall—”
“Would you?” August asks her. “I didn’t want to ask. You were having a night out and—”
“You can always ask me.” She shoves him playfully, and this is not happening. They’re walking towards the entrance like I don’t even exist, and this is not happening!
I’m about to run after them and say exactly that when Jon grabs my arm. “If you’re August, then… what does that make us?”
Is this fucker for real? “That doesn’t make us anything!”
“What about the me in your world?”
“There is no you in my world.” Not that I know personally, anyway.
“So then, you’re meeting me for the first time?”
It’s like a tsunami of self-aware, arrogant, primed and targeted sexuality smacks me in the face. His lips quirk, his eyes narrow while keeping deep contact, and I could swear he lifts his chin a little just to give me his best angle.
I think I’m going to be sick.
“Hi, I’m Jon,” he says smoothly. “I think we got off on the wrong foot.” He holds out a limp hand, a tired, bohemian movement, like all he does is sex and music and he knows of nothing else.
Motherfucker.
August’s at the door, talking away with Shashi. The others have got a bunch of beers from the van and look like they’re about to have a party in my basement.
I leave Jon and his dumb hand to run over to August. “Listen, the room’s a bit small for this. Maybe we can do this some other time.” Like never.
“Just for a minute,” August begs. “Shashi’s really interested in this.”
Is that supposed to mean anything to me? Yes, it is quite interesting, I suppose, but she can go read a science-fiction book instead of delving into my real life. “I don’t think it’s a great idea.”
“Come on. Your place isn’t that bad. How do you get in anyway?” He runs his eyes up the building. Someone cracks a beer. Amber laughs loudly, and I just want them all out of the way before security does a sweep and catches them, possibly revealing my hiding place.
“Fine.” I click the pass I stole from admin, and we’re in.
I try to move them across the floor as quickly as possible, then we all crush into the elevator.
It’s too ridiculous. I’m squeezed between August’s big and lovely biceps, and Richie’s naked arm, also muscly, but for his part, I guess that’s a guitarist thing rather than a health thing.
Wouldn’t hurt him to put on something more than that vest now he’s off stage. And some deodorant.
When the doors finally open, they’re all incredibly slow to stumble out.
“It’s dark,” someone observes aloud, helpfully.
“It’s alright,” I mutter. “I’ll get the light, when I can get out.”
Dave’s lit his phone, flashing it around the place, until, “Shit, man. That sign says ‘Keep Out.’ I’m not sure we should be down here.”
“Are you sure this is the right place?” Amber asks.
“Yes, I’m sure! Just let me…” Finally, I make it out of the elevator and over to the light.
Christ, I’d die a million deaths if I got caught in a time loop with these fuckers.
The very thought of it makes me almost sprint to my door, pull out my key, and smash the thing open.
I run to the lamp, switch it on, and wait, holding my breath until they wander in, fall all over my mattress, and get to sitting around, or whatever it is they all came here for.
August’s immediately at the wall with Shashi, pulling out my boards, arranging them, chatting away, and how much is he telling her? And why does she even care?
“Want a sip?”
Jon pushes his beer towards my lips, and I almost spill it in my urgency to slap it away from my face. “No!”
“I can get you one of your own if you want. August never minded sharing…”
The comment’s infuriating on every level. I’m absolutely certain he means more by it. What is he thinking? That I’ll replace August? That with me onside, he might even have a chance with the two of us? Together?
I think it must be that, because he saunters away across the room to August’s side, glances back at me with a wink, then throws an arm across August’s shoulder.
August immediately shrugs him off with an irritated movement and slides around the other side of Shashi, continuing their hushed discussion.
Jon awkwardly leans in as if he’d understand a word of it.
And I would sorely love to know what they’re saying, but before I can take one full step in their direction, Amber’s in front of me, like she was waiting for the opportunity to pounce.
“So… are you and August…” She breaks off there with a knowing eyebrow raise.
“Are August and I what?” Obviously, I know exactly what she means, but it’s the only response I have. What are August and I? I haven’t the vaguest idea. How can I answer that, here, on the spot?
My eyes are drawn to him like two asteroids on a collision course, and I can tell he’s heard us. His stance is a little stiffer, his face slightly turned towards me, like he’s trying to listen in over the top of Jon’s blathering. And now I feel even more on the spot.
“Are you and August… seeing each other?” She lowers her voice to the slightest utterance at the end of the sentence, but it’s not like August couldn’t hear a pin drop in this tiny space.
What do I say?
‘I wish I could, but he’ll be dead soon?’ ‘He’s the most gorgeous man I’ve met in a thousand lives, but I’m not supposed to make a move?’ ‘I want him more than anything, but I’m not good enough for him, and the sooner I step out of his short life, the better?’
Richie comes to my rescue, sort of, when he quips, “I think that’s fairly obvious.”