Chapter 30 Good August #2
“I remembered the work I’d done,” Assassin August continues, eyes on our joined hands.
“Remembered the reasons I put it away. In my world, I was the only person who ever came up with that, that I know of. And it was strange watching the scenario play out before my eyes, as if I’d done it myself.
And that’s when I realised. I had done it myself.
Because after all, there’s an August in every world.
An exact copy, except for a few life experiences. ”
“Or a lot of life experiences,” August interrupts. “We’re not all as similar as you’d think.”
The words hit me hard. Things he said this morning coupling with this, and my heart squeezes as the thought occurs to me. “Did you meet me? In those other lives?”
“I met Augusts. I met us.” His gaze is clear on me, but troubled, and I don’t think I can take another confession. Not the sort I’m imagining.
“Am I… Have you…” I can barely even form the words. “Were there other Augusts?”
He knows exactly what I’m asking, and catches all the fear with the press of his lips to mine. “Never. Never once. I’ve met them, but they were never you. You’re the only one. You are so special. And you have no idea. That crushes me. That’s why I’m doing this. I can’t let anything happen to you.”
His hand in my hair soothes me as he takes my head to his shoulder.
When Assassin August speaks again, his voice is gentler.
“The particle signature for Augusts is the same in every world. I told my team what my theory was, and together, we were able to locate you. In whatever country you travelled to, in every life, we found the August who belongs, and the August who doesn’t.
Then it became a race against time. Find a way to get me through to you safely.
Even if there was no way to get me back. I volunteered to go.”
He’s brave. And noble. And he tried to kill my boyfriend, and I really don’t know how to feel about this.
“Your world just allowed you to do that?” Jon asks. “They’re fine with you hopping worlds to kill people?”
The tension falters with a laugh from Assassin August. “Fuck no. It’s just the university.”
“What university?” August asks.
“Manchester University. Number one in quantum physics. We were trying to secure some more funding for a big project next year. Thought this might cinch it.”
“That’s academia for you,” August laughs out. “Fucking brutal.”
“Publish or perish,” Assassin August jokes.
Their moment of shared humour does not amuse me. “So you’re stuck here? We can’t get August back, and we can’t get you back?”
“Pretty much. He’s fucked his universe. We can’t get the fire back in that bottle. I came here to take him out, and then… it’s my plan to do the same thing to me.”
“What the fuck? A murder-suicide? Why are Augusts so suicidal?”
“It’s just clean-up,” says Assassin August, matter-of-factly. “He can’t stay in this universe.”
“Then find him a new one! You said you can detect them. Find him one. Send him there! Or better still, find one that wants two Augusts and send us both. You can have my spot.”
“August!” my August cries.
At the exact same time, Jon ejaculates, “You just met him!”
“He’s me!” I snap. “I’ve known him for as long as I’ve existed. He’s felt everything I’ve felt. All the happiness, all the sadness, all the pain, all the loneliness. And I know exactly how he’s feeling right now.”
August’s hand tightens around mine, while Jon flings an arm out at him. “You literally just discovered he’s a supervillain this morning!”
“Stop calling him that!”
“Isn’t he?”
“That’s just details!”
“Either way, it’s not possible to do what you’re asking,” Assassin August cuts back in.
“There are infinite worlds. It’s all very well to notice which ones are bulging, look for the signatures of an August or two.
There are signs there, something to latch onto.
What you’re talking about is finding an August-free universe.
It’s a stab in the dark. It could take… Well, it could take forever, in theory.
It’s pretty much what he’s been doing. You might never find it.
And all the time you spend looking, worlds will perish, one after another.
I’m sorry, but his one life isn’t worth all of those. ”
“It is.” The words are out before I can stop them.
“Who’s the supervillain now?” Jon prods.
“We’re the same person!” I snap.
“I think August’s made the problem clear,” says my August, and I hate the implication that I’m supposed to be sensible and accepting about this. “Slayer, there’s no way back. And there’s no way forward. Not without me destroying this world, and you with it. And I’m not going to do that.”
“You don’t get to decide my fate.”
“I already have. You’re not dying. Not by my hand.”
“Stop being so fucking noble!” I shout at him.
“I don’t want to hear it. I want you to fix this.
I mean, fuck! There are two of you. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?
Physicist August meets physicist August, not useless whatever-the-hell-I-am August. Do it!
Put your heads together! Fix it! Fix it, or…
” I search the room, and with a flash of divine light, my hand lands on the gun. “Or no one’s leaving this room.”
“Or what?” August asks, eyes two deep and twinkling pools. “You’ll kill me?” It’s the saddest, sweetest smile I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
“No, my love. I’ll kneecap you. And I hear that really fucking hurts.”
Soft as a spring breeze, his smile deepens. “I’m your love?”
“You know you are.” Tears overflow, more tears than I’ve ever cried in my life, and I shove at them with my shoulder. “Please give it one more day. For me. Just one day. Please try.”
He shakes his head, clearly resigned to his stupid decision. “All my research is gone. I destroyed it. We’d spend a whole day trying to get it back up, and it probably wouldn’t even be correct.”
The boards against the wall mock me. White swirls on green paint—the key to everything. And nothing.
“Do you mean your maths?” Jon asks.
August’s eyelashes twitch at him like he can barely tolerate having to answer. “Yes. I mean my maths. Gone.”
He shrugs. “Nah, Shashi’s got it. The lot of it. She keeps texting me about it. Because you’re not answering.” He raises his chin towards me, and that’s when I remember. She took photos of it the other night. She was so interested in it. But she wouldn’t explain why…
I snap the door open. “We need to go see Shashi.”
“Who the hell is Shashi?” asks Assassin August.
“And what the hell does she know about any of it?” my August adds.
“Lots, probably.” I shove the gun down into my waistband, flinching at the cold against my skin while trying to look hard and dangerous. “She’s an associate professor of cosmology and theoretical mathematics at Cambridge University.”
“What?” August and August both shout.
“Yeah, she’s on sabbatical. I tried to tell you. But you were busy being all hot and jealous, and I was trying to get you to kiss me. You know, maybe if you’d just told me the world was ending…”
A few beats drop by where I watch August struggle with the new situation dawning on him. But all he asks is, “Would I still have gotten that kiss?”
Fucking hell. I am a wreck for this man and that cheeky smile of his.
“Probably not.”
“Then it was worth it.”
I hate that I’m so obsessed with him.
I take the gun out just so I can hold on to some sort of authority. “Hurry up. Let’s go. Everyone in the van.”
But as he walks by, he takes the time to drop a perfectly disarming kiss on my cheek.
Asshole.