Chapter 43
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
GOOD AUGUST
WHY CAN’T THIS BE LOVE
None of us considered the height at which we opened the rift. We had no choice but to jump through, a great nothing engulfing everything around us. But when we tumble out, we hit hard pavement, wet and greasy, the barbarity of the fall almost slapping the high out of me. Almost.
There’s a shout, bright lights, and a buzzing sound as a car swerves to avoid hitting us.
It just clips August’s hip as he pushes me back against a railing, where I stumble, almost fall over it, but he spins forward and grabs hold of my hand, steadying me, breathless, on the edge of an enormous drop.
The others scramble to their feet, running to the sliver of whatever sort of footpath this is.
If it’s even that? We’re high up on some sort of overpass.
It’s nighttime, and the lights of the cars are blinding, so many of them flying by.
I say flying, because they’re hovering just off the road, yet all staying within a one-way freeway.
It’s comparatively dark below. Streetlights barely illuminate dark shapes, grey concrete, but shiny buildings soar high on either side of the overpass, casting us in light so bright it almost looks like daytime.
Billboards everywhere, advertisements, some leaping out of their frames, cover us in a pink-orange glow.
Glass windows shine the lights of their occupants out on us, and we can see, clear as day, people living on top of each other in tiny apartments, up and up and up.
“Where are we?” Jon yells over the hum of the traffic.
“It’s got to be London,” August replies. “Greater London. Somewhere. However far we walked from St. John’s Wood.”
“This isn’t London.” I say it, but I know he must be right. Every rift we’ve opened came out in the same place in the new world. Every time. But there isn’t a thing I recognise here, even searching between the buildings. No landmark, no sign this is a world I’ve ever set foot in.
“It could be a future world?” Assassin August suggests. “If this timeline’s a little further on, that would check out.”
August’s brow drops. He stares into the middle distance, concentrating hard.
Assassin August claps him on the shoulder. “But that’s great. These guys are bound to have an understanding of particles. Maybe they’ve even discovered the Blackthorne particle for themselves. Maybe they did it years ago!”
“Yeah, maybe,” he mutters, that fake smile I know too well drawing across his lips.
“Okay, so we… we need to find a university?” Shashi suggests. “I’d rather hit up a scientist before I attempt to explain this to a police force.”
“That’s smart,” my August agrees, but he’s still got that drawn look about him, thinking over whatever he’s not saying.
We make our way along the road while I half trip over, trying to get my shoelaces done up, pulling my still-damp sweater back on. Amber and Shashi give the others back their shirts and pull into their own things. I can’t imagine what a mess the lot of us must look to the people driving by.
What I’d give to be back in the barn right now. That tender moment, the slow dust motes in the dying sun’s rays. August’s gentle touch.
August’s not-so-gentle touch…
Heat floods my cheeks. But now August, who’s fallen in single file behind me, is nothing like the August of only a few minutes ago.
My body’s still on fire; I can feel him all through me. But if he feels the same, he doesn’t let on at all.
I follow the group until the overpass finally drops low enough that we see what looks like a pedestrian bridge crossing beneath it. The drop’s a good two metres, but it’s better than being up here, walking forever.
The soles of my feet protest hard against the fall. My heart protests harder when August lands near me and waits for the others without a word.
I let them move ahead, drawing back to be near him as we wander along the quiet bridge.
It smells dirty and industrial up here. Like cleaning products, soot, and occasionally, human urine. Nice to see some things don’t change.
I can’t place the season. There isn’t a tree in sight to suggest anything. The wind isn’t freezing, though it has a chill edge. It feels like maybe the season’s turning. I can’t see any stars in the sky. Maybe they already went out. More likely, it’s light pollution.
I have no idea how we’ll figure out where we are, or where a university is. Or how we’ll eat. Or anything else. What will this world even be? Is that what’s worrying him?
“August?” He looks at me like he’s forgotten I’m here. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Not really.” The smile that comes with it is genuine now, but that once-regular melancholy is back too.
We walk a few more steps while I try to figure out what to say next. But he breaks in with, “It’s that I love you.” His hand falls on the small of my back, and I turn to him, letting his other hand lock around me. “I won’t ever love anyone ever again. I want you to know that.”
His words are like chains on my ankles, sinking me down. They’re quiet, and they’re apologetic. “You promised you won’t leave me.”
“I won’t. I’ll do anything you want me to do.
” My heart’s beating too hard. His words have already set me on edge.
He calms me a little with a kiss, but then adds, “When the time comes, you make whatever decision you think is right. I’m very sure you’ll do the right thing. And I won’t… I won’t argue.”
“What are you talking about? What decision?” I try to hold his gaze, but he turns his face away.
“I hadn’t expected us to land in a future world. If that’s what this is, and it looks like it is, because I don’t recognise London at all. They’ll have technologies we could only dream of. They could have ways to—”
“I’m staying with you.” The words are as solid as titanium. I know what he’s saying. I understand logically. To set things back in order, we would have to send him back. If it could even be done. But it would be like ripping an artery out and expecting my heart to function. It’s just not possible.
I catch the tear that slips down his cheek, glinting in the artificial pink light.
“Don’t.”
“I’m not. I’m not doing anything. August…
” He kisses me again, eyes shut. But I don’t close mine.
I wait for him. Wait to hear his final words that come with his gaze fixed on mine, the fingers I adore stroking through my hair.
“You’re a good person. All the way through.
I love that about you. And I don’t want you to ever feel bad for being that.
This has been the most amazing time of my entire life.
It was worth it. All the sadness, all the loneliness.
Even all the things I did. I’m sorry for them.
Every day. But you… You take it all away. And I love you.”
“You still don’t understand, do you?” I tell him.
“Even now, even with our shared experiences that I don’t believe another person in any reality has ever had, you still don’t understand how I love you.
You still don’t think you’re…” I catch his chin to pull his face to me when he tries to look away again.
“You still don’t think I could love you like that, do you? ”
He smiles softly. “I think you’d like to.”
“No, August. You must feel what I feel.” I reach up, kiss him, slipping my fingers around his neck, forcing him to me.
My heart lights, that inexpressible something crackles through my stomach, down through my feet.
I pull back, catching his half-closed eyelids in a flutter, his lips trembling.
“You feel it. It’s not just emotional, it’s physical.
Its otherworldly. It’s not something I can turn my back on. Do you understand?”
“August—”
I kiss him again, and he stumbles back, almost losing control entirely when the strange electricity takes us. “I love you. Not a fleeting, passing thing. I love you, and we’ve made promises. Don’t turn your back on me, and I won’t let you down. Trust me. Please.”
“I trust you, August. It’s not that.”
“Then stop it. Stop being sad and put your faith in me. We’re not ending here. We’re going to get some information, and if we don’t like what we hear, I’m going to fuck you into the next world, and we’re going to keep on until we find a place we like better.”
He’s slow to smile, but it comes with a relieving chuckle. “You know, that’s slightly even more diabolical than what I’ve done.”
“Mmhmm. I’m your murder boyfriend. Hi. Please come with me.” I grab his hand and walk towards the others, meandering slowly in the distance. He follows without resistance, dropping a kiss on my cheek.
But still he says, “This isn’t the life I want for you, you know? Jumping worlds. Not knowing what’s going to happen next.”
I return, “Then it’s just as well that’s the one thing you don’t get a say in.”