48. Claire
48
CLAIRE
T he sun drags low in the sky by the time we pack into the bus to leave the parade.
How long have we been out? I’m not sure.
Time has run away from me. This morning seems ages ago. I’ve been in my dress all day, and it’s chaffing under my breasts, damp under my arms. My hair has frizzled up around the flower crown. I’m escorted back in a tinted bus with the stallions. Horse head masks litter the floor, but the men are vibrant—sweating, talking loudly, laughing. I can’t make out their words; it sounds like they’re talking through tin cans attached to a string.
I sit in the back. My Belleflower King sits all the way in the front of the bus. They’ve worked hard to keep us apart and save the reveal for tonight. Even though it’s hot in the bus, he keeps his mask on and dips his water bottle underneath the mask to take sips from it. He won’t turn his double head to face me, and the secret is killing me.
I want to ask Rafe. He’s the only one who might spill the details. But he’s sitting too far away from me, talking animatedly with his fellow studs. His thick hair sits flat against his forehead, a sweat-band from the mask.
The bus bounces over the bumpy roads. Every time I ask for water, someone gives me a bottle of honey-sweet liquid. I let myself be parched.
The driver lets us out in front of the Dagney estate. There is no little Belleflower Princess to greet us at the door this time. This after-party is adults-only, after all.
I’m the last off the bus. I step off, and Arris catches my hand.
“Look at you,” he says. “Shining like a diamond.”
Jade stands next to him. She’s still wearing her smile, but it looks as fake as the masks.
“It’s the sweat,” I say with a small laugh. “I think I need to freshen up.”
“Of course. Come in first.”
The two of them guide me inside. As soon as I pass the entrance, I’m greeted with a round of applause.
Lining the hallways are men I recognize. Daddy’s old friends. The men of the Benefactors’ Society, all dressed to the nines, wearing expensive suits and bright, white smiles. Their wives aren’t here—instead, I recognize former Belleflower Queens mixed among them.
My heart does a flip in my chest.
You’re here , the little twelve-year-old version of me whispers in my ear. You made it. You’re a Queen now .
I go down the line, shaking hands. Mustaches tickle my skin when they kiss my cheek.
“Follow me,” Jade says, circling her hand on my middle. “Let’s get you upstairs.”
I’m so light on my feet I feel like a balloon being tugged by a string when Jade guides me up the winding staircase, across the balcony, and into the same room I got ready in earlier. It’s been cleared out, mostly, but there’s an evening dress hanging on the dresser. It’s a soft, off-white color with sequins that flow down and sparkle like diamonds.
Jade lingers in the doorway. “Do you think I could have some privacy?” I ask.
She hesitates but then widens her smile. “Of course.”
With that, she exits, leaving me alone.
Alone .
It’s the first time I’ve been on my own all day, and the silence is almost deafening.
I pluck the pins out of my hair and gently remove the crown, setting it on the dresser. I shake my braids free, and my scalp tingles with gratitude. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My makeup has, somehow, held up. But my cheeks are flushed. My irises are pinholes.
There’s an adjoining half-bath. I turn on the sink and drink from it, greedy, slurping swallows, like a horse. The cool, fresh water tastes as good as running silver. Already, I feel myself coming back to life.
I wipe the back of my arm over my mouth. I don’t have much time. I click the button on Everett’s watch and hold it to my face.
“Claire Preacher,” I say. “I’m back at the Dagney Estate for the after-party. The entire Benefactors’ Society is here, along with former Belleflower Queens. They’ve been giving me something to drink—I’m not sure what. I think it’s laced. There’s security all around the building. I’m not sure if they’re here to keep people out or keep people in .”
I take off my dress. I let it fall in a heap on the floor as I step into the evening gown. There’s a zipper on the side, and I pull it up.
“No sign of Loren yet,” I continue to report. “Arris and Jade are here, though, so he must be here. When I find him?—”
In the window to my right, I see a light suddenly flicker on in the stables.
The sun is cooling on the horizon, leaving a low, blue-purple bruise in its shadow.
A golden light spills out of the mouth of the stable flanking the back of the house. I watch from my place as two figures exit the stable.
It’s hard to make it out. It looks like one man pulling another along. The taller man moves jerkily, as though his movement is limited, somehow.
I squint. Is that…?
Everett?
The knock on the door sends my nerves scattering like pins through my blood. I pull away from the window just in time to see Jade in the doorway, an impatient look on her face.
“They’re waiting for you downstairs,” she informs me.
I take one final glance out the window.
The figures are gone. The light still burns in the stables.
The unease in my body feels like raven claws digging into my chest.
I hear Daddy’s voice. Chin up. Back straight.
I adjust my posture, fix the crown back on my head, and turn my insides to ice. I move to the door, but Jade blocks my exit. She holds up the goblet from earlier.
“Drink first,” she says. “All of it.”
I blink. They can’t be this brazen. Can they?
“Why?”
Her green eyes don’t flinch. “Makes the medicine go down smoother. ”
I hesitate. I want to toss the goblet in her face and run.
A radio chirps. There’s a security guard by the door. He turns to glance at us.
“Trouble, ladies?” he asks.
“No trouble.” Jade looks at me. Her eyebrows lift. “Right?”
I take the goblet. It feels cold and heavy in my hand.
Despite myself, despite knowing better, I recite the Belleflower Queen mantra in my head.
A Belleflower Queen must be perfect. She must understand that disobedience is unacceptable and a reflection of ugliness upon her character.
Well. Down the rabbit hole we go.
I tilt the goblet to the lips. It takes everything in me not to gag as the sweet-tasting liquid slides down my throat.
When I return the empty goblet to Jade, she checks the inside, seemingly to make sure I’ve swallowed every drop. Only then does she step back to let me pass.
“Escort her downstairs,” she tells the guard.
He takes my arm. I feel myself glancing back. “Aren’t you coming?”
Jade remains in her spot. Her mouth twists. “No wives allowed in this wing of the house. This is your night. Enjoy it.”
She takes my arm and pulls me into a small hug.
“They’re here,” she says suddenly. A low whisper in my ear.
My spine tenses. “What?”
“James and Ransom. Play the game.”
The guard pulls me back, separating us. Jade composes herself in a tight smile, and I have to wonder if I imagined the whole thing. Jade gets smaller and smaller as I’m whisked downstairs .
The party has kicked into full gear. The guard escorts me around the corner to the ballroom, where a folksy bluegrass band is playing. A wave of heat comes over me—the bodies on the dance floor, maybe, or the drink already catching up with me.
There’s a table on the other end of the room, stacked with food. My stomach pinches. I haven’t eaten all day.
But before I can try to make my way there, a hand grabs my wrist.
“Come, beautiful.” He smiles—Hank? Hughes?—his name has left me. He has to be twenty years my senior, but his cheeks are bright red, like a little boy’s, when he says, “Dance with me.”
I feel my body get pulled out onto the dancefloor.
I get tossed from person to person. Men whose faces have blurred with time. But it’s the women—the former Queens—who make my heart stop when they take my hands in theirs and spin me around. I hung their pictures on my wall. I worshipped them. And here they are. Smiling at me. Welcoming me. Loving me.
I’m getting swept up in again. The wave of it all. The want .
“You’re beautiful,” they say.
“You’re so strong.”
“You’ll be okay.”
Tight, strained smiles.
“Thank you,” I hear myself say. “Yes. I know.”
My body bumps into another in my wild dancing.
I spin right into the arms of Maeby. Queen of ’94. She doesn’t look at all like the Maeby from behind the bar—her eyes are deep-set in dark eyeshadow, her hair done back in beautiful braids .
She sees me, and her mouth falls open. She holds my elbows, and I hold hers. Together, we spin.
“Claire,” she says. Her voice is breathless.
“Maeby.”
She pulls me in close. So close I get an airless breath of her flowery perfume.
Her voice shakes in my ear. “You shouldn’t be here,” she says. “ Get out .”
I feel myself stumble backward. Her words pierce through my daze like an arrow.
She doesn’t wear their fake smiles. She just stares at me, standing in the middle of the dance floor, as though she’s seen a ghost.
For the first time in the whole night, real fear grips through me.
What if I’ve overplayed my hand?
Outnumbered. Trapped. At their mercy.
A hand slides over my shoulder, and I nearly jump out of my skin. When I whip around, I come face to…
Faces.
It’s him. My Belleflower King. And the double-faced mask, grinning wickedly down at me.
My heart hammers in my chest. He lowers himself down to a single knee.
Slowly, he reaches up and takes hold of his mask. He pulls it from his head, removing it, and sets it down on the floor.
“My Queen.” Loren Dagney smiles up at me. That self-satisfied smirk curls the mustache over his lip.
My throat goes tight. I can feel my heart in my neck pounding.
“My King,” I whisper .
His blue eyes gleam up at me. He offers a hand.
I stare at his palm, feeling the rage rising in me like a storm.
The same hand that murdered my father.
I take it, and he pulls me in for a final dance.