Chapter 9
Parker
This is absolutely stupid. Why am I letting two stupid-ass football players—gag—get in my head so badly?
For a solid week, Ben and Landon have been at my apartment every night. I shouldn’t want or need them to be here now, but for some reason I can’t explain, my fingers are hovering over the chat box in a damn group chat I just made anyway.
It’s not that I really need the company, but in some ways, I do. Growing up with hippie parents in what was essentially a commune meant that I was never without company. Lincoln and I grew up there together, we fell in love there together, and we grew apart there.
So I guess in some ways, I was without company, but only after that. Never before. And then it didn’t matter because my parents whisked me away, and I met Darcy right after. Maybe my circle isn’t as big as it used to be, but it’s still mine.
It would be easy to dismiss Ben and Landon, but there’s just something in my gut that keeps pulling me back to them.
It’s attraction, you fucking idiot. But that makes ice fill my veins.
It’s much better to not be attracted to anyone.
It’s dangerous and opens me up to the potential for heartbreak.
Heartbreak I never want to experience again.
But the strings of fate keep pulling them closer. This is a big campus. That Landon quite literally ran into me on two separate occasions in the same week just feels too monumental to ignore. All of it is. Ben and Landon already being friends? The way everything transpired?
God, I used to give my mom so much shit for the way she’d act over “our fates” and her woo-woo beliefs about people’s souls being tied together. But then I met Darcy, and my friendship with him felt effortless.
We’re nothing alike. At least not on the surface. He’s a smarty-pants, and if you asked me to do any sort of advanced math, I’d probably cry. But for some reason, we just… work. We always have. Right from the very start.
I could have ignored that pull then, but I didn’t, and it gave me one of the most pure, trusting, and loving friendships I’ve ever had. And now? What if I ignore that pull now? What gifts from the universe will I be giving up?
I sigh. Fuck it.
Me
Do you guys want to come hang out tonight? I found a new show we can watch.
My heart beats triple time as I stare down at the delivered symbol.
I nearly jump out of my skin when my phone rings. Fumbling with it, I drop it and rush to pick it up only to realize that it’s Darcy calling and not Ben or Landon.
Jesus. I swipe to answer and put the phone to my ear. “Hey.”
“Hey, I’m freaking out.”
I can’t help but chuckle. At least this is a distraction from the mess in my own head. “What’s going on?”
Darcy drags in a deep breath. “West almost kissed me,” he hisses. “Or maybe I almost kissed him. I don’t know. It’s all fuzzy in my head.”
“Almost?” Holy shit. “What do you mean almost?”
He groans. “Crap. He was so close, Park. I could almost taste his freaking mouth, and then my dad called me.”
“Okay? So what does that have to do with anything?”
“I answered it.”
“What?” I resist the urge to laugh when he groans again, this time even more frustrated than the last.
“I was so close. So freaking close, and my dad calls. I answered the call. What the heck is wrong with me? Oh my God.”
“So what happened when you got off the phone?” I ask.
There’s a beat of silence that can’t mean anything good, and when my phone pings in my ear, I pull it away and accept Darcy’s FaceTime call. His face fills my screen, eyes wild and hair in disarray. “He got all weird,” Darcy whispers softly.
Unease prickles under my skin. “Weird how?”
“I don’t know.” Darcy runs his hand through his hair, his distress and irritation evident.
“I was going to go all in, right? I’m almost positive he was leaning in.
Not just me. It couldn’t have been just me, you know?
” I nod, even though I truly have no idea.
“And then when I got off the phone, it was like… he just changed.”
That unease ticks up, my blood starting to boil in my veins. I didn’t have West pegged as a homophobe, that’s for sure. “Changed how?”
“He just acted different. Like maybe he came to his senses while I was on the phone and realized he didn’t want to kiss me after all. I don’t know.”
I’m about to respond when he rattles on.
“But he invited me to the game this weekend.” My stomach aches a little at that.
Why wasn’t I invited to the football game?
Two football players at my house every night this week, and no invite for Parker.
Now I regret sending that text even more.
“Anyway, will you go with me to the game?”
“What?” I blurt out.
Darcy pleads with me with nothing more than his big eyes. “Go with me. I won’t feel right going alone.”
I won’t feel right going without an invitation. What if Landon and Ben read too much into it? But at the same time, I wouldn’t be going for them; I’d be going for Darcy, and that’s really all I need. He’s one of the most important people in the world to me. “I’ll go.”
“Really?”
“Of course,” I say, nodding.
Darcy’s relief is evident in the slump of his shoulders. “Thank you.”
“This weekend, right?”
He nods. “Yeah, and get this.” There’s a bit of a shuffle, and then a red jersey is being waved in front of the camera. “He gave me his jersey to wear. I don’t get him, Park.”
I don’t either, honestly. “Yeah, that’s strange. You’re gonna wear it, right?”
“I’m not sure I should.” He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip, nervousness flashing across his face. “What if it gives people the wrong idea?”
The wrong idea? Fuck that. “If he didn’t want you to wear it, he shouldn’t have given it to you. Besides, you’ll look hot as fuck in it, so if nothing else, wear it to drive him mad.”
This time, Darcy laughs. “Yeah, alright. You’re right. Though I’m not so sure about the driving him mad part.”
“I am.” I wink at Darcy, laughing when he rolls his eyes.
“You’re a freaking menace.”
“And yet you love me anyway.”
“Yeah, I really do. Thanks for talking me down, Park. You’re the best.”
I pretend to dust my shoulders off. “Yeah, I know.”
I’m graced with another eye roll. “Alright, well, I’ll let you go, and I’ll see you this weekend?”
“We can get coffee before then if you want.”
Darcy groans. “God, I wish. I’ve been so busy.”
I nod. “Alright. This weekend, then.”
“Perfect. Love you, Park.”
“I love you too, Darce.”
And I mean that shit with my whole heart. I don’t know where I’d be without Darcy and his unwavering support and love. With a smile and a wave, he ends the call.
The second he’s gone, I realize that I haven’t gotten a text back from either Landon or Ben, and my stomach twists. Maybe a group chat was the wrong idea.
With a sigh, I push to my feet, shoving my phone in my back pocket, and make my way into my art closet.
It’s not ideal to have it all tucked away and hidden, but I never feel right showing it to people, especially not before it’s completed.
There’s something about my Love painting that isn’t sitting right with me.
It’s like there’s something missing, and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but it’s frustrating me.
Pulling the canvas out, I run my fingertips over the dried paint. When I painted this weeks ago, it felt so right. Now the colors feel wrong. Like they don’t actually belong. Like they don’t fit.
My phone dings twice, and I damn near throw the canvas down while trying to grab it.
Ben
I’m free. Might have to bring some stuff to study. I have a test tomorrow for psych.
Landon
me too.
Before I can respond, two more messages come in.
Landon
well, not psych.
Landon
i’m free
I’m smiling when a third pops up.
Landon
to hang out
God, he’s adorable. Is that weird to say?
I mean, yes, obviously, because I’ve sworn off attraction, dating, and especially adorable people.
But, God, there’s just something so endearing about him.
He’s huge, towering over me, and built like a cuddly teddy bear.
You know, if that was something I thought about—like, ever.
And somehow the bright pink blush that graces his cheeks all the time has got to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
Well, that and his dimple. No man this adorable should also have a freaking dimple.
No. Nope. Not going there.
Me
Can’t wait to see you guys.
Well, fuck.
Me
No. Not like that.
Okay, a little like that.
Me
Just let me know when you’re on your way.
Landon
leaving now if that’s alright.
Ben
Packing up my stuff now, Cotton Candy.
I can’t help but roll my eyes. Cotton Candy is the bane of my existence. It’s not that I hate it. Not really. It’s more than it induces stomach fluttering, and stomach fluttering is on the shortlist of shit I don’t want to feel.
Me
Okay, see you guys soon.
When there’s a knock on my door a bit later, I smooth down my shirt, trying to make sure I look presentable, then open it to find Landon. “Hey, you beat Ben.”
He looks past me, panic flashing in his eyes. “Oh shit. Did I?”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “You afraid to be alone with me, Landon?”
His eyes dart to mine. “No, of course not.” His cheeks turn bright pink, and my stomach somersaults. Goddammit. “I just thought Ben would beat me here.”
“Well, he didn’t. Come on in.”
Landon follows me in, and when I gesture to the couch, he sits down. I plop down beside him. Not as close as normal, but that’s mostly because Ben isn’t here yet and I don’t need to be right on top of him.
He sits quietly, eyes fixed on the ground in front of him.
Well, this is awkward.
“So, uh—” I start
“I was curious—” Landon says.
Oof. Gross. “Go ahead,” I say, waving a hand in his direction.
His cheeks—which had just lost their rosy hue—darken again. “I was curious about something.”
Well, I’m not sure that sounds good. “Okay?”