Chapter 12 #2
Landon bites his lower lip, not looking convinced in the slightest.
But I am. I’ve purged the bad feelings. Now they live in this ugly fucking painting where they belong.
Ben takes a step toward me, and then another. I stand strong, resisting the urge to back away. Landon thankfully stays in the doorway. Part of me wants to cover the painting so Ben won’t see it, but he doesn’t even glance at it as he closes in on my space.
“Cotton Candy,” he whispers, low enough that only I can hear. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
I try to choke down the words. God, I try so hard, but they come spilling out of my mouth just like the paint on the canvas. Ugly and raw. “You didn’t kiss me like that.”
As soon as I say them, I want to take them back.
“Like what?” Ben asks carefully.
I shrug, unable to keep my fucking words in my head where they belong. “Like it mattered to you.”
Ben steps closer, and my heart jumps into my throat when he gently cups my chin, tilting my head back until I’m forced to look into his eyes. They dart around my face, taking me in at rapid speed. “I can,” he whispers. “I can right now.”
Blinding gold explodes behind my eyelids.
Yes, please. “Fuck no,” I say, swallowing down the truth. “I don’t want you to kiss me like that. It was just an observation. That’s all.”
“Then why rush away? Why the painting?” he asks, studying me far too closely for my comfort.
I’ve gotta get this train back on the tracks. I smirk, letting myself become someone else. Someone who doesn’t yearn or hope or wish. Someone who also doesn’t get hurt. That’s who I need to be. “I just thought it would be hot.” I shrug. “And it was. Very… inspiring.”
“Inspiring.” He says the word like he’s trying it on for size, but it sounds just as gross coming from him as it felt coming from me.
“Very.” I swallow hard. “You and Lan should make out more often. Maybe I’ll end up painting a whole series of artwork.”
I nearly cringe at the words. Fuck, that was awful. Disgusting, even.
I can practically feel Landon’s discomfort from where he’s still standing in the doorway. Ben takes a step back, letting his hand fall from my face. “Got it.”
The gold is gone.
All that’s left is gray.
I expected them to leave, but they didn’t. Ben washed his hands, I put away my painting, and Landon asked if he could make lunch.
For the life of me, I can’t figure out why they wouldn’t want to leave, but they’re still here. Sitting on my couch—this time with me in the middle. It’s strange. I don’t know what to do with it.
We’ve mostly made small talk, which has got to be the most awful thing in the world, and now we’re all just staring blankly at the TV in silence.
Ben leans forward, grabbing the remote and pausing the show. I couldn’t even tell you what was going on. I wasn’t paying attention.
“Okay,” he says, looking between Landon and me. “This energy is weird, and I’m not a fan.”
“I’m also not a fan,” I blurt out.
Landon chuckles. “No. Can’t say I am, either.”
Ben smirks, heat flashing in his eyes as he looks at Landon. I tamp down the jealousy. That shit’s not healthy. Obviously, if our morning was any indication.
“Okay, so let’s talk about the elephant in the room,” Ben says.
Fuck. I’d rather not—
“West and Darcy.”
“What?” I ask, relief and confusion washing over me.
Landon laughs, and honestly, the sound is music to my damn ears. “Yeah, what?”
Ben smirks, raising an eyebrow. “That kiss was hot, right? Like, I’m not the only one who thought so?”
My nose crinkles. “I mean, I fuck with Darcy about West, but, uh, I’m not attracted to West. So no.”
Ben waggles his brows. “Oh? Weston Hale’s not your type? Damn, Cotton Candy. Standards through the roof. He’s like… the perfect man.”
No, you and Landon are.
Nope. Not saying that. “Eh.” I make a so-so motion with my hand. “He’s alright. Perfect for Darcy.”
“He’s pretty hot, actually,” Landon says. His voice is shy and tentative, and when I turn around to look at him, his cheeks are pink. “But so is Darcy. And so are you two.”
The pink turns red.
He shakes his head. “You know what? I think I’m just repressed. Ignore me.”
My heart gives a little thud. “No can do, man. I need to know more about how you find Ben and me hot.”
Ben’s booming laughter has a calm washing over me. Maybe I didn’t fuck up our friendship after all.
Landon rolls his eyes. “Surely to God you know that you’re, like, the most beautiful person to exist.” The words are spoken softly, but they pretty much detonate in my heart with the force of an atomic bomb.
I want to ask if he really means it, but I don’t, and before my mouth can take over from my brain, he shakes his head. “And Ben? C’mon, Cotton Candy. Are you blind?”
I just know Ben is preening like a damn peacock. I groan. “Not you too. Really? Seriously?”
My phone rings, and I lean forward. “It’s Darcy.”
“Answer it,” Ben says, nudging my side.
“Can I fuck with him?” I ask. I want to have a little fun. I need it to get myself back on normal ground, but not at the expense of Ben and Landon.
“How?” Landon asks.
“I could pretend to be having sex?”
Landon’s cheeks darken, but Ben laughs. “Oh, yes. I’m so here for that.”
“Lan?” I ask softly.
He bites the inside of his cheek, then nods. “Yeah.”
“You sure?” I ask. If I don’t answer soon, my voicemail will pick up, but that’s alright.
“Positive,” Landon says.
Jesus. Okay. Maybe this is a bad idea.
The phone rings again, and I swipe to answer. “Hey,” I say, forcing my voice to be breathy and high-pitched.
There’s a beat of silence on the other end, and then, “Ew. Why are you so out of breath?”
“I’m not.” And then, because I’m nothing if not a good actor, I arch my back, letting out a breathy moan. “Fuck. Keep going,” I whine, putting on my best show.
Landon is stock-still beside me, but Ben is trying his best not to laugh.
“Keep going?” Darcy asks, horror creeping into his voice.
I blow out a puff of air. “Not you, Darcy. Jesus.”
Closing my eyes, I fake a groan, then let my breath catch.
Landon’s does too. I can hear it. Just this tiny little hitch that honestly makes my next moan not nearly as fake as I need it to be.
“Okay. Bye,” Darcy says. “Not listening to this. Call me when you’re done.”
I giggle through my next put-on moan, not able to hold it back any longer.
When the line goes dead, I pull the phone away from my ear and burst into laughter. Ben and Landon do too, but Landon’s seems a little strained.
“Jesus,” Ben says. “I’m no better than a teenager, I swear.”
The levity is nice, especially after the strain of the morning.
When our laughter dies off, silence falls over the room, and Landon clears his throat. “I’ve gotta run to the bathroom. Be right back.”
He’s gone before either of us can answer.
I share a look with Ben. “Do you think I upset him?” I ask, fear choking me. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that. Not everything is one big joke.
Ben shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so.”
I bite my lip hard. “I’m gonna go check on him.”