Chapter 13 #2
“Anything,” I say as Ben says, “Of course.”
“I hate it.”
Well, that’s a shock. “The painting?”
Parker nods. “Yeah. It’s supposed to be love, right? But I had to dig into a really ugly place to get the right feelings.” They reach out a hand, running their fingertip over the gold that’s weaved through the red and pink. “I think it’s wrong,” they finally whisper.
I glance up at Ben to find him studying Parker. “It’s abstract art, though, right, Cotton Candy? It can’t be wrong. Not like that.”
Parker growls, clearly frustrated, even though I’m not sure why.
“This isn’t love, though. Something about it is wrong. I’ve thought that since I painted it, but I can’t put my finger on what.”
“So maybe it’s not love,” I hear myself say. Parker’s eyes fly to mine. “Maybe it’s just a really pretty painting, painted by a very talented artist. Maybe the label at the bottom doesn’t matter.”
Parker blinks at me slowly. “I hadn’t really considered that. It was supposed to be love, you know?”
I’m not sure we’re talking about the same thing anymore. I have an almost overwhelming urge to touch Parker, to comfort them. So I mimic Ben and raise a shaking hand to brush my fingers over their jaw.
Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like they lean into it just the tiniest bit. I clear my throat, staring into their blue eyes. “Maybe it was supposed to be love.” I shrug. “And maybe it wasn’t. At the end of the day, you can’t make it something it’s not. Does the painting feel like love?”
Parker shakes their head slowly. “No. It feels like pain.”
Ouch. “Okay, so it’s pain. Try again for love next time.”
Silence falls between us, and I wonder if I somehow fucked everything up, but after a few seconds, Ben blows out a breath. “Holy shit. Look at you getting all philosophical on us.”
I laugh it off. “Yeah, I’m, uh—I’m not sure what that was all about.” Letting my hand fall from Parker’s face, I take a step back. “Do you want to show me the rest?”
I’m taking another step away when Parker catches my hand in theirs. I glance back to find glassy blue eyes locked on mine. “Thank you, Landon.”
The words are no more than a choked whisper, and they make my chest tighten with emotion. “You’re welcome,” I whisper back.
Parker lets go of my hand, then clears their throat. “Okay, let me show you the rest. I think Anger is my favorite out of this set.”
We make our way through the exhibit, with Parker showing me all of their art. They’re incredibly talented, but I already knew that from the sketch they did of Ben.
After we look at all of their pieces, they walk us through the rest of the exhibit, showing us everyone else’s. When they start breaking down technique and color theory, I can barely follow along, but their passion shines through with every word.
Is there anything in the world more beautiful than someone who’s passionate about things?
Ben seems just as enamored as I am, and I’m not sure how to navigate it. What do these feelings mean? And how do I deal with them? Sometimes I could swear that Parker is interested, but even if they are, does it matter? Because I can’t deny that I really fucking like Ben…
“You guys don’t have to stay the whole night,” Parker says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Huh?” I ask.
Parker waves a hand around. “Here. You don’t have to stay here the whole night. I have to stay until the exhibit closes, but that doesn’t mean you have to. If you want, you guys can come by tonight, and we can have another sleepover?”
I glance at Ben, and he raises an eyebrow. “Want to?”
Fuck. I very much do. “Yeah,” I say, nodding.
“Perfect,” Parker says. “I should be done by ten if you all wanna come by around ten thirty or so.”
“We’ll see you then, Cotton Candy,” Ben says, grinning as Parker rolls their eyes.
My stomach does a giddy little flip. Fuck, I don’t know what to do. I give Parker a little wave, which feels stupid given the feelings coursing through me. “See you in a bit,” I say softly, unable to stop my smile when Parker nods excitedly.
Ben and I walk out side by side and into the night air. As soon as we’ve cleared the door, Ben tugs me into the alley and pushes me against the wall. Without missing a beat, his knee slots between mine, and he drags me down to him with poised confidence.
The second our lips connect, a moan tears from my throat, and my body nearly combusts. God, kissing him is so good.
Remembering how good it felt to have his strong fingers tangled in my hair, I bring my hands up, sliding them into his.
My fingers twist around the strands as he grinds his thigh against my hardening dick.
“Wanted to do this all night,” he mumbles.
“Especially when you talked Parker down like that. It was incredible. You were incredible.”
I gasp, and Ben takes full advantage, sliding his tongue past my parted lips. I kiss him back, frantic, almost desperate, but something’s not right. “Wait…” Ben pulls back. “Wait, wait, wait,” I say again, even though he’s already stopped.
My heart is beating in my cock, and I just need a second and a little space so I can get my head on right. Thankfully, Ben seems to know that because when I drop my hands, he takes a step back.
“We can’t do this,” I whisper, my heart clanging painfully in my chest.
“What?” Ben’s face scrunches in confusion. “Why? I—”
“I like Parker,” I blurt out, cutting him off.
He stares at me for a second, then hurt flashes across his face. “Oh. I guess I just thought you liked me too.”
“I do,” I rush to say, and when his face twists in confusion, I groan.
“I do. But I—but you were right. Or maybe you weren’t, and now you are.
Or I don’t know. I just… Fuck. Yes. I like you, but I—I also really like Parker.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I feel like this,” I whisper, and even I can hear the shame coloring my voice.
Ben watches me for a second, then steps closer, catching my chin between his fingers and thumb. He searches my eyes, but I can’t make out his expression. “You don’t want to kiss me because you like Parker?” he finally asks after what feels like a lifetime.
I nod. “Yeah, I guess? It doesn’t seem fair. Like to you.” Or to Parker, either, really.
Ben nods. “Okay…” He bites at his bottom lip. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, anything,” I say, nodding rapidly.
“Who said you couldn’t like me and Parker both?”
I open my mouth, then close it. That’s the rule, right? You get one person. One. That’s it. And sometimes not even that. You don’t get two. You don’t get to want two.
But I do.
God, I really do.
“It’s not fair,” I repeat. “I don’t get to just… have my cake and eat it too. That’s not right.”
To my surprise, Ben laughs. “Who says, Lan?” He takes a step toward me, and my breath catches when he runs his fingers through my hair. “I like you.” I swallow hard. “And I like Parker.”
That doesn’t ignite the feelings of jealousy it probably should, and I can’t quite figure out why. Just like the night I thought about them hooking up, all I feel is want. A dull, throbbing ache in my gut.
“But what about Parker?” I say softly. “What if they don’t feel the same way?”
The same horror and fear I feel flashes in Ben’s eyes. “I don’t know, but I think they do. I think they’re just afraid.”
Parker’s words about really wanting their hookup but being scared flash through my mind.
I’ve been burned before.
Their love painting felt like pain to them…
“I think someone hurt them,” I say softly.
Ben nods. “Me too.”
“So what do we do?” I ask, desperate for some way to prove to Parker that I won’t. I wouldn’t.
Ben takes a deep breath. “I think we show them they don’t have to be afraid.”
God, it feels like my heart is gonna crack right in two. From longing or from pain. I just can’t figure out which. “But how?”
“By showing up tonight for our sleepover. By being there. By proving ourselves.”
“What if it doesn’t work?” I whisper.
“Fuck,” Ben murmurs, voice shaky. His eyes find mine and hold. Then he’s brushing his thumb over my cheekbone. “Then it doesn’t work, but we have to try, right? Don’t you feel like we have to try?”
I’m nodding before he’s even done speaking. “I’m scared,” I admit softly.
Ben lets out a breathless laugh. “Me too. But I’m not gonna let that stop me.”
Me neither. Not this time.
Not if it means I get Ben and Parker.
“I won’t either.”
Ben exhales a shaky breath, then presses his lips to mine softly. It’s no more than a peck, but it still sets my heart ablaze.
“Last one,” he murmurs. “The next time I kiss you, Parker will be ours too.”