Chapter 16
Landon
Everything is calm.
I’ve been awake for a while, just soaking it all in, reveling in the feel of Ben’s hand where it’s splayed wide across my stomach, his arm stretched over Parker’s side. His fingers keep twitching. It’s endearing.
Parker’s curled against my side, head buried against my throat. Their breath is fanning across my skin, nose brushing my neck with each small shift.
The two of them are still asleep, their breaths deep and even, sometimes even syncing up.
Parker feels cool. When their fever broke in the middle of the night, it stayed that way. Thankfully.
Ben’s hand jerks, fingers flexing before settling again. I’m not sure how Parker is even still asleep with the way they’re being smooshed between the two of us, but I don’t want to move. I don’t want this to be over.
Given the change in Parker’s breathing, though, I don’t have much more time to enjoy it. I’m surprised when they shift a little, nuzzling my throat with their nose. “Mmm, it’s warm.”
My heart flips. God, I love this. I’m in so much trouble.
“Bad warm?” I ask softly, not wanting to wake Ben up.
Parker shakes their head, scooting impossibly closer to me. “No. Gold. Bright, warm, fuzzy gold.”
I can’t help but smile. The way they describe things in colors might be my favorite thing in the world, and if I’m being completely honest, I’m also happy that it’s no longer black or gray or green, but not the jealous kind.
“Yeah?” I whisper, fingers itching to run through their hair. “What’s gold?”
“This.”
Well, that doesn’t give me much, but if they feel anything like me right now, I’ll take gold.
“I’m glad.” God, I want to touch them so badly. “Can I play with your hair?”
Parker doesn’t answer verbally, but as soon as the words leave my mouth, they’re moving, adjusting until their head is on my chest. I let my fingers sink into it, feeling the silky strands. They lean into my touch, pushing further into my hand.
“You’re acting like a cat.” Parker lets out a low chuckle. “How are you feeling?”
They hum. “Better. So much better. Must have been a twenty-four-hour bug or something.”
“I’m glad.” I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of Ben’s voice.
“I didn’t know you were awake.”
He drums his fingers against my stomach, then dips them lower, letting the tips of them brush along my waistband. “I haven’t been for long. Just long enough to hear that Cotton Candy isn’t black or gray anymore.”
“Or green,” Parker adds, a smile in their voice.
“Or green,” Ben amends. “How much of last night do you remember?”
Parker stills. It’s like their entire body just stops, breath and all.
“Uh, all of it?”
Ben sits up, then looks down at us. Fuck, he’s hot first thing in the morning, his black hair sleep-mussed and wild, eyes hooded and sleepy. “Yeah? Does that mean you’re tired of running from us?”
Parker sighs. “I’m not running. I’m just…”
“Afraid?” I whisper, carding my fingers through their hair.
They nod, turning their head to bury their face in my chest. “Yes.”
I understand that, and I can’t even fault them for it. How could I? It would make me so hypocritical.
Ben’s hand joins mine in Parker’s hair. Our fingers brush, sending sparks through my body.
“You don’t have to be afraid,” Ben says softly. “We won’t hurt you.”
Words don’t matter. Not to someone like Parker. Not when they’ve been hurt before. I know that, and I know Ben does too. Action. That’s what’s gonna prove it to them. And I think it needs to start with a kiss.
I’m still not sure why Parker was so upset before, but I know it has something to do with Ben and the failed hookup between the two of them.
I take a breath. “Can you come out of your hiding spot?”
Parker raises up after a brief hesitation, pinning me with those pretty blue eyes. Sliding my hand from their hair to cup their face, I brush my thumb along their jawline. “Let Ben kiss you the way you want.”
It’s almost funny how Parker instigated the first kiss between Ben and me, and now I’m doing the same for the two of them. Or, their second first kiss, I guess. But God, it feels so right, and I want to see it so badly.
Parker’s eyes blow wide, so I add, “If you want to.”
“Can I at least brush my teeth first?” they ask, throat bobbing with their nervous swallow. The attempt at humor falls flat, leaving their voice raw and vulnerable.
Ben’s out of the bed before I can even process it. “We all should, actually.”
My stomach flips, nerves lighting me up from head to toe.
Parker stares into my eyes, the same fear reflected in their gaze that I know is in mine. “You want to?” I ask quietly.
They nod slowly.
Instead of getting off the bed from the empty side, they climb over me, body brushing mine as they go. I fight back a gasp, waiting until they’re standing beside me before I get up to join them.
In the bathroom, I can’t keep my eyes off the two of them. Ben is being goofy, making funny faces at us in the mirror, and Parker is doing their best to pretend it’s not making them smile.
I’m not sure how I ended up here. Like this. With the two of them. Why me? Why now? Why like this? Why, when the two of them could be so perfect on their own? Parker’s eyes find mine in the mirror, and they stick their foam-covered tongue out at me, including me without even saying a word.
We finish brushing our teeth, then go back to the bedroom together. The air feels thick and charged, tension and longing bleeding into the spaces between us.
Parker fidgets with their hands, nerves radiating off them. Ben, poised and confident, seems to be chomping at the bit. He steps into Parker’s space, and I nearly hold my breath as I watch the two of them.
Ben slides a hand into Parker’s hair, and I watch, awed, as they stare at each other.
“You said before,” Ben says, fingers toying with the strands of pink in Parker’s thick hair. “That I didn’t kiss you that way. What did you mean?”
“Like with Landon,” Parker says. “You kissed him like he meant something to you, and I just… I don’t want to feel like nothing to you.”
Oh, fuck. I’m not sure even Parker expected that level of honesty to come out of their mouth.
“You are a great many things, Parker, but never nothing.”
Ben cups Parker’s face with his free hand, thumb ghosting over Parker’s lower lip.
I inhale just as sharply as Parker at the contact. The anticipation is killing me, and even though I’m not getting kissed, it feels the same way in my gut.
Ben leans down, and I hold my breath. I find myself shifting forward without meaning to, dying for the two of them to close the space. My heart pounds in my ears when Parker’s hand lands on Ben’s chest, fingers flexing.
Fuck. They’re killing me.
“You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted this,” Ben whispers, then closes the distance between them, slotting his lips softly over Parker’s.
They gasp, eyes falling shut as Ben slides both hands into their hair, tilting their head sideways to deepen the kiss.
He doesn’t rush it, and watching the way he expertly commands Parker’s mouth has my cock swelling and my lips tingling with the memory of his mouth on mine.
I didn’t know kissing could be that way. Slow and deep, but also demanding and rough. Parker leans into Ben, body going lax.
I’m sure someone would argue that this should make me jealous—watching two people I care so much about kiss like no one else is around. I’m not, though. I’m feeling a host of things, and jealousy doesn’t come close to making the list.
Ben breaks the kiss with a sharp breath, then rests his forehead against Parker’s.
“Better?” he rasps, voice low and rough.
Parker nods, chest heaving. “I think so. Maybe you should kiss Lan again so I can be sure, though.”
I barely have time to take a breath before Ben’s hand is gently cupping the side of my throat, pulling me into him. Our lips crash together in a flurry of heat and want and desperation.
A surprised noise flies from my mouth, melting into a, truthfully, embarrassing whimper. Parker echoes the sound, and my gut clenches.
Like with every kiss we’ve shared, Ben takes exactly what he wants, moving my head to get the right angle, making me lose my mind with the way he expertly tangles his tongue with mine.
When he groans, Parker does too, and my cock throbs. Holy fuck.
I need to see Parker, though; I need to make sure they don’t feel bad or left out, so I pull myself away from Ben with a gasp, finding Parker immediately.
Their hair is mussed from Ben’s fingers and sleep, blue eyes hidden by blown pupils, bottom lip slick with spit like they just licked it.
Goddamn. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”
Parker laughs, a little weak and brittle. “You say that after having Ben’s tongue down your throat?”
That makes me smile, but it’s also the truth. Ben is incredible and gorgeous and mind-numbingly hot, but Parker is ethereal, like a fucking paint-spattered angel, so I nod.
Parker steps toward me, and Ben steps back.
My stomach flips. Parker stares up at me through dark lashes. “Our turn?”
I shrug. I want it. I want it so fucking bad, but not if they don’t. “Only if you want to,” I whisper. “If you’re not ready or you’re not comfortable, we don’t—”
My voice cuts off with an oomph as Parker grips my shirt in shaky fists and yanks me down to them, slamming our lips together.
They’re more playful than I think I expected them to be, their lips curling into a smile against mine. I can’t help but smile back into the kiss, still not sure how I got so damn lucky.
Parker’s grip on my shirt tightens, and they turn more serious, the smile falling away as they part their lips in invitation. I sweep my tongue past them, my blood boiling when they moan into my mouth.
The sound ricochets through me, lighting me up from the inside out.
It’s over far too soon, Parker dropping and breaking away from me.
I get a little lost staring at them. At their flushed cheeks and their blown pupils.
“What’s this color, Cotton Candy?” Ben asks, breaking the silence.