Chapter 3
Lexi
I had never had that much fun on a date.
I mean, it wasn’t really a date. He was just my self-defense instructor who was a total gentleman and wanted to make sure I was okay.
It’s not like that short-circuited all my knight in shining armor fantasies or anything.
I totally didn’t think about kissing his neck, or what it would feel like to feel his stubble against my thighs.
A low pull in my belly answered that thought, and I scolded myself.
It had been so easy to talk to him. He was kind and funny, and before I knew it, I’d told him more details than I meant to about what was bothering me.
But instead of telling me I was stupid to go out there to begin with, Rafe gave me all these tips about how to deal with people who were acting threatening.
He said that a lot of self-defense was verbal and also body language, that I should look off to the guy’s shoulder and not right in his face and don’t cross my arms. Crossing my arms was a big coping mechanism for me—a comfort thing, so I’d have to work on that.
“If someone grabs your arm, kick him in the knee. Flat with the sole of your foot, hard as you can. It’s gonna drop him. He’ll let go and you can run. That’s the idea. Get away. Don’t stay to stomp on him and kick him,” he told me. I had laughed.
“Who would stay and stomp somebody?”
“A criminal. Which is why you want to get away from one. Next thing is, if you’re right up against him, smash your fist right below his jaw. Vagus nerve. Hurts like hell.”
“Good. Kick him in the knees, punch him in the head, got it,” I said.
“No, that’s a last resort. Priority one is always to have an escape plan. Find the exits. Keep your distance. Don’t be reckless, don’t plan to punch your way out. Plan to cut and run,” Rafe said.
I nodded, feeling better and better about going out for coffee with him.
Not just because the way he looked at me made my whole body light up with tingles.
Maybe I was tired and lonely. Maybe I was still freaked out by my encounter with Mr. Watts and wanted a big strong man to hold me.
But I wanted him to. Once I’d thought he was reaching for my hand, but he just went for another fry. I was deflated when that happened.
It was for the best though, because I would’ve ruined what had the potential to be a good friendship by having my first-ever one-night stand.
I wasn’t the kind of person who hooked up with guys, but I was feeling vulnerable and didn’t want to be alone.
If he’d given me the slightest idea that he was interested, there’s no telling what I would’ve done.
I definitely would’ve let him kiss me. I probably would’ve let him come home with me, even though I’d never had a guy over to my apartment, not in the two years I’d lived there.
I was independent and focused on my work.
I wanted to help children, to help families the way no one had helped mine.
It was my calling. But for the first time ever, that felt really lonesome.
Sitting across from Rafe in the diner had made it seem worse, not better.
I felt a stab of longing for him, for anyone really, for a man to love and to wake up with every day. It made me ache somewhere in my chest.
His suggestions gave me something to focus on, practical strategies to protect myself next time. Even though I couldn’t take his advice.
“Lexi, I don’t know you well enough to have any right to give you advice, but you can’t go back there.
Get reassigned, demand that your supervisor sends someone else.
Refuse to go there. It’s the only choice here.
Nothing I can teach you is going to protect you 100% with this guy.
Jesus, he said he was going to beat your ass.
You have to take this seriously. Nothing against my classes, but they’re not enough, not when you’re already in danger. ”
I had thanked him for his concern, but I’d told him the truth when I said there was no other way.
Janet was busy with her managerial duties and still recovering from knee replacement.
There was no way she was going out there.
And Brody wouldn’t trade me cases or do anything resembling a favor for me in this lifetime.
I didn’t tell Rafe why. He had already been compassionate enough to find out why I wanted to learn self-defense.
He’d listened to me while I explained the threat against me, the impossibility of being reassigned.
He didn’t need to hear the details of every unfortunate thing that ever happened at work.
Part of me didn’t want the guy to think I was a whiner.
I already felt weak, cornered in my situation.
It would help somehow if he thought I was brave, if he thought I could find the good in things.
So, I told him I wished things were different, but mainly I wished they were different for the little Watts girl.
She deserved better than this. She deserved a parent who fought to make things right and get her home, not one who made threats and neglected her and took no responsibility for the problems.
“It breaks my heart every day,” I told Rafe honestly, “That these babies deserve so much better. The worst thing about today wasn’t that I was scared.
The worst part was knowing that this is all that his little girl has to hope for.
That going home to a father like that is the outcome we’re hoping for. ”
Again, I had wanted to curl up in his arms. There was something about him, about that man I’d just met.
He had a burly, powerful body—I should have shrunk away from him.
All that muscle could have been punishing.
His sheer size could have been intimidating.
Instead, because of the way he carried himself, because of his demeanor, he seemed confident and strong, not menacing.
Rafe seemed like the kind of man who would put his arm around me on the couch, let me snuggle against his broad, muscular chest, and he’d hold me tight.
I’d never had that; never known a man or anyone at all who held me, but I yearned for it.
And my body or my hormones or something seemed to recognize him, to register his protectiveness, his innate goodness.
I trusted him. I never trusted easily, not after the way I grew up. But something in Rafe called out to me, made me feel safer. It was a wonder I didn’t burst into tears. The only thing that really stopped me from crying was the fact that I didn’t want to flat out horrify him.
When I got home and locked my new deadbolt, I distracted my worried mind with thoughts of what I’d like to do with Rafe Sullivan. Horrifying him wasn’t even on the list.