Chapter 6
Rafe
S he hadn’t lived with us for three weeks before I noticed that we were all staying home every night.
Lexi had picked up Thai food after work.
We ate it on the sectional in front of some stupid reality show she had us watching.
We passed the cartons back and forth comfortably, eating out of each other’s containers.
Her bare feet were on my leg. I set my carton down and rubbed her foot, massaging her slim ankle and under her heel until I felt the tension drain out of her.
“Mmm,” she said, “that’s even better than these noodles.
But now you have to go wash your hands because you touched my foot.
” She wrinkled her nose. It was pretty damn cute.
I was so tempted to take her foot in my hands, raise it to my face and lick the arch in one luxuriant stroke just to feel her shiver.
She would. A shudder would go through her whole body.
I knew how sensitive she was to touch, how starved she was for it.
Sometimes I had trouble not crossing that line.
I wanted to make her feel good. At night I’d hear her get up to get a drink of water or something and have to make myself stay in my room.
If I got up and found her in the kitchen in some little white scrap of a nightgown—my palms itched with the thought of taking her in my hands and making her moan.
“When was the last time you went out, Leo?” I asked him as he stole a noodle from Lexi’s carton.
“I went out last Tuesday night with the guys at work. How about you?”
I shrugged, “Penny came by and asked me out this morning.”
“Who’s Penny?” Lexi said around a mouthful of noodles. “Do I need to set a place for her tomorrow night?”
“Nah. I told her we were making dinner. It was our Thursday thing.”
“Since when do we have a Thursday thing? Is it like our family tradition?” Leo teased.
“It’s my week to cook. You’re in charge of salad, Lexi’s doing dessert. Remember?”
“I remember she cooked for us the first week she lived here. God almighty, I haven’t had a roast like that since my abuela passed away. Where’d you learn to cook like that anyway?”
“Group home,” Lexi said. “We cooked on a rotating schedule.
I had read in some magazine that one of the workers left there about a traditional family Sunday dinner.
I figured none of us ever had that, so I always made Yankee pot roast. It was a nice change from the casserole with chips on top that most of them cooked.
I liked to save recipes from the magazines I ran across.
“How long did you live in a group home?” I asked her.
“Six years. People only want to foster little cute kids. It’s hard to convince somebody that they should take in a teenager, especially when we’ve all had to struggle to survive and that creates some habits that are—not adorable,” she rolled her eyes.
“So being a social worker, it’s a good fit for me because I can sort of coach up the kids on expected behaviors and explain to the families what they may be dealing with.
I think of it like being a translator almost. Helping them understand each other. ”
I hated to think of her feeling unwanted, of her combing through old magazines for some kind of food that would make them all feel like they had a family for one night. I scooped her up into a hug, noodles and all and she laughed.
“Wait till you taste the dessert I’ve got planned for tomorrow night. There’d be plenty for Penny if you want to invite her. I’m going to do this chocolate pudding with layers of Oreos and whipped cream in it. Girls love that stuff. You might get lucky,” she teased.
“Oh, with Penny, getting lucky is a sure thing,” Leo said. “Those two have been on and off for about a year. Mostly off, but she shows up here for breakfast every once in a while.”
“Shut up,” I muttered. I didn’t want Lexi thinking about me with Penny. Not that I thought Lexi had sexual thoughts about me or Leo. Just because I didn’t want her to have to consider finding some strange woman in the house one morning.
“Come to think of it, she hasn’t been around for a few months. Are you giving up on casual sex, bro?” Leo asked.
“Penny and I had fun for a while,” I said.
“But it was never going to be long term.” I hoped that would explain enough of it, enough of the fact that when I was given the choice, I’d rather eat pot roast with my roommates than hook up with Penny again.
I had a woman in my life, even if it was platonic, and it would feel weird to go out with some girl, have sex with some girl with Lexi in the next room.
“Don’t tell me you dumped her because of me. I do not want to cock-block either of you. Just say the word and I’ll go to the library or stay in my room or something,” Lexi said.
She was cool about it. That just made it harder. Harder was a word that gave me problems—as in the more she draped her legs across my lap or hid her face in my shoulder during a scary movie, the harder I got.
Lexi was my friend, and this was the closest to a home she’d ever had.
I was determined not to mess that up for her.
Even if it meant bolting suddenly to the bathroom and staying there to calm down.
Even if it meant rubbing one out in the shower during a commercial break so I could settle in for cozy night with her.
I liked her, and I wanted her to feel comfortable at home with us.
She was here so we could keep her safe. That meant I could never make a move on her.
I’d just pass on any plans that came my way. Evenings were our time. We binge-watched dumb singing contests and one about some rich ladies who all had Botox and drinking problems. Leo was with us most nights too, trash talking the bad singers and the women who passed out in their chicken salad.
Lexi made me laugh. All the time. The more time I spent with her, the deeper my feelings for her grew.
I hid them pretty well, even from Leo, who prided himself on knowing when I was even slightly interested in a member of the opposite sex.
I was careful not to stare at her too long, not to let my eyes roll back in my head and my mouth drop open with lust when she rubbed my shoulders after a long day.
If I spent way more time at home since she moved in, I told myself that was just a coincidence.
Or if I hurried home after teaching a class because I knew she was there waiting for me, that was just the novelty of it.
It would wear off. I’d go back to hanging out at the bar with the other trainers eventually.
If it ever sounded the least bit appealing again.
Leo got called in to cover the night shift one evening, so he’d sleep at the station. When he left, Lexi sprawled out on the couch full length. “At last, room to stretch out,” she giggled.
“You take up a lot of room for a tiny person,” I said.
“Hey, I keep all my makeup and girlie crap in a basket, I don’t leave it in your bathroom,” she laughed.
“I don’t mind your girlie crap half as much as you think I do,” I said honestly. “I like having you here.”
“I like being here. In fact, I love it. I love you. Both of you,” she said quickly. I saw the flush creep up her neck and fan over her cheeks. I wanted to kiss her mouth so much that I clawed at my chest a little where it ached. I cleared my throat, took a swallow of my beer.
“I better clean this up,” I said gruffly, picking up containers and napkins.
She jumped to her feet, eager to help. She leaned across me and grabbed a stray napkin crumpled on the floor.
When she did, she bumped up against me, my upper arm brushing the side of her breast. I felt like I’d been burned, branded.
I jerked back, “Sorry,” I said, taking a step back and colliding with the couch.
“Didn’t mean to cause a traffic jam,” she said, slipping past me to throw away the napkins she’d picked up. “I’ve got a date with a library book. I’m almost through with their entire cozy mystery section. Lots of old ladies with bakeries who solve murders.”
“Okay, good night,” I called to her as she went into her room.
She didn’t shut the door all the way. I knew she’d be changing into her pajamas.
I could shut my eyes and imagine the lift of her breasts as she drew her shirt over her head, the curve of her ass when she shucked off her jeans.
I shook myself, grabbed my phone and cruised Instagram for a while.
When I was sure she’d be asleep, I went and took a cold shower, toweled off to get ready for bed.
I was brushing my teeth when I heard her. It was soft to start with, like a moan, but then there were faster whimpers, a short cry. I dropped my toothbrush in the sink and headed for her room.
Lexi was asleep, twisted up in the white sheets, curled in on herself, hands clutched in the tangle of her own hair. She whimpered and moaned, crying out in a short scream. I was on her then, no more hesitating in the doorway. I pulled her up into my arms, whispered to her.
“It’s okay, Lexi. I’m right here. It’s okay,” I said into her damp, tangled hair. She fought against me weakly, pushing, shaking her head.
“Wake up!” I said, “Lexi!” I put her away from me for a second to look in her face. She was flushed and sweaty, tears on her cheeks. It wrenched something in my chest to see her frightened.
She blinked, rubbed her eyes, sniffed bravely, “I—I—Rafe—” she broke off saying my name. She buried her face in my neck, hot tears falling on my skin. I wrapped her in my arms, told her over and over that I had her, that she was safe. I felt the tension go out of her when her sobs subsided.
Lexi clung to me still, one hand on my bare back, one on my chest. I wished briefly that I’d put some clothes after my shower and not just the towel.
Something, anything between us would have been safer.
She was in a white t-shirt, her strong thighs naked below it.
I swallowed hard, rubbed her back in what I hoped was a friendly, comforting way.
She looked up at me, her eyes bright with tears as they met mine.
She leaned up and kissed my cheek or tried to.
She brushed her lips at the corner of my mouth, probably by accident, but I was lost. I covered her mouth with mine, my lips nipping at hers, my tongue sliding inside her mouth, soft and welcoming.
She gasped into my mouth, her tongue stroking along mine as I explored her slowly and sensuously.
Her hands tangled in my wet hair and I growled with satisfaction, I couldn’t help myself, when she nipped at my lower lip with her teeth, sending a bolt of sensation straight to my cock.
I wanted her so fiercely that I had to stop at nothing to contain it, had to content myself to stroke my tongue into her mouth deep and slow, making her tremble under my hands.
Slanting my mouth over hers, I slid my palm along her rib cage, my thumb brushing the underside of her breast. I stroked higher, felt her nipple harden into a tight bud under the slightest rub of thumb.
She gave a small moan into my mouth, so I gave her more.
I laid her back on the bed, working her sensitive nipple between my finger and thumb, making it into a hard, aching peak.
Lexi wrapped both arms around me, whispered into my mouth, “Rafe, I’ve wanted you for so long.
” Her words undid me. I had meant to comfort her with a kiss, but she had set me ablaze.
I pulled back from her, trying not to let my gaze linger on her swollen lips, the drugged look in her eyes.
I wanted to slide her shirt up and put my mouth between her legs.
She’d let me, I knew from the look on her face.
But she was too vulnerable, staying with us for safety and friendship, crying out in the night from a bad dream.
It would have been dishonorable to take advantage of her. I helped her to her feet.
“You were crying in your sleep,” I said gruffly. “I came in to wake you. I didn’t come in here to— ”
“I know,” she said, “Thank you for waking me. It was an awful dream. I think that’s why I—held on to you. It won’t happen again. I don’t want to lose your friendship. Yours or Leo’s.”
“What we have is too special to risk,” I said, hoping she understood what I meant—that I was attracted to her, but I didn’t want to lose the ease and closeness the three of us had.
“Good night, Rafe,” she said. She wouldn’t lift her face to look at me. “And for what it’s worth, no one’s ever kissed me like that. Not ever.”
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t think of anything to say to that, and I sure as hell couldn’t let myself touch her again. I tightened the towel around my hips and walked out. Back to another cold shower.