2. Sabrina
CHAPTER 2
SAbrINA
I feel like I’m contaminating the immaculate lawn as I make my way over it from the street to the front door. Lucy and Alyssa always insist I park in the driveway, but I refuse since Pearl leaks oil on occasion.
On the porch, I set my duffel and tote down, then jog to the car for my bed linens.
By the time I make it back to the front door, Alyssa is hefting the rest of my things into the foyer, wearing a kind smile, like she’s excited to see me, even though I’m here to once again crash into her life because of my stupendous lack of luck.
“Nice decorations.” I hold one finger up and give it a whirl, gesturing to the greenery strung with lights hanging above the front door. The windows are decorated with wreaths, and lights glitter from every eave in the waning afternoon light. The scene is dreamy, the kind of Christmas setup I was always in awe of when I was a kid with my nose pressed to the car window as we drove by festive homes.
It’s always been my goal to own a house and decorate it for Christmas in a similar fashion. I might be down on my luck right now, but I have faith that eventually things will get better.
“Thanks.” Alyssa steps aside to allow me entry, her mouth now turned down in a sympathetic frown. “How are you?”
“I’m okay.”
It’s a lie, we both know it, but she doesn’t call me out on it.
I survey the two-story foyer that’s bigger than my entire apartment. In the center sits a large, gorgeously decorated Christmas tree that nearly touches the ceiling. From here, I can see a smaller tree at the top of the stairs.
Multiple Christmas trees.
I’m adding that to the list of things I’ll one day have.
Behind me, Alyssa shuts and locks the door. “I’m glad you’re here. You know you’re always welcome.” Her smile is sweet, genuine.
It doesn’t stop me from feeling like a stray that keeps showing up at their door, begging for scraps. I hate the idea that either of them might think I’m using them or taking advantage. My stomach roils at my predicament.
“Nice tree.”
Head tilted, she takes in the colossal conifer. “The family room one is nicer. Fuller. I think you’ll like it.” Her eyes twinkle with humor.
“Do you mind if I put these in your washer?” I hold out my pile of sheets.
Alyssa sweeps out an arm. “Help yourself. You know where everything is. I’m headed into a meeting but wanted to say hi first.”
Attention averted, I clear my throat. “Thanks for letting me stay.”
I know Lucy and Alyssa care about me, but it’s hard for me to accept their kindness and generosity. My parents, the two people who were supposed to love me no matter what, never did. It’s hard letting people in, especially when I feel entirely unworthy of their attention.
I learned how to be independent at a very young age, but along with that came the pesky trait of feeling entirely undeserving of basic kindness.
Alyssa gives my arm a squeeze, then pulls back a fraction before enveloping me in a true hug. It’s surprising. Lucy’s other half isn’t usually so physically affectionate. “You’re always welcome here.”
After I’ve started a load of laundry, I scoop up my bags and head upstairs to the guestroom. It’s decorated in a variety of hues of green, beige, and white. The headboard is high—a statement in itself considering the height of the ceilings—but the real work of art is the wallpaper behind it.
With my things stowed on the bench that rests at the end of the bed, I stretch my arms above my head. It’ll be a little while before Lucy gets home, so I might as well keep myself busy.
I flick the light on in the adjoining bathroom and glide my fingers along the stone countertop. Inside the walk-in shower are bottles of my favorite shampoo and conditioner. They leave my curls smooth rather than naturally frizzy, but they’re pricy, so I almost never splurge on them. Yet here they sit, waiting for me, like they knew I’d be back.
It’s mortifying, knowing my friends expected this, but I could cry tears of joy. It might be a simple gesture, but it’s brimming with love and care.
I turn the shower on, and while the water heats, I empty my duffel bag and sort through the haphazard pile of clothing for a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt. When I have what I want, I stuff everything else inside so I can take the whole thing down and dump it into the washer.
The bathroom is steamy by the time I strip down and step under the spray.
I’m not typically one for long, introspective showers, but I find myself lingering, letting the hot water relax my muscles.
By the time I exit, I’m filled with a shocking amount of confidence that everything will be okay.
Not today, probably not tomorrow, but one day soon.
I use my towel to wipe the steam from the mirror, then gently comb through my curls, adding product to help keep them smooth and coiled.
Growing up, I hated my curls. All the girls at school had stick-straight hair, or so it seemed. Then there was me with curls that are fuller and bouncier than they are long. But the older I get, the more appreciate them.
Eventually I make my way downstairs to the silent first floor and start a new load of laundry, then pop a can of sparkling water flavored with grapefruit.
“Flavored water is such fancy people shit,” I mutter as I drop into a chair at the table that overlooks the sprawling backyard.
I take a careful sip, and when the crisp flavor hits my tongue, I hum. Not bad .
The whir of the garage door is loud in the deadly quiet space, then the security system chimes as the door opens. A small curse echoes from the mudroom into the kitchen, spurring me to stand and scurry over. Lucy is just inside the door, struggling with three pizza boxes. The package of cinnamon rolls teeters dangerously on top. Her purse has fallen to the floor, and the contents are scattered at her feet.
“Here, I’ve got these.” I take the boxes from her and set them on the counter, then hurry back to help her with the mess of things from her purse.
I collect at least a dozen unopened Band-Aids and hold them out. “Jesus, Lu. How much crap do you carry in there?”
“Too much.”
It takes far longer than it should to pick up her stuff. Arm outstretched, I reach for a white stick, but before I scoop it up, I stop short. “Lu… what is that?”
She grins, her eyes lighting up. “I… surprise, I guess.” She flips it over, revealing a positive pregnancy test.
I stare at it for a moment, processing her words.
My mouth falls open. “Lucy! You’re pregnant?”
About a year ago, she mentioned that she and Alyssa met with a doctor who specializes in IVF, but she never brought it up again, and I didn’t want to butt in on what could be a sensitive topic. Plus, they’re so young. At twenty-three and twenty-five, they have all the time in the world. When she didn’t bring up the subject again, I assumed they’d decided to wait.
I can’t imagine being ready to have children only a year from now.
“I wasn’t going to tell you yet.” Hurt pierces my heart, but before it can take root, she says, “It’s still very early. It might not… it might not stick, but I’m… oh, Sab, I’m so happy.” She throws her arms around me.
I hug my best friend back, squeezing her tight. Soon there will be a big belly between us. “I can’t believe I’m going to be an auntie.”
She sits back and drops the test into her purse. “We found out last week that this round took. I can’t seem to stop peeing on these stupid sticks. I just can’t believe it’s real. There’s a baby in here.” She presses a hand to her belly.
“Technically that’s your stomach. The baby?—”
“Oh, shut up,” she laughs, throwing her arms around me again. “Honestly, I’m so relieved. I’ve been about to burst. I wanted to tell you so badly.”
My chest aches. “I’m really happy for you two.”
“Thanks.” Her face lights up in pure joy.
I haul myself to my feet, then hold out a hand to help her up. “A baby, Lu. You’re going to be a mommy.”
“Ugh, stop.” She fans her face. “I’m going to cry.”
I hug her again, swaying side to side.
As happy as I am for my best friend, this is further proof that I need to get my life together. I can’t continue to be the constantly struggling, flaky best friend. I want to be there for Lucy the way she’s been there for me.
When I let her go, she tugs one of my curls. “I see you found the hair supplies.”
Smiling, I follow her into the kitchen. “Thanks for that.”
“You’re welcome.” She rounds the island and stands on her tiptoes to reach into a cabinet for plates. “God, I’m starving.”
“Let me get those.” I gently bump her hip with mine. “Think you got enough food?” I quip as I set the dishes beside the boxes. “That’s a lot of pizza.”
“I couldn’t decide between a veggie or a margherita, so I got both, and you’re a basic bitch who only eats pepperoni pizza, so I had to get that too.”
“And the cinnamon rolls?”
She lifts the lid of one pizza box, lips curling down in a frown at my pepperoni pie. “I’m pregnant and they looked yummy.”
“All the reason you need.” I drag the box across the island.
“Exactly.” She puts two slices of veggie and two slices of margherita on her plate.
“Hungry, are we?”
“I skipped lunch.” She shoots me a glare. “And growing a child is very exhausting work.” She sits at the table with her spoils and points to my sparkling water. “Ooh, give me one of those. A straw too.”
Arching a brow, I open a drawer and procure a metal straw. “Satisfied?”
“Thank you very much,” she says as she takes the can from me. “Alyssa must still be in her meeting.”
“I think so.” Plate in hand, I snag one slice for myself. “Do you have ice cream?”
She eyes my lone slice of pizza. “No vanilla. There’s cookie dough.”
I wrinkle my nose. “No thanks.”
Laughing, she picks up her second piece. “I’ve never met another person who loves plain old vanilla ice cream the way you do. I’ll DoorDash some.” With her free hand, she slides her phone closer.
“Don’t worry about it.”
She’s already opened her home and fed me dinner. I don’t need her to buy ice cream for me too.
With a roll of her eyes, she swipes at her phone’s screen. “You’ve had a bad day. The least I can do is have ice cream delivered.”
“Lu, you’re already letting me stay here. That’s more than enough. You even stocked the bathroom and?—”
“Shush. That’s what friends are for.” She waves away my concerns.
I can only hope that one day I’m in the position to extend the same kindness.
At the sound of Alyssa’s feet on the stairs, we turn toward the open family room.
“I smell pizza.”
“I didn’t feel like cooking.” Lu kicks her heels off beneath the table. To me she says, “Tell me why I didn’t take those off first thing.”
I bite into my crust. “I have no idea. Heels are the devil. Why do you think I love my boots so much?”
Alyssa sidles up to Lu and gives her a kiss. “Missed you, babe.”
“I missed you too.”
A pang of jealousy hits me. I want what they have—a person to share that kind of connection with. A connection that has the ability to make the rest of the world disappear when we’re together.
Lu spears me with a serious look. “A personal shopper position is opening up soon.”
I set my nibbled crust down. “I’m not interested in shopping for a bunch of obnoxious rich people. No offense.”
With a laugh and a glass of wine in hand, Alyssa joins us at the table.
“You shouldn’t be so picky.” Lucy is talking to me, but she’s smiling at Alyssa like she can’t tear her attention away. “It’s a job. A good paying one.”
“But it’s nowhere near what I want to do.”
“And being a waitress is? Or that silly summer job where you had to make balloon animals?”
“Hey, at least I got to be around kids with that one.”
“You could work with me for a year or so while you search for a job you really want. Surely there’s a school nearby hiring.”
“I’ve interviewed so many times.” My body sags. “I never get a call back, and the field is highly competitive right now. More than one person has told me they wouldn’t even consider hiring me without at least a year of teaching experience. The one time I asked how I was supposed to get that year of experience when so many of them think that way, I got hung up on.”
“See? It makes sense for you to come work with me until you find the perfect position.”
“Actually.” Alyssa sets her slice on her plate and wipes her hands on a napkin. “I may have a solution.”
I frown, dread coiling in my stomach. “What?”
Knowing Alyssa, this could entail any sort of fuckery.
“It’s a friend of a friend type of situation. He travels for work and he’s a widow. He needs someone willing to travel with him to watch his daughter and teach her.”
“Basically, I’d be a glorified nanny?”
Alyssa presses her lips together. “It is technically a nanny position, but you’d help her with her homeschool work too. You’d still be doing some teaching. I’m sure it would look great on a résumé.”
It’s honestly not the worst idea.
Lips pursed, I run through the details in my mind. “You mentioned traveling. Where?”
She exchanges a knowing look with Lucy. “All over the world. Do you have a passport?”
“Actually, I do.” I got it for a trip to Mexico that I never took. I had to use the money I’d saved when Pearl broke down and needed a thousand dollars’ worth of work.
“Perfect. I’ll set up an interview.”
Unease works its way through me. “I haven’t said yes.”
Lucy sighs. “It’s just an interview. If you’re offered the job, you can go from there.”
I tap my nails on the table as question after question flits through my mind. “I suppose.”
“It’s not a bad gig.” Alyssa takes a bite and chews. “You’d get to travel the world and you’d be teaching. Sort of.”
“All right, all right. I’ll do the interview.” It wouldn’t hurt to meet the guy and learn more about the requirements, right?
For a moment, we eat in silence. Eventually, Lucy says, “By the way, I told her about the baby.”
“Babe!” Alyssa leans back in her chair and laughs. “I knew you couldn’t keep it a secret for long.”
“In her defense, she dropped her purse and a pregnancy test fell out.”
“See? Totally not my fault.” Lucy beams at her wife.
One day , I tell myself. I’ll have a love like that. I’ll find a person I don’t want to take my eyes off.