20. Noah
CHAPTER 20
NOAH
I lose in the quarterfinals in Monte Carlo. It’s a massive blow to my ego after doing the same at the Miami Open.
I shouldn’t take it so hard. I’m just coming back after a long break and a devastating couple of years. But it hurts, knowing that the last time I was here, I came out on top. I’ve been the best, so naturally, I want to stay the best.
At the masters in Rome, I finish second.
Still, not good enough.
Not for me.
My negative thoughts are disrupted when Sabrina pushes back the curtains in the hotel suite. She stands there, hands on her hips, taking in the view of Paris. We’re here for Roland-Garros, the second grand slam of the season. I’m determined to win this time, to stay out of my head.
“Does the tour ever take you anywhere that isn’t absolutely gorgeous?” She doesn’t turn around. No, she angles her head to the side like that will help her enjoy the view. Her neck is long and bare, her hair pulled up into a bun that makes her curls spring every which way.
In three giant steps, I cross the room. I come to a stop beside her, and though I know I shouldn’t do it, I’m helpless to stop myself, so I brush my fingers gently over the soft skin that’s taunting me.
She shivers at the touch, curious dark eyes meeting mine. “What was that for?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
Our eyes hold for the length of five heartbeats. We’re only pulled apart when Maddie comes tumbling out of the bedroom.
I step away quickly, putting a few feet between us, nearly tripping over a chair in the process.
My face heats. Fuck. How embarrassing would that be? To break a wrist because I was trying to get away from my daughter’s nanny?
“Did you see the bathtub?” Maddie flops onto the couch on her stomach and kicks her legs back and forth in the air. “It’s big enough for me to swim in.”
With a chuckle, I ease onto the edge of the coffee table beside her. “You do know there’s an actual pool, right?”
“But a pool in our room is so much better.”
I guess I can’t argue with her there.
She rolls off the couch and is back on her feet in one swift movement. “I’m going to get my bathing suit.” With that, she flounces back to the bedroom, where I know it’ll take her a matter of minutes to scatter every article of clothing she owns.
Sabrina points at the now closed bedroom door. “Wish me luck with that one.”
An ache settles inside me. I need to leave, to meet up with Fisher and the rest of my team, but selfishly, I don’t want to go. I want to stay here. Spend the day with the two of them.
“I want to take you somewhere,” I blurt out.
Sabrina’s eyes widen a fraction. “Where?”
On a date.
“It’s Paris.” I shrug. “You should see the city.”
Paris is overrated, in my opinion, a total tourist trap, but the look of awe she’s worn since we arrived makes me want to show her all the sights.
“Maddie too?”
Hands gripping the table on either side of me, I lower my head and give it a shake. “She can hang out with Fisher.”
Sabrina twists her lips and studies me. “Do you have time for that?”
I’ll make time.
“Yes.”
Sucking her cheeks in, she turns and takes in the view one more time. “Okay. But…” She holds up a finger and zeroes in on me. “You have to promise that if you truly don’t have the time, you’ll let me know. I don’t want you to be a grumpy ass because you have better things to do.”
“Trust me.” I stand and slide my hands into my pockets. “I don’t have anything better to do.”
Her lips part at my admission, a tiny gasp fluttering out of her.
That isn’t technically true. I need to prepare for the grand slam, but fuck it if all I can think about is spending time with her.
“I better go. Fisher is waiting on me.” I back out of the room, headed to find Maddie for a quick goodbye.
Sabrina nods woodenly, mouth still open in surprise.
As I stride down the hallway to the elevators, I rub at my jaw. There’s a chance that I’m about to fuck up things royally, but there’s not one part of me that wants to go back on my plan.
Sabrina Howard is quickly becoming my biggest obsession.
Fisher hits the ball back over the net, and I dart to my left, but I miss it by inches.
Frustration roars inside me, begging to be let out, but I rein it in.
“What was that?” He throws his hands up. “You could’ve had that. You’re off today.”
I drop my head back and groan, then cross over to where my bag sits by the small row of bleachers and fish out my water bottle.
“I’m talking to you.” He clutches my shoulder from behind and forces me to turn.
Before he can lecture me, I blurt out, “Can you watch Maddie tomorrow?”
Brows pulled low, he searches my face. “Sure, but why?”
I sigh and take a small sip of water, then wipe the back of my wrist over my mouth. “I want to take Sabrina out.”
His mouth spreads into a grin. “I fucking knew it.”
“Not like that.” Fuck, even I don’t believe it when I sound this defensive. “I just want to show her around Paris. She’s never been. It’s not a date.”
“Mhm.” He crosses his arms over his chest, still holding his racket loosely in his right hand. “Sure sounds like a date. Is that why you’re distracted?”
“I guess.” With my stomach flipping over itself, I run my fingers through my sweaty hair. “I haven’t been out with another woman since before Annie. I was practically a kid then.”
He gives me a downright goofy grin in response.
I hold up a finger and wag it. “Out, not a date. Just out.”
“Whatever you crazy kids are calling it these days.” He sets down his own racket and picks up his water. After a long drink from it, his expression sobers. “It’s okay to move on, you know. It doesn’t mean forgetting. It just means you’re living.”
His words hit me square in the chest. Fuck. I’m living while Annie is not. I would change places with her in a heartbeat. She deserved more than the short life she was dealt. The world truly is unfair.
“Am I being selfish?” I drop to the bench and angle forward, my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. “She’s the nanny. And Maddie loves her. I don’t want to fuck things up. If Sabrina quits, Maddie would be devastated.”
Fisher eases himself down beside me. “If you have feelings for her, then no, I don’t think you’re being selfish.”
The pain in my chest turns sharp for an instant. “The problem is, I don’t know what I feel. I’m so goddamn confused.”
Angling back, Fisher rests his arms on the bleacher behind us. From here, the long scar on his knee is hard to miss. Despite the setback, despite the loss of his career, he didn’t let the injury rob him of his love of the sport.
“Give yourself a chance to explore the connection between you two. For now, don’t stress about the finer details.”
“That might be easier said than done.”
He clucks his tongue. “For you, probably.”
“Hey.” I straighten and nudge his shoulder.
He laughs, shoving me back with his hand. “All right, break time is over. Get back out there.”