21. Asher
Asher
When I come out of the bathroom, I see them. Grayson is holding her face in his hands. I know this was just fun, it doesn’t mean anything, but I feel unwelcome when they are looking at each other like that.
I have to get out of here.
They’re the type of people that end up together. They get a happy ending. I’m just a pit stop along the way. An experiment, a little bit of fun.
They’ll go on to live their perfect life together and act as if I never even existed.
I offer to take Rae home, just to extend my time with her a little longer, but she says no to both Grayson and me. Before we leave, I pull her into me one more time and kiss her, just once, just barely. Because I don’t know if this will be the last time.
I pull back, and Rae’s beautiful eyes flutter open. I try not to read too much into the look she’s giving me. She’s satiated, and high on orgasms, it doesn’t mean anything.
“See you later,” I tell her, knowing full well that’s possibly a lie.
She nods, and I leave the studio, seeing her driver already waiting outside so I know she’ll be safe. Or she’ll go with Grayson.
Either way, I’m not going to stick around and find out.
When I get back to my apartment, the high of everything that happened has faded.
That comes with the aching pain in my shoulder returning.
I did my best to limit the movement, but I didn’t really care.
I want to give Rae the full extent of my body, but I haven’t been able to and I fucking hate that.
Grayson can because he’s not hurt. He can still play his sport, do his job. While I’m here in pain and unable to do the one thing I know I’m good at.
Well, two. Fighting and fucking. I can’t do one, and the other is limited.
I get in the shower, hoping the hot water will help the pain, but it doesn’t.
I relent to taking some of the pain medication the doctor gave me.
I don’t like how tired they make me, but sleep is probably the best thing for me right now.
If only so I don’t think about what Rae and Grayson are doing now that I’m back home.
The TV in the gym is playing the football game. I don’t particularly care about it, I’m too busy trying to focus on working out enough to tire myself out but not hurt my shoulder. They start talking about a player with a name I recognize and inwardly groan.
Easton Wheeler, Grayson’s twin brother. They put his picture up on the screen and it’s crazy how much they look alike.
Even for identical twins, they’re extremely identical.
Other than the glasses that Grayson wears that his brother doesn’t.
They’re talking about his stats while the players get into position for the next play.
I shake my head, looking away from the screen. But even when I’m not looking at it my mind goes to the other night at the studio. I think of Rae, and only get irritated again that I haven’t been able to stop thinking of her.
She hasn’t reached out to me, but I haven’t either.
At this point I think it’s best. I’ll stop thinking of her eventually.
Another woman will come around, hold my attention for a little while.
I just have to get out more, and stop sulking over all the bullshit that I’ve been dealing with since I got hurt.
When I look at my phone I see a text from Audrey, and that reminds me why I never will be truly free from Rae. As long as I’m here, I’ll always have ties to her because my sister had to find family with Charlie and his whole team.
Audrey
Chandler invited everyone over for a BBQ on Sunday if you want to join.
Chandler has been my sister’s best friend for a long time. Her daughter, Maya, was usually busy practicing because she’s a figure skater. Their oldest daughter, Evie, used to play hockey but I don’t think she does anymore.
Asher
Who is everyone?
Audrey
Everyone is everyone. Who else would it be?
I roll my eyes at her response. I should’ve expected it from her; this is a typical Audrey response, being a complete smart ass.
Asher
I don’t know. Everyone can mean a variety of people when it comes to you.
Audrey
Are you wanting to join or not?
I almost ask if Rae is going to be there, but I don’t want this to open the door to more questions. Maybe if she is then I can see how close her and Grayson are now, and it can solidify my decision to stay away from them. I don’t want to ask her, but maybe if I see it, then I can know.
Asher
Yeah, I’ll join.
Sunday feels like it takes years to get here. I don’t know if it’s because I’m anticipating how it’s going to be, or dreading it. The thought of everyone hangs over me, especially when the day gets here. I almost think of backing out, but I refuse to do that.
I left Denver to get away from this entire place, to get away from my past, but I’ve grown and the people that are the reason my childhood was so shitty aren’t around anymore.
These people took me in and tried to make me family when I didn’t want one anymore.
I still don’t, but maybe I can tolerate them.
Especially if Rae still wants me.
As unlikely as that is.
I’ve been doing my best to follow the directions my doctor gave about my shoulder, but I’m about to throw this fucking sling into a fire and enjoy watching it burn.
I take it off before leaving because I don’t want to deal with the millions of questions I’m sure I’ll get about it.
I’m sure I’ll get enough about why I’m back in the first place.
The entire drive I think about turning back around and not showing up.
I’m already late and I’m going to walk in there all alone.
I always felt so out of place entering this world, and I’m right back to feeling like I’m fifteen years old, stepping into this world that’s larger than life and so full of privilege and money I don’t even know what to do.
I pull up to the massive house I’ve been to a couple times.
It was always the house the entire group would go to because it’s one of the biggest. Rae’s house is also pretty big, but for some reason this is one that usually had everyone over.
I park in the large driveway behind the cars that are already here.
Grayson’s Corvette I recognize from seeing it at the studio is already here.
I wonder if he came with Rae or if she had her driver bring her.
I scoff at her having a driver. The thought is ridiculous; even if she’s a celebrity, it seems excessive.
Knocking on the front door, I wait and half expect to be left out here in the cold, but the door swings open and reveals someone I don’t recognize at first. She must not either because her face scrunches, and that look is one I remember. She looks more like her mom from what I recall.
“Maya?” I ask, and she takes a second before seeming to recognize me too.
“Asher? Wow, long time no see.” She opens the door wider for me.
“Yeah, you were a kid the last time I saw you, how old are you now?”
“Some still think I’m a kid,” she grumbles. “I’m twenty.”
I nod, but don’t get to say anything else because other voices in the house get louder, and I suddenly remember why I hated coming to these “family gatherings.”
What’s worse than having six hockey players in the same space? Having them and all their kids. It’s not the noise or energy because that shit I would deal with at the gym. It’s all the inside jokes, terms I don’t understand and stories I wasn’t a part of.
Because I don’t belong here.
The thought starts to make its way into my consciousness, but then I see her. She looks up and notices me. I expect to see shock, nervousness, something, but I’m met with a small smile instead and it practically knocks me back.
And she’s not standing with Grayson. She’s near her oldest brother, Steele, Evie, and my sister.
I look around to see everyone else is doing their own thing, some are talking.
Brent carries in a large tray stacked with ribs from the back porch.
Matt is on the couch with Grayson and Easton playing some video game while Rae’s other brother, Nash, watches.
Vince is talking to Charlie and Rae’s dad, Jared.
Chandler is talking to Rae’s mom, Spencer, and Colton and Brynn.
It's all so familiar, but overwhelming at the same time.
Maya joins her mom who wraps her arm around her daughter’s shoulder, pulling her into a side hug. That’s when Audrey looks up and notices me, waving me over, unknowingly bringing me over to someone who may or may not even want to see me.
But that smile was something, I think.
When I join the small group my sister is talking already. “…I’m sure you all remember Asher. He just moved back.”
Rae rolls her lips together and looks down at her feet, though I swear I see a smirk on her face she tries to hide.
“Hey, man, nice to see you again.” Steele extends his hand for a quick shake.
Evie gives me a small wave.
“Hey.” I nod. “I know Rae remembers me.”
Her head shoots up, eyes wide looking at me in panic.
“We ran into each other in Vegas.” I smirk.
“Right.” She nods and then starts her adorable nervous tick I’ve noticed when she stutters and speaks quickly. “Y-yeah, he came to my show. We saw each other afterwards. Briefly, not really, just said hi. Yup, it’s good to see you again.”
Evie looks at her with narrowed eyes, seeming suspicious, but doesn’t say anything.
“What brought you back?” Steele asks, and I clench my jaw, expecting the question, but still a little irritated by it. I never had a problem with Steele; he’s a couple years older than me and tends to keep to himself which I appreciate.
“Just taking a little break,” I lie with a shrug, hiding my grimace at the movement as a sharp pain shoots down my left arm.
“Was this break by choice?” Rae questions with raised eyebrows in a challenge.
I run my tongue along the inside of my bottom lip with a huff of laughter. She knows what she’s doing, and it makes me want to haul her away from the group so I can push her against a wall and show her what happens when she tries to fuck with me.
“In a way,” I answer. “I got a little injury and need to recover.”
“You couldn’t recover in Oregon?” Evie asks.
“I could have, but Denver had better options for me. I’ll be back in the cage fighting soon.” I want this conversation to end.
“Well, we’re glad you’re back.” Audrey smiles, and I furrow my brow because I don’t think that’s necessarily true, but I’m not going to call it out right now.
“I’m going to get a refill, anyone want anything?” Rae asks, looking into Evie and Steele’s cups.
They shake their heads, and I watch her turn to leave, but the desire to follow her overwhelms me.
“I’m going to grab something,” I tell whoever is listening but don’t stick around to hear if they say anything because I follow Rae into the kitchen, but as soon as we turn a corner and I think we’re out of eyesight of anyone who may be paying attention, I grab her hand, pulling her through a door that ends up leading to a pantry.
She squeals, but I silence the noise with my hand over her mouth as I push her against the door that just closed behind us. Her eyes narrow at me, but I don’t let go of her right away.
“You think that was cute?” I feel her smile against my hand as her blue eyes shine up at me.
Her voice is muffled against my hand as she tries to retort, and I slowly remove it so I can hear what she’s trying to say.
“You thought it was cute to mention that we’ve seen each other.”
“Mm, that’s not what I said. All I said was that you remembered me.”
She rolls her eyes. “Do you always have to be right about everything?”
“Yes.”
“Great, can I go back out there? Someone may come looking for us.”
“No one will come looking for me,” I counter. “You, they might. What do you think would happen if they found you in here with me? What would Grayson think?” I can’t stop my scowl mentioning him.
I’m fully expecting her to tell me he would be mad, try to fight me because they’re together now. Madly in love and that what happened just a few days ago meant nothing between her and me because it only made her realize they’re supposed to be together.
“He’d probably join us in here.” She raises her chin.
“There’s not much room for the three of us.”
“I’m sure we could make it work.”
“Do you want to make it work?” I ask. It feels like we’re talking in code, not about the space in this pantry.
“I want more of what happened the other night,” she admits softly.
“And I want more of you.” I step closer, pressing my body against hers completely.
I see her nerves come back. “Here? R-right now?”
“Would you let me?” I question, sliding my hand up the side of her thigh.
Rae gasps, but doesn’t stop me. “We shouldn’t.”
I smirk, stepping back. “You’re right.”
She almost falls forward, barely catching herself. “I am?”
“Yeah, we shouldn’t. Not here. I don’t want to have to shove your panties in your mouth to keep you quiet when I fuck you.
” She practically chokes on a gasp when I say that, but it’s true.
I want to have her to myself when I fuck her for the first time.
I want her loud. I want her unfiltered. I want the side of Rae that no one else sees.
Except maybe one other person.
“Leave with me after this.” It’s not a question, because I’m not asking.
She shakes her head. “I can’t.”
“Why not? Because of what your family will say?”
She folds her arms over her chest. “Because you love answering questions so much? How many do you think there will be if I leave with you in front of everyone I’ve known my entire life?”
I hate that she’s right.
“Fine. Come over after.”
She twists her lips. “I’ll think about it.”
As she turns to open the door, I crowd her once again and she gasps as my chest hits her back, pushing her flat against the door.
“While you’re thinking about it, you can also think about how much your pussy floods for me when I tell you what a desperate cock hungry little thing you are. We both know what you want, and that I can give that to you.”
Rae gasps, and arches her back, her ass rubbing against my groin just for a second before I push against her even harder.
“Your puppy dog Grayson can give you sweet and soft, but we both know you want to be forced onto your knees and told what a good little slut you are while I use you how I want.”
She lets out a small moan, and I step back, freeing her while she tries to control her breathing. She looks back at me over her shoulder; it seems like she’s going to say something, but instead the door swings open and she’s gone.
Some may think that scared her away, but I know the truth. I could see it. That just ensured I’m going to see her again.