25. Rae
Rae
I’m once again at one of Grayson’s hockey games, wearing his jersey.
It feels different this time, knowing what’s transpired between us.
But at the same time, I still feel so scrambled in my mind; I don’t know if it’s helping or hurting.
Especially because I feel the eyes on me.
Which isn’t unusual, but something about it feels different right now.
I don’t know if it’s the name and number on my back, or just the general unease I’ve been feeling lately.
After that box was left, I tried to push it from my mind, but I can’t. It doesn’t matter how many times my security assures me that everything is fine. I don’t feel fine. But I’m trying to be.
I asked Asher if he wanted to come to the game with me. Audrey and Charlie are coming, but he said he didn’t want to. He didn’t give me a reason, but with the way he acts every time hockey is mentioned I think he has some deep rooted hatred for the sport. Or the people that play it.
The friends and family suite is packed today because almost everyone is here, except Evie who’s down working with the team. Neither is Easton or Steele because they have their own stuff going on.
I sit next to Maya and offer to share my nachos, which she takes happily.
“How’re you doing?” I ask her.
“Busy. It’s nice to be watching other people doing the skating for a little bit.”
“I don’t know how you do it,” I tell her, shoving another cheese-coated chip into my mouth.
“I think my dads wanted me to skate before I could even walk,” she jokes. “Evie had it worse playing hockey. I think that’s why she quit.”
“I can only imagine having three dads trying to coach would be a lot.”
Maya nods. “Oh yeah, it is. Having three dads is just a lot in general.”
“Right, that’s why you both are single, I’m sure.”
She scoffs. “Yeah, partly. I don’t know about my sister other than that one high school boyfriend she had when our dad, Matt, started sharpening knives in front of the poor guy.”
“I remember that.” I recall Evie telling me the story when she was so pissed at her dad. “Evie didn’t talk to Matt for like a month.”
We both laugh. “Yeah, something like that.”
I don’t bring up my brother. Maya has had a crush on him for a while, but Steele’s never given her the time of day and she’s said she just wants to move on.
I can’t help but think she doesn’t really want to.
Personally, I think my brother is a bit of an ass, but that’s probably because he’s my oldest brother and I had to grow up with him.
“Hey girls.” My mom drops down in the seat next to me with a wide smile. “What’re we talking about?”
“Sex, drugs and rock and roll,” I deadpan.
“You’re so funny, you know that?” She matches my monotone delivery.
“I know.” I smile.
She leans closer to me, “Don’t think your dad hasn’t noticed your jersey choice.”
“Am I grounded?” I joke.
“No, I think your punishment will be bed without dinner or something equally barbaric for this great betrayal of your family name.”
Maya snorts a laugh. “You guys are weird.”
My mom leans around me. “How would any of your dads react to you wearing a jersey with a name that isn’t theirs?”
“I don’t want to find out, which is why I’ve never worn any.”
“Smart.” My mom nods, then looks at me again.
“What?” I sink down in the seat like it will cover what’s on my back.
“Nothing, I’m just joking around with you.” Her voice drops lower. “But that boy has always been head over heels for you.”
Nash appears, plopping down in a seat next to Maya.
“There’s my favorite Hart sibling.” He gives her a rough half hug while cackling as she tries to squirm away from him.
Both Maya and Evie have their mom’s last name because I’m pretty sure their dads would have actually killed each other trying to fight over whose last name they would get.
Just another thing to think about with the situation I’m finding myself in.
“You’re lucky you’re my favorite Colver sibling.” Maya chuckles, after getting away from his grasp.
“Hey,” I admonish.
“You’re a Sparks,” Maya jokes.
“Not legally.”
“Fine, Nash you’re my favorite Colver man,” Maya corrects. I laugh, especially because I don’t think that’s necessarily true.
Luckily, the arena darkens as the pregame intro starts and everyone gets distracted by what’s going on the ice.
And I’m distracted by Grayson’s face when it flashes up on the screen.
I love that short video they play. His hair is styled and pushed back, he’s not wearing his glasses.
He’s dressed in his gear, leaning against his stick with a small smile on his face.
No one would know he’s uncomfortable, but I can see it. He doesn’t like attention on him, and photoshoots are a nightmare. I remember him complaining about that one in particular, which is why I like it because it makes me chuckle.
The guys skate out onto the ice, and I zone in on number twenty-three, watching him skate around the home side of the ice along with the rest of his team.
I turn to look at everyone else because I’m curious how others watch this moment.
Audrey and Charlie are sitting off to the side; Audrey is talking and Charlie is looking at her like she’s his entire world.
My eyes find Chandler who’s standing at one of the tables in the suite talking to Vince while Brent, Matt, and my dad stand near each other watching the ice.
I never thought about having a relationship like theirs.
Never understood how you could fall in love with more than one person like that.
But my entire world has shifted and maybe I’m starting to see how that could be possible.
That’s when I see Brynn and Colton standing on the opposite side of the suite. Colton is focused on the ice like he always is, but Brynn looks at me and winks. I turn around, wondering if she knows what’s been going on.
For the first time since this all started, I feel like I may be starting to figure it out for myself. Step one is to tell them both what I’m thinking and see what happens. Either they’ll be okay with…whatever this is. Or I’ll lose them.
I guess that’s a risk I’m going to have to take, and that’s a part of figuring out who I am. I’ve already pushed my own boundaries in so many ways, what’s one more.
After the game, that unfortunately the Dragons lose, I still go down to the tunnel to see Grayson.
Everyone else opts to go home; it’s a lot more fun when they win, but all the hockey players in our family know on a loss they usually aren’t very social afterward.
But I want to see Grayson before he leaves for a few days.
Plus, he grounds me and I think I do the same for him. With everything going on, the storm in my head, I just need him.
Guys leave the locker room, passing by me; some give a small smile just because they know who I am. Some don’t even look at me. I fiddle with the bottom of the jersey I’m wearing and act like there’s something there distracting me.
“Hope you can make your boy feel better.” I look up to see who just spoke, and it’s Collins, one of Grayson’s teammates. He’s smirking and I never really liked this guy.
I give him a thumbs up, not sure what to say, and I’m just trying to hide my grimace from the creepy feeling he’s giving me right now. Especially when I catch his eyes trailing over me. I fight the shiver and look around, wanting to do anything to get away from him.
My eyes lock on Grayson; his hair is wet as he walks through the doorway, and I quickly make my way over to him and watch his smile instantly appear when he sees me, and it calms me.
Of course he notices and looks at me, concerned. “You okay?”
I nod. “Mhm, just ready to go.”
“Damn Wheeler, staked your claim?” Collins says from behind me, and I had hoped he walked away. My body tenses, and I know Grayson sees it.
“Fuck off and walk away,” Grayson threatens in a way I’ve rarely heard from him.
Collins laughs, but I hear him leaving and I grimace.
“Sometimes I forget what assholes hockey players can be,” I tell my friend.
He pulls me into his arms in a tight hug. “Not all of us.”
“No, not you.” I press my nose into his chest, breathing in his body wash from the quick shower he took and the sweet musk of him invades my nose. I want to be wrapped in his smell.
“Let’s go before more of my teammates harass you,” he encourages.
“Can we go to your house?” I ask, not wanting to be at mine.
“Of course,” he agrees easily and doesn’t ask me why. I don’t want to tell him that when he leaves I’ll be alone and the thought of being alone in my house right now gives me a wave of panic.
I know I’m overreacting, but I can’t help it. At least being with Grayson is helping me, even if he doesn’t know it.
On the car ride to his house I get a text from Asher, and instantly look over at Grayson like he can read my mind.
He chuckles when he notices me looking at him. “What?”
“Nothing, Asher just texted,” I admit to gauge his reaction.
He remains nonchalant, not even the smallest reaction other than asking, “What did he say?”
I open the message, but continue to watch Grayson, trying to watch for anything that would indicate how he’s feeling.
“He just asked if the game is over and what I’m doing.”
Again, he doesn’t have any reaction. “What’re you going to tell him?”
“The truth, that I’m with you.”
“I was actually wanting to talk to you about that,” he says, and the panic is back. Here it is, this is where it all will start crumbling down. It was fun while it lasted, but this will be it. “Do you like him?”
My head swings over to look at Grayson, who’s still facing ahead at the road. He’s relaxed, his tone isn’t accusatory. He’s the same calm best friend I’ve known for my entire life, but I’m still scared to answer.
“I like you,” I tell him gently.
He looks over at me with a grin. “And?”
I sigh. “Yeah, I do like him too.”
Grayson’s hand lands on my thigh, the warmth seeping through my jeans as he gives me a reassuring squeeze. “I see you freaking out, but I want to make it clear that as long as you want me, I’m here. No matter what.”
“Damn, you’re one of the good ones,” I joke to try and lighten the mood. Which works because he chuckles along with me.
“Call him when we get back to my house. I think we should fuck with him,” Grayson tells me, and I love this side of him. The easy going man I’ve always known.
The one person who will never judge me, and only wants me to be happy.
But I lied to him.
I don’t like him, I love him. I always have, and he knows that, but it’s always been a platonic love, but not anymore.