17. Chocolate Apologies #2
My cart is dangerously full of food I don’t need, but I rationalize that it’s cheaper than getting it delivered to my house.
There are a few bottles of wine and some sorbet I can’t wait to eat as soon as I get home.
Once the semester starts, I usually only drink on weekends.
But I’m in the midst of a mid-life sad girl summer or something similarly tragic.
I’ve been thinking about reaching out to Ben, now that I’m no longer in a hormonal spiral, and looking to savor some good out of these last weeks of summer.
Despite wanting to use my very expensive Avalon membership, I haven’t bitten the bullet yet.
Something is holding me back from going for it.
Maybe I’m still upset that they lied or I’m worried about what would happen if I did agree to some sort of friendship with Ben or Gavin.
All I know is I’m not going to make the decision lightly. If I decide to forgive, truly forgive them, I can’t hold any resentment and I’m not sure if I can do that right now.
I can barely move my cart down one of the narrow aisles as another cart hits the end of mine. I take a deep breath instead of losing my shit at the slightest inconvenience, but when I look up and see that it’s Will with a full cart of food, including baby food, I consider choosing violence.
I can count on one hand the amount of times he went grocery shopping when we were married.
He doesn’t look surprised to see me and I’m getting really concerned that he really is following me.
This is just too many coincidences. Tampa isn’t a small town.
I shouldn’t have to run into my ex-husband this often.
It honestly feels like I’m in my own personal Truman Show hell and everyone is seeing what it’s going to take to finally make me crack.
“Kate,” he says, trying to act surprised when he sees me.
“Do I need to get a restraining order?” I snap back.
There are too many instances that don’t make sense. Sure, the sushi place I could understand, but brunch and now Trader Joe’s?
“Jesus, Kate, when did you become so paranoid?”
“Maybe when my partner of nearly two decades got someone pregnant and ruined my marriage in a blink of an eye, or something,” I say, going to move my cart and his large hand clamps down on the side and he invades my space.
My spine stiffens, and my heart rate quickens. I know I’m in a public space, that he can’t hurt me here, but there’s still an underlying fear.
I swallow thickly, staring into brown eyes I don’t recognize anymore as he sneers at me.
“Some things don’t change do they? Still a lush,” he says, nudging the neck of one of the wine bottles in my cart.
It makes bile rise in my throat. I didn’t realize how much more I started to drink toward the end of my marriage. How I used alcohol to wash away what was a clearly failing relationship. He’s all too eager to rub it in my face, and gaslight me into thinking it was all my fault.
I know that the collapse of us was a two way street, but what he did was inexcusable.
“Will, I suggest you back off.” It comes out in a harsh whisper.
“Listen, I’m sick of you holding this shit over my head. We’re over, been over a long fucking time. Give me my company and you’ll never have to see me again.”
I’m speechless as an arm wraps around my shoulders, making me flinch. When I glance to my right, it’s Gavin. A slightly yellowed bruise still showing on his eyebrow.
“You get everything you need, baby?” he asks, using his body to create space between Will and I.
Patrons of the grocery store are getting pissed as we block the soup dumplings and Will looks at Gavin with distaste, but backs up out of my space. It shouldn’t excite me that Gavin is taller or bigger than Will, but it does.
If there’s a dick measuring contest in the frozen foods section, Gavin is winning, while Will is shriveling up due to cold temperatures.
“Is there a problem here?” Gavin says, raising his bruised eyebrow at Will, his arm sliding down my back and holding my waist.
“Think about it Kate, I’m serious.”
“Are you threatening her?” Gavin says, placing me behind his large back. I have to tilt to the left to see Will’s pissed off expression and it’s very much worth a million dollars.
“Mind your own fucking business. What, is she doing all that freaky shit she’s into so you’re her lap dog now?
” Will says and I nearly hold in a squeak as a seventy year old woman walks by looking absolutely astonished.
Of course he had to throw that dig in there, like our sexual chemistry is the reason we got divorced and not his infidelity.
“I don’t know. Are you her prick of an ex-husband who’s acting like a fucking man child in the middle of Trader Joe’s?” Gavin asks.
Oh god, am I going to witness a full on brawl in a grocery store because of my poor taste in men?
Will is fisting his cart so hard his knuckles are white.
He looks like he’s going to say something but instead curses under his breath, pushing his cart dramatically in the opposite direction, baby food jars clink against each other.
I take a deep breath as he walks away, and Gavin turns to face me.
“Are you stalking me too?” I ask, and he shakes his head.
“Are you okay? How many times has he shown up somewhere you were?” he asks, looking genuinely concerned for me.
Fuck these men and them sweet talking me into forgiveness.
“It’s the third time he’s shown up the same place I have been in the last few months.”
“Is he blocked on your phone?” Gavin asks and I shake my head. “Can I see it?”
I’m not sure why I hand him my phone, but I do, and he looks through a bunch of apps.
“You’re not sharing your location with anyone.
I’m not a tech wiz, but you don’t seem to have any weird apps on here.
I think you should still go to your provider’s store to make sure he hasn’t installed something on your phone.
I’m not telling you what to do, but would you consider a restraining order? ”
“Maybe,” I whisper, not knowing how I feel about things going that far. I should just sell the damn shares, give in and get it over with.
“I put in my number. Just in case you have any issues,” he says it so easily as he glances around the store. “How much more shopping do you need to do?”
“I just need to grab some cheese and cereal,” I say, because I’m so dumbfounded. He popped out of nowhere, stood up for me, and most importantly he made Will back off.
“Let’s go get the rest of your stuff.”
“Oh, you don’t have to come with me,” I wave him off and he gives me a look that says it doesn’t matter what I want as he holds the cart with one hand, not caring when people are clearly giving him dirty looks that he’s in the way.
“So…what brings you to Trader Joe’s?” I say, because what else do I say? He has a basket in his hand, but the only thing in it is a container of blueberries and two pre-made salads.
“It’s my turn to do the shopping. Ben and I are a little helpless with food.”
“Same,” I say with a shrug.
“Ben told me he came over and explained mostly everything.”
I glance up at him as he looks down at me with eyes that are more green than blue today. Why do they have to be so pretty? And kind, and fuck, am I about to forgive them? Yeah, I am.
Maybe it makes me weak, or maybe their transgressions are really worth forgiving for both my peace of mind and for saving the remainder of my summer.
“He did.”
“I told him not to, that you shouldn’t forgive us, but everything he said is true.
That night we met at the marina, I had no other intention but to make you feel good and for me to take something I wanted.
I’d thought about you since that night, and I would’ve recognized you if it really was me at Avalon.
Ben started this mess, but I didn’t stop it when I could’ve, and I’m sorry about that. ”
He leans down, so his lips are nearly pressed against my ear. “But it’s hard to be that sorry when you were so fucking good that night. I am sorry for lying though, that we hurt you.”
My lips part as I grab the cheese I want and I don’t break eye contact with him.
“Are you two going to make out? Or are you going to get the fuck out of the way?” the same seventy year old woman says and Gavin and I give each other a look before walking away, both of us giggling.
He stays with me as we both check out, neither of us saying anything. He walks me to my car and places my groceries in the trunk and we both stand there under the hot summer sun for a long moment.
With his hands on his hips, a gray T-shirt stretched out against his large chest, and basketball shorts showing off his ridiculously hot calves I know that I’m definitely going to cave. When the hell would I ever have this opportunity again?
“Seriously, use my number. For anything. If your ex bothers you again, or like Ben said, if you want to be friends.”
“Friends,” I repeat.
“Good friends,” he says with a smirk.
“I’ll think about it. Thanks for helping me back there. I appreciate it.”
“Make sure you get your phone checked,” he says. He looks like he wants to say more, but doesn’t, instead he gives me a wave. “Drive safe.”
“Yeah, you too.”
Two hours later, while heating up my frozen Alfredo and drinking a sparkling lemonade, I finally send the text I knew I wanted to the moment I left the parking lot. Maybe I’m a fool, or maybe I’m just a horny bitch with a newfound twin fantasy. But I send it before I can change my mind.
Maybe we can be friends.
I expect a reply, and I get one, but this time it’s as a three-way group chat.
Gavin
A dinner between friends on Friday night?
Ben
Hi Kate!
Friday night sounds great.
Maybe it won’t be such a sad girl summer after all. There’s no revenge as sweet as forgiveness, right?