30. The Fine Art of Falling for Your Friend
THE FINE ART OF FALLING FOR YOUR FRIEND
I feel a yearning I’ve never had before when it comes to Kate. I’m not sure exactly when it happened, or why it’s so deep, but this need to be around her is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.
The night I spent at her house was a game changer for me. I’d never let a woman dig that deep, and she seemed to like the fact that I was letting her in.
She says she’s our friend, that she isn’t sleeping with anyone else, well neither are we.
“Should we just tell her we canceled our Avalon membership?” Ben asks.
“No, she doesn’t need to know that,” I say and he rolls his eyes as we wait at the museum entrance.
It’s almost like I can feel her presence before I see her. She’s wearing a sundress, sunglasses covering her eyes as she strolls up to us.
“You guys didn’t have to come,” she says, and Ben bites her lip, leaning down and giving her a kiss.
“We wanted to,” he says, pulling away from their embrace.
I swallow thickly, wanting to do the same, but I hold back. What if she doesn’t want more? What if I finally have feelings for someone and they aren’t reciprocated.
I’m not sure if she senses my uncertainty, but she takes a step toward me, wrapping her arms around my waist, squeezing me and giving me a hug.
“Chelsea and Savannah were busy and this exhibition is only here for the week. Maybe we can grab dinner after?” she asks.
I find myself nodding, agreeable to whatever she wants. Fuck? Is this how Ben feels all the time? It’s a foreign concept.
“I’d like that,” I agree as I let the woman scan my phone with our tickets. The event itself was cheap, but Kate seems grateful anyway, it has nothing to do with the monetary value.
“Sculpture isn’t my main field, but I can still appreciate it,” she says as we stare at a life size egg that’s cracked around the exterior, human fingers attempting to get out. The egg is painted gold, and I tilt my head as I try to gather the meaning out of it.
Ben goes to touch and Kate swats his hand away, and his cheeks heat. Instead of scolding him further, she squeezes his hand, him no longer having access to it. They hold hands through the rest of the museum and a sense of jealousy riddles through me.
I’ve never been jealous of Ben in this way, and it’s not that he’s affectionate with Kate, it’s that they’re openly in public being affectionate and I want that too.
We’re looking at the next piece, a present with a bleeding heart inside of it, the blood spilling over the sides. Now this piece I get. It was probably a man who had feelings for a woman and she sent his heart back in a box.
A soft hand glides down my back and I look down at Kate.
“Are you okay?” she asks softly.
Am I okay? Not particularly. I’m lost and I’m never lost. I’m supposed to be the steadfast one between me and Ben, the one who keeps their shit together.
Meanwhile, I haven’t been holding it together at all. No, instead I’ve been thinking about how sweet she was on my lap before breakfast, and how much I toss and turn at night, wondering if she’s okay in that giant house of hers all by herself.
I didn’t know how bad I needed to be needed until Kate. Maybe that’s the moment she sucked me in when she came to Avalon with near tears in her eyes, asking me to make everything better.
I crave it. It’s an addiction now, and I don’t see a way to quit her. The most horrifying part is I don’t want to either.
“I’m fine,” I say flatly and she continues rubbing my back, soothing me, and she doesn’t push it.
We finish the exhibit and as we leave, she holds Ben’s hand and grips my forearm with the other.
I wonder if this is something friends do or if I never stood a chance in hell.
My cock is in Kate’s mouth while she rides my brother. She looks up at me with her bright blue eyes and I can’t imagine not having this.
It’s not that I haven’t shared with Ben on multiple occasions, or even been with some incredible women, but none of them looked at me the way Kate does.
“You’re going to swallow every drop. You’ve been craving it, haven’t you?” I ask her.
She moans around my cock as my brother sucks on her breasts and she rides him at the pace she sets. Her nails are digging into my ass as I slip deeper into her throat and I can’t hold it any longer. Finishing in her mouth and she eagerly swallows every drop.
I don’t loiter in the bedroom, instead I go to Ben’s bathroom and start showering, letting them have their moment together.
My eyes are closed as the warm water trickles down my face and small arms wrap around me. I like it too much. I like having her at our house, the way she shows me affection.
I don’t know if it’s easy because we’re friends with no strings attached or if it’s because we’re meant to be more.
She kisses the middle of my back and I turn around in her arms, shifting my body so that she’s getting some of the spray too.
“You staying the night?” I ask her.
She bites her bottom lip. “Do you want me to?”
I could lie, tell her that it’s up to her and it doesn’t matter, or I could let myself have what I want.
“Yeah, I like you here.”
She leans in, pressing the side of her face against my chest, running her hands down the expanse of my back.
“Have you thought any more about The Bahamas?” I ask her.
I’m not sure why I can’t let it go, but the idea of going out of the country without her seems wrong.
It used to just be my brothers and Penny who went, and it was simple, but then Aiden met Jessa and Lincoln and Penny realized they were meant for each other.
I always had Ben, but the idea of her not going with us seems like a lie.
Honestly, this is all starting to seem like we’re lying to ourselves.
“Not yet,” she says, not lifting her head off my chest, and I worry that she doesn’t feel the same way.
Maybe this is unrequited, and I’d be an idiot telling her how I feel.
It’s Sunday and we’ve already had dinner. My brothers, Penny, and Jessa are sitting out by the firepit and it sinks in my chest how Kate should be here too.
“So, did you convince her to come?” Penny asks me and Ben.
Lincoln and Aiden are talking about boring business shit, and Jessa seems like maybe she had one too many of my mom’s margarita’s and is falling asleep on Aiden’s shoulder.
“Working on it,” Ben says.
“Well, why is she hesitant? You guys are dating.”
“We aren’t dating,” I say and Penny squints at me.
She holds up one finger. “You all are exclusive with one another.” Another finger.
“You two are obsessed with her.” A third finger.
“You guys go on dates.” A fourth. “She’s clearly falling for you guys, too.
” Once all five of her fingers are up, she stares at her hand.
“I can’t think of a fifth thing, but this whole not telling her your feelings shit is ridiculous. ”
“You’re one to talk,” Ben says, taking a sip of his beer.
“We’re not talking about me right now. We’re talking about you two and how kismet this all is.
You both never wanted to date someone because you didn’t want her coming in between your relationship with one another,” Penny rambles and I won’t admit that she’s right, that was a big part of the hesitancy, plus a lot of women wanted marriage and kids and those things aren’t on the table for me.
“Then you find Kate, who likes you both equally, doesn’t pick favorites, and it somehow works.
You can’t be boneheaded enough to let this go. Just tell her how you feel.”
“She’s been through a lot,” I say, and Penny rolls her eyes.
“So has everyone.”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same way?” Ben asks, and Penny rubs her temples.
“She feels the same way.”
“And how would you know?” I ask, and Ben leans in, both of us acting like Penny is some sort of fortune teller, leading us in the right direction.
“A woman can tell these sorts of things.”
“Maybe having her meet mom is too much,” Ben suggests, shrugging.
“Or maybe you all just need to jump right into the deep end and stop pretending she’s just a friend,” Penny says as the baby monitor app on her phone goes off and she excuses herself.
I look at Ben, and he stares back at me.
“I want to show her off. I want our family to see that we’re happy,” he says, and I nod my head.
I groan and rub my face, not knowing how to handle the situation. “If she’s not ready to go with us, she’s not ready.”
Ben arches an eyebrow at me, but he nods, even though I have a feeling he’s going to take matters into his own hands.
This trip with our family has been a major milestone for both of our brothers in the past and I’m not sure why, but something tells me it could be the same for me and Ben too.