CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
Layla
“You got this?” Wolfe asks Sean as we enter the room and he closes the door behind us.
Where the hall is dark, this space is brightly lit.
It’s a utility room of sorts—solid concrete, floor to ceiling, with a utility sink in the corner, a table and a few chairs.
On the table are various knives, tools, a soaking wet cloth and jugs of water.
Some of the jugs are empty, some full, and leaning against the table is a baseball bat.
I’m frozen in place. After seeing him at my house and now in this brighter light, I’m unable to believe how accurate the police sketch was with all of the smaller details, even down to the shape of his eyes and the joker card that’s tattooed on the left side of his neck.
How the police never found him while knowing such details is beyond me.
The thought that maybe they didn’t want to find him, that someone was on his club’s payroll, runs through my mind.
Sean nods and Wolfe looks at me; his gaze feels hot, like he could kill me if he stared too much longer.
“Welcome to the family,” he says, bending down to kiss me on the cheek.
Alexander Ramos sits before us, beaten to a pulp.
His left eye is almost bulging out of its socket, his cheek is clearly broken and so are some of his fingers.
It’s an odd moment, as I take in the scene before me while Sean’s club president is welcoming me to the family.
But somehow it’s settling and comforting.
After losing my mom, this is the first time I’ve felt like I belonged to someone or something—maybe even more so because I know Sean and his club are my family no matter who I choose to be.
No judgments, no stipulations. They just want me for me.
Wolfe moves toward the door and leaves Sean and me alone with Ramos.
I stare down at him. So many nights I imagined him as a monster.
Tonight, I saw the monster as he stood over me.
I thought he was someone from my nightmares—the man who stole my mother and her freedom.
But now, he looks scared, weak. I take in his bloodstained jeans, and his cut lying on the floor. Wretched Souls.
The silence in the room is deafening.
“Are we in a hurry?” I ask. Sean turns to look at me. It must have sounded like an odd question.
“We’re here until you tell me you want to leave,” he answers.
I can feel him watching me, deciding if I’m going to snap. The odd thing is, I’ve never felt calmer.
“This was a bad idea,” Sean says, facing me and bringing his eyes to mine. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I don’t like you being in here with—”
“Sean,” I tell him, placing my hand on his chest. “I’m okay.”
Sean looks at Ramos then back to me.
“Tell her what you told me,” Sean says to him, sounding defeated.
The fire I’ve felt burning under my skin ever since my mother died intensifies.
I feel the life he stole from her and me.
My innocence. The love I had for my mother, the love she had for me.
He took it all. And all I can think to ask is, “Why?”
The word leaving my lips is so quiet it’s almost a whisper. My eyes brim with tears. His eyes start to roll back as he hovers in and out of consciousness.
I gain some confidence when he doesn’t answer. “Why did you kill my parents?” I ask louder, moving closer. “Why her?”
His eyes snap open at the mention of my mother. “That’s what I was trying to tell you.” His voice is garbled. “She wasn’t supposed to be there.” He starts to cry. “Fuck … you look so much like her.”
Sean doesn’t hesitate, hitting him in the gut, hard. He starts to choke on blood and drool as Sean grips his face. “Don’t you fucking say that to her. You don’t have the fucking right.” Sean’s voice booms in the concrete room.
“What … what do you mean?” I ask, not understanding.
Sean lets go of him and pulls me close. “The reason they died. It wasn’t because of your dad, little dove. It was your mom.”
The room reels and I stumble backward. Sean comes with me and I grip his arms with both my hands. “What do you mean?” Tears fill my eyes as I look from Sean to Ramos. Her killer’s eyes beg for mercy.
“Tell her,” Sean says to him, keeping his eyes on me.
“She was leaving him … you know that, she told you. I fucking loved her so much.” Ramos’s words are almost a whisper and I think I’m having an out-of-body experience as they sink in. How the fuck does this man know about my mother and father?
I look back at Sean and his eyes are soft—pained as it all comes together. My stomach lurches when I realize what he’s saying to me. They were having an affair?
“No,” I tell him, shaking my head, tears spilling over my cheeks. “No, she wouldn’t cheat on my dad.”
“Your dad hit her. Did you know that?” Ramos asks, blood dripping from his lips.
“She hated him. I made her happy … we were happy.” Tears streak his cheeks and I look down at him, seeing what she would have seen.
A man from a world that was nothing like my father’s, a man who wouldn’t judge her.
Who would maybe give her what Sean gives me.
A man who was there for her. A man who wanted her for her.
“We met at Gamblers Anonymous. She was there for him. And your dad, fuck, he was gambling and cheating on her for years. She was so unhappy.”
I gulp back another round of sobs because I know all of that is true. Sean must see me sway because he puts a chair behind me and helps me into it while Alex continues talking.
“We started meeting for coffee. We had something between us, I can’t explain it. We couldn’t stop it.”
I grip the bottom of the chair so tight my knuckles start to numb. “If you loved her so much then why the fuck would you kill her!?” I bite out through clenched teeth as I lunge for him. Strong arms wrap around me.
“Easy, pretty girl,” Kai says, coming through the door, smoking a cigarette as Sean grabs me and holds me back.
“If you want to hear it, don’t kill him before he can tell you,” Sean whispers. I barely feel him deposit me back into the chair.
“Fuck …” Ramos mumbles. “I went to take care of your dad that night, so he couldn’t hurt her anymore. The bruises … you didn’t see them. He’d never hit her face.” Tears stream down my cheeks as Sean holds me while I cry, on his knees beside me.
I know he’s right. I did see them. She always had an excuse. For one insane instant my heart goes out to Ramos, knowing he was there for her in some way at least.
“She wasn’t supposed to be there, she said she was leaving. I just thought … if he was gone, really gone, she would be free.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks being slammed into my chest. Free.
“After I shot him she went crazy. She was hitting me and crying.”
“So you fucking shot her?!” I yell as Sean’s hold on me tightens.
“Say the word and I’ll end him.”
“No …” I cry. “I need to understand.”
Ramos raises his head. “I fucking loved your mother. I loved her with my whole heart. I’ve lived with this for two years, but I had no choice. She tried to call the police. When I …” he sobs. “When I pointed the gun at her, she lunged at me, it just went off.”
“You just left her there while she bled out on the floor?” I ask, not understanding how you can love someone and just leave them to die like that.
“I had no choice … I couldn’t implicate the club. I called 911.”
“You left her and you chose the club.” My voice breaks and I close my eyes, fresh tears spilling over my cheeks. “You always have a choice.”
“I loved her, we were happy. I’ve had that gun in my mouth so many times,” Ramos pleads, and the worst part is that I know he’s telling the truth.
A fiery sort of white-hot haze takes over my body.
My cheeks heat and I feel like I can’t swallow.
Like my mouth is full of sand. I think I’m shaking.
I don’t know where I’m going but I’m moving.
“But you didn’t pull the trigger, because you’re a fucking coward!
” I say, and then someone starts yelling, and all I see is white.
You took her from me.
You should have shot yourself.
I wasn’t alone.
She was just like me.
You stole her …
My arms ache as I fight my way through my screams. I fight so I can breathe again, and all the while I think I’m hitting something hard as I cry. It doesn’t feel stable or unforgiving, it’s spongey. It’s going to break but I want to keep hitting.
Something strong grabs hold of me as I feel my breath burning in my lungs. I’m unable to move now. I blink my eyes once, maybe twice, and try to focus. Sean is holding me, gripping my wrists tightly, and he pulls something from my hands—the baseball bat?
“No, Layla. You’re too good to finish this, baby,” he says, and then I’m being kissed.
“She loved him, she was brave, little dove. Just like you.” He kisses my forehead as he whispers in my ear.
I think of her face in those last weeks, the glow she had, how ready she was to start over. She did seem happy.
“But he took her!” I sob, then I look down and see Ramos even more bloodsoaked now. His breathing is shallow and he’s unconscious and there’s blood all over my shaky hands.
Everything becomes painfully clear. I lost myself to the rage building inside me. I could’ve just killed him.
“Y-you stopped me,” I whisper, looking up at Sean. He’s still holding me in his arms.
“I’ve got you, baby,” he whispers as sobs rack my body. I give in, and I just cry harder.
“I’m so sorry it’s not the words you wanted to hear, but it’s the truth and now you know it,” he says. Kai unties Ramos and he slumps to the floor then Kai drags him into the corner. I look up at Sean as he gently swipes my hair off my forehead. I’m covered in sweat and another man’s blood.
“Maybe it was wrong to seek him out so you could learn this. Maybe I shouldn’t have subjected you to this, and that’s something I’ll live with for a long time. But I couldn’t keep it from you. I wanted to give you the choice.”
“No, you weren’t wrong. I wanted to know. It’s been haunting me for two years. I’m so sorry you had to do this to him for me.”
Sean strokes my hair as he speaks. “This is what it means to be mine, Layla. You’re always in control. What you say goes. This is the iron-fisted chokehold you have me in. I’m at your service. Whatever you want is yours.”
My body trembles as Sean holds me and strokes my face, letting me know he’ll always hold me.
“I’d line up twenty more of these fuckers without a second thought and pick them off one by one with my bare hands if it meant I could give you peace,” he says.
He bends down and kisses my lips, my cheeks, my throat.
His voice is a rasp against my ear. “I’m no longer just my club’s soldier, little dove. Above all, I’m yours.”