8. Dove
DOVE
W e parted ways shortly after that, and despite the food I’d filled my belly with, hunger lingered in me.
A hunger food wouldn’t satisfy.
With a ferocity that would have made my late stepfather proud, I threw myself into my remaining chores, instead of allowing the thoughts I wanted to get lost in consume me.
Thoughts of Josh’s warm body next to mine on the couch, the press of his muscled thigh to mine as we sat close, closer than we should.
Thoughts of the throaty rasp of his laughter, and how it would rumble through me like a rolling thunderstorm.
Thoughts of how a small lock of my hair might slip free of my bun, of how his hand just might stray to push it back, ghosting over the shell of my ear as he leaned in closer?—
“Fuck!” I hissed, shaking out my thumb. A small bead of blood welled up, and I sucked it into my mouth, a faint metallic tang bursting across my tongue.
“Pay attention, Dove,” I chastised myself under my breath.
I’d developed a nasty habit of talking to myself, especially after Josh had left.
At first it had been because I was used to his company and chatting with him while we completed chores, but after my voiced thoughts went unanswered…
it had been because the silence was deafeningly lonely.
They say talking to yourself is only a problem if you start answering yourself.
What they don’t tell you is that the silence is ten times worse.
Hearing my own reply was better than hearing the echo of Josh’s in my mind.
I mean… I was already fucked in the head for wanting my stepbrother, wasn’t I? Why not add a little more crazy to the mix?
Licking at my thumb a final time, I wielded the cutters and maneuvered around the chicken wire a little more carefully.
There was plenty of daylight left, even if the day was ending, and I wanted to reinforce a part of the coop before night fell. I was afraid of predators getting in and harassing the chickens—or worse. We had some pretty wily foxes in these parts, and if they saw a way in, they’d take it.
Unfortunately, the wire just wasn’t cooperating with me tonight.
It might be because you’re daydreaming about your brother like some sicko.
Step brother, I corrected my own thoughts.
Oh god, I really was going insane.
The rolled-up chicken wire was a challenge, slightly bent and tangled from when we last had used it and stored it away. I wrangled with it, hissing again as a sharp edge nicked me.
“ Son of a bitch ,” I cursed colorfully through clenched teeth, my irritation growing.
From experience, I knew I should take a deep breath and step back.
My mounting frustration wouldn’t make this go any easier, but my mind buzzed like a hive of angry bees, filled with all these conflicting thoughts, and my clit was throbbing , god, just from the chaste imaginings of us sitting on the couch together.
Jesus, I needed to get laid.
I needed?—
“Let me help with that.”
The sudden warm press of larger hands over mine steered me away from the pesky chicken wire.
“Jesus, Dove,” Josh’s voice came out reprimanding. “You’re all cut up.”
I looked down only to notice several more cuts than I had before.
“Why aren’t you wearing gloves?”
Oops. I’d forgotten all about the tough leather gloves we typically wore for this exact reason, distracted as I’d been.
Snatching my hands out of his, I resisted the urge to hide them behind my back.
Instead, I clutched the cutters in my hand like a lifeline.
“I’m fine,” I argued. “I’m almost done here. I thought you were ordering food?”
“I can help.” He grabbed the chicken wire, cautious of the sharp points. “And I came to ask what you wanted on your pizza.”
I gave him a pointed look.
After a beat he said, “I guess that means you still like pepperoni with?—”
“Extra cheese and a thin crust,” I finished for him. It’d been my order for years now. Josh always just doubled it. “Yes.”
I started to untangle the sections I’d cut free as Josh held it steady. I had to admit, it was faster this way. Of course, I’d never tell him that.
“You better get that order in soon,” I warned as I found another spot to cut free. The sound of the metal snapping echoed throughout the barn. “You know how busy they get on Friday nights. It’s like the whole damn town wants takeout.”
“I have a better idea,” he proposed instead, stilling my hands once more as he stole the cutters from my tight grip. He ignored my growing frown. “I’ll finish this, it won’t take me long to reinforce the coop now that you’ve got most of this cut, and you go get cleaned up.”
A break from this damn chicken wire sounded wonderful, I thought, side-eyeing it as if it were my own personal enemy. But I didn’t want Josh to think he could come in here and take over. Just like I didn’t want him to think he could walk back into my life and expect me to forget what he’d done.
“I know what I’m doing.” I stood up straighter, even though being on the taller side for a girl had nothing on his well over six-foot build. “I can do it. Go order the food and then you get cleaned up.”
The smile he gave me could be described as nothing short of handsome, and I had to lock my knees to keep them from buckling.
It was both the best and worst feeling to have Josh back, I decided.
Absence really did make the heart grow fonder, because I didn’t remember it being this hard to just be near him before.
“Are you trying to say I’m dirty?” he joked, plucking at his sweaty shirt.
I nodded, refusing to let my eyes flicker down like they desperately wanted to. “And smelly, too.”
Josh chuckled, twirling the cutters easily between deft fingers.
Drawn like a magnet, my eyes darted down before darting back up.
No more than a swift glance, but it was too late.
The image they produced flashed across my mind.
I grew hot at the thought of those thick fingers doing that same motion, with Josh knelt between my splayed thighs as he?—
On second thought, maybe a shower did sound like a good idea. A nice cold one.
“Fine,” I conceded sharply, needing to get out of his orbit. It was like the space between us was getting smaller by the minute, as if I was being pulled in. The distance separating us was suddenly both too little and too much at the same time.
The fact that he stood there so unaware, so unaffected…
Of course, he’s unaffected, my mind supplied. Whatever this was I was experiencing was purely one-sided. As it should be.
I just wasn’t used to my desire making itself known so… blatantly. I feared it was obvious outwardly, too. Panicking, I snapped, “Make sure you reinforce it good. I don’t want any of my girls missing when I wake up in the morning.” With that, I turned and stalked off.
Before I could make it fully out of the barn, I turned to add, “And don’t forget my garlic knots!”
That may have come across a tad more petulant than I wanted, but with every step, I could breathe a little easier, my chest loosening and my tense muscles relaxing at the distance that grew between us.
“You got it, boss,” came Josh’s playfully snarky reply.
The fluttering in my stomach was damn near predictable at this point.
There were many things I enjoyed, but a nice, long shower after a hard day of work was the best .
Slipping into soft pajamas was a close second.
I’d heard Josh come in just as I’d shut the shower off, so once I’d dressed and towel dried my hair, I went in search of him.
“I made sure to add your garlic knots, don’t worry,” Josh called the moment I descended the staircase, his voice carrying from the mudroom.
I shuffled through the kitchen, my bare feet padding against the hardwood floor.
“Good,” I told him as I opened the fridge and grabbed two waters. “I would have hated to make you run all the way out there to get them if you forgot.”
His quiet laughter and the thunk of his boots hitting the floor were all that answered me.
“Here,” I stood in the doorway, watching as he slipped his laces into his boots and lined them up neat and proper along the wall. When he righted himself, I tossed one of the waters to him. He grinned his thanks before cracking it open and guzzling most of it down.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and it took my all not to track the movement. “Thanks, I needed that. It was a scorcher today.”
It had been, and it’d been just a touch muggy in the way that meant we’d likely be getting another storm soon. Which wasn’t good if we planned to do anything with the field in the next few weeks.
“There might be storms soon,” I warned. “Could be a problem with the hay harvest being so close.”
I cracked open my own bottle and took a sip, trying not to let my eyes wander up to read the look on his face.
I had no idea if he would be staying that long, or if he even wanted to help.
Without my stepdad, it would be hell of a job for one person.
Doable, but rough, and I didn’t want to ask him to stay.
I wouldn’t . There were plenty of farmers around to ask for help if he didn’t plan on being here that long, I reasoned. I’d just ask them.
I ignored the clench of my heart at the thought of him not being here to help. Not being around at all.
Dammit, this was exactly what I was trying to avoid.
“We’ll worry about that when the time comes,” was all Josh said, making his way toward me. I pressed myself back along the doorframe, letting him through. His fingers tugged on a strand of my damp hair as he passed. “Let’s worry about whether this pizza will come before we starve, instead.”
I slapped his hand away, but it was less agitated and more… playful.
“Some of us like to be prepared,” I replied, but his answer made my heavy heart grow lighter. He said we . Which meant I wasn’t alone, at least until the end of the summer.