8. Dove #3
The steady rhythm of my heart became a sped up staccato, and my breathe caught, the urge to hold my breathe near unbearable as the air around us filled with the musky, woodsy scent of him.
My occupied fingers itched to pinch myself, because the sweep of his skin over mine was like a dream.
God, it was too much. It wasn’t enough .
I wanted nothing more than to take my hands back and tell him I could do this myself, while at the same time my body ached to lean closer.
The hand currently cradled in his? I wanted it buried in his damp hair so I could tug him forward.
But I did none of those things.
Instead, I sat as still as a statue while he continued to tend to the worst of my wounds, completely unaware of the improper thoughts running through my head.
When he was all done, a pile of Band-Aid wrappers lay beside us on the coffee table.
His thumb swirled a soothing circle on the back of my hand as our eyes met.
“I’ve missed a lot while I’ve been gone, haven’t I?
” Josh murmured, his brown eyes darker and more intense than they’d been minutes before.
My heart cinched into a vise. Were we really going to talk about this now? I didn’t want to talk about this now.
Not when I was barely holding it together.
He turned my hand over, his thumb smoothing over the edge of a band aid before trailing down lower to ghost over my fluttering pulse.
“Josh,” I protested with a wary shake of my head, my voice just above a whisper.
“Dove, I?—”
The doorbell rang, startling me, and my hand ripped away from his as if I’d been scalded.
Josh let out a displeased huff. “Of course, the one time they decide to be on time.”
I choked out a small laugh, feeling nothing remotely close to humor right now. Not when my body was still trying to calm itself from that strangely intimate moment.
Honestly, I was grateful for the interruption, not only for the conversation it helped me dodge but for the space it put between Josh and me. With each stride he took across the living room toward the front door, my breath came easier, from the break in contact and the space growing between us.
Josh gave one a quick look back at me before he was opening the door, resting against it as he greeted the delivery person.
Who we both instantly recognized by booming voice alone.
“Jay!”
“Hey, Eddie,” Josh greeted back happily, but with dialed back enthusiasm. From my perch on the couch I could spy his widening grin, the dimple on his cheek making an appearance, and for the first time I realized that in leaving, Josh hadn’t just left me behind, but his friends, too.
“Long time no see, bud.” Eddie maneuvered the delivery boxes expertly to pull him into a one-armed hug. “Sorry to hear about the circumstances, though. The Gallardo fam sends their condolences alongside your to-go order.”
“Thanks.” Josh cleared his throat as they separated. “It was… unexpected.”
Eddie nodded his head deeply, the boxes shifting in his arms. “Couldn’t even imagine, man. If you need anything we’re here. I’m surprised you’re still here, though. I figured you’d be back up in?—”
“Just making sure everything’s okay here,” Josh cut him off quickly. “Couldn’t let Dove be all by herself.”
Josh’s gaze flicked over his shoulder, drawing Eddie’s with it.
“ Pidgeon!” he bellowed.
I gritted my teeth against the infuriating nickname, but two could play that game.
“ Eduardo ,” I greeted back.
His eyes narrowed. I knew how much he hated when he was called by his given name.
He demanded everyone call him Eddie , only tolerating his parents using his full name.
But we’d made it a bit of a game, since the first time Josh had introduced us.
He refused to call me by my name, making a point to call me any and every bird name under the sun but Dove, so I made it a point to call him nothing but his.
His glare lessened, eyes softening with sympathy. “Sorry ’bout your mom, kiddo.”
Eddie was Josh’s age, only a few years older than me, but still the endearment and the sincerity had tears biting at the back of my eyes.
“Thanks,” I replied, throat constricting around the word.
Josh interrupted, breaking the tension of sadness permeating the space by reaching for the food in Eddie’s hands. “Let me put this in the kitchen, I’ll get your cash.”
“And tip!” Eddie crooned, winking at me.
A smile broke onto my face despite the sadness still tugging at me. Eddie had an amazing talent of doing that. He was the loudest in the room, the biggest jokester, but he also had the hugest heart.
Eddie followed Josh into the kitchen. The open concept of the downstairs made it easy for me to listen in on their conversation, regardless of their lowered voices.
Plus, Eddie’s lowered voice was everyone else’s regular voice.
“You stickin’ around till your birthday, J-man?”
“Don’t call me that,” Josh grumbled, and I heard the rustle of him setting the food down on the counter.
“I only ask because we can throw another spectacular bash, like we did your twenty first!”
I heard Josh’s throaty chuckle. “I don’t even remember that, Eddie.”
The smirk was evident in Eddie’s tone as he replied, “I know, that’s what made it so great.”
“For you, maybe.” Josh shook his head ruefully. “ You didn’t spend the day after your birthday puking up Fireball and chocolate cake.”
My heart sped up at the mention of that night.
When Josh had stumbled his way into my bedroom accidently, falling into my bed so heavily it’d woke me from sleep.
I’d guided him back to his bed but right before I could leave, he’d grabbed my wrist and stared at me so intensely; I’d thought he might?—
Eddie’s bray of laughter followed, and I jumped, cheeks heating, thrown from the memory back into reality.
“If you’re not down for a party, at least come out to the bar with us one night before you leave, will ya?” Eddie near pleaded. “We all miss you.” His voice turned teasing, knowing, as he continued shrewdly, “ Stella misses you.”
Ugh. Stella .
I soured instantly at the mention of her name.
She’d been Josh’s on-again, off-again high school girlfriend, and a thorn in my side. She’d hung around the farm, getting in our way and sticking to Josh like glue. She always sent me sideways glares full of venom and urged Josh to ditch me so they could be alone in private.
It’d hurt because that was my time with Josh. It hurt even more when he gave into her pleading doe eyes and actually did it. It wasn’t all the time, but it was enough that he’d cast me apologetic glances, her manicured hand in his as she dragged him away.
Hearing Stella’s name had that jealously flaring up within me, a feeling I had no right to feel, an emotion that was totally unfounded. Stella and Josh hadn’t been together since before he left, and as far as I knew, he’d had no contact with her after. I had nothing to worry about.
Not that I even had the right to be worried.
I had no claim to Josh—other than him being my stepbrother.
The thought had me glancing away from the two of them in the kitchen awkwardly, as if they could somehow hear my thoughts, know what I was thinking.
Josh grunted noncommittally. “I’ll think about it.” My stomach dropped, and I glanced over to them, hoping the expression on my face didn’t look as stricken as I felt.
“You better.” Eddie slapped Josh on the back, his hand clasping over his shoulder in a friendly squeeze. “She’s really grown up in the time you’ve left.” His hand slipped from Josh’s shoulder to maim cupping imaginary breasts in front of his chest. “If you know what I mean.”
I couldn’t hold in my disgusted scoff.
Eddie through me a roguish grin over his shoulder. Josh looked uncomfortable.
“You still drinking at Harv’s?” Josh asked in an obvious attempt to change the topic.
“Where else? It’s either drink there or in a cornfield,” Eddie quipped.
“What about The Den?” I piped up, remembering Reverie’s uncle’s bar just a town over. We’d snuck in a time or two growing up, but Reverie left, Josh left, and I haven’t been much for going out since.
Eddie laughed. “Nobody goes there for a good time. They go there to lick their wounds and drown themselves in cheap booze.” A trilling noise rang out from his back pocket, and he cursed softly as he pulled it out to silence it.
“Damn, that’s Zeke. Probably wondering where the hell I am.” He tucked his phone away. “I didn’t expect to run into you. I thought I’d just find Pidge here. I know she can tuck away a good pizza like the rest of us.”
I threw up a lone finger in his direction.
His guffawing laughter followed, and the corner of my set lips ticked up.
“You got my number,” he reminded Josh as he made his way to the front door. “Hit me up before you leave!”
My heart sank. Even Josh’s friends didn’t believe he’d stay.
What made it so unbearable here?
“Eddie,” Josh called to his friend before he could throw open the door and leave. “Forgetting something?”
Josh held up a few bills, eyebrow raised.
Eddie shook his head. “Keep it, man.”
When Josh started to protest Eddie cut him off. “You want to argue with my old man? He’ll skin me if I take your money. You know how he is.”
Stubborn, but a good man. Loyal to Haven and it’s locals like no one else. His father, Miguel, had moved here with his family when he was a young boy. The town had welcomed them with open arms and supported their restaurant ever since.
Knowing he’d won, Eddie saluted us both before barreling out the door.
“Let’s eat,” Josh announced, turning back to the kitchen.
My stomach growled, reminding me of my hunger. The quiet of the house, near silent now with Eddie gone, reminded me of something else.
It was just me and Josh, now.
Alone in what felt like the first time in a long time.