18. Dove
DOVE
T he hand in mine was too soft and clammy, but it wasn’t like I had a certain hand in mind to compare it to.
Liar cooed my traitorous inner voice.
I ignored it and tugged the guy behind me along.
Bringing Torrence home wasn’t the best idea, but he was cute and eager—exactly what I needed right now.
After weeks of living under the same roof as the man I was pining after, it was enough.
We’d left together at my insistence, Torrence more than willing to oblige.
Rain had begun falling steadily as we left the packed bar, but thankfully his truck was parked nearby, meaning he must have arrived early to get a good spot. When I hopped up into the cab, I ignored the squirm of nerves in my stomach as I asked him where he lived.
After everything we’d done together, I’d never gone to his house. I’d always invited him to mine, whenever the house was free. But I couldn’t exactly do that now, not when there was a chance Josh could show up. I had no idea what time he’d leave the bar.
Probably not anytime soon , I thought bitter. Not when Stella was draped all over him.
“Just over on Pine by the old mill,” he answered, starting his truck with a roar. “But I live with three other guys.” His face was half cast in shadow as he glanced over at me suggestively. “I could ask them to clear out…”
Ugh. I really didn’t want to risk putting on a show for a bunch of dude-bros.
So that was how we ended up here, with me leading him into the barn, which smelled musty with hay and sawdust, but was warm and kept us safe from the rain outside.
I considered saying fuck it and taking Torrence up to my room, but then thought better of it.
I didn’t want to hear Josh coming up the stairs with that high-pitched, feminine giggle trailing behind him. Didn’t want to hear him shushing Stella, telling her to be quiet because I was asleep—if he even noticed I was home.
No, this was safer, and it was cozy enough.
I’d had my first kiss in here years ago with the youthful farmhand my stepfather hired as a favor to a friend. He’d helped out during the summer of my sophomore year.
Aiden had been tall, gangly, and shy whenever I was around. I’d had an innocent, teenage crush on him, knowing I would never have Josh, and it’d taken nearly the whole summer to get him to approach me.
It hadn’t taken much longer after that to find ourselves tucked away in the barn, hidden behind a large tractor, my back against the tough rubber of a giant front wheel. He’d seemed even taller than me then, hunched down so our lips could slot together clumsily.
I’d have gotten the hang of it eventually if I’d been given the chance.
But Josh had found us a minute later, and that was the last I saw of sweet Aiden.
I scowled and clutched at the hand in mine a little tighter.
This time Josh wasn’t going to find me, and even if he did, there was no one to go running back to tattle to. Both our parents were gone.
So that meant I was free to do as I pleased, just as he was. With Stella.
Twisting around, I tugged Torrence closer to me, jealousy igniting like a flare in my veins, bright and cautionary. I knew the heat simmering under my skin wasn’t for Torrence, but he was here . His focus was on me . Eyes the wrong shade roamed over me, and a second later hands followed their path.
Torrence walked me back until my shoulders hit something soft yet firm, and I realized I was pressed up against Josh’s tarped Chevy, parked in here to be out of sight and forgotten by Gareth.
A thrill ran through me at the thought of doing this here, against Josh’s beloved truck. I sighed, tipping my head back as hands grabbed at my hips and lips assaulted my neck, perhaps a little too eager, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
It wasn’t like I planned tonight to go this way.
But the moment I’d seen Josh spin Stella, anger consumed me like a wildfire.
Torrence wasn’t the ideal candidate—he wasn’t Josh —but he was familiar.
As much as he’d ignored me in school, I’d caught him eying me appreciatively at the bar back before mom got sick, when I used to go occasionally in a last-ditch effort to take my mind off things.
When he first approached me, he told me he’d always thought I was cute in high school but never said anything out of respect for Josh.
Now that Josh was gone, he figured he had a shot without the threat of a busted jaw.
We’d started something casual after that.
It had been... okay. A distraction, really. Something to pull my mind away from Josh’s absence, from my mom getting worse, from the suffocating responsibilities of the farm.
I let our little tryst die out on its own, but maybe I needed a reminder that I needed to take what I could because the person I wanted wasn’t mine to have. That the one I ached for would’ve left me here to rot, if not for our parents dying.
Something I clearly forgot.
The scrap of his teeth was almost on the edge of too much, and I gasped. He groaned, digging in a little harder. I bit my lip as the pleasure turned into a sharp spike of pain.
My hands slid up his chest to nudge him back.
“I—”
What I’d been about to say was swallowed by his lips over mine, his tongue plunging into my mouth so suddenly I nearly choked on it.
Definitely too eager, I thought as his tongue licked at the roof of my mouth sloppily.
I nudged him away again and suggested breathlessly, “Let me take care of you.”
If only to get his mouth far away from mine.
My hand wandered a teasing path down the middle of his chest until it hit the waistband of his basketball shorts. I’d critiqued his outfit earlier when I’d followed him out of the bar, but it certainly had its advantages now as it allowed my hand to slip in easily and circle his hot heat.
One of his arms came up to rest along the truck above me as I jerked him slowly, watching as he closed his eyes and hissed in pleasure through clenched teeth.
I waited for the image to make me burn, to have me clamping my thighs against the growing ache I should have there, but all that grew within me was the obligation to keep my hand moving.
Determined, I squeezed a little tighter and pulled a little harder. Where was that suffocating crave that had burned low like embers of a fire within me all week? I wanted to stoke it, let it consume me, so I could get it out of my system.
The sound of his pleasure stopped as he bit out, “Easy there, babe.”
“Sorry,” I exhaled against his chest, easing my hand up into a gentle glide. Maybe my hand was too dry?
I withdrew it, licking my palm before going back. His breathe shuddered as my hand moved a little easier, a little smoother.
Still, I felt nothing.
I wanted to tilt my head and cry with frustration; a frustration that had been building since Josh had come back into my life.
A hand circled my wrist, and I realized I’d stopped moving it.
“My turn,” he breathed into my mouth, tongue flicking out to run over my bottom lip.
Tucking away, I hid my face into his neck, feigning shyness but really just wanting to escape his tongue.
What was wrong with me?
Torrence was hot. He was tall and lean from all the sports he played, and I should have wanted him.
I had wanted him, at least in that moment I’d seen Josh with Stella.
But my interest had been fueled by jealously, and the familiar lust in his eyes had sparked something in me, even if I’d wished it’d been an entirely different set of eyes instead.
Stupid.
It was stupid to think I could trick my brain into believing Torrence was the person I desired. It was the exact reason why I didn’t do this much in the first place. My heart and mind knew who I wanted.
So did my body.
His knuckles skimmed over my soft stomach, and I sucked in a breath, knowing just where that hand was heading.
My heart started to pound as a feeling of wrongness overcame me.
There was no reason to feel that way, I reminded myself. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. But it felt that way all the same. Almost as wrong as wishing Josh was the one touching me instead.
I closed my eyes tight against the thought and just let myself feel.
The clammy touch of his hand against my skin as it traveled down my navel.
The struggle to get my jean shorts unbuttoned.
The rough touch to my clit.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Which was just silly because I had nothing to compare it to.
Josh had never touched me like this, and he never would.
But my body was charged with a sexual frustration that grew each day, and I knew I had to get it out of my system, so I let Torrence’s hand keep up its harsh ministrations. I faked a moan, even though nothing about this felt pleasurable.
Unfortunately, this was common with him. I should have known I wouldn’t be satisfied, but I’d been desperate, fueled by jealously.
My hands clutched at his shoulders, digging in. My eyes squeezed shut so tightly little bursts of light crossed my vision.
“Yeah,” Torrence’s voice grew huskier in my ear. “You like that?”
The stifling weight of Torrence as gone before I could answer, his touch ripped from me forcefully. My eyes opened just in time to see my stepbrother hauling him off me, a murderous expression etched onto his face.
Torrence stumbled as Josh all but threw him toward the barn doors.
“Get the fuck out of here,” Josh practically snarled. “And if I ever catch you with her again, if you so much as look at her , not even your buddies will recognize you once I’m done with you.”
Torrence nearly fell in his haste, his eyes never once meeting mine as he fled.
The relief that spread through me was immeasurable, but so was my irritation.
Josh waited until Torrence was out the doors before turning to me, his dark eyes ablaze.
There was just enough light from the moon filtering through the high windows for me to see that his chest was heaving, fury clear on his face. But the moment his eyes met mine, it melted away and his face smoothed out into something softer.
His steps were near silent as he moved toward me.